Who paying me for this?

I don’t want to take credit for some shit I don’t deserve, so feel free to correct me here if I’m wrong, but I think I played an important role in mocking Maia Campbell on Twitter yesterday.

Obviously a lot of people were amused at the video of her that hit sites like World Star – and the numerous blogs that post videos from World Star – yesterday, with her sitting in a white Chevy Monte Carlo, spouting vulgar gibberish, and going to town on a bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos, the hoodrat breakfast of champions. Even if you felt sorry for her, you couldn’t help but chuckle a bit.

I didn’t even bother to watch the video, before I went in. I was in the mood for some schadenfreude anyway, because of the revelation re: Roxanne Shante’s academic background, or lack thereof, and any number of other tangentially related news items from this week. If you notice, crack is having its strongest week in quite some time, perhaps since it hit the scene back in like ’86, when Ronald Reagan did that bizarre address in which he pulled a baggie of crack from his desk on live TV and said that shit was poison. Also, did I mention it’s way cheaper and way more addictive than regular cocaine? It was like an advertisement for crack. Then come to find out the CIA was shipping cocaine from Nicaragua and dropping it off right there in the hood. Shocker! Where do you think Ronald Reagan got that baggie?

If there was a stock for crack, it would be the only stock that isn’t completely worthless right about now. In addition to Maia Campbell making that slight lateral adjustment from acting on the WB to being a crack ho, there was DJ AM being found dead with some crack sprinkled on him; DMX going off on Jay-Z in another video on World Star; and Whitney Houston going on Good Morning America and confirming the fact that she smoked up her vocal chords, even though crack was supposedly too cheap for her. (If there’s one thing worse than a crackhead, it’s a stuck up crackhead.)

And I wouldn’t be surprised if crack played a role in Roxanne Shante pretending she was a doctor. You know Marley Marl was one of the original crackheads. KRS-One mentioned it in “The Bridge Is Over,” which is turning out to be perhaps the most accurate dis song of all time, even more so than “Paper Plates” by the GZA. I mentioned it myself in a post I did a few years ago about the album Marley Marl did with KRS-One, but that part of the post ended up getting swallowed up by this site’s infamous software glitch. Then, a mere matter of days later, Marley Marl somehow managed to suffer a heart attack at the ripe old age of, like, 40 something (the new 30), and people wondered how that could have happened. I could have told them, except… I couldn’t. And people wonder why actual rap magazines are constantly being scooped by the likes of Slate and the Smoking Gun, who hardly know from rap music.

But I digress.

The music itself might not be very good, but I’ve never had as much fun writing about hip-hop as I have in 2009. Things have just gotten so desperate. The economy in general is fucked the fuck up, and the music business is doing even doing even worse than the economy in general.  Artists are out here spazzing out, resorting to drug use, and ho-ing, or, in Maia Campbell’s case, all of the above. And of course I’m going to mine this for as many potential lulz as possible. This is actually one of the few areas where eskay and I agree. He was going in on Maia Campbell yesterday on Twitter. He apparently has some sort of personal thing against her. He might be a bit more attuned to that world of crack hoes than I am, being out there in Yonkers, the town that spawned DMX.

But I can definitely see where he’s coming from. These days, it’s a lot harder to feel sorry for people than it used to be. If you can afford enough drugs to kill yourself, you’re off my sympathy list in 2009. Maia Campbell made more money than I’ll ever make, on that LL Cool J show, and she could probably still be, if she wasn’t a crack ho. (Oh, who am I kidding? She probably still makes more money than I do.) I know some people have pointed out that she has a mental problem, but I’m pretty sure her main problem has to do with the fact that she’s a crack ho. Schizophrenia alone doesn’t put a woman out there on the stroll. You didn’t see any of those guys in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest sucking dick for coke, now did you?

It goes back to how a lot of us felt about DJ AM. Here’s a guy who got paid into the 10s of thousands of dollars per day to play records, who walked away from a plane crash, then cracked himself to death. If I had that kind of money, I’d be out here eating the finest of crab meats. Fuck the dumb shit.

  • General

    “If there was a stock for crack, it would be the only stock that isn’t completely worthless right about now”

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    Now thats some true shit. Economy goes down and crack sales go up. Thanks President Regan

  • gavin m

    dj am had an entire unswallowed oxycontin in his throat. he popped it while od’ing.

    • DetroitDraper

      That probably was’nt meant as a joke but LMFAO anyways. Popped off while od’in…classic but true lol

      MAYN HOL’UP

  • $ykotic/Don McCaine

    “but that part of the post ended up getting swallowed up by this site’s infamous software glitch.” HAHAHAHAHA

    Another case of the “Child actor/actress curse”.

  • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

    Pierzy!
    i saw that video yesterday, i was watching it w/ one of my homies. & he was acting all emotional & shit (he used to have some huge crush on her), & i couldnt bring myself to even attempt to feel ‘sorry’ for her.

  • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

    Remember Maia Campbell in the “In The House” era? Yeah, those really were the days…

  • HNIC

    You’ve done it again, Mr. Crawford! Well done! This shit is hilarity personified! I heard that she’s been spotted standing near the 405, wearing sweatpants (ironically enough), selling hot water knobs & antennas’…

    But, I still watched the video & between my mouth dropping out of disbelief from how this once “finer than frog hair” broad had fallen from grace, to laughing hysterically from the crazy shit that she uttered. “Anti-Horny Ass Nigga” has got to be the diss of the year.

    LL Cool J, get your girl, man!

    Part of me feels sorry for her, but, then again… no.

    • DetroitDraper

      Quote of the year “Anti-horny ass nigga”…We’v finally found somethin to beat out “Fuck Boy”

      MAYN HOL’UP Put on some o dat RO.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    I was watching those vids last night as well.

    Oddly enough, I didn’t feel sorrow, but I was slightly amused. I guess some dark part of me gets a kick out of “famous” people being knocked down a peg or two by real life. Evens the playing field, so to speak.

    I know quite a few crackheads, & she fits right in. I’m always curious how one becomes a crackhead, something most of us vowed as kids to never become. She’s probably so far removed from Planet Earth @ this point that if she saw herself on TV she’d most likely laugh @ that “pretty ho on tv”.

    It’s not a joke, but some shit in lie is just plain funny….

    *leans back & turns Kanye West’s “Crack Music” way, way, way, way the fuck up*

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    I was watching those vids last night as well.

    Oddly enough, I didn’t feel sorrow, but I was slightly amused. I guess some dark part of me gets a kick out of “famous” people being knocked down a peg or two by real life. Evens the playing field, so to speak…

    I know quite a few crackheads, & she fits right in. I’m always curious how one becomes a crackhead, something most of us vowed as kids to never become. She’s probably so far removed from Planet Earth @ this point that if she saw herself on TV she’d most likely laugh @ that “pretty ho on tv”.

    It’s not a joke, but some shit in life is just plain funny.

    ((leans back & turns Kanye West’s “Crack Music” way, way, way, way the fuck up))

    • DetroitDraper

      Damn that reminds me…Where has Paris Pershun been @?

      MAYN HOL’UP

    • latino heat

      @ Grand$
      i’ve been asking the same question for years. how the hell in 2009 are people still trying this shit for the 1st time? i can understand (sort of) if you’ve been hooked for years, but someone that just started this drug in the last 10 years? what the fuck could they possibly be thinking?

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

        What’s popping Heat?

        Folks do not want to be sober. When I was in rehab for alcohol, I bugged out on the amount of young cats in there for crack & powder.

        It’s like, I understand how someone becomes a boozehound overnight, but what part of a social gathering is crack introduced.

        “Wanna brew, my nigga? Wanna hit this joint, homie? Yo, got them rocks?!”

        • nicholasdelorejo

          I think it’s because mutha fuckas still think that they can actually beat a crack or herione addition. I got a cousin who began doing dope in jail and as soon as he got out he continue to do it telling my family that he’ll give it up soon. Folks need to realize that if its been known for people to actually suck a stranger’s dick in order to feed that addition, then chances are that it’s impossible to just quit. People out there probably think smoking crack is like taking your first drink. One puff (sip) won’t cause you to be an addict.

        • latino heat

          @ Grand$ & Nicholas…

          it’s funny you mention a party situation and heroin. i was at a Halloweeen party back in 2004 and i was with this group of people i had never met before. long story short i ended up back at there house and everybody’s drinking having a good time then this dude that was sitting there playing the guitar just busts out with “hey any of you guys want some heroin?”

          WTF! i had never been offered that shit in my life before or since then. nor have i kicked it with those weirdos since then. it’s amazing the situations a pretty girl can get you into. my point being i guess it just depends on who you kick it around. there’s no telling what you might be offered.

        • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

          The most I’ve ever been offered was an E pill.

          Fuck that shit, as well.

          I never felt a need to do anything aside from liquor &/or weed. I had a couple of homies throughout the years who admitted to dipping their blunts (in sherm) occasionally, & needless to say that was the end of those friendships.

  • http://www.hotboxbeats.blogspot.com hotbox

    crabmeat of the day: spider crab

  • DetroitDraper

    Quote of the year “Anti-horny ass nigga”…We’v finally found somethin to beat out “Fuck Boy”

    MAYN HOL’UP Put on some o dat Z-RO

  • P-Matik

    “I mentioned it myself in a post I did a few years ago about the album Marley Marl did with KRS-One, but that part of the post ended up getting swallowed up by this site’s infamous software glitch.”

    Ha, I was at the A3C Festival in Atlanta last year and Marley Marl was on stage talking about he had a heart attack from eating too much late cheese eggs from Waffle House. Then he yelled “Yoo, it’s my n***a Posdenous.” when it was really YZ.

  • GIBZ

    Damn shit is crazy I just googled her name and all types of shit popped up about her being addicted to meth. She even got nude pics on there. I remember her from “In the House” days, and I would’ve loved to see her naked. Now they out there and she looks cracked the crack up in those pics that it aint even right. Shits sad but like Grand$ said, it evens shit out.

  • Mutada/Mullah Atari

    “Flaming Hot Cheetos, the hoodrat breakfast of champions”

    Aint that the truth. Every rat I’ve come across since high school has loved these things. Red fingers underneath the fake nails and all. LOL

  • maximus 32

    Dog that chick going through hell…show her a little mercy and DJ AM is dead…don’t kick the dudes dead corpse.

  • stoneyisland

    Bol says: If I had that kind of money, I’d be out here eating the finest of crab meats. Fuck the dumb shit.

    I swear Bol you should be doing stand up that was the funniest shit you ever said son:) I am LMBAO and the stuck up crackhead shit was also mad funny. ROFLMBAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • stoneyisland

    FUCK DJ AM……..I cant believe how many black folks are up in arms over this tall israeli, I mean he aint Michael Jackson! the muthafucka was a crackhead who spun records, hell every ghetto in american has a million crackheads and everytime one dies do we make it a big issue? fuck no, we dont. I guess what I am saying is DJ AM aint no more valuable to his friends and family as the average crackheads living in our hoods.

    • BIGNAT

      he got a second chance at life and wasted it. smoking crack and taking pills smh he don’t deserve tears from anyone but his family. if that was my son i would not cry for him crack is wack. i would never touch crack i was born in 82 i seen crack heads piss themselves because they so fucked up. anyway who still fucking with crack it’s 09 not 89.

      • Hanch

        Yall some heartless mofo’s! So if I am to use your thought process then the same thing can be said for Michael Jackson, Correct? He got a second Chance at life after that Pepsi Incident and yet he decided he needed all those prescriptions and drugs which killed him. So dont pick and choose where your going to use that logic. Or is the real issue cause Dj AM is white? Hmmmm….

  • BIGNAT

    bol you on fire today homie

    “going to town on a bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos, the hoodrat breakfast of champions”

    “If there was a stock for crack, it would be the only stock that isn’t completely worthless right about now.”

    “Whitney Houston going on Good Morning America and confirming the fact that she smoked up her vocal chords, even though crack was supposedly too cheap for her. (If there’s one thing worse than a crackhead, it’s a stuck up crackhead.)”

    “You know Marley Marl was one of the original crackheads”

    “He might be a bit more attuned to that world of crack hoes than I am, being out there in Yonkers, the town that spawned DMX.”

    “I know some people have pointed out that she has a mental problem, but I’m pretty sure her main problem has to do with the fact that she’s a crack ho.”

  • geico lizard

    “Then, a mere matter of days later, Marley Marl somehow managed to suffer a heart attack at the ripe old age of, like, 40 something (the new 30), and people wondered how that could have happened.”

    ^
    Cocaine use would explain why aaron(or brett) boone had a heart attack…that and the steroids he took when he was with the Yankees.

    +++
    “It goes back to how a lot of us felt about DJ AM. Here’s a guy who got paid into the 10s of thousands of dollars per day to play records, who walked away from a plane crash, then cracked himself to death”

    ^
    Nike was about to release a DJ AM shoe, so this guy had alot of reasons to be happy and stay alive. A shoe for a fucking DJ and he still wasnt happy and grateful for his life. Have a beer or something but crack is not a recreational drug.

  • Harmen

    marley marl is without a doubt a crack head

    “if i had that kind of money i would be eating the finest of crab meats” HAHAHAHAHAHAH BAUCE! EEEWWWWHHHHAAAAT!!!

  • Brooklyn

    damn, maia campbell was fine as hell back in the day, she had that milk chocolate skin and that good hair. now she’s a crackhead. but shit, she still look good, i’d hit it. kinda like halle berry’s crackhead in “jungle fever” or “losing isaiah”.

  • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

    this is just fucking sad bol. youre a sad person.

    done

  • http://www.justice.gov.za GO-Getta’

    Drug ballads by Em is classic material.
    Wonder XXL won’t give Marshal Mathers LP the ratings it deserves.
    I was listenin’ 2 it over this weekend with a crackhead ho’ by my bedside.
    We fucc then & later till she can’t walk no mo’

  • fatDAN

    Holy fuck, I saw that video and it is not only crack she fucking with. She is a straight up meth head too. Some of that shit she was saying was fucking funny though. There was also some other story about her going to the mall smelling like ass and smoking white demon in bathroom. Holy shit, what’s next? Lisa Turtle sucking balls for a hit of that china?

  • 619

    Bladerunner Maia! Hahaha! You throwin’ flamin’ hots on my interior bitch! Kick gravel and travel! Put my foot in your ass! Get my money bitch!

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