What’s a rapper gotta do to get on Oprah?

Chris Brown obviously doesn’t read this site. Otherwise, he would have known better than to think Oprah Winfrey was about to let him come on her show, as part of his powder blue bow tie tour.

Breezy thought that, because he performed at Oprah’s school for girls/rape dungeon in South Africa, and because he already apologized to Rihanna, and because, lest we forget, Rihanna hit him first, and Oprah did that entire show about how love is not supposed to hurt and how domestic violence is inexcusable, Oprah would let him come on and tell his side of the story, like he did on Larry King. I could have told him, back when Oprah was trying to get him to go down to Africa, that she’s not the kind of person you do a favor for. Oprah Winfrey hates black men. She was just trying to capitalize on his success at the time. But now, when he could use a favor for her, she’s nowhere to be found. He could have just as easily spent that weekend with me, on the East Side, supporting women’s education in a way that’s a bit more direct.

I might hit him up on Twitter to see if he’s still interested (he’d be “buying,” natch), but something tells me he isn’t. In all likelihood, he’ll just continue to come up with ways to try to get back in Oprah’s good graces. Don’t be surprised if, along with his court-mandated picking up trash on the side of the highway, you see Chris Brown donating money to women who’ve had their genitals ruined in back alley abortions, or sprinkling crack on himself and positioning himself in Oprah’s general vicinity. You know, things that are likely to strike a chord with her.

Just this past week, I saw where Ludacris was giving out free cars to people who don’t have jobs, and you have to think that was meant as some sort of message to Oprah. Oprah once famously gave out brand new Pontiacs (they don’t even make Pontiacs anymore, do they?) to her entire studio audience. But then it kinda ended up backfiring on her, when half the people there couldn’t afford the property tax, and insurance, and ended up in foreclosure and all kinds of crazy shit. Some of those broke bitches probably couldn’t afford to put gas in the thing. (People who don’t have anything else better to do in the afternoon that watch Oprah can’t scrape together $600? Shocker!)

I’m not sure how Ludacris plans to deal with that problem. Hopefully, he had people sign a waiver saying he wasn’t personally responsible for any problems that might arise as a result of them having a car. His giveaway was a contest, in which unemployed people wrote essays about what they might do if they had a car. I wish I knew there was such a contest. I’m not unemployed per se, but I don’t have the kind of job I can explain to people and not have them think I’m selling shit on eBay. As if I’d be willing to put forth that kind of effort. He may have been better off targeting people in my position, anyway. The fact that the people who won were unemployed lets me know this won’t end well. If the white women who watch Oprah can’t afford car insurance (did they consider Geico?), how in the fuck can unemployed people in Atlanta? It’ll be interesting to see how many of these cars end up being used in robberies.

Maybe this is part of the reason why I’m mildly envious of desperately poor people who benefit from charities (don’t even get me started about these soup kitchens), but if Oprah did me like she did Ludacris, I wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about trying to get on Oprah. If I were gonna put forth the amount of time, effort and money it took to give away those cars, I would use it to expose Oprah as a salty crack ho with a broken vagine. Like I already have been. But that’s just me. Ludacris probably figures him and Oprah can still overcome their differences. He already tried dissing Hillary Clinton, on that mixtape he had out during the election, and you see where that got him. Obama had to throw him under a bus, like he did that guy Van Jones. And if Ludacris wants to continue getting that Hollywood money, he can’t run afoul of the wrong people.

Look at Jay-Z. He’s got a big feature in this month’s issue of O: The Oprah Magazine, despite the fact that Oprah hardly ever fucks with rappers. Part of it may have had to do with his personal scent, as discussed in a previous post here, but part of it’s that he knows how to play the game. It’s probably not a coincidence that Jay-Z cockblocked Chris Brown from performing at the BET Awards, and now here he is kicking it with Oprah, who won’t have Breezy on her show, despite all he’s done for her. The question is whether Oprah ordered him to do that, as part of a quid pro quo, or if he just figured that was something Oprah might appreciate. I hope it’s the latter, but who knows with Jay-Z.

  • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

    Of course Jay knows how to play the game. If you want to succeed, you need to be able to seamlessly interact with those at the top. Nobody yells “Keep it real!” in a boardroom or when planning an IPO.

    This isn’t complicated.

    • DETROIT

      “Of course Jay knows how to play the game”

      yea…shit on every black person that had anything to do with who you are, replace them with jews, and don’t try to put any other “niggers” on! THAT’S THE GAME! and jay plays it rather well.

      oh and I cant forget, RELENTLESSLY PROMOTE ALCOHOL AND HIGH END CLOTHES/JEWELRY.

      • DetroitDraper

        Truest shit ever. And no coicidence its another Detroit representative..

        MAYN HOL’UP I dont support Jigga

  • General

    Honestly Jay could have made a statement about Oprah’s treatment towards hip hop by not appearing in her mag or on her show, but really I can’t blame. Shit Oprah could buy and sell Jay about 10 times over if she felt like it and Jay got big money…just not Oprah money…

    My question is who is Jay tryin to appeal to by going on Oprah? Ain’t nobody that watches that shit gonna buy his CD in the first place

    • BIGNAT

      “My question is who is Jay tryin to appeal to by going on Oprah? Ain’t nobody that watches that shit gonna buy his CD in the first place”
      jay really don’t care no more homie he is at the point he know for a fact he going sell.

      bol you a fool for this comment
      “I would use it to expose Oprah as a salty crack ho with a broken vagine” mwhahahahahahahahaha

  • http://www.hotboxbeats.blogspot.com hotbox

    no “but i digress”?

    no crab meats?

  • JAY STONE

    Jay z is a sell out.
    The nigga sold his heart to the devil a long time.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    “or sprinkling crack on himself and positioning himself in Oprah’s general vicinity”

    “I would use it to expose Oprah as a salty crack ho with a broken vagine.”

    ^^^Easy, Byron. You don’t want to be next on her “Black men to feel my wrath” list.

    All she needs is a reason, & she’ll be doing a show on how ‘Net bloggers are malicious & spiteful, especially the Black ones.

    I’ve said it before, Chris should focus on his music, & chill. America’s incessant amnesia will kick-in in about a year or so. Until, just get some material out there, & stay the fuck away from powerful, Black women. & Jay-Z.

    By then, some idiot will have eaten his family or attempted to hijack a plane, then poor little Chris can rise again, to spin in circles & hock his wares.

  • giantstepp

    I am leaning more and more towards Jay becoming out of touch with common folk. No, I dont expect him to be on the block in the hood. But he just seems to be missing something nowadays. IDK, with hundreds of millions of dollars, I know your everyday circle will change to reflect the money and business ventures you’re involved with. I get that, but he doesnt seem like the type of dude that you could “kick it” with anymore. I respect his come up, grind and success tho. I use to think it was growth, but I aint really feeling Jay like one of the homies anymore. Take Cube for instance, he may not be able to match Jay dollar for dollar, but he is HIGHLY successful, and he still seems down, all the while showing growth from the NWA days!

  • Jame

    Jay is a cut and dry business man. He always has been. He’s far from an idiot and like Pierzy said, he knows exactly how to play the game. He’s not making the deals he is because he’s a rapper. He plays the game well enough to have the f’ing President call on him to drive home the last week of the campaign THEN perform on election night. Is anyone else even close to doing shit like that? As big as Puff was, and in some circles still is, there’s no way that’s happening. 50? No chance in Hell. 50 has made himself a nice name outside of hip-hop with business but he can’t fully grow outside of his music if his music isn’t growing along with him. Jay bleeds business and will dominate this shit until he decides to stop. The crazy amount of bad press he got for those few leaked Timbo songs didn’t even dent him with sales. Maybe he could’ve done 500 as opposed to the 300+ he will do. Who knows. Bottom line is, Jay can fuck with Oprah because he’s developed himself to be so much more than a rapper. Rant over.

    • giantstepp

      You make good undeniable points. But to me it seems as if Jay has become a superstar MENTALLY, and plays that role now to the fullest, at the expense of loyalty. I like Jay and I understand growth. Any dude doing the same thing today, that he did years ago is a fool. Growth is natural. But he just seems to have gone “hollywood” to me and seems to be far removed from common folk. Just my 2 cents.

  • DETROIT

    “Is anyone else even close to doing shit like that?”

    master p was with obama much more than jay was, not trippin, just sayin! puff, as funny as it sounds, can’t do that because he isn’t squeeky clean enough. also, he prolly doesn’t want to go down that lane…he’s still gettin rap money, so he prolly doesn’t wanna castrate himself just yet. Plus, let’s not forget the fact that jay is now a package deal…now you get jay and bey (who is waaaay more popular than jay at this point) for the price of jay. THE SMARTEST BUSINESS MOVE JAY MADE WAS MARRYING BEYONCE!

  • vhingrhamesonyo’momma

    What’s a rapper gotta do to get on Oprah?

    make 5 billion. duhh!

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    Y’all cats should check out Combat Jack, http://www.daily-math.com, & read the drop “Is Jay-Z A Witch?”. Really though.

    Don’t skip the comments…

    • GIBZ

      damn Grand$ good look on that link we gotta wake the fuck up theres a lot of shit going on here that alot of us dont know about. bunch of brainwashing if u ask me. def a good link though

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

        @GIBZ

        No doubt, fam.

        I did a drop about it on my site too, http://www.tonygrands.blogspot.com, but it’s nowhere near that one, especially the comment section.

        Or, just click the name of course.

  • epinz

    @jame

    I agree with u and giantstep to an extent. Jay has done a lot for himself, while what he’s done has benefited hip hop, it was all still done by j for j. I doubt that oprah had him on the show cuz of his success, and if that’s the case, it only makes her look bad. J is the type of shit she complains about in regards to rap. Hoes,killin,drugs,hustlin…all shit she hates that j’s music embodies. Ice cube or master p,shit, even 50 would b better guests. They, imo, especially ice cube, would be better at helping oprah and her guests better understand why rap is the way it is and cuz they actually say shit in they’re music that people can really learn from. J’s never been that type of rapper cuz truth b told, if lyrics sold,j would b talib qweli. He’s always been a business man. If success is what u need to b on oprah, then it dnt matter what u say or do, she’ll come around eventually to u. Plus, b’in married to bey dnt hurt.

  • SOMETHIN NEW

    Broke ass haters

  • Mutada/Mullah Atari

    I just don’t see the justification to say that Oprah “hates black men”. I mean were the fuck do you get this stuff seriously? She does not like most rap music. Get over it. There are plenty of 50 something black women in America who don’t. Most of it IS vile swill, and not worthy of your ear drums anyway.

    I hope that people realize that she was a HUGE part of priming America for a black president. And if I recall correctly, she was one of the earliest if not the first person to call on then Senator Obama to run for the presidency. Were does all this Oprah hate come from? The Luda incident or the “fuck Oprah” from former crack dealer and felon 50 Cent? Stop tearing one of our own down. Disagree yes, but stop with the fantasy

    • SOMETHING NEW

      CO FUCKING SIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • sealsaa

    @Mutada/Mullah Atari

    “from former crack dealer and felon 50 Cent?”

    You said it yourself, “former” crack dealer. He has since put out a slew of successful albums, done movies, books, videogames, and Vitamin Water. He’s a self made millionare/success. So his subject matter is offensive to some. That gives Oprah a pass to throw him under a bus? Pretty judgemental for a woman who has admitted to smoking crack herself.

  • Decker

    2 tear down two successful black pple on d basis of stupid rumors is just stupid.These 2 greats,got where they got by working hard.Oprah doesn’t like Rap music,i can understand that because most rappers use lyrics that r offensive 2 women.Chris Brown’s actions were inexcuseable.He needs 2 work on his problem.Blive me,in 5yrs time,he’ll be on Oprah giving advice 2 abusive men.He shouldn’t be concerned about getting on Oprah rite now.As 4 Jay,he’s been playing chess while every1 else on d checkers tip.

  • fatDAN

    Oprah care about Oprah. Jay z care about Jay z. Everything we see on tv is only seconds or minutes of their lives. They are all impostors in caring they would not care unless it furthered them in their career. They are all business moves. No true caring is done by these people.

  • http://XXLMAG.COM IAMHIPHOP

    DAM! OPRAH & JAY-Z MUST HAVE THE PEOPLE THAT RUN THIS SITE ON PAYROLL.IF A SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT JAY OR OPRAH IT WONT GET POSTED.OK! OPRAH IS USING JAY-Z.SHE DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HIPHOP ARTIST.50 CENT WAS RIGHT SHE CATERS TO WHITES.JAY-Z IS REALLY PLAYING HIMSELF BY MESSING WITH OPRAH KNOWING SHE HATES HIPHOP.COME ON I ADMIT THERE’S A LARGE AMOUNT OF RAPPPERS THAT ARE DOING STUPID SHIT.PLUS;PUTTING OUT GARBAGE MUSIC.HOWEVER;THERE ARE POSITIVE RAPPERS/MC’S WHO HAVE BEEN DOING IT FOR YEARS,OLD & NEW.LL COOL J,HEAVY D,RUN-DMC,WHODINI,MC LYTE,MISSY ELLIOT,SALT & PEPA,RAKIM,BIG DADDY KANE,KOOL MOE DEE,KURTIS BLOW,MOS DEF,COMMOM,LUPE FIESTO,I CAN GO ON FOREVER.KRS-ONE EVEN STARTED THE (STOP THE VIOLENCE MOVEMENT)CANT GET KNOW POSITIVE THAN THAT.BOTTOM LINE(OPRAH JUST DONT UNDERSTAND OR LIKE HIPHOP.OH!BY THE WAY 50 CENT CALLED JAY-Z OUT ALSO(FLIGHT 187)CHECK THAT SONG OUT ITS FIRE.HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA! PEACE!!!

  • http://XXLMAG.COM IAMHIPHOP

    YO DECKER! I GUESS TO YOU JAY-Z CAN’T DO KNOW WRONG.YOU ON HIS PAYROLL.SUCKA!!!STOP KISSING HIS ASS.

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