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The Rise of Niggarachi

Niggarachi?! Snoop’s entire existence has been one giant fuck-up since the first name change, if you ask me. When even Media Take Out is alarmed, you know shit has gotten really bad.

I guess in the official name change for his new sure-to-be-terrible project, Snoop Dogg was going for something as epic as Makaveli. He very well may have succeeded—just not the way he may have intended.

Then again, who the fuck knows what’s on this nigga’s biscuits anymore? When you smoke as much bud as Snoop does, you’re basically just doing what the people who control the blunt strings tell you to do. I’m starting to think he’s fully down with being an instrument of negrous destruction.

For those who may not be aware, Snoop has been referring to his own keyboard-stroking producer persona as Niggarachi seemingly in jest for quite some time now. Until now he’s never gone as far as to make it anything official. I just considered it as Snoop being the usual coonish shell of his former self. Shit. Some women call me “Jesus, Ronnie! Hold The Fuck On! That’s My Fucking Cervix!” But you’ve never heard anything about me considering a name change.

I never expected Snoop to produce a project boasting Niggarachi as an official artist name. Perhaps after seeing Hood of Horror and the infernal Doggy After Dark, I should have known the gloves were off. This nigga would do any dance asked of him for some short’nin bread.

One of the only two monikers more fitting than Niggarachi is Niggerachi—as Snoop has long since ceased being my nigga and clearly will do everything in his power to make us all look like porch monkeeeeeeys. The only moniker more fitting than Niggerachi would be Niggerace, which is both a joke visited by Chris Rock when he edited Vibe and the appropriate spelling of a play on Liberace. Otherwise he’s more calling himself a black mariachi, and I don’t think that’s what he means.

[Blogger’s Note: I originally had a typo for “moniker”. I spelled the shit “monkier”, which would actually be appropriate still.]

Over the years Snoop Dogg has gradually given away everything that made him special in the early nineties on records like The Chronic and his own classic debut, Doggystyle. We all knew the nigga liked to get blazed. Shit, many of us do from time to time. I mean, there’s only so much time left in this crazy world, right? But Snoop has apparently lost all desire to be a serious recording artist, going several steps beyond being a stoner icon respected for his talent.

Today Niggarachi—I’ll call the man by the name of his choosing, like Muhummad Ali—is now nothing more than a running joke in every way possible. People associate him with being baked beyond all cognitive ability and the entertainment that comes with a junkie’s charm. He’s made marijuana look like heroin, simultaneously justifying the Reagan era’s drug policies and any legislation intent on keeping black people from being equal members of American society.

Niggarachi is a big reason people think blacks shouldn’t be allowed in public places without leashes–like white toddlers.

[Blogger’s Note: Don’t act like you don’t be seein those baby harnesses at the local shopping center!]

I guess the real question is, does Niggarachi know how much of a coon he is? Not that his intentions matter that much to me. Either way, I got the rope right ‘chea!

Questions? Comments? Requizzles, my nizzle?

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