The Legend of John Budden
It’s been a slow, yet tumultuous past couple days for a nigga. Don't ask me how that's possible, but please pardon the extended MIA. As an olive branch, here’s a 2-for-1 courtesy of our friends over at TheBoombox.com that rehashes the epic [fail] Saigon vs. Joe Budden clash in a very special, but unintentional way. [Blogger's Note: Except when Saigon is rehashing it himself to give you a reason to remember him.] They’re not sponsoring this Negro Please shit or anything. They just put 2 stories into one piece, so I’ll give you my thoughts on both.
I actually saw the infamous Joe Budden prostitution clip a few days ago when it was posted on The Ghetto’s Finest News Source. I didn’t even want to fuck with it because there’s been entirely too much Joe Budden talk these past few months, and we’ve already established that he needs to turn the fucking camera off.
But, fuck it. As I said earlier, it’s been a slow week. Let’s discuss.
"First of all, prostitutes, a lot of the times, have much cleaner pussy than regular girls...It's the bitch's job to fuck. You don't think that bitch is taking care of her pussy?"
–Joe Budden, JumpoffTV via HipHopWired.com
For those who don't understand the context of such a strange and outlandish claim, it comes from one of Joey's many misguided video streams in which he details his propensity for calling up sex workers when he needs his Budden polished. Surely Mr. Jumpoff is onto something when he suggests that jumpoffs for hire have added incentive to keep the stoochie un-cank—or cankless, s’il vous plait. However, just because they have incentive doesn’t mean they do. Ain’t enough Massengill and Monistat in the world to deal with the consistent side-effects of getting your shit shredded to picadillo all day err day. Granted, not all women who get their shit shredded to picadillo are hoes, but we know hoes are women who get their shit shredded to picadillo all day err day. [Blogger’s Note: See how that works? Concentric circles and shit.]
And sorry we ain’t all just eager trick-ass niggas whereas we instinctively pay pros for the cot. As if. I can’t speak for the rest of you all, but when I gets mine it’s off the strength of my generally being that nigga, as they say. By the reflexive property of being that nigga, all who fit into the aforementioned category reserve the right and responsibility to be selective about whomever they decide to chop down.
[Blogger’s Note: Protected sex and monogamous relationships are the way to go, children. But don’t take it from me. Take it from our volunteer correspondents Stanky Legg Steve and Torrie, the Unintentional Slide Piece Who Hops From Dick to Dick Because Her Father Never Loved Her.]
If Tahiry hasn’t fully left this nigga, she should have after hearing this shit. That is, unless she’s already just resigned to the hot sauce on her picadillo. In which case, she’d better not cry about it when Joey and his webcam are gone like Big Pun’s widow. Unless, of course, Joe's philosophy on sex workers explains more than it should about the origins of their relationship.
[Blogger's Note: I mean, damn. You just can't do enough for some hoes.]
Shit like this is exactly why rappers shouldn’t inherently be role models, children. I swurr fo’ gawd, this nigga Joe Budden will have you putting Neosporin all over your shit and setting it on a Ziploc bag full of ice instead of going to the doctor because you’re too embarrassed to tell your folks you been spending your allowance on hoes.
I mean… You clearly didn’t spend it on that Slaughterhouse, right?
Ok, aye. Well damn! This shit went on a little longer than expected, so I’m gonna holler back tomorrow about that ol’ crazy shit Saigon said.
Questions? Comments? Requests? Hoes? Really, Joe? firstname.lastname@example.org
P.S.: I can’t call a winner in this Joe Budden vs. Saigon thing as both niggas seem pretty well versed in etherization of the self variety and continue to push the limits.