Nas and Kelis were spotted at an industry event the other day, all hugged up as if she didn’t just call him a fag and sue him for $44,000 a month in child support, leading to speculation that the two of them might be back together. In today’s post, I look at the pros and cons of Nas getting back with Kelis.
With all due respect, past and present, and without further to do.
1) Nas could save a shedload of money, even more than he’d save switching his car insurance to Geico.
I don’t know what the little homey did to get back into Kelis’ good graces (I’m thinking he probably gave her some drugs), but whatever he did, he needs to capitalize on that shit. He needs to have his lawyer draw up an agreement saying never mind about the $44,000 a month he was supposed to be paying her, and he needs to have her sign that shit, before the E pills wear off. If he would have been thinking, he would have had his lawyer draw up such an agreement as soon as he got stuck for such an exorbitant fee. But obviously he wasn’t. He’s Nas, fer chrissakes. If he had the sense god gave geese, he wouldn’t have been in this situation in the first place. Getting Kelis to sign such an agreement would probably necessitate getting back with her, at least temporarily. She’s not gonna give him his money back so he can just go spend it on some other broad.
2) Nas could make sure Knight Rider Jones turns out straight.
It’s important for a child to have a strong male influence, even if its mother isn’t a psycho hose beast. We’ve already seen how Kelis wouldn’t let Nas be in the building when Knight Rider Jones was born. If Nas can’t at least get on good terms with Kelis, he might not get to spend very much time with his son, leaving the poor bastard to be raised by Kelis, and whoever she has over to help her spend that $44,000 a month. And that $44,000 a month alone might not be enough to convince her to let Nas spend enough time with Knight Rider to make sure he grows up nice and straight, if he couldn’t be in the delivery room, despite all of those gift cards he gave her. Nas getting back together with Kelis might be Knight Rider Jones’ only hope.
1) Kelis looks like shit now.
My bad, Nas and Kelis. There’s probably a more delicate way I could have put that. But the point remains: Kelis just ain’t what she used to be. Nas already had her for the best time you could possibly have her, or at least the tail end of it, and it’s never gonna be that good ever again. In those pictures of the two of them the other day, she looks like somebody’s mom. I couldn’t pop so much as a semi looking at her, and you have to wonder if Nas is able to. Even if he can, that vagine is probably stretched beyond all recognition. Or there’s a c-section scar. Neither of which is a reality you want to face, if you’re the guy who wrote Illmatic. I know I’d like to think that, if I ever contributed anything worthwhile to society (it’s a hypothetical, go along with it), I would be rewarded with a quality woman.
2) Once a psycho hose beast, always a psycho hose beast.
Just because she’s not pregnant anymore doesn’t mean she won’t just flip on you all of a sudden. Women who have already given birth have been known to be even more crazy than women who are merely pregnant. We’ve all heard those stories about women who drown their babies in the bath tub. If I were Nas, I’m not even sure I’d want to go over there, for a few more months, except to make sure the baby is alright. But let’s say she does get her mind right, and the two of them get back together. It’s only a matter of time before she flips out on him again. He could end up getting back with her only to get divorced again, which could end up costing him more money than not bothering in the first place.