Queens keeps on faking it

It’s funny, I’ve heard the story of how Roxanne Shante forced Wonder Bros. to pay for her Ph.D from Cornell referred to as the feel good story of the summer, but it didn’t become the feel good story of the summer to me until I found out it was a buncha bullshit.

Now it might be the feel good story of the year. I haven’t felt this good since my last trip over to the east side, in which, oddly enough, I probably helped put some girls through school.

I’ve been fascinated with the idea of hoodrats getting fake college degrees ever since I read a story in the Riverfront Times about an institution known as the St. Louis College of Health Careers. Dedicated, life long haters might remember when I mentioned it in my review of Jim Jones’ On My Way to Church. This was around the time when I graduated from college, after five years, and I was shocked to learn that I could have just as easily showed up to some building down by 40 and Kingshighway with a check for a few thousand dollars.

You know girls who go to these schools advertised on TV during Judge Judy and other such hoodrat afternoon fare probably get jobs making way more money than I’ve ever made. One of the girls in the RFT story had been working at a White Castle, where I was working at the time, and where I earned a post-graduate certificate in food safety, when she decided to “go back to school.” I may have even considered it myself, except I happen to know a lot of those lower end medical jobs involve rubbing lotion on an old white man’s balls, like Malcolm X used to do before he joined the Nation of Islam.

But I digress.

Anyway, I wouldn’t be surprised if these hoodrat medical schools played a role in Roxanne Shante deciding to lie about having a Ph.D from Cornell. The project she lives in must be full of women with certificates on the wall saying they’re qualified to practice some form of medicine they can hardly pronounce, and Roxanne Shante must have felt left out. She’s been famous since she was like 12 years old, and you know how when you get a taste of the limelight at such a young age, you’ll do anything to get it back, even if it takes lying to some rube from the New York Daily News about your education.

As a matter of fact, I know, because I read it in Bill Cosby’s book Come On People: The Nick Manning Story, or whatever it’s called (which I found in the clearance aisle at Barnes & Noble, not too far from where I found the book by the Smoking Gun, with the graphic description of the Kobe Bryant date rape), that there’s something like twice (or was it eight times?) as many black women in college as black men – and I bet those numbers would draw a lot closer to equal, if you didn’t count schools where all of the degree programs involve either the word “assistant,” or “technician.” Someone with the tools and the talent (i.e. either Slate of the Smoking Gun) might need to conduct an investigation.

Roxanne Shante had probably been telling people she’s a doctor since back in the ’90s. I remember hearing about it when she mentioned it on that Beef DVD, back when I was still in college, but I didn’t think anything of it. In a country where Star Jones is a lawyer, of course Roxanne Shante has a Ph.D in psychology from an Ivy League school. The dumbass who did the story in the New York Daily News must have seen the Beef DVD on Fuse, where they’ve been rerunning it ad nauseum, and thought it would make for a heartwarming story. Heartless bastard that I am, I never would have guessed. Even when I saw the story in the New York Daily News I didn’t think anything of it. Then I saw Axis of PC ringleader Jay Smooth plugging it on Twitter as if it was the greatest story ever told. Which in a way it is!

  • OG Matt Herbz

    Bol, I felt the same way when I found out that Dr. Dre ain’t really a doctor:

    Bamboozled.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

      Well done

      • RiZob

        College pussy is the best pussy…. and
        College head is the best head…..after college, that shit goes south…man im glad im still in college…LOL

        • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

          all pussy is the best pussy when youre getting it my friend. if all you got to look forward to is the pussy in college, well then i feel bad for ya.

  • smithy 187

    Pierzy !!! I.E First Biatches!!!!

  • AZ40

    that there’s something like twice (or was it eight times?) as many black women in college as black men – and I bet those numbers would draw a lot closer to equal, if you didn’t count schools where all of the degree programs involve either the word “assistant,” or “technician.”

    Good shit, remember if it was actually a good school they wouldn’t need to have a commecial on t.v!!!

  • Worley

    “that there’s something like twice (or was it eight times?) as many black women in college as black men.”

    That’s because, despite all the bullsh*t about the erasure of gender roles, men are still expected to “provide.” Most dudes are hell bent on making a buck and if reading a buck ain’t making a buck then most dudes ain’t reading the book.

    And if they do go to college, they risk being treated as subhuman. A bunch of broke ass college chicks will criticize him for being a broke ass dude in college. It’s sad but true. That’s why most college dudes prey on freshmen and college chicks chase athletes or some 30 year old n*gga that ain’t got no business on a college campus. Again, sad but true.

    • DraperDraper

      @Worley
      That was some of the truest ish ever spoken. Thats exactlty why I went to the military. I was smart enough to have a couple scholarships but I refused to be broke as hell with thousands of dollars of debt.

      MAYN HOL’UP

    • nicholasdelorejo

      I see what your saying but you gotta remember a lot of dudes are out there sitting on their ass and allowing a woman to take care of them. I know this because I had a cousin who went through this with her boyfriend. To me a lot of woman don’t want to go to college and get a dude that has is finances and looks together as oppose to risking being with a dude with no education or way to generate an income. Not that your logic isn’t wrong. It’s partly true. But I also think that a women isn’t just trying to find a dude with bank but a dude that won’t fuck them over.

  • General

    Why are facts always gettin in the way of these great stories that rappers tell us…SMH

  • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

    It’s funny you mentioned Slate since I read that yesterday.

    My friend is a writer and she just interviewed her and said she was adamant that she got that degree. Liar liar…

  • tronthadon

    I may have even considered it myself, except I happen to know a lot of those lower end medical jobs involve rubbing lotion on an old white man’s balls, like Malcolm X used to do before he joined the Nation of Islam

    Respect the dead and the people who paved the way for you..you fat walrus piece of shit

    • Enlightened

      Exactly. Why don’t you put the link to that video interview you did that exposed yourself as gay by your posture and gay ass speech delivery.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    TV college a/k/a baby momma university….

    Really though, I won’t knock someone trying to better themselves. & if that moment of clarity comes between checking the mailbox for a county check & smoking a blunt with one’s home girls, then so fucking be it.

    I saw something about Roxanne Shante lying over on AllHipHop, but I couldn’t stomach all the grammatical errors, so I stopped reading. That’s too funny that she lied. The story I did read, pre-fabrication exposure, was full of young girl empowerment & urban survival. Who’da thunk she’s Rick Rossing her way back into the limelight?

    She would’ve been better of coming out with a song going in on Nicki Minaj.

    Or just shutting up & doing whatever it is she’s been doing.

  • http://myspace.com/federalranga Federal Ranga

    Yo, Grand$…

    You think Shakur might be faking the funk wit it, too? Just saying…

    E8 up! youtube.com/federalranga
    Commission!!!

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

      My dude!

      For the sake of sweet, sweet irony & laughing my ass off, I sure as hell hope so.

  • giantstepp

    Damn! Why? Who does this? Something aint right with a person to lie pubicly, and on this scale about something that can obviously be found out. da fuck u thinking Shantae…

  • shone jones

    Damn.

    Queensbridge stays losing.

  • http://www.myspace.com/seanblak sean blak

    niggaz and flies niggaz and flies…

  • nigga whut

    Bol, this might be a good followup to your “Ludacris likes chicken lollipops and watermelon martinis” column:

    http://www.theboombox.com/2009/09/01/coolio-performs-for-3000-and-a-bucket-of-chicken/

  • che

    you know you can listen to the entire blueprint 3 plus bonus album tracks on faceZook.com too, it’s got all the lyrics and loads of videos and stuff on it. it’s pretty cool, you guys should check it out.

  • che

    you know you can listen to the entire blueprint 3 plus bonus album tracks on faceZook .com too, it’s got all the lyrics and loads of videos and stuff on it.

    it’s pretty cool, you guys should check it out.

  • capcobra

    y shante y

  • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

    This post reminded me of them damn Everest College commercials that played in the afternoon. When I was on leave when I was in the military and visiting out here to Cali at the time, I would be chilling at my sister’s crib watching tv and that ish would stay popping up; dude screaming at you to get off the couch and whatnot. I always thought them damn schools was handing out fake certificates…the bastards…

  • http://daily-math.com/weblog/ Combat Jack

    I went to Cornell and Roxanne Shante is about my age and I never saw hide no hair of her on campus. And I would’a known if she attended or not, via the alumni association. Thinking about it now, I’m effin mad I dint put two and two and break this story first on my site.

  • bdazzle

    This is really devastating news: The rapper Shante’ lying about having a PhD as well as cornering the record lablel into paying for her getting a PhD. I guess she wanted to convince herself that she did not get screwed – as she did.

    Everyone who gets in the music business knows that record companies’ executives are shady. Boy, they will give you a contract for $400,000. But, if your record sells 1,000,000 copies, that’s $150 million, all you get is the 400 thousand dollars that they promised you. This is a evil practice for record labels to practice and certainly nothing to be assamed of Shante’. They been doing this since Motown and the Temptations. What surprises me is that Motown was operated by a black man, Barry Gordy, but was screwing his own kind. I just hope all little kids who want to be a recording artist in the future learn their lesson from this and make those record companies pay.