Pardon the Interruption: Kanye Comes Clean
The following is an excerpt from Ron Mexico City’s exclusive interview with Kanye West in the wake of a Kanyegate-marred 2009 VMAs.
[Blogger’s Note: Like he hasn’t done this kind of shit before or something.]
Ron Mexico: You’re famous for your ridiculous outbursts, but you’ve earned quite a reputation for awards show freakouts. Are you aware of this? I mean, you did—
Kanye West: Yo, Ron. I’m really happy for you getting this blog and your new show and all. I’m gonna let you finish. But, Bossip had one of the greatest black weblogs of all time! One of the greatest black weblogs of all time!
RM: *long pause* You finished, nigga? *another long pause* *disgusted stare* See, that’s what I’m talkin about right there. Do you think before you say shit?
KW: I exist. Therefore I think.
RM: *Rubbing left temple* Before you squashed Taylor Swift’s special moment like a ladybug under your Hennessy-soaked Martin Louis the King Vuitton slip-ons, did you see the look on her face?
KW: Nah. I was lookin at the “Single Ladies” video on the widescreen in my mind and thinking about how that dance and that gold Nintendo Power Glove was getting jerked for such an inferior composition. Then I was thinking about why “Best I Ever Had” wasn’t nominated for best direction. Then I asked myself a greater philosophical question: Why can’t I be nominated for and win the female categories as well? That’s not even fair.
RM: *eyebrows raised in astonishment* She looked as if to say, “Is this really happening to me? Am I getting Kanyed right now?” Are you even aware of what it means to be “Kanyed”?
KW: Yeah, I saw. I realize now I shouldn’t have done that. I should really keep my greatness to myself more. Like, when I have an opinion that could really change the world, sometimes it’s my responsibility to keep quiet and let people learn on their own. So, to answer your question, really, gettin Kanyed is kinda like a privilege that way.
RM: Is that your version of an apology?
KW: I don’t know if you saw the first episode of Leno last night, but I was on that. They needed me on there. But, if you seen it you would know that my mama passed—
RM: Yo, Kanye. I’m really happy for you having survived your mother’s passing. I’m gonna let you finish. But, Obama lost both of his parents as an adult and he thinks you’re a jackass. Granted, the reporter never should have–
KW: I know. I know Obama. Like, personally.
RM: Did you also know that Nelson Mandela is both an orphan and non-asshole? Malcolm X lost his dad at a young age. There are plenty of examples.
KW: I’m sorry. I ain’t never heard none of they albums. They sound old too. If they was old and they shit was tight, I would have sampled them already.
RM: *more sarcasm* Annie was an orphan! Look at what she was able to accomplish. She got on a Jay-Z record and everything.
KW: *still not picking up on the sarcasm* True.
RM: You are aware that if I were an artist getting an award and you were looking to Kanye me, I’d have to slap you in the fucking mouth, right?
KW: That’s the whole ill thing about it. I fear no man. I’m aware of what might happen to me. But I don’t live confined by fear. The only thing I fear is failure. Sometimes I’m a little afraid people might not understand how my clothes really do match. But that’s really it.
KW: Yeah. And sometimes the label tells me I can’t do some things. So I guess I fear them a little bit. I hate them niggas more than a Nazi. Like, can I be real with you for a minute?
RM: By all means.
KW: After “Jesus Walks” I came up with my first experimental type records. You know. I didn’t think “Jesus Walks” was gonna be all that well-received because it was talkin’ about God and all. I ain’t think people was gonna be ready for that.
RM: Even though Tyler Perry is a gazillionaire?
KW: *looking confused* I guess so. But then right after that I made “Jesus Walks Around My Basement In Flip-Flops Nodding to My Beats”, and the label told me they couldn’t do that.
RM: *sarcastically* They just didn’t see the vision.
KW: *still oblivious* Exactly! They didn’t see it. It would have been epic. *thinking* Maybe that’s who I should have signed with!
RM: Do you like fishsticks?
KW: Only if they’re organic.
RM: Who’s a greater awards show shit-starter, yourself or Ol’ Dirty Bastard?
KW: We’ll, he’s dead and I’m alive. So, that means my shit is timeless. So I would have to say me. And I don’t wanna feel like I shouldn’t say me because people say I shouldn’t say me.
RM: What’s your favorite curse word?
KW: You’re out.
Questions? Comments? Requests? For more with Ronnie and Kanye, tune in to Ron Mexico City when-the-fuck ever you feel like it. firstname.lastname@example.org