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Where were the Internet Soldiers?

One of the disadvantages of always being on the Internets is that you’re never there in real life when someone might actually need you.

Take for example the Internet Soldiers. I noticed the other day, in a video I posted on my own site, that no one really seemed to give a shit when Inspectah Deck was talking shit about Joe Budden from the stage at Rock the Bells, where Budden was also performing, i.e. some place you might actually expect the Internet Soldiers to be. I could see if it was at a Wu-Tang show, or somewhere that didn’t necessarily have anything to do with hip-hop.

Maybe the Internet Soldiers were in the building, but they saw the extent to which they were outnumbered by Wu-Tang stans, and just said, fuck it. It’s easy to sit there and talk shit when there’s no risk of a gang of 30 year-old men in smedium Wu-Wear pants (mine split back in like ’02) kicking the shit out of you, if only because they’re up to their ears in backed up semen, or the Wu themselves jumping down from the stage in the middle of a song to bite the proverbial hand that feeds, like they did in Chicago a couple of years ago. That guy must have thought he was at a Talib Kweli show.

If the Internet Soldiers can’t even show up to a Joe Budden concert, I guess it would be unreasonable to have expected them to be where Taheezo was when she recently got cold cocked by a guy. In the latest of these asinine videos Joe Budden posts on YouTube, which is ostensibly about whether or not Taheezo will allow him to bang other broads, she slips and mentions the fact that she was in a fight with a guy and lost. Unfortunately, Budden quickly changes the subject before we can find out very many details.


I’m just gonna throw this out there: It could be that Budden himself kicked the crap out of her, and that’s why he didn’t want her bringing it up on YouTube. She did the right thing by not naming the person who did it, but it’s only a matter of time before a brother such as myself puts 1 and 2 together. It’s not normally in an hispanic woman’s nature to just take having a shoe put her, but Tahiry might need Joe Budden more than a woman needs me, to use an example. Yeah, she was almost on the cover of an issue of King, but we know from that Game song that there isn’t any money in being a video ho. You gotta suck somebody’s dick and write a book about it, and who wants to read a book about Joe Budden? People don’t even want to buy the albums.

But saying it was Joe Budden might be giving him more credit than he deserves. I’m not sure if his status in hip-hop is such that he can lay hands on a woman and have her on the Internets pretending someone else did it. Lest we forget, Joe Budden isn’t in the top 50 rappers of all time. I’m the 29th best blogger, and I’m still about five years away from the point when I could get away with some shit. Maybe some other guy did cold cock Taheezo. I wonder how that happened. And why isn’t Joe Budden more pissed about it?

Joe Budden described it as a fight that she lost, and I’m tempted to believe this was the case. The other day, I saw my first IRL fist fight between a man and a woman. It was a trip to watch some shit like that happen in real life. I don’t know if I’d even seen a man really kick the crap out of a woman on TV, where it wasn’t dramatized. My bad, if you grew up in a house where this happened all the time, and you couldn’t be any more bored by this. You might want to skip the rest of this post.

The fight went down about exactly the way you’d expect. It started out with some arguing. The two of them were all in each other’s face, and another guy, perhaps aware of the guy’s tendency to knock a bitch right the fuck out, was trying to intervene. I wasn’t close enough to hear what it was about, but I’m assuming someone owed someone else $2. These people looked like they may have been in their 40s or 50s, and they were obviously intoxicated. They had some bottles there with them, but they may have also been on the pipe.

The crazy shit to me is that, when it finally escalated to fisticuffs, the woman put her dukes up and tried to fight the guy, as if she might win. As a guy, I wouldn’t even try some shit like that with a guy who I know could kick my ass. If I somehow manage to piss off Chuck Zito, I’m taking the fuck off running. Fuck that shit. But there this woman was, dancing on this guy as if she was Floyd Mayweather. This lasted for what seemed like two minutes but may have been as brief as two seconds before the guy hit this bitch fucking HARD. I was like, “Oh shit! This nigga is about to kill this woman!”

To which she of course responded, Oh, no he didn’t. “I can’t believe he just hit me! I can’t believe he just hit me!” As if she wasn’t just inviting him to do just that. And with that, the fight was about over. The woman, who, a mere matter of seconds before, had been taunting the guy, was far too traumatized to keep on. She had regressed to an almost childlike state. For the guy to have done anything else at that point would have just been cruel. There’s nothing like a little violence to remind you of the natural order of things.

Two cop cars pulled up quicker than a motherfucker and had the guy on the ground. They let the woman go clean her face off in a water fountain (eww!), while they questioned a few people. Of course I didn’t see shit (fuck I look like, Alfamega? don’t answer that), even though I was tempted to explain to them that what she told them was a matter of him putting a shoe on her was really a fight. She practically took his fist and hit her with it. Of course he was the one who got put in the car and taken downtown, Henry Louis Gates-style.

Maybe when the guy gets out of the joint I’ll invite the two of them over to my house for a beer summit. Obviously there’s a lot of issues here to unpack.

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