In yet another case of nigras confusing celebrity with qualification, T-Pain has embraced grad student Justin de la Cruz’s suggestion that the rapper replace T.K. Wetherell as president of Florida State University. The nomination sounds like something my college friends and I would have come up with in jest during our many—er,umm—independent horticulture lab sessions.

“They’re looking for someone who can make a lot of money, and T-Pain makes a lot of money.”

Justin de la Cruz,

Because that’s what life and academia are all about, right? Go git to gettin that gwop! We some gwop gitters ‘round hea, pimpin’. We like Malcolm X with this gwop shit! By any means necessary, nigga! That's your black history month lesson.

Shit like this is why some employers prefer photocopies of McDonald’s placemats to Florida State degrees. I don’t know what de la Cruz is studying, but brilliant insight like this leads me to believe he is an aspiring “Neurologist”.

We're calling on the Florida State University Board of Trustees to elect Faheem Rasheed Najm ("T-Pain") as the next President of FSU. When elected, T-Pain will fulfill all of his pledges from the Cam-Pain trail:

-Widespread collaboration among the faculty of different departments: Guest spots on each other's papers and projects.

-Complimentary Dranks for everyone (students and faculty) representing FSU at all academic conferences.

-Annual Ice Cream Social to take place On A Boat.

-Replacing the water in all campus fountains and water fountains with Cham-Pain.

-The formation of the FSU College of Hip Hop, with a new Rap Concert Hall to break ground in Spring 2010.

If T-Pain cared anything about the students of Florida State University, he’d drop this shit. There are other popularity contests he can win. The nigga can wrestle his Auto-Tune console for the top slot on FunnyorDie… or CollegeHumor, or one of those Axe body spray-scented comedy websites.

I understand encouraging an exchange of ideas. I’m all for that. Not every academic subject is compatible this way, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt here. “Guest spots on each other’s papers and projects”, however, is not the kind of collaboration that advances education and thought. Though, it's likely the only collaboration T-Pain’s illiterate, coon ass can effectively reference.

Ice cream socials on boats are awesome. Unfortunately, the parents of FSU students are already paying for these. This is one essential university function T-Pain's administration doesn’t have to provide.

“Complementary dranks” for all academic conference participants is another brilliant idea. I know FSU is already world-renowned for producing award-winning bartenders and underage vehicular homicide offenders, but alcohol shouldn’t be a selling point for participation in academic functions. Despite the honesty of representation, their scholarly ambassadors shouldn't be shitfaced at 10AM.

Speaking of “dranks”, I don’t know if they mean replacing the water with “cham-pain” in all campus drinking or ornamental fountains. These slow-ass niggas probably mean both. I can’t think of anything more appropriate for a house of learning. I was about to say something about this being inappropriate for a student body consisting primarily of people under the legal drinking age, but most Florida State freshmen don’t finish high school until their car insurance rates go down and shit.

[Blogger’s Note: Thanks for being such good sports about all these kidney shots, FSU students. I know there are like 12 of you out there who really care about your educations and shit, so bear with me. It’s almost over.]

Finally on the list, proponents of T-Pain as university president support the rappa ternt sanga in hopes that he will establish a College of Hip Hop. I’m not sure what they mean by that, but then again, I’m not sure how cham-pain water fountains are hip-hop. I know how it’s the niggerishness onlookers often associate with hip-hop, but I don’t see any other connection. There’s obviously something about hip-hop I must not understand that makes all of this shit relevant.

I also don’t know how they expect to build such a campus, complete with concert hall by this coming spring without having Hebrew slaves on deck. Hmmm... Maybe they already do and I wasn't made aware. Now that's some rich nigga shit. Ask Pharaoh.

Needless to say, I don’t want T-Pain anywhere near academia. We’ve regressed enough as a society in terms of how little we value education these days. If you don’t want to go to college, that's fine. College isn’t for everyone. People shouldn’t be forced to go there. But don’t be the nigger who ruins college for the people who actually want and need the shit. I know I’m just a hatin-ass hater who don’t wanna see a nigga do it big. But the schoolhouse is no place for T-Pain to rock. I mean, he can do shows and shit there, but…

Sigh. Let me start that one over.

Anyone looking for T-Pain’s credentials and qualification for running a university need look no further than the porch monkey's Twitter account. The nigga is illiterate. Any place that votes a coon like this into office will get exactly what it deserves.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Bar-bra Nawt-innnnnnnn, Bar-bra Nawt-in!

[Blogger's Note: Forgive me. T-Pain has ascended. He's a boat monkey now.]

Props to David Mongan of Evil Monito for putting me on to this story.