Rappa Ternt Pres-o-dent

First Hurricane Chris at the Louisiana legislature, now this shit?

In yet another case of nigras confusing celebrity with qualification, T-Pain has embraced grad student Justin de la Cruz’s suggestion that the rapper replace T.K. Wetherell as president of Florida State University. The nomination sounds like something my college friends and I would have come up with in jest during our many—er,umm—independent horticulture lab sessions.

“They’re looking for someone who can make a lot of money, and T-Pain makes a lot of money.”

Justin de la Cruz, Tallahassee.com

Because that’s what life and academia are all about, right? Go git to gettin that gwop! We some gwop gitters ‘round hea, pimpin’. We like Malcolm X with this gwop shit! By any means necessary, nigga! That’s your black history month lesson.

Shit like this is why some employers prefer photocopies of McDonald’s placemats to Florida State degrees. I don’t know what de la Cruz is studying, but brilliant insight like this leads me to believe he is an aspiring “Neurologist”.

The de la Cruz-run Facebook page for the Cam-Pain implores the following:

We’re calling on the Florida State University Board of Trustees to elect Faheem Rasheed Najm (“T-Pain”) as the next President of FSU. When elected, T-Pain will fulfill all of his pledges from the Cam-Pain trail:

-Widespread collaboration among the faculty of different departments: Guest spots on each other’s papers and projects.

-Complimentary Dranks for everyone (students and faculty) representing FSU at all academic conferences.

-Annual Ice Cream Social to take place On A Boat.

-Replacing the water in all campus fountains and water fountains with Cham-Pain.

-The formation of the FSU College of Hip Hop, with a new Rap Concert Hall to break ground in Spring 2010.

If T-Pain cared anything about the students of Florida State University, he’d drop this shit. There are other popularity contests he can win. The nigga can wrestle his Auto-Tune console for the top slot on FunnyorDie… or CollegeHumor, or one of those Axe body spray-scented comedy websites.

I understand encouraging an exchange of ideas. I’m all for that. Not every academic subject is compatible this way, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt here. “Guest spots on each other’s papers and projects”, however, is not the kind of collaboration that advances education and thought. Though, it’s likely the only collaboration T-Pain’s illiterate, coon ass can effectively reference.

Ice cream socials on boats are awesome. Unfortunately, the parents of FSU students are already paying for these. This is one essential university function T-Pain’s administration doesn’t have to provide.

“Complementary dranks” for all academic conference participants is another brilliant idea. I know FSU is already world-renowned for producing award-winning bartenders and underage vehicular homicide offenders, but alcohol shouldn’t be a selling point for participation in academic functions. Despite the honesty of representation, their scholarly ambassadors shouldn’t be shitfaced at 10AM.

Speaking of “dranks”, I don’t know if they mean replacing the water with “cham-pain” in all campus drinking or ornamental fountains. These slow-ass niggas probably mean both. I can’t think of anything more appropriate for a house of learning. I was about to say something about this being inappropriate for a student body consisting primarily of people under the legal drinking age, but most Florida State freshmen don’t finish high school until their car insurance rates go down and shit.

[Blogger’s Note: Thanks for being such good sports about all these kidney shots, FSU students. I know there are like 12 of you out there who really care about your educations and shit, so bear with me. It’s almost over.]

Finally on the list, proponents of T-Pain as university president support the rappa ternt sanga in hopes that he will establish a College of Hip Hop. I’m not sure what they mean by that, but then again, I’m not sure how cham-pain water fountains are hip-hop. I know how it’s the niggerishness onlookers often associate with hip-hop, but I don’t see any other connection. There’s obviously something about hip-hop I must not understand that makes all of this shit relevant.

I also don’t know how they expect to build such a campus, complete with concert hall by this coming spring without having Hebrew slaves on deck. Hmmm… Maybe they already do and I wasn’t made aware. Now that’s some rich nigga shit. Ask Pharaoh.

Needless to say, I don’t want T-Pain anywhere near academia. We’ve regressed enough as a society in terms of how little we value education these days. If you don’t want to go to college, that’s fine. College isn’t for everyone. People shouldn’t be forced to go there. But don’t be the nigger who ruins college for the people who actually want and need the shit. I know I’m just a hatin-ass hater who don’t wanna see a nigga do it big. But the schoolhouse is no place for T-Pain to rock. I mean, he can do shows and shit there, but…

Sigh. Let me start that one over.

Anyone looking for T-Pain’s credentials and qualification for running a university need look no further than the porch monkey’s Twitter account. The nigga is illiterate. Any place that votes a coon like this into office will get exactly what it deserves.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Bar-bra Nawt-innnnnnnn, Bar-bra Nawt-in! ron@ronmexicocity.com

[Blogger's Note: Forgive me. T-Pain has ascended. He's a boat monkey now.]

Props to David Mongan of Evil Monito for putting me on to this story.

Recommended for You

Around the Web

Best of XXL

  • Jack Tripper

    “De la Cruz, who’s halfway to a master’s degree in humanities….”

    De la Cruz is one smart ass dummy. FSU needs to kick this dumb muthafucka out of their graduate program.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      i peeped that too, but i’ve never thought humanities to be a specific major. i always thought that was more of a field.

      that’s like saying he’s majoring in science. but then again… this place may have t-pain as its president soon, so…

  • Enlightened

    I tried but I couldn’t even make it through this shit

  • render

    for some reason i get the impression that Tpain is a lil jon/plies type nigga that markets an ignorant ass coon image in public but is secretly intelligent and well educated

    then again, he could just be a dumbass with a “BIG ASS CHAIN”

  • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

    As a graduate student, I can tell you that the one thing missing from higher education is a president that spells “three” as “thr33.”

    Maybe instead of running a university, this dude should think about ATTENDING one.

  • General


    I know that this will never come true, but just the thought of it is on some Sarah Palin Vice President shit…

    Atleast they usually have a good football team, I guess…

  • http://myspace.com/monstarrmacc Monstarr.

    Look, have you ever thought the guy was kidding ??. I mean .. I know none of us would take it that far… BUT did you get quotes from T-Pain saying he’s really considering it ??. Damn…take a joke…don’t post a million words on some shit that isn’t even backed. LOL….


    Ummm…shouts to COMMISSION !!.

    yea…imunna start doing that randomly. lol.

  • Silly Willy

    There is no way in hell this could be serious…….I enjoy comedic situation as much as the next one, but this will never see the light of day. There is nothing about T-Pain suggesting president……nor university….

  • http://twitter.com/tgriff13 tgriff13

    “most Florida State freshman dont finish high school until their car insurance rates drop and shit.” LMBAO at that one . It’s funny because its so true. There were freshman at my high school older than me when I graduated from high school.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    Dude would have a better chance if he took his presidency run to a community college. Out in L.A., we have one called SouthWest, that would probably love his musty dreads & rich nigga hat. How can they deny a man who’s easily his own mascot?

    “Fuck it, Vocoders for everybody!”

    Big Ass Chains & Auto-tune >>>> Diplomas

  • these posts are racist

    Classic. Ron, you are brilliant and funny.

  • Sleepy Wonder

    T-Pain, I Know We Shouldn’t Say This To One Another As Black People But, You Can’t Spell Muthafuckin’ Technology.

  • giantstepp

    For some reason I think that this situation is really a diss of “tha Pain”. Seriously, college president? GTFOH!! They are really clowning his ass.

  • http://callmephlip.blogspot.com/ Phlip

    The fail of Florida continues.

    At this rate…

    Fuck it, I just can’t go there, I’ve said enough this week.

  • http://www.myspace.com/atlatino404 El Tico Loco

    Fuck New York who gonna bring Florida back? Rappa ternt ProsOdent = Seminoles ternt Criminoles

  • $ykotic/Don McCaine

    Big Ass Chains & Auto-tune >>>> Diplomas


    I’m surprised no one blamed it on the alcohol.

  • E

    “I don’t know what de la Cruz is studying, but brilliant insight like this leads me to believe he is an aspiring “Neurologist”.”

    Lol, still taking shots?

  • E

    Oh and that Pharaoh shit you spit is nothing but brilliant, had my kidneys hurting.

  • P. Harris

    Hilarious blog! LMAO!

    I went to a T-Pain concert one time (believe me… it was ONLY because Little Brother opened up for him) and I must say I wasn’t amused by all the running around and dread shaking and shit…

    I hope ol boy isn’t really serious about this shit and I doubt, even if it matriculated, that the university would let Mr. Najm be president…

  • Brooklyn

    with his acension as president of fsu, his academic excellency president t-pain has inaugurated the new thr33 ring wing to the university, which will serve as a menagerie for elephants and big booty bitches. there will also be courses given in coonology and jiggabooism. the aim of these courses will be to show students the correct way to wear the mr. bojangles top hat, how to make the incredible hulk drank, and the correct way to shuffle and jive before israelites and get that paper. if this transpires, we’ll have a whole generation of t-pain imitators.

  • Young History in the Making

    …..a huge lause lol