Gremlins can not hold they smoke

Lil Wayne must be in bad shape, if his doctor wouldn’t let him play either of his shows in Canada this week.

The last thing these TIs want to do is cancel a show, especially now that no one is buying CDs anymore. A few weeks ago, when the Beastie Boys pulled out of Lollapalooza and were replaced by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, who aren’t any more popular now than they were a few years ago, when I saw them play a set at 3:00 in the afternoon, Perry Farrell was very clear that no one could have their money back. The way these festivals work is that they put all of the best acts on Friday and Sunday, to sucker you into buying a three day pass. The Beastie Boys would have been one of the headliners Saturday. I ended up seeing Tool instead, but, if I could have gotten my money back, I definitely would have considered banging a hoo-er in my hotel room. TPAR and I could have tag teamed her.

That time I had tickets to see the Wu-Tang Clan and Rage Against the Machine, when I was 16, and the Wu couldn’t make it, you could either stay for just Rage, or get your $15 back. My little brother and my neighbor talked me into getting my $15 back and dropping them off at a country line dancing-bar that had a teen night. No bullshit. Then I went and had dinner by myself at a Burger King, like Paul Giamatti in the movie Sideways. If only I’d been old enough to bring a good bottle of wine. (And you thought growing up in the lap of upper middle class comfort was all fun and games.)

Young Jeezy, Soulja Boy, Pleasure P, and Jeremih were all opening for Lil Wayne. (I can only imagine the cognitive dissonance experienced by people committed to pretending as if Young Jeezy isn’t music that’s only suitable for,,, you know, people who listen to Soulja Boy, Pleasure P, and Jeremih. No shots at this month’s issue of the dead tree version of XXL.) The fact that allowing people to just watch those four clowns wasn’t even an option, let alone the fact that all four of them were opening for Lil Wayne in the first place, just goes to show how utterly significant they all are.

What’s the matter with Lil Wayne anyway? The news item on this site, which is all I bothered to read before I wrote this post, says his doctor ordered him to rest. Which begs the question: How come he couldn’t just rest the 23 hours a day he’s not on stage? Was it the drugs? I couldn’t even afford to do as many drugs as Lil Wayne if I wanted to, but suffice it to say I’ve made a number of bad decisions (what, you thought I was here for my love of rap music?), and I’ve never been completely out of commission for more than like, 8 hours. I may not have been at the top of my game, but I could get up and go to work. One time, back in 2004, I even had to be dropped off at work. I told my boss something was wrong with my car, then I proceeded to drink a shedload of coffee. I was fine!

Even if I wasn’t, I would have only been out about $40, maybe even less. I was making so little money, I actually got a raise when the minimum wage went up. It was fucking sweet. Lil Wayne, on the other hand, must have fucked up untold thousands of dollars by not being able to play those shows. I doubt he could give a rat’s ass about the money, but it just goes to show how ate up he is these days. I called it the other day, when the summer had more or less come to a close without a new album from him. Lil Wayne is obviously well on his way to being the next Sly Stone. He was famous for not showing up to concerts, right? And now look at him. I read the other day that he lives in a trailer somewhere out in California and collects Social Security. It might not even be a double wide.

  • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

    He probably left the tour so that he could care for his new baby mother. Wait….never mind…

  • OG Matt Herbz

    I’m curious as to if you addressed TPAR as “TPAR” or his government name–assuming he provided you with it. And what you mean? TPAR didn’t bring the hospitality committee with him?

    Wayne looks like the type that loves living an overbooked life. He probably relishes the thought of figuratively crashing and burning one day. Another reason why I can’t fuck with him.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

  • General

    I can’t see how you can continue to hate on Lil Wayne after all that he has done to advance the cause of hip hop and broaden the minds of a new generation…

    • DetroitDraper

      Im hoping that was a joke.

      MAYN HOL’UP

      • General

        Yeah, it was a lil sarcasm

  • Mutada/Mullah Atari

    There was a freestyle Wayne did last year on a song called “Amen” (Bing it), were he says. “But I Swear I Got A Lump In My Throat” With the amount of weed (blunts), that he’s smoked since he was 11-12-13 years old. Not to mention the amount of Ecstasy, coke and lean that he’s put into his system. I can imagine that he suffers from all kinds of ailments, including cancer. He use to complain about getting headaches constantly as well, For all we know he may have a tumor. He looked terrible on that Katie Couric interview.

    • DV8

      ummmm……you really dont know what that headache complaint that every rapper uses is for huh?

  • $ykotic/Don McCaine

    Sly has an RV Bol. Big difference than a trailer.

    Stuntin’, child support, law suits, court fees, cancellation of performances, staying high every single day.

    The way Wayne’s living now he’ll be broke & disabled by 40.

    • capcobra

      i appreciate that co-sign yesterday champ…as far as weezy goes..he good for 2 solos..a young money complilation and a hot boys reunion before the curtains close…by 2012 he’s going into hibernation…hopefully.

      • $ykotic/Don McCaine

        No doubt homie.

  • HNIC

    In keeping with the Gremlins theme, somebody needs to stop pouring water on Lil’ Wayne, so that he’ll stop multiplying.

    • http://dronkmunk.com dronkmunk

      LOL! OH SHIT

    • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

      LMAO!!!!

      • http://www.myspace.com/pharris27610 P. Harris

        ROFL!

  • these posts are racist

    Byron,

    I’m straight on the tag team…I’m not into that stuff. Sorry OG Matt, i guess i’m not a Pimp, i’m sure if Byron met up with you, you’d have a stable of chicken heads ready to cluck…

  • http://myspace.com Devi Gargon

    Then I went and had dinner by myself at a Burger King, like Paul Giamatti in the movie Sideways.

    Damn, I thought me , my man Caveman and my 55 year old Italian aunt were the only ones to see Sideways… Good Reference, thats lonely!!

    As far as Sly, I was wondering what happened to him. I know he wasnt dead, but most older heads been like he’s been ot since the late 70′s!!!

  • capcobra

    did anybody see that drake pic on mediatakeout?…wtf.

    • ?

      ROFL yes!

  • latino heat

    completely unrelated to the post, but is anybody else getting pop up’s on this site now? i’ve gotten 2 and blocked about 4. is XXL in so much trouble that there allowing pop up’s on here now?

    • $ykotic/Don McCaine

      Yeah that “Billionaire Mafia” ad started it.

      EVERYONE MAKE SURE YOU SCAN YOUR PC/MAC.

      ZEDO ADS ARE ALWAYS FILLED WITH REDIRECTS, SPYWARE, SPAM AND VIRUSES.

      AND SINCE EVERYONE HERE USES AN EMAIL ADDRESS WE ARE ALL SUSPECT.

      CLEAN YOUR INTERNET COOKIES!!!

      XXL GEEKS GET ON DREAMWEAVER AND ERASE THE COMMANDS!!! I CAN SEE THEM ON THE VIEW SOURCE PAGE!!!

      • http://www.jamal7mile.blogspot.com Jamal7Mile

        THAT’S WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!!!

        THESE POP-UPS ARE LOADED WITH VIRUSES!!!

        THIS IS WHY MY OTHER COMPUTER WENT DEAD 3 WEEKS AGO!!

        XXL/VANESSA, I might have to switch to read-only mode. When I click on Add Comment, all kinds of weird shit happens to this different computer I’m now using!

        • $ykotic/Don McCaine

          $yk how do you know this?

          PEEP J7′S DROP! WASN’T THIS PERIOD THE SAME TIME AS “MODERN WARFARE”???

          BOL’S SITE IS HIGHLY CORRUPTED. TRUST ME.

          DALLAS’ BLOG HERE RE-DIRECTS YOU TO AN UN-LOADABLE PAGE OR SOME NONSENSE. THIS IS WHY YOU CAN’T DROP TPAR.

          AND I HAVE A MAC. I GET WARNINGS OF THIS CRAP. PC NOT SO MUCH.

          I KNOW ALL WALKS. YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED WHAT THE “HELP” SECTION CAN DO TO UPGRADE YOUR COMPUTER GAME. AND I KNOW ACTION SCRIPT.

          XXL GET ON YOUR JOB!

          BEST WAY IS TO DO YOU’RE CABLE/INTERNET SITE’S HOMEPAGE. THEY USUALLY HAVE MCAFEE THAT WILL TELL YOU OF ISSUES. BECAUSE NOT ONLY IS THAT BILLIONAIRE SH*T ANNOYING, IT’S KILLING US.

          NOW WE KNOW THE COMMISSION IS THE FUTURE. HATRED IS ON LEVEL ORANGE. TERRORISTS ARE LOOMING.

          JUST CHECK THE LOADING STRIP ON YOUR WEB PAGE. YOU SEE ZEDO.COM, PROBLEMS ARE COMING. STRAIGHT UP.

        • http://www.jamal7mile.blogspot.com Jamal7Mile

          Just logged back on after running my anti-virus software and deleting over ONE HUNDRED COOKIES!! WTF?!

          This computer has a newly-installed McAfee package. My other one (the dead one) did not. Plus, I let the anti-virus software on that one expire. Me and my dumbass.

          I think it was during that Modern BS. My laptop died the weekend before Skyzoo-week. I borrowed THIS laptop on the last day of Shakur-week.

          Too bad I missed Shakur-week… bbbwaahaaha!!

          THANK GOD I didn’t miss MC Lyte week!

  • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

    wayne needs to slow down on either the drugs NOT CALLED marijuana or working so much. its obviously starting to catch up with him. i don’t hear doctors of performers twice his age telling them to cancel show dates, b/c of their health. & he’s ONLY 26!

  • Rudedogg

    I also went Wu-tang/ Rage show in STL when I was fifteen. I still remember the feeling of utter disappointment.

  • Mutada/Mullah Atari

    Yea, I got two of those “your PC is infected” pop ups in the last two days. They need to scrub the site, something is wrong.

    Yea, that Drake “gay play” shit was suspect. I’m recalling my support asap.

  • Brooklyn

    knowing that he has a penchant for fucking bitches raw daddy, i wouldn’t be surprised if wayne is nursing a case of the clap, syphilis, herpes, or any of a wide variety of diseases that lurk in the warm and moist confines of a groupie’s coochie monster. give him a shot and some penecillin and he’ll be aight.

  • http://www.yahoo.com Dra$t-iQ Alkoholik

    hahahah, that sum funny shit bout people who listen to Jeezy are those who listen to SB etc