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Eye Jammies

No Derelicts of Dialect.

The only bit of hip-hop news this weekend not involving Brisco’s chain or eyebrow weaves is The Punch Heard ‘Round the Hippie Park. By now you’re all aware that Joe Budden got punched in or around the eye at Rock the Bells by one of Raekwon’s ice water carriers. While you may not have seen the deed–which I hear was filmed as well–you’ve likely seen Joe Budden’s reaction.

If you haven’t, here it be.

Joey’s been asking for a four-finger ring temple stencil at the hands of one Clyde Smith for some time now. I hear Smith left the box and headed directly to Rock The Bells, stopping only at CVS for some Oatmeal Creme Pies. I can imagine there’s no greater joy for a fresh-out convict than that first piece of Tom & Jerry shit-less Oatmeal Creme Pie.

Anyway, I digress. Where was I? Right. Joey’s been asking for a four-finger ring temple stencil since forever. I don’t want you people to think that because he’s mouthing off he deserves to be attacked. He has every right to be an asshole. But, homie should also have been aware of the potential consequences of a backhanded apology to Method Man that simultaneously antagonized the rest of the Clan.

These niggas smoke dust and shit. You know they don’t think rationally. Raekwon has an album called Immobilarity. I mean, come on.

Here’s the part that confuses me to all fuck. After “weaving out of” the single thrown punch that simultaneously damages his shoulder and eye–forgive me, side eye–why is Budden live streaming the healing session and taking questions? Is this is all for easy police report reference or something?

This is why they never should have gave you niggas USTREAM. Now that webcams can follow an aspiring rapster everywhere, they think it’s a good thing to “live” every possible moment in view of the public eye. Not that Budden says or does anything of importance in his video whining session, but please keep in mind that you must take anything a nigga says or does in front of a camera with a grain of salt.

99.9999999% of the time such videos contain Tom & Jerry shit.

I just can’t figure out what inorganic bitch-assness the camera is supposed to be showing us this time. Can you? Best case scenario, Budden got in front of the camera holding an icepack because he didn’t know what else to do with himself. Worst care scenario… I’ll let you tell it.

In the meantime, Joey, [Negro,] please turn the camera off and let wifey or one of the Butcher Shop Boys take care of them wounds. The camera will still be there to cause you more turmoil upon recovery.

Questions? Comments? Requests? This bread is hard as a rock.

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