By The Time I Get to Arizona

Shit like this is why they don't think Martin Luther King day is such a good idea 'round thurr.

Lil Wayne should just stay the fuck away from Arizona altogether. Landlocked states seem to bring out the worst in our ghoulish little friend. Or, at least they just stay hemming his shit up there.

Big Green compiled an informative little brochure outlining events surrounding the alleged beatdown of a 15-year-old at the hands of a Young Money Presents: America’s Most Wanted Tour security guard after a Phoenix performance.

You might be wondering why a 15-year-old is within chokeout range of Lil Wayne’s security late at night. Apparently, 2 of the tour’s 4 buses drove to a nearby apartment complex to deposit and withdraw groupies.

I’ve got nothing against groupie love. I understand it’s just part of the game. Gangstalicious taught us it gets lonely on the road. I get it. But do these niggas have any concept of the pandemonium incited when a pair of tour buses pulls up at an apartment complex? It could be Bob Newhart and Don Rickles on that shit. It doesn’t matter. Niggas wanna be down. Hoes want the sweet chariot to swang down and stop. Hatin’-ass fuck niggas want to prove themselves by coming up on a nigga while he's shinin'—hence, shots fired.

It’s like Confucius once said. When such an antagonistic act as a tour bus pulling up in front of an apartment complex takes place, somebody finna ack a ass.

I won’t throw Lil Wayne into this one directly. Neither party could be his. His bus may have wisely continued to the strip club or some other conventional marketplace for cank stoochie. [See: Addendum below] These buzzards will circle the bus hoping to catch a glimpse of Drake in all his gimpy glory, but will settle for Tyga, Pleasure P, Mack Maine, Bow Wow or the other 20,000 niggy niggy niggas on that junior varsity bang bus just to get on the parent team’s radar. The best could Kegel and swallow their way up to first string of the mighty brand engine.

[Blogger’s Note: You could git tha business. Ha!]

But, I digress… kinda. Aspiring rapsters need take note. Have the groupies meet up at a local bar and grille or Waffle House parking lot if not a ho—er, umm—motel. If you have not secured said groupies at the end of your set, do not roll deep into their communities causing as much of a stir as possible. If you can’t get them to notice you or care without a tour bus, it’s probably because you’re a piece of shit destined to live a life of teary-eyed masturbation.

As far as Wayne goes, this nigga needs to pretend like Arizona isn’t on the map—er, umm—GPS.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Amazed that a vaginal exercise is named after some dude? ron@ronmexicocity.com

[Addendum: By Wayne's own account, he was on one of the two buses. Can't even give him the benefit of the doubt. But there's a Public Enemy lyric in that miscue, so... it stays.]