By The Time I Get to Arizona

Shit like this is why they don’t think Martin Luther King day is such a good idea ’round thurr.

Lil Wayne should just stay the fuck away from Arizona altogether. Landlocked states seem to bring out the worst in our ghoulish little friend. Or, at least they just stay hemming his shit up there.

Big Green compiled an informative little brochure outlining events surrounding the alleged beatdown of a 15-year-old at the hands of a Young Money Presents: America’s Most Wanted Tour security guard after a Phoenix performance.

You might be wondering why a 15-year-old is within chokeout range of Lil Wayne’s security late at night. Apparently, 2 of the tour’s 4 buses drove to a nearby apartment complex to deposit and withdraw groupies.

I’ve got nothing against groupie love. I understand it’s just part of the game. Gangstalicious taught us it gets lonely on the road. I get it. But do these niggas have any concept of the pandemonium incited when a pair of tour buses pulls up at an apartment complex? It could be Bob Newhart and Don Rickles on that shit. It doesn’t matter. Niggas wanna be down. Hoes want the sweet chariot to swang down and stop. Hatin’-ass fuck niggas want to prove themselves by coming up on a nigga while he’s shinin’—hence, shots fired.

It’s like Confucius once said. When such an antagonistic act as a tour bus pulling up in front of an apartment complex takes place, somebody finna ack a ass.

I won’t throw Lil Wayne into this one directly. Neither party could be his. His bus may have wisely continued to the strip club or some other conventional marketplace for cank stoochie. [See: Addendum below] These buzzards will circle the bus hoping to catch a glimpse of Drake in all his gimpy glory, but will settle for Tyga, Pleasure P, Mack Maine, Bow Wow or the other 20,000 niggy niggy niggas on that junior varsity bang bus just to get on the parent team’s radar. The best could Kegel and swallow their way up to first string of the mighty brand engine.

[Blogger’s Note: You could git tha business. Ha!]

But, I digress… kinda. Aspiring rapsters need take note. Have the groupies meet up at a local bar and grille or Waffle House parking lot if not a ho—er, umm—motel. If you have not secured said groupies at the end of your set, do not roll deep into their communities causing as much of a stir as possible. If you can’t get them to notice you or care without a tour bus, it’s probably because you’re a piece of shit destined to live a life of teary-eyed masturbation.

As far as Wayne goes, this nigga needs to pretend like Arizona isn’t on the map—er, umm—GPS.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Amazed that a vaginal exercise is named after some dude? ron@ronmexicocity.com

[Addendum: By Wayne's own account, he was on one of the two buses. Can't even give him the benefit of the doubt. But there's a Public Enemy lyric in that miscue, so... it stays.]

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

    “Kagel & swallow..”

    Roffle Mayo.

    Sounds like the exercise of baby mommas nationwide.

    • Capital G

      Kegel & Swallow, attornies at law. – representing baby mommas since ’76. Getting birds the most buck for their bang! (I know it’s “bang for your buck”, backwards it’s a play on words, in case anyone thought I was retarded)

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grands

        Hahaha!

        3 points….

  • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

    “It’s like Confucius once said. When such an antagonistic act as a tour bus pulling up in front of an apartment takes place, somebody finna ack a ass.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHA

    Wise words from centuries ago. Well done.

  • http://callmephlip.blogspot.com/ Phlip

    “If you can’t get them to notice you or care without a tour bus, it’s probably because you’re a piece of shit destined to live a life of teary masturbation.”

    I think I might have died reading that.

  • Beast McCoy

    Just another episode of Why Would You? After last week’s ep. entitled “Brisco Gets an Edge Up” we have another soon to be classic ep. entitled “50 Bullets in my ass makes my day”. I would have more to say but damn are you really not getting ANY play backstage that this was the “best” idea brainstormed in those choking clouds of 2 for $10 weed sacks.

  • $ykotic/Don McCaine

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    I smell a statutory rape charge coming soon…

  • Silly Willy

    “It’s like Confucius once said. When such an antagonistic act as a tour bus pulling up in front of an apartment takes place, somebody finna ack a ass.”
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    It was aight when Ron made Barack said finna, now Confufuckincius ??? Finna ack a ass ???

    I just spilled a whole glass of gin all over the desk. This kind of genius spark is the only reason I enjoy seeing our ghoulish gremlin around !

    Keep’em comin, Mexx !

  • Shawty J

    “I’ve got nothing against groupie love. I understand it’s just part of the game. Gangstalicious taught us it gets lonely on the road. I get it.”

    ROFL

  • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

    “These buzzards will circle the bus hoping to catch a glimpse of Drake in all his gimpy glory, but will settle for Tyga, Pleasure P, Mack Maine, Bow Wow or the other 20,000 niggy niggy niggas on that junior varsity bang bus just to get on the parent team’s radar.”
    ^^^LMFAO!!! damn, i almost cried laughing @ that shit. this was funny as hell.

  • The Southern Comfort

    Man this is the rapper version of taking your dad’s/big brother’s/homie’s dad’s dope car out cruising. the girls are pretty sure it’s not yours but there’s always that chance a sneaky hummer will get them a guy with a hummer.

    i reckon the problems arose ‘cos Tyga was driving the bus and couldn’t get his end away and make a get away at the same time.

  • Slimm

    I agree with Skyotic…i see a case in the future…(i can only imagine what happened that night) the girls must have been dropped off by their parents and did not have a way home. When Tyga gets the idea to drop the girls off. They decided to be gentlemens and even walk them to their doors, in which, the body guard and her 15 year old boyfriend gets to tusslin’…

  • Enlightened

    Oops,

    Looks like you do have to blame Wayne. That report says that he told police he was on one of the buses that was attacked.

    I thought the doctor told that nigga to go eat some soup and rest or something

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      you are correct. duly noted.

  • Mike Crown

    Good post, but am I the only one who caught the Choclair reference?

  • giantstepp

    “It could be Bob Newhart and Don Rickles on that shit. It doesn’t matter. Niggas wanna be down. Hoes want the sweet chariot to swang down and stop. Hatin’-ass fuck niggas want to prove themselves by coming up on a nigga while he’s shinin’—hence, shots fired.”

    Sad but so true Mex! Bad, bad move pullimg a tour bus in an apartment complex!

  • capcobra

    i thought kegels was when a woman had fat ankles..like when the ankle calf and thigh is all the same size..lol.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      hahaha. that’s cankles.

  • Neibo

    “Junior Varsity Bang Bus” ….priceless.

  • http://heardonmystoop.wordpress.com DrewBreez

    *Imagines Midnight Madness at Big State University with Jesus Shuttlesworth and the other recruits all wide-eyed, seeing snowflakes for the first time LIVE*

  • Brooklyn

    whatever happened to the good old days of taking groupies back to hotels, banging them all night, and then kicking their asses out a two in the morning and making them do the walk of shame back to their hoods after they’ve sweated their perms out and their makeup done smeared up?

  • Dr. Birmingham

    I`m with you on that Brooklyn, except for the wall of shame part, which i`ll get into in a bit. These guys obviously aren`t used to touring. They need some grizzled road vets to school them on what to do and not to do on the road. Now as for the wall of shame, i`m very much against making a groupie walk back home to their hood. The classy thing to do, which i`ve heard has been widely done by touring stars, is call them a cab and pay their cab fare to get home, which will make you look good in the groupies` eyes and likely get her on the next tour.