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Still Ain’t Forgave Myself

A while back, during honkey week, I made a statement that all white rappers like to poke fun of themselves. I’m not taking that back, it’s definitely true, but melanin-deficient MCs aren’t the only ones that spit ether aimed inward, there are a slew of rappers, some legends even, that have busted there own chops while busting a rap. Those moments are actually some of my favorite points in hip-hop, because amongst all the bragging and boasting it shows these guys ain’t always fronting.

So I decided to put together this list of some of rap’s most self-deprecating lyrics to date. This is by no means the definitive list, so please add on.

– The Notorious B.I.G. “One More Chance (Remix)” – “heartthrob never/ black and ugly as ever

Arguably hip-hop most beloved plus-size MC never beat around the bush. We knew he was a fat motherfucker, and so did he. This wit, matched with the record deal and all the accolades, of course, helped Christopher Wallace to bag up quite a few dimes.

– Kanye West – “Through the Wire” – “And just imagine how my girl feel/ on the plane scared as hell that her guy looked like Emmet Till

With his mouth still wired shut after a near fatal car accident a young “Kane” West played a game of the dozens on himself comparing his mangled face to that of Emmet Till, the historical figure that kicked off the Civil Rights movement. (Wiki it people) It didn’t end there though. Later on in the song he spit, “…My dawgs couldn’t tell if I/ I looked like Tom Cruise on Vanilla Sky.” Ouch!

– Masta Ace – ‘Dear Diary” – Just peep the whole entire song, he’s dissing himself in every line.

I have nothing to say except the Brooklyn vet’s got balls for putting it all out there on the table like that. Take notes from the master.

-Ghostface – “Never be the Same Again” – “It’s all right though/ maybe he came up with the right doe/ bigger dick/ I don’t know/ musta been the best blow

Ghost’s career is full of odes to unfaithful woman, but on this characteristically hilarious track off Bulletproof Wallets, Tony Starks is actually admitting there are people out there with more money and a bigger package. Whaa? that ain’t supposed to rock in hip-hop. Props

– Common – “They Say” – “They say ‘The crochet pants and the sweater was wack’/ Seen ‘The Corner,’ now they say ‘That n*gga’s back

Your man got his sense back after his breakup with Erykah but he had to get one little jab in about the funny threads before he could truly move on.

– Jay-Z – “Song Cry” – “I used to cut up they buddies, now they sayin they love me/ Used to tell they friends I was ugly and wouldn’t touch me

Back than they didn’t want me/ Now I’m hot they all on me. Jay might have had a lil case of projection when he penned “Superugly.”

– Eminem – “The Warning” – “How ever you prefer to do and that goes for Nick too/ faggot you think I’m scrrred of you/ You gonna ruin my career you better get one/ like I’ma sit and fight with you over some slut bitch cunt/ that made me put up with her psycho ass what 6 months/ and only spread her legs to let me hit once/ yeah what you gonna say I’m lucky/ and tell the public that I was so ugly/ that you had to drunk to fuck me/ second base what the hell’d you tell Nick pumpkin/ the second week we were dry humping/ that’s gotta count for something/ listen girly sure you don’t want me to talk about how I nutted early/ cause I ejaculated prematurely/ and busted all on your belly/ and you almost started hurling/ and said I was gross/ go get a towel your stomach curdling/ well maybe you do /but if I’m embarrassing me then I’m embarrassing you.”

I wasn’t gonna name any white rappers but the latest offering from Slim Shady truly earns him the title of hip-hop’s reigning king of self-deprecation. I mean damn Em, I realize you felt a need to address Mariah Carey’s video for “Obssessed,” but did you really have to go that hard at yourself. This is the true definition of TMI.

Keep ‘em coming… –Jesse Gissen

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