After yesterday’s experiment, I decided to follow it up with a very detailed and categorized list of rap names gone wrong. You see GINZBERG is just my fake rap name, but these cats actually have careers, well some of them at least. Yes, let’s all say it— What the hell were they smoking?
And without furher ado— here is a list, compiled by myself and the rest of the XXL staff of the world’s worst rap names evar! Listed in no particular order…
Fabolous— If RuPaul ever decided to pick up the mic, this would be his pseudonym of choice, work it girl.
Chingy AKA Ching-A- Ling— Guess he never saw the movie Life.
Kurtis Blow— No Yayo.
stic.man— As Jackpot said – we’ll never look at dead prez the same.
Swollen Members— I don’t care if they’re Canadian, this does not get a pass.
Hot Rod— I don’t even know what to say.
Nutrageous— He really does exist.
The Tea Bag Boyz— WOAH!
Gza— Was he really a genius with a name so close to jizzum.
Melachi the Nutcracker— I heard he got beef with Nutrageous.
Sugar Tongue Slim— Taste like candy Yuck!
Limp Bizkit— So gay they went flacid.
Mr. Cheeks – sounds like a name his boyfriend gave him
Crunchy Black— He wasn’t lying.
Arab— Maybe he’s trying to speak this into existence.
Johnny Spanish—Heard he’s related to Tony Sunshine.
Skinhead Rob— You sure you wanna be a rapper?
Grand Wizard Theodore— Credited for inventing scratching, in the hood of course.
Young Black Teenagers— WTF aren’t y’all are from Bensonhurst or some shit.
Great White— just read this.
Uncle Kracker— Word!
The Teriyaki Boyz— Way to break the stereotype.
Titi Boi— You’re sure to be a cross over hit with that name.
Cunninglinguists— I don’t care how dope the reviews are, I’m not listening.
Shorty Shitstain— Wu-Tang didn’t have weed carriers, they had Dust carriers as exhibited by this example right here. Kids stay in school.
Sticky Fingaz— You shoulda just called yourself Sticky Fingaz the Master Baiter.
Yak Ballz— That’s something to brag about.
Uncle Murda— Don’t complain if they ban you from Hot 97 with a name like that.
Pudgee the Phat Bastard— there’s only room for one bastard in rap.
Rewrites— No explanations needed
John the Baptist
…And Just Plain Old Wack
Rapper Big Pooh— You know what comes to mind when I hear this— Shit!
Birdlady— That’s some poultry right there. What is she a pelican? A Rooster? She gotta be a woodpecker!
OJ the Juice Man— Fruity!
Gucci Mane La Flare— That’s a genuine Parisian right there. Oui oui, bonbons and all that good stuff.
Royce da 5’9”— I guess he wanted everyone to know his average height.
Baby— Way to stand out.
Flo Rida— Guess where he’s from.
Magoo— You know, like the dopey cartoon character.
Tum Tum— Named after his favorite stomach medication.
Grand Daddy Souf— Ouch!
Chali 2na— He got that in the barbershop.
Red Café— Cafes are so hip-hop.
Remo da Rapstar— Shoulda stopped at Remo.
Ya Boy— Ya boy who? We’re still waiting.
Chum the Skrilla Guerilla— How much skrilla are you gonna make with that name?
Spanky Loco— Ha!
Homeboy Sandman— With a name like that you’ll never make it to the Apollo.
Really Doe – Really though…
Who did we miss? -Jesse Gissen