Unlike a lot of these other rap journalists— if you would even call me that— I was never a rapper. Never had dreams of becoming a rapper, never picked up the mic or jumped in the booth, none of that. In fact, back in high school I was in a freaking hardcore band. I was lucky if any of my lyrics made sense let alone rhymed. BUT if I was ever to be an MC, the first order of business would be my rap name.

You see if you gonna get in the game, you gotta have an ill name. It’s like porn – quick tangent if you’re ever bored, there’s nothing more fun than trying to figure out what your porn pseudonym would be, fun as hell— anyways, as I was saying, it’s like porn, you gotta come hard with the name, pun intended. That’s your calling card. If your shit is corny, no one is gonna give you a chance. That’s your first impression to potential fans and it’s supposed to encapsulate your whole hip-hop persona. We don’t want another Young Jerfkoff or Lil Dicksucker. Show some originality.

Now lemme break down the inspiration behind my shit. I’m not a wrestling fan, but when I found out there was a fighter out there named Goldberg, I thought that was such a sick tag. Here’s a cat that beats motherfuckers up for a living and he wants everyone to know he’s part of the kosher tribe (what JewDon’tKnow?). Now it gets deeper, since I would be an ill lyricist, of course, I’d like to pay homage, if you will, to someone known for having a way with words— like a famous poet. Now throw a little hip-hop misspelling in there and you have it. GINZBERG! (Copyright 2009)

Welcome to hip-hop fantasy camp….show me what you got people? (aka what would you guys’s rap names be?)—Jesse Gissen