Wither the proverbial song for the bitches?

A couple of recent rap videos have got me wondering why rappers aren’t trying to appeal to women anymore. Not that I’m complaining. I’m just saying. You’d think, with the state of the economy, rappers would be doing a lot more pandering.

Of course, there’s Drake’s video for “Best I Ever Had,” which continues to fascinate me. I know a lot of women were disappointed in it, though I only know of the one example of a woman who claimed she’s done with Drake, and that’s because she was a busted black chick, pissed that there weren’t any busted black chicks in the video. But if you listen to the song, it’s all about how he loves nothing more than to drop a load on broad. It pretty much sounds like my internal monologue when I get out of bed in the morning, except more Canadian.

I guess, before there was a video, girls could pretend he was talking about them, when the truth of the matter is he only likes girls like the ones in his video. Or it could be that, like Xzibit, he just has a general interest in the extreme. I know he supposedly once dated a video ho with a huge ass. Don’t be surprised if his next video features a buncha black chicks who are built like Mack trucks. If I was one of his handlers, I’d recommend that, regardless of whether or not he was interested, just to win back some of the girls he lost with “Best I Ever Had.”

Then there’s Slaughterhouse’s video for “The One.” I can’t say I was surprised to see they’re targeting a male audience in this clip. They even got Rik Cordero to hire some video hoes, even though he was acting all high and mighty about using hoes in his videos as recently as six months ago, when he helped ruin Busta Rhymes’ hilarious “Arab Money.” Next thing you know he’s gonna save up for that fish eye lens effect Hype Williams was using back in 1996.

I doubt Slaughterhouse could attract much of female audience if it wanted to, just because of the makeup of the group. No rapper ever looked as much like a cab driver as Joell Ortiz. Not even Cappadonna, who really is a cab driver. He’s actually a rather striking figure, if you see him in person, kicking that same “Winter Warz” verse during a Ghostface concert. He’s a pretty tall guy, and he’s usually got on a colorful outfit. Crooked I seems like he might be a pretty big guy, but it only serves to highlight the fact that he looks like a gorilla. Then you’ve got Royce the 5’9, who really is 5’9. I wonder if excessive drinking stunted his growth. He probably should’ve waited until he was in his early 20s to start living in a bottle, like I did.

The closest thing the group might have to a sex symbol is Joe Budden. And how much of a ladies man can he be, if the best trim he could pull is Taheezo? Even if you’re into the whole tank ass look, that’s not the kind of broad you bang and then go bragging about it. Unless your financial situation is such that you just want people to know you got some stank. Fabolous would’ve dropped a load on that and kept it moving. In fact, he did!

Speaking of hurt women, there’s a number of them in the video for “The One.” Which has got me wondering: If good-looking women in videos by real directors get paid as little as $50, or, in some cases, no money at all, how much did Rik Cordero pay the girls in this Slaughterhouse video? Or did they pay him? Certainly, you should be able to put up an ad on one of these model websites and get better-looking women than that to show up for free, just for the exposure. After all, Joe Budden once almost got his girlfriend on the cover of King magazine, before it went out of business.

Budden, Ortiz and the rest of them might want to look into whether or not Rik Cordero was making a little money on the side. If so, it’s only right that money be split five ways. I’m sure it’s important for them to rein in expenses as much as possible, since it remains to be seen whether or not this will be worthwhile for any of them businesswise. They’re on Koch Graveyard, where you get $8 per album sold, but anything they make is gonna have to be split four ways. Plus, they only appeal to people who spend all day arguing about rap music on the Internets, and hence know how to get the album for free.

They could fuck around and end up not selling enough copies for Crooked I to take Jetblue back out to LA. He might end up having to take Greyhound. If so, that would be too bad. While I could give a rat’s ass about their music, I can appreciate the fact, perhaps more so than any other group, Slaughterhouse is designed to appeal to brothers such as myself, i.e. guys who spend a lot of time looking at pr0n, out of necessity. I wish they had some better-looking girls in their video, but what are you gonna do?

  • The Editor

    Pierzy!

    • valdez

      “No rapper ever looked as much like a cab driver as Joell Ortiz. Not even Cappadonna, who really is a cab driver.”

      LMMFBAO!!!!!!!!!

      but on the real, “Teheezo” has maybe THE baddest body in the industry,

  • Worley

    I don’t know. Dudes are making all these tricking songs like “Put it in the Bag.” Now even dudes are talking about “it ain’t trickin’ if you got it.” Rappers don’t have to appeal to women anymore. The dudes are thinking like b*tches now.

    • Broke Iz A Disease

      Thank You, thanks you, thank you

      yes fellas, it IS still trickin if you got it. You are paying for pussy. Fab, being from NY, should know that more than anyone.

  • vhingrhamesonyo’momma

    I’ma tell you like pac told Big….”"you gotta sing to these hoes man!”

  • http://myspace.com/federalranga Federal Ranga

    Man, it’s clear that rappers these days ain’t getting enough pussy… that’s why they’re so fucking retarded…

    If I was Mr. 106 & Park… and I knew I had a slew of hoes trackin my every move since I was like 10? Man, I wouldn’t give a fuck a bout selling records or doing movies…

    Soulja Boy and a slew of otha mufuckaz to boot. Notice how married mufuckaz (yeah, you too, Grand$) seems to be much more calm, cool and collected about shit… cuz they got that stay home pussy to mellow them the fuck out…

    Nas(before the divorce), Jay (shit, if I had Beyonce, I wouldn’t be caring about shit either), Swizz Beatz (Mashonda is bad, fuck what ya heard) even that nigga from I Love New York 2 (he got J. Hudson on smash).

    See, that’s why I can give it to niggaz [||] like Fab, cuz he keeps his female songs on deck and though he ain’t married (is he?) you don’t see him wildin out.

    Pussy ain’t no joke… sometimes.

    Commission!!!

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

      Hahahahahahahahahaha!

      Commission!

      That caught me off guard, Fed!

      Rappers to busy trying to impress each other to be worried about the ladies. If a dude getting his like he should, he’s not going to give a fuck what broad is in your video anyway.

      Or, maybe there’s more gay rappers than we’re aware of.

      Maybe its because I’m married, but I really don’t want to hear some rap cat trying to make a girl swoon. That track on BlackOut2 “Miss International” gets skipped everytime. I wish I could erase it off the CD.

      As far as NaS, Swizz, etc, I know where they fucked up. There’s rules to the whole “marriage game” that plenty cats never understood. That show “Divorce Court” is full of them. Its probably more intense than the pimp game. Niggas thought that, because they’re famous, the rules don’t apply. No Dice. That makes them that much more important.

      • http://www.federalranga/myspace.com Federal Ranga

        “see, unlike the rest of the Commission… I’m willing to open your trap(door).”

        Loved the Ja blog Tony. First Drake now Ja, although I think maybe you didn’t quite end Drake’s career like we first thought, but still I’m sure you have ended Ja’s.

    • $ykotic

      Ranga you’re ill for that one!

      Ain’t nothing wrong with rolling over and smashing at your discretion.

      As for the female factor in music, it’s amazing with all of this homophobic talk that not one female rapper can get on and get busy.

      • $ykotic

        Oh yeah.

        @ Grand$

        You know “Mrs. International” is the on tour groupie special for the tellie visit song.

      • http://www.federalranga/myspace.com Federal Ranga

        Thanks fam.

        Did you watch my vlog??? 2 more viewers and I hit 20 total views.

        Commission!!!

        • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

          @Fed

          Ha! Just got throught peeping the vlog….

          Commission!

          Hahaha! That’s what’s up.

      • http://myspace.com/federalranga Federal Ranga

        What up, $yk? Man whats up with that iMovie, bruh? I am tryna post up that exclusive footage of 3rd Testicle’s moms selling her body by the Port of Miami (no Rick Ross)…

        Nigga tried to twist my words up. 3T, you done took more Ls since you popped up than the niggaz in Pineapple Express. Yung Berg called… asked if you are free tomorrow at noon… dumbass.

        • $ykotic

          I didn’t 4get. Need DVD’s for the transfer to Stuffit. I got you soon.

  • Mutada al sader the king

    @vhingrhamesonyo’momma

    Co-Fucking sign, Pac knew that bitches buy albums and ring tones, niggaz bootleg and download.

    Biggie figured that out too, that why the one more chance remix, and the second side of his second album, catered to the hoes.

    In Da Club was a monster hit, but it was 21 Questions help push GRODT over the edge.

    Hell, all then freestyles in the world aint get Drake noticed, it too the song for the Hoes to get him in position *No conspiracy theory*

  • General

    I don’t even know where to begin with this one other than to say that was some hilarious shit Bol

    “They could fuck around and end up not selling enough copies for Crooked I to take Jetblue back out to LA. He might end up having to take Greyhound.”

    I got nothin but love for Slaughterhouse, but that had me fallin over

  • the real gangster

    hell no i hate!!!!!!!!when rapers try to rap to bitches i want that hood shit that gutta street music that best i evear had & throw it in the bag is some bullshit like jay-z said get back to rap you T-paining to much.

    • vhingrhamesonyo’momma

      ^^^^^
      Hovie no it too
      Jay-z bitch songs

      1.Song cry
      2.Sunshine
      3.Bonnie and Clyde (I jus’ puked in my mouth)
      4. Excuse me miss

      • Silly Willy

        Co-Sign Rhames ! Even the backpacker poster boy, Mighty Mos did it with “Ms Fat Booty”.

        What about “Ice Cream” from the best hiphop group of all time on a mafia-flavored masterpiece ?

        See, the problem is not making song for girls or not, it’s more like how can you craft a good song that caters to them. Gotta be slick, smooth, warm, a little dangerous (see “Ratha Be Ya Nigga”), but not too gross. Gotta give room for the imagination, and that’s the hardest thing for a mediocre rapper if you’re used to say how many people they killed or some dumb shit. No females I know get off hearing a Rick Ross song, even if at the beginning he says “This is for the ladies…..”

        • Silly Willy

          Shoulda read they’re used to….

  • Sykotic

    I loved that LL Cool J “Hey Lover” joint. I still play that in my ride all the time.

  • Chris S

    Willie D knows how to sing to the hoes

  • Rx

    Well you got them R&B Trey Songz type niggaz in full effect and shit so you don’t need to kick shit for bitches as much. Best I Ever Had, bitches like it. It’s good if there are songs for bitches cause they will sweat the stupid niggaz rapping and singing and leave me the fuck alone.

  • JAY STONE

    That shit about joell ortiz looking like a taxi driver is hilarious

  • http://www.justice.gov.za GO-Getta’

    All these light/dark skinned Afro species debate is gettin’ outta hand.

    Ya really can’t put a blame on a dark skinned niggas like (big) preferin’ light skinned 1′s.
    C what it did 2 lil kim?

    It pains me when a light skin afro person make jokes about dark skin brutha/sista.
    I mean i got light skin sister who looks like mj & dark skin sister who looks like mj.

    PS: I’m chocolate skin baby-faced & it really helps with the females.

  • yoprince

    bol is on his shit..

    “No rapper ever looked as much like a cab driver as Joell Ortiz”

    “Fabolous would’ve dropped a load on that and kept it moving. In fact, he did!”

    and it’s good to see someone else isn’t all on Tah-whatever’s clit… I’d have fun with that, but seriously.. she’s not show-off material.

  • geico lizard

    “No rapper ever looked as much like a cab driver as Joell Ortiz.”
    ^
    rofl

    Commission!!!