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Wither the proverbial song for the bitches?

A couple of recent rap videos have got me wondering why rappers aren’t trying to appeal to women anymore. Not that I’m complaining. I’m just saying. You’d think, with the state of the economy, rappers would be doing a lot more pandering.

Of course, there’s Drake’s video for “Best I Ever Had,” which continues to fascinate me. I know a lot of women were disappointed in it, though I only know of the one example of a woman who claimed she’s done with Drake, and that’s because she was a busted black chick, pissed that there weren’t any busted black chicks in the video. But if you listen to the song, it’s all about how he loves nothing more than to drop a load on broad. It pretty much sounds like my internal monologue when I get out of bed in the morning, except more Canadian.

I guess, before there was a video, girls could pretend he was talking about them, when the truth of the matter is he only likes girls like the ones in his video. Or it could be that, like Xzibit, he just has a general interest in the extreme. I know he supposedly once dated a video ho with a huge ass. Don’t be surprised if his next video features a buncha black chicks who are built like Mack trucks. If I was one of his handlers, I’d recommend that, regardless of whether or not he was interested, just to win back some of the girls he lost with “Best I Ever Had.”

Then there’s Slaughterhouse’s video for “The One.” I can’t say I was surprised to see they’re targeting a male audience in this clip. They even got Rik Cordero to hire some video hoes, even though he was acting all high and mighty about using hoes in his videos as recently as six months ago, when he helped ruin Busta Rhymes’ hilarious “Arab Money.” Next thing you know he’s gonna save up for that fish eye lens effect Hype Williams was using back in 1996.

I doubt Slaughterhouse could attract much of female audience if it wanted to, just because of the makeup of the group. No rapper ever looked as much like a cab driver as Joell Ortiz. Not even Cappadonna, who really is a cab driver. He’s actually a rather striking figure, if you see him in person, kicking that same “Winter Warz” verse during a Ghostface concert. He’s a pretty tall guy, and he’s usually got on a colorful outfit. Crooked I seems like he might be a pretty big guy, but it only serves to highlight the fact that he looks like a gorilla. Then you’ve got Royce the 5’9, who really is 5’9. I wonder if excessive drinking stunted his growth. He probably should’ve waited until he was in his early 20s to start living in a bottle, like I did.

The closest thing the group might have to a sex symbol is Joe Budden. And how much of a ladies man can he be, if the best trim he could pull is Taheezo? Even if you’re into the whole tank ass look, that’s not the kind of broad you bang and then go bragging about it. Unless your financial situation is such that you just want people to know you got some stank. Fabolous would’ve dropped a load on that and kept it moving. In fact, he did!

Speaking of hurt women, there’s a number of them in the video for “The One.” Which has got me wondering: If good-looking women in videos by real directors get paid as little as $50, or, in some cases, no money at all, how much did Rik Cordero pay the girls in this Slaughterhouse video? Or did they pay him? Certainly, you should be able to put up an ad on one of these model websites and get better-looking women than that to show up for free, just for the exposure. After all, Joe Budden once almost got his girlfriend on the cover of King magazine, before it went out of business.

Budden, Ortiz and the rest of them might want to look into whether or not Rik Cordero was making a little money on the side. If so, it’s only right that money be split five ways. I’m sure it’s important for them to rein in expenses as much as possible, since it remains to be seen whether or not this will be worthwhile for any of them businesswise. They’re on Koch Graveyard, where you get $8 per album sold, but anything they make is gonna have to be split four ways. Plus, they only appeal to people who spend all day arguing about rap music on the Internets, and hence know how to get the album for free.

They could fuck around and end up not selling enough copies for Crooked I to take Jetblue back out to LA. He might end up having to take Greyhound. If so, that would be too bad. While I could give a rat’s ass about their music, I can appreciate the fact, perhaps more so than any other group, Slaughterhouse is designed to appeal to brothers such as myself, i.e. guys who spend a lot of time looking at pr0n, out of necessity. I wish they had some better-looking girls in their video, but what are you gonna do?

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