The Passion of Remy Ma

“I used to be one of those people that watched the news and bought the newspaper everyday and believed that everything that I was seeing and reading was true; up until the point where I ended up in their reports in a negative light. Now I only read the papers for the horoscopes and the comics and I only watch the news for the lottery numbers. They couldn’t even get my name or age right, more less the color of my vehicle that was right behind them parked in front of the precinct. Many reporters get their information at 4th, 3rd, 2nd hand at best. They’re at liberty to word a headline however they see fit in order to sell the highest number of papers but rarely do they take a moment to stop and think that this is someone’s life that they’re tampering with, someone with a family, someone that might have children.

Since I’ve been incarcerated, I’ve managed to do something I think I would’ve never done or made the time to do at home. I read the entire Bible from Genesis page one to Revelation page 2,117. In the Gospels, they tell you how Jesus Christ who gave sight to the blind, helped the cripple walk, healed lepers, and fed thousands of people from a couple of loaves of bread was put on trial just because people didn’t like him. They made up stories, they accused him of things he didn’t do and all the while he proclaimed his innocence. None of the people he ever helped came forward on his behalf and those closest to him turned their backs on him, they even had an annual festival where they agreed to let one prisoner go and the people chose to let a known murderer go free over Jesus Christ. He was eventually found guilty and killed. So if that’s how they treat the Son of God, who are we? That right there gives me the strength to hold my head high everyday and I can honestly say I’m doing okay.”

Remy Ma, Global Grind blog

So when Remy Ma dies, will it be just like that time when Jesus died? It might be. I remember when Remy psychologically healed the lepers by making them feel beautiful with her music videos.

[Blogger’s Note: For those of you who don’t know, the Bible is divided into individual sections known as “books” with chapters and verses. You can’t look for shit by page number, as Remy suggests above.]

I first got wind of this niggerishness during my daily rummage through the Big Green trashcan. Of course, I didn’t initially find it on Global Grind itself because if I wanted ignorant-ass Simmons propaganda, I’d just watch Run’s House… or maybe rent Krush Groove.

The SOHH headline had me stoked enough. Here I am like, “Oh shit. Remy Ma used to believe everything she saw on TV and read in the paper? That explains why she’s in the fuckin can.” Then I saw her blame the media for being in the can, as if some New York Post writer tried to keep it extra real on a bitch and pinned a weapon on her. Next thing you know, rappers are gonna start blaming bloggers for their own stupidity.

It’s not me. It’s the media!

You shouldn’t be surprised that this woman only reads the newspaper for Marmaduke and lotto results, then reads the Bible and thinks she’s Jesus. We all know Jesus would have come up with that ingenious skeleton key plan she and her awesomely alphabetical brutally brolic conjunctivitis carrier husband tried to pass over.

[Blogger’s Note: Awesome at articulation. Aesthetically apathetic. Bland banal bourgeoning backdrop. Black baboon. Calamity comes coldly. Coons clamor crack cocaine chants. Downing DJ dick. Damn. Diddy didn’t dance? Emanating effort. Even Ether eschewed. Fuck Finding Forrester! Feeling faint from fumes. Great Gatsby! Goofy gump got good grades. Gangster gonads gobbled. His heavy hypeman houndin him. Intelligent? Indubitably. Interesting? I just jotted jilted jawing. Jesus. Kay Slay’s knocking kills kosher Potassium level. Leave Lazarus loaded. Love lickin lotus. Murdering midgets. Mexico mainly make magic. Meaning my mind mitigate majesty. Maroon mattress. Mussolini my main man. Nigga need new nuances. Nobody ordering old ostentatious offerings. Overtime probably played Pap’s pious progress. Peep pimps pocketing player profits. Quickly question quantity. Quitting quiescent qualities. Read robotic rubbish. Ronaldinho reaps something. Seventy-seventh sitting. Seems song’s stuck severely. Slay still sucks scrotum. Tyranny tries teething. Think this tactician thumbing that thesaurus? Talented underwriter unveiling uncharted urchin vaginal. Viscous vicious victor. Visine, Viagra, Valvoline. Vindictive video wreaker. Weak wannabes won’t welcome. X-rays, xylophones. Yes, you’re yellow. You zebra.]

Niggas been knowin I’m nice with these. But I digress. Where was I?

Oh, yeah. After Remy and Pap did the whole inmate marriage thing and tried a skeleton key escape, I just knew we were in for some fun with these two. I just thought someone near and dear to the couple would just lobby for a shitty Negro Channel reality show. Maybe Remy’s prophecy in blog form is a new wave pilot or something.

If this isn’t building up to a pilot, then we might be looking at a god complex bigger than Oprah’s and Jay-Z’s put together… for as long as Global Grind interns publish [and write] her blogs. If they do, I can’t wait to hear what other healings and words of wisdom she has in store for us.

Reverend Run better watch his ass. Nigga might be officially jobless soon.

Questions? Comments? Requests? You can find some amazing shit in a big green trashcan… err, recycling bin? ron@ronmexicocity.com

[Addendum: I guess the god complex ain't nothin new.]

In case any of you devout followers are wondering, the edict underneath Her Holiness reads “Y’ALL BITCHES WORKIN ON Y’ALL ALBUMS GO BACK TO THE STUDIO IMMEDIATELY”

  • chillin mayne

    Pierzy
    …dayum ron, u kick into another gear durin da darker hours of the 24…or did it just take u a xtra long time to type dat alphabetical piece??…great gatsby jajajajajaja, dat had me rollin…”u as cold as ice”…lol@remy healin dem psychologically “by making them feel beautiful with her music videos”..oyesa vaina
    yo i mite b late ron, but wat happened to your site??..its just dissapeared, i been tryna c dat charles barkley/reggie miller vid again..
    on the realz tho, cats need to read da bible more often…proverbs 2:6

    • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

      I can’t wait to get another holiday when Remy Ma rises 3 days later!

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      chillin mayne,

      my site is still there last time i checked… and the alphabetical piece is a little window into the past.

      • $ykotic

        The biggest BBQ blog event going down this weekend and no Commission representatives. Would been the blast/co-sign of the year.

        Mexx you in there?

        • http://www.ronmexicocity.com ron mexico

          you lost me. fill me in, mane.

        • $ykotic

          Dallas has that blasted all over his site. Since last Saturday. B.Y.O.Blogger BBQ. The line up looks something serious. Central Park by the stage. After the Q-Tip set.

      • chillin mayne

        aight, yea i got ur site its workin for me now…i couldnt get in last week tho…i thought u had been removed or somethin!!..trippin

  • Master Cheef

    that’s some good word play, ron mex.
    but, it rhymed when papoose did it, so…

    (i like it when rap lyrics rhyme, that shit is tight)

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      thanks massa,

      it rhymes. hard to see where in paragraph form tho.

      • Master Cheef

        Pardon me, kind sir. I stand corrected and do apologize.

  • Sleepy Wonder

    LOL Damn, Alphabetical Slaughter Part 2!

  • yoprince

    LMAO… good shit.

    … and that alphabetical slaughter shit was always weak.

  • vhingrhamesonyo’momma

    you wrote this blowin some afghan huh?….Damn i wish i had yo job!

  • romil

    Let Remy read her bible… find something more
    interesting to talk about. And she stated the page number she started and ended at, u just trying to make an ass out of her. Put your punk ass in jail.

  • geico lizard

    “I remember when Remy psychologically healed the lepers by making them feel beautiful with her music videos.”
    ^
    Ron ROn ROn ROn, that is classic comedy dog. Dont ever get locked up because papoose will put a hit out on you behind bars. Papoose is very proud of his*clears throat* handsome wife.

  • FLOSS

    DAMN Ron i dont know about this one it sounds like she tryna get educated to me but you went all the way in so fuck i guess i need to do my research

  • Around and Around

    That’s some good shit… I don’t buy for a min this broad was reading newspapers until her name showed up in them.

    Thomas Jefferson said it right a long ass time ago:

    “The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.”

  • Mutada al sader the king

    I remember when she, did that disrespectful shejuschrist, mix tape album cover like a week before she got busted and went to jail. Some one over at All Hip, posted “I know she regrets that album cover right…..now.” Glad to see she read the entire bible, good to see she’s doing good.

    “Waits for the guy who saw zietagist, on youtube to make “fairy tail” and “imaginary friend” comments, because his faith was ruined so easily”

  • capcobra

    A1 WORK.

  • Apollo Moses

    LMAO.That last Blogger’s Note was the most comical spoof this year…”Imma a check writer/which means I get a check when I write”. Pap has been smelling that turd he calls cleverness for minute now…Mr. Opt-outta-1.5milliondollar-deal.

  • RONMEXICO=IGNORANCE

    RON MEXICO —- YOU’RE IGNORANT AND A HATER. WAIT TILL THE DAY GOD JUDGES YOU

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    “Read the bible…”

    No Dice. They had a bootleg of “Passions of the Christ” in the day room.

  • mr sin

    @RONMEXICO

    hey your site has been down man. last week. maybe it was just in europe or something

  • $ykotic

    Mexx you should get a deal from Koch(E1) after that alphabet verse!

    And yes people you cannot look up anything in the Bible by page. Chapters and verses.

    e.g. John 3:16

    Tell me what page that’s on without the chapter and verse!

  • Jollyrench

    Over 2000 pages, my bible had like 1000 tops. She must’ve had the teen edition with pictures on every other page.

  • $ykotic

    Come on now, I know cats can’t be mad @ Mexx. If the Bible has touched you in anyway, you usually remember the verse that made sense, right?

    Not the page. Because once I read that, “suspect” starting blinking. I don’t even know the # of pages in the Bible. Which Bible? King James? Mormon? Adventist? Old Testament(Torah) or New? Proverbs, Psalms, or Thelossians?

    Now if Bol wrote it, he’d have a witch hunt on.

    Remy just need to get her mind right while on vacation, and come home. Cause Prodigy sounds like he’s studying hard.

  • Oaklands Own

    Im so over this bych…..

    ….She is just another example of a rapper beliving her own hype. Thinking that she above the law and this super thug. Nah bych, you just a regular dumb bych from the hood that got caught up and locked up for your actions. You shouldve handled yourself differntly or at the least let some one else be the shooter.

    ….She was never that nice anyway. The game aint missing her.

  • DetroitDraper

    @Oaklandsown.

    You must have never heard her freestyle or any or her songs because Remy go hard. She can really spit, her voice is kinda gritty, and rthat new york accent is kinda sexy on some women.

  • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

    ROFL!!!!!! That post was funny as hell Ron you a fool for that one! Especially your version of the Alphabetical Slaughter I’m rollin over here at work! LMAO!

  • BIGNAT

    ron ron went in good stuff man. kay slay might be talking about you and bol now

  • Omar

    Hey Ronnie Mex,

    Pacman Jones…. ESPN….. 40,000 in ones!!!!!!!!!!

    • Masta Cheef

      they got video footage posted on thisis50. nelly up in there like a bank teller giving pacman change and shit, and after he’s done, then he shakes his finger at the camera man, tellin him not to get him on camera.

      then you got motherfucking jermaine dupri getting on the microphone and scolding the bitches for not dancing.

      this shit is a fuckin spectacle. ron, think you can do a special saturday report? it’s got negro please all over it

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      hoe… lee… schidt!

  • soy yo

    respect for our savior please!!! She has been using her jail time wisely, thats why those hard times are so useful. This blogger seems funny but there are things you should not fool or make a joke out of. I hope when you got to face our redemptor (as we all will have to one day) you can be as funny too. You would not make fun of the suffering of your mother for example, and even less of the suffering of the one who let your mother give you life.

    • Capital G

      How in the fuck did Remy Ma(n) let Mex’s mom give him life? Or are you refering to the jew carpenter so many people waste time believing in? David Koresh claimed to be the son of “god” and muthafuckas ain’t in a rush to pray to that ninja. And who’s to say Ron Mexico even believes half the nonsense in the bible? Why one god? What if the Egyptians were right and there’s numerous gods? Now you’re fucked for putting all your eggs in one dude’s basket. Live righteously because you want to, not because you fear for your safety in the afterlife. Fuck organized religion, that’s right I said it! May Michael Jackson have mercy on your soul, sha-mone and amen.

  • mike

    Remy, life is about decisions! You made the wrong ones. I fucked with you hard too. You should have never left Terror Squad boo, that was yours.

  • http://www.mindofq.com Q-Bot

    Clearly Remy hasn’t read the Bible. First of all in the ENTIRE THING, all 2117 pages, she has to resort to the same stale Jesus comparisons that many have made in the past. Second, Jesus did not proclaim his innocence during his trial, he merely said nothing at all because he knew it was his destiny and purpose to be crucified to take the sins of humanity upon himself.

    I’m an atheist (though raised Lutheran) and even I know that.

  • MXL

    Peace, Ron.

    I’m usually feelin’ you, but you sound a lil’ off on this one.

    IMO, Remy seems to simply be using that story to keep her from buggin’ too hard while locked up, not comparing herself to Jesus.

    You even quoted it, Fam: “That right there gives me the strength to hold my head high everyday and I can honestly say I’m doing okay.

    That “Shesus Khrist” shit, on the other hand….

    Anyway,keep up the good work, Bruh.

  • Teddy

    haha fuck jesus does anyone still believe in that medievil properganda

    • Justice4All

      Philippians
      2:10-11

      “That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth;

      And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father”

      *Please believe that just because YOU don’t believe in Jesus and you insist on your blaspemous rhetoric, does not negate the fact the his word will stand. But, he can show you better than I can tell you. When it’s time for you to get zipped( and no, no one lives forever-this is the real world), you’ll get to see for yourself. Excited? good.

  • Brooklyn

    Remy Ma healed a lot of ugly bitch’s self esteem with that song “conceited”, making them feel pretty for about three and a half minutes while the video played and giving them a temporary escape from the realities that they, like she, look quite doggish