The little homey’s big idea

Props to Nas for sending Kelis a shedload of gift cards.

I was checking RapPravda just now, and I see they’ve turned up a document of Kelis complaining that all she’s received from Nas since they divorced, three months ago, was a check for $350 and $2,500 in gift cards.

It looks similar to those documents Vibe posted on their website, back when they were trying to hype up their knock off version of Hip Hop Weekly. You’ll recall that the first and only issue of it had Nas and Kelis on the cover. I wonder if they were planning on using these new documents in a subsequent issue, before one of the white guys in charge had the sense to pull the plug.

As a matter of fact, I might need to holler at the TIs at Vibe about a possible fire sale of sorts. If they’ve got any naked pictures of Ciara laying around, I’d be willing to take them off of their hands for $20. $30, if it’s a naked white chick. Otherwise, the shit’s probably just gonna end up on RapPravda. Isn’t that why they had security in the building the day they went out of business? But the people in charge there must have known it was only a matter of time.

Anyway, it’s good to see Nas is playing hardball with this hoo-er. You know good and well she probably makes enough money to where she doesn’t really need anything from Nas other than his half of what it costs to clothe and feed their baby. I’ve she’s still big in Europe. Like Michael Jackson.

And I’ve worked in places that cater primarily to poor people giving children a miserable upbringing, so I know it doesn’t cost shit to feed and clothe a child. There’s this place called Birthright where you can go and pretend as if you’re considering having an abortion, and they’ll give you money to buy a buncha baby shit.

Then, if you go to K-Mart, they’ve got a crib that’s specially priced to where it comes out to $100 even with tax, which is how much they give you for a crib. In other words, K-Mart is purposely helping flood America’s ghettos with unwanted future criminals. I wonder if the people who run K-Mart are pro-lifers or is there something even more sinister at play.

(Alright, you got me. There’s nothing more sinister than a pro-lifer.)

I even thought about doing something about it a couple of years ago, but then it occurred to me: If I somehow got a broad pregnant and decided not to have it done away with it, I’d pretty much have to make her go and get some money from pro-lifers on GP. I might even qualify for some free baby shit anyway, from working for a rap magazine.

No but really, I’m assuming this is Nas’ thought process, except he lacks my knowledge of low-end retail. I was forced to sign a paper stating I wouldn’t give out any legal advice on this site. But if he hits me on my email, which everyone in the rap music biz apparently has anyway, I’d be happy to throw out some hypothetical scenarios.

I’d say he’s already on the right track, with these gift cards. It’s not like Kelis can claim he hasn’t done anything for her. The baby hasn’t even been born yet. What the fuck does she need with damn near $3,000? Even if you aren’t going with the welfare model, which is probably one of those ones that will strangle a baby, a crib can’t cost more than a few hundred bucks. Hopefully, the $2,500 in gift cards came from places where Kelis can’t get anything for herself, like Babies R Us.

Pretty soon Nas is gonna have to go to court, to decide what he should have to pay Kelis in alimony and child support, if anything. I’d suggest he have his lawyer draw up a plan where damn near the entirety of what he pays in child support is in the form of gift cards to places that sell baby clothes. Even if the judge doesn’t go for it, since something tells me someone already thought of this a long time ago, it would be a good jumping off point for negotiations.

  • ryne rich

    not his girl any more so dont owe her shit
    but shes got his kids, the futures all that matters now that they re done. hes takin care of her and shes already got cash, i wouldnt mind if i hada girl who got knocked up by nas, maybe jay z would do the right thing to. i hate people who pretend to care about saving unborn children

    • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

      I think they should settle out of court for some coupons to Dunkin’ Donuts and City Blue.

      Seriously, it’s crazy how ugly this divorce is getting considering how much NaS (apparently) loved her and thought it would last forever…

  • $ykotic

    Y’all better study up on them laws! It’s y’all who are looking real suspect right now. These chicks are sinking their teeth into you rain-making, buying out the store cats.

    Even if you ain’t going through it. Read them sh*ts. Study them. It’s not a game fellas. Even put your boy on who might be steps away from going thru it.

    Because you would know that during litigation you have a court order not to give $ so they can sort through the numbers.

    Stop being fooled by the talk and smear campaigns.

  • capcobra

    nas better get the paternity test first.

  • Gerv

    These niggas in the industry should be smart enough to not get married period it never works out unless that bitch is a nobody.

  • OG Matt Herbz

    This is a good idea…and so obvious, too. Your ex-wifey wants $3500 a month to feed and clothe your kids? OK, a $200 gift card to Baby Gap and Osh Kosh, a $300 gift card to Whole Foods and the rest in a tuition check to the private school. Done… I’ll be damn a bitch gets her hair done on my dime. Hell, I won’t give a bitch ten cents to put cheese on a Whopper.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    • BIGNAT

      man herbz a bitch can’t get cheese on her whopper. i bet you get one drink and get her a cup with some ice hahhahaa

  • Stuey

    Gift cards is actually some smart shit. At least you know for sure where that money is going.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    The only reason NaS may be up the creek is because he married her. So the alimony aspect will do more damage than the child support. (I’m pretty sure) He planned on taking care of his child when she told him she was pregnant, so that might not be such an ‘L’.

    As opposed to her getting all “down ‘n’ out” as if without him she’d be sleeping @ a women shelter. These females want equal rights, but if we decide we’re done or beat them up for talking crazy, all of the sudden they’re these frail, helpless little creatures. Fuck out of here.

    Sad shit is, the whole situation probably could’ve been straightened out without the court system all in their backyard.

    Next, when she’s seen out with some lezbo chick by paparazzi, she’ll insinuate that NaS is the reason she’s now munching carpet. Like, her attitude & unattractiveness aren’t key factors.

    • capcobra

      champ..amber rose look like a bald head kelis..you think kanye did that on purpose?

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

        What’s good cobra?

        I saw a pic last night of Amber Rose & C. Breeze all hugged up. They looked like a Hair Club for Men before & after shot.

    • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

      What up y’all…welcome me back!

  • JAY STONE

    Bitches aint shit.bachelor still i die.Dont need another mouth to feed.

    • Hi Hater!

      LMAO!!! AMEN

  • JAY STONE

    Bitches aint shit.bachelor still i die!.Dont need another mouth to feed.

    • tronthadon

      Only fagets thank that way..its good ones and bads ones but tha way you talkin u’ll forever be whackin off and soaking your pillow cases

      • Oneofthemyo’s

        @tronthadon

        listen what the homie(jay stone) said dumbass, because only captain save-a-ho’ talk the way u do….maybe u need a lil more life experience but forreal bytches aint shit(say it with me young’n) they basically like putty though, they r what u make em…learn this sht nigga!

        • 1hunid

          Co signing Tron and One.
          The youth need guidance. They think that ‘Bitches aint shit mentality some cool shit to live by’. Fuck ’round be around here dry dicked like a mf paying prostitutes….and kids THATS one to grow on.

  • General

    Co-sign Bol on the gift cards. That way you know the money is being spent on your child. I wouldn’t give that nasty milkshake a dime. Again all I can say is, Nas what the fuck when were you thinkin when you knocked her up. That must of been some good green you was smokin on.

  • No Mames Buey

    the child support laws need reforming such that the everything is on a type of debit card, that can only be used for actual child costs like food, private school, soccer league etc.

    There should be a set upper limit for this card, say $2K per kid per month. For rich dudes that are getting effed off a child support, the extra month should go into a taxfree trustfund in the kid’s name. This fund can be used at age 18 education costs, age 25 for purchasing a house, & if any is left over age 65 for retirement. So for example, if Puff Biatche has to pay $10K/month/kid, $2K is on the debit card, $8K into the kid’s fund

    Under my plan everything in “child support” goes to the child. Nothing to golddigging ho thievery.

    • http://callmephlip.blogspot.com/ Phlip

      Outside of the gift cards, this is the most brilliant idea I have seen all day.

      That way, anything beyond that amount to be given as “gifts” are given directly to the child from the supporting parent, not as money to the supported — which they could potentially fuck off on bullshit for themselves.

  • geico lizard

    Co-sign everybody above me because if you give a woman cash in hand you are a sucka. She could spend your loot on another guy. If you give her BabyGap gift cards she can only spend it on a short guy or on that guys kids.

    Commission!!!

    • $ykotic

      @ geico

      “If you give her BabyGap gift cards she can only spend it on a short guy…”

      LOL

      @ Buey

      Actually that’s so good enough of a formula that most judges would probably take that deal.

  • tronthadon

    No Names Bugey thats sum real playa shit there bruh..thats whats up i could agree to that

  • http://myspace.com/federalranga Federal Ranga

    Hell, I won’t give a bitch ten cents to put cheese on a Whopper.
    ^^^^^^^

    Herbz, I’m with you all day on that… real shit. When push comes to shove ALL broads is looking for a come up…. even when they got it, every woman gotta greedy side in them. Watch yaselves…

    myspace.com/federalranga

  • tronthadon

    From tha way yall talkin yall no life bloggers came across some hateful bitches or maybe u neva had one and tha rap music is fuckin ur heads up…lmao i hope i never be like yall

  • vhingrhamesonyo’momma

    triflin ass bitch I hope the judge tell her find a stage and finish sellin that stanky milkshake.What the fuck brod!? jus’ cuz’ one day ya’ winky well decided to hold more semen then ya’ jaw you figure a nigga owe you the world! this retardo,non-singin’broke heffer betta stop actin’ like she don’t know how to fill out a wal-mart application.I mean that is where all the used up cunt spreaders work when that baby daddy ain’t comin off them singles. “I give a bitch hard dick and bubble gum..and i’m on my last piece is where i’m comin from”-Beanie Sigel

  • Hussle’s way

    where the fuck is Nipsey’s blog???

    • OG Matt Herbz

      Shit…somebody wake up Dallas and tell him he’s on… Ain’t never heard of a 6-day weekend, what the fuck?

      –OG Matt Herbz–

  • davante

    if you cant make a bitch buy food with stamps how you figure they will buy toys with gift cards. a dime to a dollar hoes will be selling gift cards in the near future.

    thats how i see it!

  • Rx

    Niggaz from the bridge and NYC in general don’t play games with hos.

  • El Tico Loco

    I was just reading Jason Whitlock’s column just now,and even though he’s talking about athletes he made a good point, why bother getting married if you gonna kept runnin thru hoes?

  • El Tico Loco

    I was just reading Jason Whitlock’s column just now,and even though he’s talking about athletes he made a good point, why bother getting married if you gonna kept runnin thru hoes? (paraphrasing)

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Graand$

      @Loco

      That shit right there is certified backwards hustle.

      When it blows up, guess who has to deal with all the aftermath? Its pointless, simply because upon marriage, you basically give another human being power over you’re life. If a broad is smart enough to comprehend all that that truly entails, & you fuck her over, that’s proverbial curtains. Especially if there’s a kid involved.

      Life is short, but long as fuck when you make poor decisions.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

      @El Tico

      ..backwards hustling @ it’s finest..

  • sealsaa

    Cot-damn! Thats not a bad idea. My son’s mom just wrote me an email last week asking me to send money for clothes. Now she’ll be getting some Children’s Place gift cards. Nas really IS like the afro-centric Asian, half man half amazing.

  • yoprince

    that gift card shit is the truth… props to the homey NAS

  • fuckmattherbz

    Hell, I won’t give a bitch ten cents to put cheese on a Whopper.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    THATS A LINE FROM BIG L. YOU KNOW BIG L HERBZ. THE LEGENDARY RAPPER YOU JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT LAST MONTH. YOU FUCKIN FRAUD

    NOW HERE YOU ARE TRYING TO BE FUNNY STEALIN ONE OF HIS PUNCHLINES AND NOT EVEN GIVING HIM NO CREDIT.

    AND I’M NOT NORMALLY REGION RACIST, BUT HERE’S ANOTHER BLATENT EXAMPLE OF AN ATL FAGGOT BITIN OFF OF NY.

    MATT HERBZ EAT A DICK WITH YOUR WHITE NIGGA BULLSHIT.