You know, I joke about how women should get with me in order to launch a career as a video ho, or some other career for a woman in hip-hop that doesn’t necessarily involve sex, if there is such a thing, but I’m only half-joking.
Hip-hop is full of examples of women who built a name off getting with a rapper, and they aren’t even necessarily good rappers. Joe Budden isn’t even in the top 50 rappers of all time, and that didn’t stop Taheezo from almost getting on the cover of King magazine; I’m either the number one or the 29th best hip-hop blogger, depending on whether you get your news from the late, great Hip Hop Connection, or the late, great Vibe magazine. (You should probably be getting your news from a magazine that hasn’t gone out of business.)
Indeed, there’s been a number of examples of women trying to get with yours truly, for business purposes.
I had a girl send me pictures of her cans, to try to convince me to review her boyfriend’s album. I’ve looked at the picture, more than once, but I’ve yet to listen to the album. Perhaps if someone actually brought a hoo-er to me, on a leash, as RA the Rugged Man was known to do back in the late ’90s. It’s a wonder his career hasn’t gone any further than it has. Maybe it’s because that was before hip-hop blogging had reached its full potential. If you’ve got a real job, working for white people, what do you need with one of RA the Rugged Man’s hoo-ers.
Then there’s this Puerto Rican woman who keeps offering to fly me down to Atlanta, probably so she can rob me. Maybe you’re familiar with that situation. I’m halfway tempted to go, just to see what would happen, but something tells me nothing good would come of it. If she was really interested in breaking me off with some stank, to help take her career to the next level, she wouldn’t have approached me in such a public manner. You wouldn’t even have heard about the relations, at least not right away. You just would have seen her career skyrocket…
But it’s hard to prove that you can have any actual positive effect on these hoo-ers’ careers, when there’s all of these barriers to a brother sealing the deal. It makes sense on paper, but so did Charles Hamilton’s career at some point in time or another.
That is, until now. The new Drake video, which I wrote about at length the other day, could be the first example of the hip-hop blogosphere making a video ho’s career. I’m pretty sure that Rosa Acosta, one of the ridonkulously well endowed, erm, models featured in “Best I Ever Had” was discovered on hip-hop blogs. In fact, Kanye West, who directed “Best I Ever Had,” may have first read about her on my site. (I’d say she owes me!)
Allow me to explain. See, a few weeks ago, I did a post about excercise video she was in. It had become a big hit on hip-hop blogs after first being posted over at the Smoking Section. I actually first heard about it over at my good friend eskay’s site, since I don’t get over to the Smoking Section as often as I’d like. (There’s only so many hours in a day.) Then I didn’t bother watching it right away, since I know the Smoking Section was big on those Panamanian cricket girls, which I thought were kinda weird and kinda gross-looking, then come to find out they were fake.
But I kept hearing about this stretching video, and once I finally had a look, of course I had to go in. That is, I did a post on it. And I’m thinking this might be where Kanye first found out about her. As I wrote at the time, this stretching video wasn’t a hip-hop video per se, and there wasn’t any evidence on the Internets that she was pursuing a career as a video ho, though obviously she could have one if she wanted to. And Kanye and I have a long and sordid history together. No fishsticks. I don’t have the time to recount it all here, but suffice it to say he’s aware of my site.
I might have to start scouring the Internets, even more so than I already have been, looking for hoo-ers I might be able to get into a rap videos. Ladies, if you feel like that should have been you in “Best I Ever Had,” you know where I can be reached. Lest we forget, Kanye saw Amber Rose in one of these ass magazines and made her his new woman. There could be more in this for you than just the $500 per diem, or whatever it is a video ho makes. Though, let’s keep it real, some of you could use the $500.
Speaking of which, I don’t want to hear any more talk from black chicks about how come they can’t be in a rap video anymore. This latest development just goes to show, the way to get ahead in life is not by antagonizing Bol. That’s just gonna get your feelings hurt.