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Best cans I ever saw

How is it that I don’t even like Drake, and I must be the only one who likes his new video? The Internets today are full of people saying he played himself with the clip for “Best I Ever Had.”

I checked Twitter a couple of hours ago, to see what my favorite pr0n stars had for breakfast, other than loads (arggh!), and it seemed like Drake was the only thing people were talking about. Even as early as last night, which I guess is when the video first hit the Internets, I notice both Drake’s name and the name of his song were “trending.” But I was little bit too far gone on Yellow Tail, which I fucks with hardbody (nullus), to realize it was because he had new video out.

I thought that may have just been how popular the song had become. I mean, if it’s supposedly become the most played song on Hot 97, without the TIs sending someone to blow Funkmaster Flex (note to self: take some DJing classes at the community college). Maybe it had just become this huge cultural phenomenon, to the point where it’s the leading topic of discussion on Twitter, in an age when celebrities stay dropping dead, or are rumored to have done so.

The consensus amongst the people I follow on Twitter is that Kanye West, who directed “Best I Ever Had,” dropped the ball. Some are even suggesting he may have purposely sabotaged the video, perhaps out of jealousy for how Drake’s career is taking off.

Indeed, “Best I Ever Had” isn’t a very good video, in the sense that it’s kinda dark and drab, the concept hardly has anything to do with the song itself, and none of the jokes really connect. As my boy $habooty pointed out just now, you do kinda get the douche chills just looking at it. Kanye might not be a very skilled director, but he has somehow managed to fill this video with his essence. No Boutros.

So yeah, almost anyone could have made Drake a better video. Maybe even Rik Cordero. But have you seen the cans on the girls in this video? Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ! Like I said, I could do without hearing this song again, but I’m not gonna lie. I’ve seen the video three times now. And I’m probably not done with it. I might keep it in a constant rotation with my new favorite video evar, “We are not robots,” for the rest of the holiday weekend.

No, really, god bless America.

It just goes to show the power of a prodigious rack. And it makes you wonder why all rap videos don’t consist of footage of women with huge cans in tiny t-shirts running up flights of stairs.

Not to let you guys in on more than you need to know about me, or how I might be spending my free time, but I’ve heard every episode of the Adam Carolla Podcast, and he has this theory that the reason you don’t see women with big cans on TV is because Hollywood is run by gay guys and women. Like, if you notice, there doesn’t seem to be much consistency in how we perceive nudity in film. If a girl gets naked on screen and she’s built like an 8 year-old boy, it’s considered artistic, but if she’s built like one of the broads in this Drake video, it’s considered gratuitous. But why? As far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing quite as artistic as a nice rack.

The reason, of course, is that this world is filled with people who hate nothing more than to see a man have a good time. Case in point, someone who wrote to Sandra Rose today to bitch about Best I Ever Had.

And I quote:

Sandra as a woman I am offended that this is all Kanye West, the director, could come up with for one of the hottest songs of the summer. He should be ashamed of this depiction of females. This video in a nutshell basically says a woman’s beauty is defined by how big her boobs are and light her skin is.

Wait, it isn’t?

And Kanye being a black man raised by black parents and Drake being bi-raicial (half black and half white) why are they only showcasing ALL Hispanic girls in this video? [...] Why is it the black men have a problem showcasing their beautiful black sisters? You never see all non-white models in popular White rock artists videos.

Not if they want to sell any records, they don’t!

No but really, this bitchfit just goes to show how women think. A man would never write an angry letter to a blogger because the guys on TV are too attractive, and it’s bad for his self-esteem. But that’s because a man knows better than to seek validation based on whether or not women think he’s cute. Men could give a rat’s ass what women think about how we look. Our self-esteem is based on who we are and what we do. (And that’s why I still don’t have any self-esteem.)

You guys know I don’t normally do this, but… props to Kanye West for creating a video that speaks to a man’s aesthetic values. Music videos always should have been like this.

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