Best cans I ever saw

How is it that I don’t even like Drake, and I must be the only one who likes his new video? The Internets today are full of people saying he played himself with the clip for “Best I Ever Had.”

I checked Twitter a couple of hours ago, to see what my favorite pr0n stars had for breakfast, other than loads (arggh!), and it seemed like Drake was the only thing people were talking about. Even as early as last night, which I guess is when the video first hit the Internets, I notice both Drake’s name and the name of his song were “trending.” But I was little bit too far gone on Yellow Tail, which I fucks with hardbody (nullus), to realize it was because he had new video out.

I thought that may have just been how popular the song had become. I mean, if it’s supposedly become the most played song on Hot 97, without the TIs sending someone to blow Funkmaster Flex (note to self: take some DJing classes at the community college). Maybe it had just become this huge cultural phenomenon, to the point where it’s the leading topic of discussion on Twitter, in an age when celebrities stay dropping dead, or are rumored to have done so.

The consensus amongst the people I follow on Twitter is that Kanye West, who directed “Best I Ever Had,” dropped the ball. Some are even suggesting he may have purposely sabotaged the video, perhaps out of jealousy for how Drake’s career is taking off.

Indeed, “Best I Ever Had” isn’t a very good video, in the sense that it’s kinda dark and drab, the concept hardly has anything to do with the song itself, and none of the jokes really connect. As my boy $habooty pointed out just now, you do kinda get the douche chills just looking at it. Kanye might not be a very skilled director, but he has somehow managed to fill this video with his essence. No Boutros.

So yeah, almost anyone could have made Drake a better video. Maybe even Rik Cordero. But have you seen the cans on the girls in this video? Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ! Like I said, I could do without hearing this song again, but I’m not gonna lie. I’ve seen the video three times now. And I’m probably not done with it. I might keep it in a constant rotation with my new favorite video evar, “We are not robots,” for the rest of the holiday weekend.

No, really, god bless America.

It just goes to show the power of a prodigious rack. And it makes you wonder why all rap videos don’t consist of footage of women with huge cans in tiny t-shirts running up flights of stairs.

Not to let you guys in on more than you need to know about me, or how I might be spending my free time, but I’ve heard every episode of the Adam Carolla Podcast, and he has this theory that the reason you don’t see women with big cans on TV is because Hollywood is run by gay guys and women. Like, if you notice, there doesn’t seem to be much consistency in how we perceive nudity in film. If a girl gets naked on screen and she’s built like an 8 year-old boy, it’s considered artistic, but if she’s built like one of the broads in this Drake video, it’s considered gratuitous. But why? As far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing quite as artistic as a nice rack.

The reason, of course, is that this world is filled with people who hate nothing more than to see a man have a good time. Case in point, someone who wrote to Sandra Rose today to bitch about Best I Ever Had.

And I quote:

Sandra as a woman I am offended that this is all Kanye West, the director, could come up with for one of the hottest songs of the summer. He should be ashamed of this depiction of females. This video in a nutshell basically says a woman’s beauty is defined by how big her boobs are and light her skin is.

Wait, it isn’t?

And Kanye being a black man raised by black parents and Drake being bi-raicial (half black and half white) why are they only showcasing ALL Hispanic girls in this video? [...] Why is it the black men have a problem showcasing their beautiful black sisters? You never see all non-white models in popular White rock artists videos.

Not if they want to sell any records, they don’t!

No but really, this bitchfit just goes to show how women think. A man would never write an angry letter to a blogger because the guys on TV are too attractive, and it’s bad for his self-esteem. But that’s because a man knows better than to seek validation based on whether or not women think he’s cute. Men could give a rat’s ass what women think about how we look. Our self-esteem is based on who we are and what we do. (And that’s why I still don’t have any self-esteem.)

You guys know I don’t normally do this, but… props to Kanye West for creating a video that speaks to a man’s aesthetic values. Music videos always should have been like this.

  • Pierzy

    I didn’t see it yet but Ron Mexico likes it too and called it “hilarious” so I’ll take both of your opinions [for vastly different reasons] into account and peep it ASAP.

  • OG Matt Herbz

    In all truthiness, it’s a funny video. The acting sucks, but stop the presses when video-hoes can do something other than suck. Drake, included. He needed to bring more charisma to that shit if he wanted it to really pop. Like, get physical with the ladies–pop ‘em on the ass with a “Good game” quip. The dialogue had potential, but the nigga Drake is too dry. I liked that the bitches were wet though. At least that’s true to life. They were all sweaty and glistening like they need to be fucked in the shower. And when honey brought her leg up in the stretch, I almost spilled my coffee… The video could use some work–I think it’s a terrible debut video because it’s too playful. Take the bimbos out, throw in a couple of dimes that you could actually see the homey Drake banging, and film it in black and white–that’s how it could have been done. Classy…like Herbz

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    • Pee scholar

      Co Fuckien SIGN!!!!!

  • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

    “But that’s because a man knows better than to seek validation based on whether or not women think he’s cute. Men could give a rat’s ass what women think about how we look. Our self-esteem is based on who we are and what we do. (And that’s why I still don’t have any self-esteem.)”

    ^^^dat was some real shit.

    • yoprince

      that IS real shit and it’s why women stay losing… also b/c they call each other hoes and sluts, which basically amounts to calling themselves hoes and sluts, but i digress..

      the video is great. tits everywhere. and the end part: “take that D like the champs you are!” and “we all know what you can do with two minutes” and “but drake! all you ever taught us how to do was stretch” shit was hilarious.

      of course chicks aren’t going to like it, cause the breasts are too perfect and most chicks lack a properly developed sense of humor.

  • http://Youtube.com/thelupend Thelupend

    The Video isn’t that good.When i heard kanye was directing the video I thought it was gonna be amazing,I mean all of the videos from 808s & heartbreak has been real creative.It was not funny creative or good in any way (Except the girls of course).I thought I was the only one that thought the video sucked i guess I was wrong.To bad for kanye and drake,

    • http://thepiratebay.org/user/MaxProfit Max Profit

      I didn’t think the Video was any good.
      But DAMN!!! He had some great looking girls on his team.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    I’m off to the ‘Nets….

    *sidenote: Bol, I was an on-air personality on Adam’s radio show if you’ve ever caught it. “Tony the Black Guy”. Pointless trivia, but I’m just saying……

    • http://xxlmag.com Bol

      I hadn’t heard anything he’d ever done, other than Loveline, before the podcast.

      • Pierzy

        He was a finalist for the job that Artie Lange eventually landed on The Stern Show…

        • $ykotic

          Celebs all over these comments people. Believe that.

          The video ain’t all that bad. Decent for a new jack. It’s not groundbreaking, but totally goes for his target audience(does it really? Wouldn’t men be a better look for women to view?)

          Someone tell Kanye his creative gauge is on low fuel.

        • jburg

          I don’t get the hate for the video. People say its not that good, but what else could you do to it? I mean, you can’t make some love song, puppy love ass video? If it were the 90s maybe but not now. I like the silly side of the video. The song is a song you can’t be too creative with without making it all lovey dovey and shit.

        • $ykotic

          The ill thing jburg is I was just on the phone with one of my people and we both agreed:

          These cats don’t even know themselves what they’re looking for. They just want to be a part of something.

          The REAL topic of the Drake debate comes from “Don’t tell me what to do, let me figure it out for myself…”

          bboycult dropped it down below. Whoever dude is related to on the inside must be a big willie. Because big budget things were never given to an unsigned. Just because.

          Sign on the line and then we’ll kick it. The jumpoff ain’t horrible, because I have seen plenty of trash, but for all the genius “buzz” around it came off real average joe to me.

          And Kanye working for free don’t sound Kosher either. Or Baby/Slim/Wayne.

          It sounds like “someone” said:

          “You want this 100 mil for you’re coon label?(rubs chin)

          Ok. I have someone that you have to sign to your label. He’s my __________.

          Once we “push” your “son”, you HAVE to do this. And if you don’t do it I will sue so hard the IRS will personally pull all of that platinum garbage out of you’re f*cking mouth.

          Now get out of here.”

          Welcome to the industry…

        • Detroit P

          The jumpoff ain’t horrible, because I have seen plenty of trash, but for all the genius “buzz” around it came off real average joe to me.
          ^^^^^^
          Word to Joe Budden

  • Rob the Music Ed

    *DEAD* Best thing I read all day. LMAO

  • Enlightened

    What the fuck? People are complaining about the video? Who the fuck has exactly been putting out stand out videos lately?
    I like the new Jay-Z.

    But just because of the bitches alone – that Drake video is the shit. It would be tight if he wasn’t even IN the muthafucka.

    I got no complaints.

  • Federal Ranga

    Video was hot garbage…. but you know what I say……. I am the best man/I am a breast man/A chick with a lotta rack will get holla’d at!

    Good shit, Bol, my boy!

    “But you ever taught us was how to stretch!” CLASSIC FUNNY!!!

  • latino heat

    i just checked out the video. it ain’t nothing to brag about. the females in there are ridiculous though.
    and why are people acting like only featuring latin or all light skined women is a new thing? rap / r&b videos have been that way for years. you can’t blame Drake or Kanye for that trend. i’m not saying it’s right but check your history. videos have been that way since the Hype Williams era in the mid to late 90′s.

    • http://myspace.com/federalranga Federal Ranga

      Fuck that… I have my preferences… I’on give a damn, what the color… long as it’s not white…. Trust me. I have my reason. myspace.com/federalranga FOOL!!!

      • DetroitDraper

        Lmao please explain I see somethin real hilarious comin…

  • LB

    I saw the video for the first time yesterday and it was supa-dupa-superficial…to the point of leaving out the creativity. They could have made better use with the imagery to explain the context around a chick being the “Best I Ever Had.” Instead, it was just one car, a bunch of females which, ain’t nothin wrong with that but, how about more focus on the one that’s supposedly the best you ever had. Also, it looked like Drake wouldn’t have been able to hold the video together himself. He, and the rest of Yung Money, needed Lil Wayne to be in the video to keep my attention.

    • Oneofthemyo’s

      I hope u r a female saying that shyt about wayne if not, let me be the first to congratulate u on being a faggot(:

  • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

    Dang am I the only one who hasn’t checked out the video yet??? I’ma have to cehck it out when I get to the crib

  • Moving Sideways

    Shiiiiiit, I’m damn near the only person on the comments on the video that liked it, and I’ll stand by that.

    • LB

      It was cool man, I just didn’t see a good job done in regards to the visual context. And Drake doesn’t have the stage presence, from my point of view, to hold peoples attention on his own. I could be mistaken. Time will tell.

  • http://www.bbboycult.com www.bboycult.com

    you know, the funny thing is, u niggas KEEP listenin to these bitches like they ever said anything interesting past “i’m horny”.

    the video is weak. the women are fly. (specially mami, 2nd up the steps after the mascot dunks. VICIOUS.) but i’m not gonna give it a pass cuz of the ass. for the baw to solidify his position, he really needs to make good decisions. at this point, he’s become the symbol that artistry is enuff to rise in the ranks. i guess he can just make good songs. cuz the video is trash. trash with sugar on it.

    but what kills me is the women who time and time again say the same run down political spiel bout women being worth more than looks. then u see them with a tight shirt with the top 4 buttons undone, skirt 4″ above the knee on the news talkin bout “look me in the eye!”. or they tend to b butt ugly, and use intelligence as a factor to give their ugly asses value. which is really just them reactin to the pretty bitch in the room. just like in high school. the pain never really fades away.

    heres the other end of it… who paid for the video? Lil Wayne? but Drake’s UNSIGNED right? Kanye directed for free? custom made costumes? and i know them gorgeous bitches ain’t do shit for free. so who paid for it? unless Drake got an ill trust fund (he is half Jewish), or a generous benefactor, i think 50 just might be right.

    so BOOOOO to the video (‘cept previously cited bad bitch). all it did was make me go to Tube8, where i can REALLY enjoy seein’ some tits and ass…

    • valdez

      great points made, bboycult. i co-sign everything u just said, fam.

  • Big A

    Man the first 30 seconds of slow motion big titties bouncing was amazing. But, the rest was wack! Transitioning, lighting, and acting were abysmal! If they kept to the slow mo tits bouncing out and short shorts the whole video I wouldn’t have noticed shit. That was the only saving grace of that video. Really.

    • RonTucker

      Has my vote for best opening sequence in music video history.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    Still, with all the hoopla, I can’t digest “Wheelchair Jimmy” busting rhymes. He will always be “WJ” to me.

    No hate, but doesn’t the roster on Young Money together look like the Garbage Pail Kids? I’m not the only one old enough to remember those cards.

    Google it……oh, sorry $yk, Bing that!

    • $ykotic

      LOL

      Look up. I gave them something to chew on…

      • Pierzy

        Garbage Pail Kids were the truth!!

  • http://www.layemdowne.com Quincy Johnson

    The video is perfect, bitches for the niggas to look at, and Drake for the bitches to look at. It was silly, funny, and I thought it was creative. Even if he wasn’t signed when it was made, he still has money himself, now I don’t believe he paid for it, but it is possible, they stay showing reruns of that show he was on, and TV money is better than rap money. All in all, fuck what we think, the video is gonna be the jam of the week next week…

  • Ya Boy

    Rik Cordero wouldve had Drake in front of a green screen by himself had he directed the video.

  • BIGNAT

    yeah the video sucked but i am not gay so that means. I have no complaints boobs bouncing and nice asses. all packaged in tight outfits with all the goods hanging out.

  • Swayz

    It ain’t that the video is really bad, it just showcases everything that’s wrong with Drake, which is basically the fact that he has no type of presence or charisma.

    He’s a good artist no doubt, but that IT shit that really makes a rapper a “star” is shit he don’t got, and that’s probably why Kanye focused on titties instead. If niggas be honest with themselves, you know that Drake just comes across corny, it’s just real talk but fuck all that, Rosa Acosta is the fucking reason to watch it in the first place nigga, GOOD LAWD!!!

  • WRKS4ME

    I watched the video and enjoyed it. I thought the stretching joke was a good one. I am a hetero woman and I probably watch 4 music videos a year. A video with a concept? I like that. Much better than a montage of cars, chains, bottles, money, and naked to damn near naked women flashing across the screen. I think the general population is suffering from dumb ass video withdrawal. On the other had I could see Kanye being the jealous type.

  • Stan-Layy

    I don’t really listen to Drake either but that video and them Biddie’s, MAN.

  • geico lizard

    “But that’s because a man knows better than to seek validation based on whether or not women think he’s cute. Men could give a rat’s ass what women think about how we look. Our self-esteem is based on who we are and what we do. (And that’s why I still don’t have any self-esteem.)”
    ^
    Thats real talk Bol. You see men killing their entire families instead of filing for bankruptcy. If you care so much about your income and job defining you then you will snap when its taken away. Thats why I keep my expectations low as fuck.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

      @geico lizard

      “Thats why I keep my expectations low as fuck.”
      ^^^Thats the realest shit moving.

      Not that one expects life to only live up to those expectations, but it prepares you enough so that disappointment isn’t so Earth-shattering & makes living that much easier.

  • Mutada al sader the king

    Yo ! Titties bouncing, sweaty girls in a locker room, bitches bent over, telling bitches to take the D… I dont see the problem? CLASSIC

  • Oneofemyo’s

    So he basically made the video for the people who arent his fans…I get that, but was it also supposed to piss off his real fans(the bytches)or lack any sense of artistry for the rest of his fans(niggas who dont have to watch a video on tv to have titties in their face?)

    • blackboy

      He IS going after his target audience. The bytches will love that video… because they either look like those bytches in that video or THINK they do. Either way, pretty bytches ain’t got much else going on but their looks so exploiting them for their looks actually …makes…them…happy?

      I think I just broke down that fourth wall.

  • Jerod

    Be on the look-out for that self-esteem Bol! That shiiz is fiiiree!

  • Rx

    Basically if a woman doesn’t like it, you know you should be doing it.

  • http://crazysexytechiecool.blogspot.com/ Deliz

    ;-)