An idea for the next Nas album

Nas is gonna have to make an album about the fact that he got pwned by Kelis, right?

He’s gonna have to get back to work anyway, in order to come up with the $55,000 a month he’s been ordered to pay her. As much money as that is, it must be based on the idea that he’ll continue to put out an album every other year or so, for the next 18 years.

One of the perks of not having any kids or anything is that you don’t have to be particularly ambitious. If I ever somehow manage to make $1 million in a year, I might just retire. At my current rate of spending, that would probably last me longer than I’m gonna live anyway. Even if I upgrade to a better quality beer, I could probably squeeze a good 30 years out of it.

Nas probably should have had his lawyer explain to the judge that he’s already had a longer career than anyone can reasonably expect to have in hip-hop. Plenty of people have been around for 15 years now, but how many of them are still relevant? In order to keep Knight Rider Jones in earrings made from the diamonds pulled from the base of the spine of an African baby, or whatever Kelis will be buying with that 55k a month, Nas will have to put out albums until he’s at least 54. I can’t even think of an example of an MC who’s 54. Ice T isn’t even 54.

The fact that Nas got effed in the A so hard was fascinating to me, in that it may have shed some light on the inner workings over at the Def Jam building. Could it be that Nas makes way more than the rest of the clowns on Def Jam, because he hardly spends any money at all producing his albums? Fabolous, to use an example, probably spent his wad on whatever Def Jam was paying people to mention Loso’s Way on Twitter yesterday, not to mention whatever it cost to get all of those R&B singers on his album.

Nas, at least for his past couple of albums, i.e. the ones he put out on Def Jam, managed to get people talking about them on the basis of their gimmicky titles alone. Def Jam may not have actually spent very much money promoting them. They definitely weren’t about to spend any money advertising an album called the dreaded n-word. An album that didn’t even have a title may have been even worse. And I can’t imagine they paid the bums who produced those shit sandwiches very much money.

But that was back before Nas had such a huge monthly nut. No Boutros. He was the rap equivalent of a professional blogger – he could live on less money than most people, if he had to. It’ll be interesting to see what he does now that he doesn’t have that as an option. Is he gonna try to hit the big time? If he can come up with an album that sells as well as a Lil Wayne album, maybe he won’t have to tighten his belt quite as much. Lest we forget, this is the guy who once made songs like “You Owe Me.” I wouldn’t put it past him to sink that low again.

What he should do is make an entire album going at Kelis. He can come up with a catchy title for it, like his last couple of albums. If I think of one, I’ll try to email his people, or I’ll post it here, where he might see it. If you have any ideas, feel free to post them in the comments section. I’m thinking something along the lines of Filthy Hoo-er. But he might be able to come up with something even better. This is, after all, the guy who came up with the idea of calling his album the dreaded n-word.

I’d say the commercial prospects of Filthy Hoo-er should be about as good as if he made an uber cynical attempt at getting back on the radio, like Jay-Z would. Kids these days could give a rat’s ass about guys like Nas and Jay-Z, even if they’ve got a song with Rihanna. Nas would be better off trying to capitalize on the good will generated by him getting raped in family court. We all feel bad about what happened to him. Now we’re just waiting to she he’s gonna respond.

Don’t let us down, little homey. Ether that slore.

  • dan99

    nas must have much more money than we thought. But still that is unfair that nas does all the work while kelis gets paid 55k a month for what? there is seriously something wrong with this system. Obama should change this.

  • capcobra

    tell him to re-do the queensbridge classics “project ho” “jane stop this crazy thing” “left me lonely” “kill that noise” “gimme my freedom” and “i pioneered this”…cause the lil homie gon be the biggest name/joke outta qb since mc shan.

    • The Spaniard

      Excellent sir, excellent.

  • timwarrior

    Nas is going to have to tour like Lil Wayne. Do you think Wayne needs to tour like that because baby is stealing all his money?

    • yoprince

      wayne tours b/c he’s hot right now (pause) and he’s trying to put his team on…

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    Supposedly, the chick that he “cheated” with was an ex-jump off & now….*drumroll*, she’s pregnant.

    Not sure how true, but I could definitely see that. Beats like women, indeed.

    • http://Pierzy11@gmail.com Pierzy

      It’s such a shame because the beats on Illmatic are ridiculous and It Was Written had some bangers [no XXL]. Too much herb? I’ve seen what happens to ‘normal’ dudes that dive head first into bags of the ganja.

      • yoprince

        for the life of me, i can’t understand why niggas don’t like the beats on Untitled.. i was listening to that shit last night, jammin. i would list the nice beats, but they’re mostly nice… the only suspect ones are We’re Not Alone and Black President.

        in particular.. Queens Get the Money, Hero, Sly Fox, Testify, and N.I.G.G.E.R., the Louis Farrakhan joint, and Project Roach… are all banging. and the shit is cohesive-sounding.. and it fits Nas.

        “ya’ll can keep your weak beats from your corny producers…”

        also Untitled (NIGGER) = classic. if you didn’t like it, listen again in a few years, hopefully you will have matured.

        • DownSouth

          That’s what I’ve been saying about those beats on that album. Especially Hero, Testify, and NIGGER. The tracks were musical and melodic, and they fit Nas.

          DOWN SOUTH!!!

  • Phillmatic

    I bet Nas is wishing he was the gay rapper.

  • mazemayhim

    As long as he don’t break the OATH he should be alright in the long run. Since he made “You Owe Me” a single, he should make an album titled “I Owe You.”

  • http://www.get2knowpro.com LeonThePro

    call the LP: milkSHAKEdown.

    …for those who get the triple meaning, it’s not a bad idea. lol.

    1. milkshake down – he’s dissin’ Kelis [mrs. milkshake].
    2. milk shakedown – to milk and shakedown someone, are similar… which Kelis is doin’ pretty much.
    3. milkshakedown – like the movie blackhawkdown. hahahahhaa…

    Nas is gettin’ effed. hard. I never understood why the courts do that? he publicly stated how involved he wants to be w/ the child — why do they gotta go to THAT length??

    anywayz – Nas is the shit anywayz. He’ll make some’m relevant. Cant wait for him x Damien Marley. Realness.

    L.

  • http://www.glennishathewriter.com Glennisha Morgan

    People need to seriously get over how much money Nas has to pay Kelis a month. Are you forgetting that they were actually married? Kelis wasn’t just his “baby mama”. He’s paying for Child support and spousal support. So it makes sense. Also, there are a lot of other artists paying way more than that for child and spousal support. Do the research…

  • ri067953

    Yo, Bol…you just added a new word to my lexicon. I tell you I see myself using “slore” more often than not. On another tip, Nas can pull a Marvin Gaye and produce a hip-hop “Here, My Dear” to bitch about his divorce. Of course, it wouldn’t sell for shit but at least he could attempt to pay Kelis that monthly payment.

    • oskamadison

      Dammit, I was going to say the same shit about that Marvin gaye joint. That’s what I get for having a job…

  • Bobo D

    Whatever tession is going between Nas & 50 Cent, Nas better try to end it. Call the homie, squash the beef and ask for his lawyers phone number. Simple as that, Nas can go back to giving gifts cards. He better hurry though, because we all know Carmen( Nas’ other babymamma) is probably runing to the courts asking for a raise on her monthly payment.

  • Yessir

    I thought it was $44,000 a month.

  • giantstepp

    Can Nas appeal this decision at all? It’s a fact that Nas doesnt have as much money as 50 or Russell Simmons and they are paying less. Rus is paying like 50 g’s for two, which is still a grip but thats 25k per child. How does Nas have to pay 44k or 55k for one? 50 is paying a extremely low amount and he has been on the forbes list for several years running! 44k is 528,000 a freaking year! Shit is mad unfair. She doesnt have to do a damn thing ever again!!

  • Around and Around

    That judge needs his head examined…what child needs that kind of money every month?

    Baby needs a new 5 series

    • Bobo D

      Of course the child “needs” the new 5 series. Plus a different car for everyday. The kids name is Knight Rider, he can’t just roll up to nursery school in a toyota.

    • El Tico Loco

      That baby could have his Harvard PHD paid in full by February, meanwhile enjoy an iced out bottle of cambodian breastmilk, and the self cleaning Gucci diapers.

      • Around and Around

        shit if I knew the kids name was Knight Rider I would have known, he needs that kind of change.

        If the kid was named General Lee he’d get a can of spam every month.

        Like OG Bobby J’s kid

        • Og Bobby J

          thats Mr. OG bobby to you reach around….

          My son stays eating the finest seafood…no ross

          Your girl stays on a steady diet of OG bobby dick….just another black girl lost….

        • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

          so xxlmag will censor my comment calling out og’s pedophilia comment, but leave his up? xxlmag loses along with og.

          og- reread what you wrote man. you lose. and youre disgusting. and stupid.

        • og bobby j

          i dont get it fam…

  • El Tico Loco

    I don’t think Kelis cares about Nas getting at her on wax as long as the check don’t bounce. He must’ve had a female judge on PMS that day because that is financial rape.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    @ least NaS is in a position to where he can create/generate situations that would bring him substantial gains.

    Unlike the average Joe Blow, who @ this point, would be plotting bank heists &/or where to get coke the cheapest.

    It’s just time for him to utilize his connects to the umpteenth degree. Cosign whoever said “start touring like Wayne”, that makes total sense. Shit, movie soundtracks, voice-overs, executive producing, acting, endorsements, etc.

    It’s out there, @ his disposal.

    *sidenote: He’s already appealed the amount. They go back to court in September.*

    • BIGNAT

      cheap coke prices i got you a guy at my job his wife is from peru. they go for a month and a half every year. they travel around while down there he said 1k in u.s. dollars gets you a kilo of coke in columbia. now getting it back to the states you gotta figure that out yourself.

  • http://www.incilin.blogspot.com Incilin

    Nas just might titled his next album “Bitch.” And not because of Kelis either. On “Be A Nigger Too” he spit: “Critics, eat a dick
    journalists, see I’m rich, With this N-word jargon I’m just starting, BITCH!”

    So yeah, there’s that. And “Bitch” would be a perfect counterpart to “Nigger”

    And oh BTW, I swear when I saw Nas in concert he said his next album would be called “Escobar Returns” So yeah, there’s that.

  • geico lizard

    The last nas album I bought was stillmatic but i would buy two copies of this one with the insert dvd of kelis and that youtube rapper banging.

  • http://xxl.com what?

    You niggas are more worried about this than Nas is…it is sad that people actually act like they know what Nas’ money is like…when obvious he is not broke! you simply people are acting like Kelis will get this for life…it is temporary! Nas and Kelis never had a long term marriage…meaning they were not married 10 years or more! Kelis will only get alimony for 2 years or less and it is not 55k it is actually 30k for Kelis and 9k for Knight! Nas’ lawyer released a statement! @ Tony Grand: MTO should never be a source to rely on when it comes to spreading rumors…and for Boi to be so smart he should know this! But you dudes at like females these days…GROW UP and stop trying to figure out the next man’s moves because I can bet you that Nas will be more successful than you fools who are worrying about his financial status. Nas is touring now and if you knew the laws of short term marriage you would know that Kelis will not be caking off of Nas for life! The only one will benefit from Nas is Knight and Destiny! Joint custody requires Kelis to contribute to her son’s care as well! And by the way all the money Nas has made after the date Kelis filed for divorce is his…no longer can Kelis claim those funds! You fools need to understand the law before you start trying to give Nas career advice on who to tour with and make friends with to earn money! Nas has already being doing movie soundtracks and executive producing documentaries…you niggas act like Nas is gone to have to beg his enemies for a hand out! You niggas thought he was broke…but know all of a sudden to watching his money! SMDH!!!

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

      @what?

      “@ Tony Grand: MTO should never be a source to rely on when it comes to spreading rumor..”

      ^^There’s a ‘$’ after the ‘d’. Or @ least an ‘S’. & MTO IS a reliable source when it comes to spreading rumors, thus I rely on them to be gossipy & unofficial.
      Maybe you were trying to make a different point. If that was in reference to my blog, I suggest you go back & re-read what you thought you read. There’s no reason to get so emotional. You’re more worried about what niggas say about NaS than NaS. Slow down sport, you’re going to get esophagus burns @ the rate you’re moving. These are just comments, nothing more, nothing less. Unless, hold up, NaS is that you? Nah, he’d have better command over his diction. Nevermind.

      @yoprince

      I said that in regards to his entire catalog. Generally, he’s chosen some off-putting beats. & I know I didn’t specifically name drop “Untitled” because I think that album was pretty good. But alas, NaS is NaS, & he does what he does. I’m sure I will have matured [more] in a few years, it’s natural human progression, but thanks for the biology lesson…..

  • I RUN THIS..

    Nas should been like the South African multi millionaire “Mandla Mthembu” who allegedly lost all his millions in a “bad overseas investment” deal as he was seperating with wifey…Wifey walked away with nothing because dude never bought any property because he “prefered” to rent expensive apartments..half way through the devorce, apperently the wifey discovered that the lambo she was driving was not hers, it was actually LEASED..lol..and dude owned his..lol..but some how, recently, dude finally understands the “importance” of owning property, so he moved into his recently built 5 million mansion with the new girlfriend..lol..classic

  • newguy

    dis aint dat bad fa a nigga like nas shit if u do the math ova 18 yrs thats only just under 12 million dollars. it is his kid shit if i had nas money i’d probably spend 12mil on my shauty the first year.

  • BIGNAT

    album titles
    18 acres and a ho
    M.B.M.A.S.-My baby mama aint shit
    raped for my soul
    back 2 basics
    back to the hood robbed for my riches
    climbing back to the throne
    the rapeover
    and my favorite one which i think he should really use
    a day in the new life of nasir jones

    what i think he should really do is not put out a album. stash some money overseas then file for bankruptcy. them payments going come down then when it reaches. the point he don’t go to pay any more buy a yacht called the SS KISS MY ASS KELIS. pick his son up play him illmatic and say your daddy is one of the greats.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    I don’t know about album titles, but we all know how NaS is a master storyteller. I’d like to hear a “Goin’ Back To Cali 3″ where he’s comes back out here for the judge, on some vengeful shit. That’s right up his alley [||].

    “Food For My Son”

    “The Judge Made Me Do It”

    “Love Jones”

    “God’s GrandSon”

    “Kcuf Silek”

    • BIGNAT

      “Kcuf Silek” good one grand i wonder how many people won’t figure that out

  • dronkmunk

    Bol I don’t think a million would last you that long, what with all the in-call.

    • E

      Who needs in-calls when you have pr0n and i sturdy left hand?

  • http://eyepayu.ws Martin

    Kelis got over… Nas is a legend

  • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

    NaS better fuck this ‘slore’ (ha! i like that shit, Bol) up, in some way, shape, form, or fashion. Lyrically, literally, etc… something got damnit! he’s got to do it for ALL MEN EVERYWHERE! send these slores out here a fucking message man. i’m counting on you NaS, don’t let us down.

  • Kappa9

    I think Nas should do an album with all the same producers for Illmatic and with the same lineup. Or that Nas/Premo album

  • Redd

    hes gonna do a song with THE DREAM. i just know it.