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Will T.I. receive special protection?

I was listening to NPR or some shit the other day, and they were saying that moving the terrorists from Gitmo to prisons here in the US could be worse, because they could end up getting killed. Guys in prison may be held against their will for the rest of their lives, in some cases on some ol’ bullshit, but they’re still patriotic enough to shank an A-rab, if given the opportunity.

Which is kinda sweet, if you think about it. Though I can’t imagine it would do us any favors, as far as our standing in the Arab community. It’s bad enough there was apparently a shedload of rape going on over in Abu Ghraib. How in the fuck are gonna convince them that their cousins got stabbed in the yard because the millions of people rotting in our prisons are lovers of freedom?

They aren’t exactly known for their appreciation of nuance.

I remember watching Oz, back when I was in high school, and thinking it wasn’t very realistic, because people would turn up dead week in and week out. And how in the fuck could so many people get killed in prison and we hardly even hear about it? But apparently people in prison really do get killed all the time like that – it’s one of the reasons why they’re not sure what they’re gonna do with the terrorists.

Which begs the question: should we be worried about T.I.? He turned himself in the other day, and there’s all kinds of rumors about him being a snitch. There was an hilarious video on Vlad TV the other day with Star talking about how T.I. fucks with the police. And there was the thing a couple of weeks ago, with Alfamega being outed as a snitch, and somehow having both of his legs broken by the police. Then it was rumored that T.I. might only be doing a few weeks in the joint, though that may have been b.s.

Maybe 5-0 floated the idea of T.I. only doing a few weeks, to see if anyone would call shenanigans, and then they were like, “Nah, we’re gonna have to leave him in for at least six months.” I notice they’ve got him in a prison in Arkansas, of all places, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some shenanigans were involved with that. While I doubt Arkansas has any white collar prisons, or any white collar residents, for that matter, other than the Walton family, which is officially above the law, I’m wondering how come they couldn’t have sent him to a prison in his native Georgia. I’m pretty sure Georgia does have a prison. Wasn’t James Brown discovered in a prison in Georgia?

They probably figured not as many people in Arkansas would know T.I. Or if they do know him, because I’m sure his music is big in Arkansas, they might not be as familiar with the details of his case. I’ve never been sure whether or not guys in prison can access the Internet. I know there’s that dating site where fat white women can sign up for conjugal visits. It’s what comes up when I google some of my male relatives in my age group. But they might not be able to access blogs. I know Prodigy has to write his shit down and have someone post it for him.

Let’s say word does get out in the Arkansas prison. Like, maybe I go down to Georgia to score with a broad I met on the Internets, and I end up having to kill somebody, and so I’m sent to the same prison in Arkansas, and I start whispering in some guys’ ears. No fishsticks. Is it true that people in prison don’t take kindly to people who fuck with the police? We know inmates will kill sex offenders, and apparently they might fuck up a terrorist, but what about T.I.?

If I had to put money on it, I’d say nothing bad’s gonna happen to T.I. in prison, if only because he’s famous. If he left the joint in 17 shoe boxes (or in his case, like 12), too many people would notice. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s being held in a special area, with a buncha gay guys, or if they’ve got a guy on the inside, whose job is to take care of him. Either way, six months from now, he’ll be back out on the street, hardly any worse for the wear. Worse case scenario, there might be a rumor that he got raped on four different occasions, like 2Pac. I might even start one.

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