Scott Storch Can Explain… Really!

Previously on XXLMag.com:

Scott Storch: *fiddling with keys* *whistling “Lean Back” melody* Damn. Nigga like me tired than a motherfucker.

Brooke Hogan: Well, I hope you’re not too tired for a little fun. *reaches into her purse*

SS: Nah, baby. I can’t fuck with another Slim Jim. *opening front door* Can’t believe your pops still got you eatin those.

BH: I can’t believe you still haven’t produced my big single, ass. These Slim Jims are why I’m 6-feet and thick and delicious how you like it. *kisses Storch*

SS: Yeah… I got that Slim Jim for you, baby. Lemme just drop this deuce right quick. I’ll be right out. *enters bathroom* *turns on light*

DMX: WHAT’S GOOD, BABY?! *slight growl*

SS: X, what the fuck? You scared the SHIT out of me!

BH: *from living room* Who are you talking to, baby?

DMX: Oh, shit! You got company? Bitches? That’s what’s good, my nigga!

SS: *to Brooke* I’m on the phone, baby! *to DMX* Fuck, man. How the fuck did you– *notices open bathroom window* Damn, X. I didn’t expect to come home and find you on my toilet.

DMX: Calm down, nigga. I’m almost done. *growls and grunts*

Those of you who remember this much can’t possibly go for the following bullshit:

“The cost of the drug didn’t effect my life… It was the poor decisions I made, that were so poor financially, that caused me to go into this situation where I was forced to change my lifestyle … forced to change a lot of things… [I had] 15 to 20 cars at all times… That’s not smart. I would take one of 15 half-million-dollar cars I owned and go to the mall and spend that much money. Stupid, stupid stuff. It’s like it didn’t make a difference. They were ego investments. I would have been great with three or four cars! I didn’t need a 117-foot boat.”

-Scott Storch, MTV.com

[Blogger's Note: Here comes a little Training Day]

Of course, he’s talking about “The Love Boat”. Butt Naked. Pedico. Cocoa Krispies. Koko B. Ware. Birdman [Chris Andersen or Baby]. White Chicks. The Marlon Wayne Brothers [I know. WTF, right?]. Blow. Chelsea Handler… Etc.

I didn’t know Scott Storch liked to get jet. In the same article, Storch’s manager corroborates the stories of half-million dollar round trip to the French Riviera. This leads me to believe this nigga’s been powdering his nose just the same. They only way a flight to the Riviera costs $500,000 is if there’s a shopping bag full of bricks stuffed in a plane wing… or an inactive engine… or some dead soldiers’ caskets.

For Scott Storch to claim that he blew $70 million dollars on cars he admits cost up to $500,000 apiece means he’s got the lying ability of a fiend in the anchor segment of an episode of Cops. I’m a language arts-oriented guy, but with a tally of 15 vehicles, that’s only $7.5 million–a tenth of the bread Storch blew at an Orlando Magic Game 4 pace.

Niggas know shit like this can only happen from fucking with that Turkoglu. I’ve only ever fucked with the Reefer Alston in my day, but I know from watching Scarface that good coke can be very expensive and gets increasingly more addictive the purer and costlier it gets.

“It was the poor decisions I made.” Wigga, please. How do you blow through generations worth of paper in an album cycle? Poor decisions like making South Florida dope boys rich as fuck? How about hosting nightly cocktail parties featuring caviar and cocaine crackers? I bet this nigga stirred the Peruvian into his Kool-Aid like it was nothing. You’ve got to be going through the shit that quickly.

Fuck outta here.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Wish niggas would bring the lean back? Hiyooooo! ron@ronmexicocity.com

  • te noh

    uumm, Pierzy?

    “I didn’t know Scott Storch liked to get jet.”

    Bowser-style: Bwa ha ha ha.

    White just has to claim everything, huh. Couldn’t leave the title to Hammer. At least Hammer hired like 900 people from Oakland to live at his house and shit.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      commission? haha.

      i feel bad for hammer. he tried to do something noble. scott storch is a hard guy to pity. there was a lot of evil at the core of his descent.

      • $ykotic

        Come on ya’ll! Gotta leave the trademark somewhere up in here.

        Now I know where he got the idea for “Lean Back”.

        Dude need a custie like him!

      • Azhar

        In my best Rick James (RIP) voice…..Cocaine is a helluva drug!!!! roll up!

        • EReal

          I’m of the opinion that if DMX is in your house, you’re most likely a fiend.

  • http://yahoo nacho libre

    you got to be a stupid motherfucker to blow 30 million dollars!!! (in my best chris tucker voice)

    • http://yahoo nacho libre

      im sorry, you got to be a stupid motherfucker to blow (70) million dollars!! (in my best smokey voice)

  • Worley

    Mex you back in shape? Good sh*t.

    It wasn’t only the cars and the coke. Don’t forget he was f*cking with Lil’ Kim.

    “Heard in three weeks she sniffed a whole half a cake up/heard she suck a good dick and [can't] hook a steak up.”

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      gotta go. gotta go. more pies to bake up.

      hahaha. i’m back, mane.

      every day just brings a new challenge. sometimes we gotta attack from different angles. but i’m good. haha.

  • Apollo Moses

    This dude name dropped Coco B. Ware…I’ll be..

    • Around and Around

      Exactly what I thought, then quickly remembered that “dance” he did with that bird.

      I thought TI’s were suppose to be good with money?

  • DV8

    “I’m a language arts-oriented guy, but with a tally of 15 vehicles, that’s only $7.5 million–a tenth of the bread Storch blew at an Orlando Magic Game 4 pace.”

    Forget Game 4, Orlando blew this whole series .They should very well be up 3-1 instead of the other way around. Game 4 was the nail in they own coffin.

    And im not buying that bullshit excuse Storch gave. Hope he gets his shit together. On some real life shit not even on the music tip.

  • zood

    I’m a big fan of this blog and think its very funny but I don’t think Storch claimed he blew 70 mill on cars alone, he did mention he bought a lot. I don’t buy the crap he about drugs having nothing to do with it. Storch is one of many more to come to have Hammer syndrome. Wonder if T-pain regrets that idiotic chain he got yet.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      “I don’t buy the crap he about drugs having nothing to do with it.”

      there we go. we on the level.

      and thanks for your support. on the real.

  • Apollo Moses

    LOL! Great line Worley…dude got that habit worse than Buddy “Aces” Israel.

  • render

    blowing 30 mil in 6 months? scott storch needs to get his jew card revoked

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      *dead*

  • http://www.sylermusic.com Syler

    WTF is wrong with Storch man, the guy had the world on a platter and he literally snorted the world clean off it. Cocain is a helluva drug. Oh and I went back to read the original SS, BH, DMX encounter in full again and I’m on the floor. Grunting, growling, and splooshing. Haha.

    • http://www.sylermusic.com Syler

      Sidebar: Dude always looked yacked out of his mind anyway. The writing was on the wall.

  • Braille

    the beginning was hilarious…like why in the hell was dmx in your house…wasn’t x riding that white horse too…30 million…damn…yeah it had to be coke

  • Jamal7Mile

    Storch’s math is all wrong. I read that EmpTV article and knew he was lying! And for him to say the price of coke wasn’t part of his problem??

    You will pay MORE than just money for coke. Always! And in his case, the bill was $30M in 6 months.

    And who from Hell would keep Janet Jackson waiting?

    Get past Step 1 Scott… one day at a time, yo.

  • latino heat

    is Brooke Hogan really thick? i never really paid attention to her, the fact that her face looks just like her dad’s but without facial hair is a pretty big turn off.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    C’mon Mexico, you know jews are so closely linked to black folk that sometimes they have to do dumb nigga shit to remind themselves that they’re not black, they jewish.

    It was a self-preservation-induced reality check. He fell to deep in the black hole, per se. The jewels, the mega-dope boy lifestyle, the amazonian women/barbie dolls, shit, wasn’t a dreidel or Shalom in sight.

    But, not to worry. He’ll be trading barbeques for barmitzvahs in no time.

    L’chiam.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    C’mon Mexico, you know jews are so closely linked to black folk that sometimes they have to do dumb nigga shit to remind themselves that they’re not black, they jew-ish.

    It was a self-preservation-induced reality check. He fell too deep in the black hole, per se. The jewels, the mega-dope boy lifestyle, the amazonian women/barbie dolls, shit, wasn’t a dreidel or Shalom in sight.

    But, not to worry. He’ll be trading barbeques for barmitzvahs in no time.

    L’chiam.

  • LB

    He learned that coke can fuck with ya focus just like crack; it’s just supposed be more upscale. No excuses. Can’t gloss over it.

  • El Tico Loco

    He really blew millions on blow? If I was that connect, I’ll be leaving the country before he starts singing.

  • El Tico Loco

    He really blew millions on blow? If I was that connect, I’ll be leaving the country before he starts singing. 2nd try

  • El Tico Loco

    He really blew millions on blow? If I was that connect, I’ll be leaving the country before he starts singing. 3rd try

  • DazzOne

    Pimpas Pardise. That’s all he was. You do pay more for coke than just duckets. Word to Pookie (that’s a “New Jack City”/”Suicidal Thoughts” reference for you herbs).

  • Lowedwn

    What??? y’all thought Rick James was playing when he said “Cocaine is a helluva drug”???

    Mex you probably right though about the caviar/coke crackaz, when u get to be a junkie on that level, everything you do has got to be Extra.

  • BIGNAT

    LMAO ron ron has done it again so many funny lines. stirring the coke into the kool-aid he saying yeah this the only way whte folks drink kool-aid.

  • that nigga

    Scott Is a crackhead. DMX hidin in your basement..Classic.

  • tru predator

    whats worse than a white man sayin nigger?a black man callin a white boy wigger.

    • Jamal7Mile

      What’s up, Tru?

      I gotta disagree with that one. We answered Archie Bunker with George Jefferson. Who started this shit, eh???

      Me personally, words simply do not hurt me the way they hurt my Grandparents. I look at racial taunts as battle lyrics. And as a battle lyricist, I always gotta comeback for ‘em.

      It’s that “sticks and stones may break my bones” thing that’s applied here. Don’t catch feelings off of words, homie. If someone “outs” your race… you gotta right to go back at ‘em, whether you’re white, black, brown, yellow, red, green, etc etc.

      • tru predator

        your not seein what im sayin obviously.when a black man calls someone a wigger.its like a black man saying nigger.because its a combination of nigger and wanna be.which is a word used mostly by white racists.it dont even sound cool when a black man says wigga.racism will never cease.with people continuing to find ways to hold each other down.ive dealin with this shit my whole life.i might as well have been born black.because people have always treated me like i am.because i have always embraced rap music since i was young.im 34 so i grew up listening to rap music since the days of run dmc,the beasties,rakim and so on and so forth,and always got talked down to for it.even having racist people around me since i was young i always had to tell people why do you hate someone because of the color of their skin and the kinda life style they lead,along with the sytle of music they make.just because you dont identify with it and you dont relate to it.im not claimin to understand the struggles of the black people with racism,but i know what its like in a way because i grew up white,embraced the hip hop culture and was always talked down to for it.even by friends who where hipocrites who listened to rap but are still somewhat racist.

  • http://Iamverybroke.com Dominic

    Scorch blew 70 million because he thought the gravy train will last forever. The bottom line in the music industry or any other type of entertainment EVENTUALLY YOU WILL NOT BE HOT ANYMORE SO STACK YOUR CHIPS WHILE U CAN.

  • These posts are racist

    He’s lying. He didn’t spend that much money. He’s hiding it from the IRS. Don’t fall for this…he’s smarter than you think.

  • http://gooddoctorzeus.blogspot.com DocZeus

    I think your looking at the wrong drug. Clearly, Storch blew his fortune on botox injections. The motherf*cker’s face looks plastic as a motherf*cker. He’s prolly been going to the same dcotor that makes Eminem’s grill look shiny as f*ck.