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Rich Boy: The New Crack… For Kids

“Nah, it’s going to be more substance, man, because what had happened was, it messed my head up, I was riding through this project called Roger Wiliams, and this kid had asked me, ‘Why you rap about crack so much, Richy?’ And it just messed my head up to the point where I couldn’t get mad at the little cat. I was just like, I could tell he seen something real dealing with crack. So I was just like, Man, for the kids like that, I’d rather change my topic. If I know kids like that are listening to me.”

Rich Boy,

Okay, now. Put a pin in that. We’ll come back to it.

“I can guarantee you this: When I leave out the game, when I stop, I’m gonna be top 10, man. And I put this on everything. I’m gonna be top 10. I’m coming with God, above anything. So, I just know how the story goes. I’m coming. So if people ain’t ready, they need to get ready. It’s going to be serious.”

-Rich Boy,

…and for mo’ gooder measure:

“I was drinking syrup for about eight years, and it just caught up with me one night. I thought I was going to die, the way it hit me. But I was just like, ‘Man, I can’t be feeling like this and trying to get money in the hospital.’ It ain’t gonna add up if I’ve got 10 million dollars and I’m in the hospital. I can’t even do nothing with it. “

-Rich Boy,

Alright. Let’s start with this whole “top 10″ nonsense. Rich Boy isn’t even a Top 10 ignorant-ass crack rapper. Shit, Rich Boy isn’t even a Top 10 ignorant-ass crack rapper having a Road to Damascus moment due to a changing music industry. Yet, with something like triple-beam scales falling from his eyes, “Richy” now realizes that he shouldn’t glorify the crack game because–gasp–chillens is lissnen.

Rich Boy sounds like a damn politician. You know how them niggas always have tales of specific encounters with nameless individuals at every stop on the campaign trail. They always just spoke to a little boy in Kansas who fell down a well, making said politician aware he needs to do something about… well safety. As his own campaign trail looms, Rich Boy needs to make you custies–I mean, voters–aware that he’s going to be a more conscious crack dealer who just purchased a Cadillac.

Who the fuck did Rich Boy think was listening to his music a couple years ago? Could he not tell from “Throw Some Ds” being on 106 and Park for 650 consecutive days? What child coming from a situation as “real” as Rich Boy claims is gonna be confused about what’s “real” and what’s music industry fantasy bullshit? I can understand actual rich boys being effectively romanticized by such Canterbury Tales From The Hood. However, I don’t know too many kids who grew up close enough to a crackhouse to inhale the fumes that can’t tell BET bullshit from the world they live in.

Most such children would think Rich Boy a user before a dealer.

[Blogger’s Note: Brain ain’t right from inhalin’ the work all my life. Fuck it.]

Speaking of looking like a user, it’s good to hear that Rich Boy put the syrup cup down, but he must have been hitting it pretty hard in his day to give his music as much credit as he does in this interview. Shit. Some of you are reading this right now like, “Why the fuck are we talking about Rich Boy?” The imaginary project kid and his Top 10 guarantee tell enough. Either the boy ain’t playin with a full deck or he doesn’t live on the same planet as the rest of us.

Rich Boy’s right about one thing. The only crack he needs to deal is substance. But that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t rap about crack anymore. Clipse rap about crack all the time. Their shit is dope. No pun intended. I think even the children can agree with me when I say I’d rather listen to talented, thoughtful niggas rap about crack for hours than a terrible MC who thinks the new hot message is gonna be what moves him some units. If he doesn’t want to make rap that glorifies being a dope boy anymore because he knows he’s full of shit, that’s cool too. But, he shouldn’t sit up here and act like he single-handedly burned down the ghetto and is ready to hand out turkeys to make ammens.

If Rich Boy wants to make a mass apology, he should do so to all them folks who unwrapped his album and only liked one track.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Need some D thrown?

I’d like to thank Vibe for biting off more than they could chew with this whole “60 Rappers In 60 Days” thing they’ve got going. We should start up a rival challenge over here. We could call it: “Find Me 25 Rappers Worth Talking About and I’ll Give You Whatever’s Left on This EBT Card”.

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