Kedar Massenburg: Fuck Tha Police!

Fuck a low-speed chase. Lil’ K-Mass gets it in like the newest Grand Theft Auto game.

I found out about this crazy-ass story from my favorite light-skinted R. Kelly interviewer on Twutter. That’s right. Not “Twitter” but “Twutter”, as Charles Barkley would say.

According to the New York Post, the most reputable and ethically sound print publication known to man, former Motown top brass Kedar Massenburg was wylin the fuck out at B.B. King’s Blues Club & Grill in Times Square this past Monday night. At first I wondered why Massenburg would choose such a popular, police saturated venue to crack a bottle over a police officer’s head and steal his badge. Then I looked up the overpriced restaurant/club’s event schedule. All this crazy shit went down at a Joe & Chico Debarge show, which not only explains why Massenburg was there, but what likely sparked the lapse in judgment leading to such an epic fail.

I know how cops can be, especially Jersey cops. Everything you may have heard about them niggas is true. “How to Racially Profile and Open Fire on School Kids Like a Scared Fucking Rabbit” is a real chapter in all of their rookie handbooks. If a nigga’s ripped from K’orus wine, he might recognize this much in a fucked up subconscious way. But there’s still no excuse to act an ass like this in the middle of fucking B.B. King’s. I go there and drop a good bill whenever Bone Thugs -N- Harmony plays New York. For my $150 I couldn’t feel safer, despite already having been robbed after passing through the metal detector.

Chico must have put a little El Debarge in a glass of that nasty-ass wine Massenburg’s been trying to hock like the new Armadale. Not only is a sprinkle of the nieve probably necessary to mask the Manischewitz-meets-grape Kool-Aid flavor, but why else would you go Captain Caveman on a nigga in public like that… then swipe his badge and run after he identifies himself as an off-duty police officer?

[Blogger's Note: He doesn't usually do blow. But when he does, he prefers El Debarge.]

You’d have to just know you done fucked up, right? I guess not when you’re fuckin with that DeBarge, which apparently is Puerto Rican for “This coke might actually have some heroin in it.” No guarantees though.

[Blogger's Note: Kinda like how "Foster's" is Australian for beer.]

Hopefully Massenburg used a K’orus wine bottle and the whole Steve Stouting was captured on film. That security footage is all the viral video promotion a fledgling [purple?] label needs.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Working at Motown would probably have driven you batshit crazy too. ron@ronmexicocity.com

*sips* Ahhhhh. 2009. It’s a good year!

  • http://www.sylermusic.com Syler

    “[Blogger's Note: He doesn't usually do blow. But when he does, he prefers El Debarge.]

    You’d have to just know you done fucked up, right? I guess not when you’re fuckin with that DeBarge, which apparently is Puerto Rican for “This coke might actually have some heroin in it.” No guarantees though.”

    Roffle

    • http://www.sylermusic.com Syler

      Oh, and Pierzy whaddup!

      • Pierzy

        What it is, Syler?

        Barkley: “This drop was not turrrrible!”

        • EReal

          Captain Caveman is superthug!

          What what a what what a what what a what?!?!?!

  • ri067953

    Yo, Fosters should be Australian for Ole E cuz that shit is stfong as fuck!

  • geico lizard

    “All this crazy shit went down at a Joe & Chico Debarge show”
    ^
    Did I fall asleep in a time machine? What year is it? If I had known we were going back in time I would have brought some lottery numbers or a sports almanac.

  • geico lizard

    “Working at Motown would probably have driven you batshit crazy too.”

    ^
    Andre Harrell just threw a “motown got mentioned in an article”party.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    Yeah Mex!

    Not only an ethering, but a brief education on who the man is (you are aware that quite a few of these cats don’t know who he OR Chico/El is).

    No hate, but that wine tastes like flat Popeye’s strawberry soda. You just have to love the name, though…K’orus. Ha! “Ripple” was already taken……..

    I have to found this shit on the ‘Net now. Good shit, homie.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    Yeah Mex!

    Not only an ethering, but a brief education on who the man is (you are aware that quite a few of these cats don’t know who he OR Chico/El is).

    No hate, but that wine tastes like flat Popeye’s strawberry soda. You just have to love the name, though…K’orus. Ha! “Ripple” was already taken……..

    I have to find this shit on the ‘Net now. Good shit, homie.

  • http://www.datpiff.com/Dont_Panic_Entertainment_Max_Profit_Smokers_Para.m51405.html Max Profit

    Wow!! That’s some crazy sh*t. I wonder how he kept from gettin shot.

    • BIGNAT

      i was thinking the same thing i look at a cop wrong. he already about to yell he has a gun into the walkie.
      “You’d have to just know you done fucked up, right? I guess not when you’re fuckin with that DeBarge, which apparently is Puerto Rican for “This coke might actually have some heroin in it.” No guarantees though.”
      LMAO man ron ron where you be getting this shit from.

  • anutha_level

    aaah, i caught that chico debarge word play with that “no guarantees…” reference.

    i used to get MUCH pussy off that cd, i can’t/won’t front. but you gotta wonder what goes through people’s mind on that sauce, u think time kinda changes into slow motion for them while cockin bottles back and swingin on fools? maybe just the common “black out” syndrome thats all too common with getting shit-faced. cat probably didn’t remember shit the next day, just woke up nekkit with a badge in his hand in a wendy’s parking lot…

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com ron mexico

      “aaah, i caught that chico debarge word play with that “no guarantees…” reference.”

      myyyyyyyyy nigga!

      i was THIS close to dropping “listen to your man” in there somewhere too.

      your cousin’s baby’s mama’s best friend! you KNOW they performed that shit. that’s the whole point of the split bill.

      shit, had i known about this show before the police blotter came out, i might have went. sounds like a fun night. i’d have gotten to see k-mass wild out in person too.

  • Lowedwn

    You’d have to just know you done fucked up, right? I guess not when you’re fuckin with that DeBarge, which apparently is Puerto Rican for “This coke might actually have some heroin in it.” No guarantees though.

    [Blogger's Note: Kinda like how "Foster's" is Australian for beer.]
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    LMMFAO, tell “That DeBarge” is being added to the Mexxico Slanguistics, that shit is too funny. Side effects may be randomly hearing “Rhythm of the Night” with no disco or trannies around and channeling the spirit of Joe Jackson/Ike Turner on all your subsequent spouses.

    • DV8

      LMMFAO, tell “That DeBarge” is being added to the Mexxico Slanguistics, that shit is too funny. Side effects may be randomly hearing “Rhythm of the Night” with no disco or trannies around and channeling the spirit of Joe Jackson/Ike Turner on all your subsequent spouses.

      LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Add some Samuel Jackson beer and its definately on and crackin.

  • DV8

    “Blogger’s Note: He doesn’t usually do blow. But when he does, he prefers El Debarge.”

    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    co-sign geico lizard, this got me thinking its 97-98 all over again.

    @ anutha_level, “Love Still Good” was a automatic panty dropper back in the day.

  • Worley

    “despite already having been robbed after passing through the metal detector.”

    That’s why I don’t f*ck with clubs in NY. You can go almost anywhere else and party all night for the price of admission in NY. Let’s not even talk about the rent a cops at the door. Sh*t just ain’t worth it anymore.

  • RonTucker

    “DeBarge, which apparently is Puerto Rican for ‘This coke might actually have some heroin in it.”

    ~DEAD~

  • $ykotic

    Seriously. It took me 40 minutes to even type this comment. I keep going back up and reading.

    Real talk.

    • DV8

      Hey $ykotic

      just how official is that list? and how come the masses havent got a hold of it yet?

      • $ykotic

        Funny because I was just going back to that post.

        The masses do. $ is involved ya heard?

  • Wavy One

    Max B Approves of this blog

  • Ya Boy

    WE WANT MORE GUCCI MANE!!!

  • c b w

    [Blogger's Note: He doesn't usually do blow. But when he does, he prefers El Debarge.]

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    That shit right there was a drop the microphone,shout “Sexual Chocolate”,stomp, and walk off the stage moment.

  • that nigga

    Blogger’s Note: Kinda like how “Foster’s” is Australian for beer
    “”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”

    Classic Shit.

  • DevoG

    “Massenburg is 5-foot-3 and about 150 pounds, while the cop is a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier.”; and the cop was an autograph hound! I can see why he got smashed on!

  • terri

    this might be late but The Debarges are not Puerto Rican their Black (their father is white)