2009 BET Awards Notes and Observations

I know. I know. It’s Michael Jackson holiday weekend extended, which means I must suspend my quest of… holding our beloved negro music to Michael Jackson standards.

Like I give a fuck who catches feelings.

The funniest shit about the 2009 BET Awards is that Michael Jackson wasn’t even invited until he died. Sure, he was the butt of millions of jokes minutes before he passed away–and as he was dying–but, the world successfully stopped turning for a weekend after he finally did. Niggas are funny like that, I guess. With that said, The Negro Channel did a great job on such short notice to pay tribute to possibly the greatest musical performer of all time.

Yes, that is a compliment. Sometimes I do that in print. Sometimes you see shit streak across the sky at night. Eh.

Without taking away from the effort of Debra Lee-vil and her demonic horde, here are some of my thoughts from the 2009 BET Awards as they occurred:

New Edition’s Jackson 5 tribute opening should never have happened. Sure, it was thrown together on short notice, but Mike deserves better than Ralph Tresvant sounding like the fucking Cryptkeeper. I saw NE on tour a couple years ago with my mother. I wondered why Tresvant wasn’t there. Now I wonder why he was excavated to brutalize a medley of Jackson tunes.

They gave LeBron James “Best Male Athlete”. I don’t know who the other nominees were. They didn’t start announcing nominees until the program was damn near over. I don’t watch TNC enough to know who they’re diggin like that, nor do I care. I do wonder if LeBron expected handshakes from the losing nominees as he does his losing on-court opponents. James mentioned appreciating everything Michael Jackson did for basketball. I too remember whem MJ ran the point for Indiana State between European tours. The nigga was money.

What else can I say about Ginuwine that hasn’t been said about Shemar Moore? Oh, I know. Michael Jackson inspired Ginuwine to buy a suit from Joe Jackson’s yardsale. I know y’all seent that shit. Either Ginuwine is a closet Jamaican, or that suit is out of John Witherspoon’s forthcoming “Detroit Johnny” collection.

Bang. Bang. Bang. Cooooooordinate.

What was the purpose of Snoop Dogg’s presence during the “Blame It” performance? Nigga was holding a mic and everything. As if Snoopy blames anything on the alcohol. I bet he don’t even drink. We know what Snoopy do.

For those of you watching the BET Awards-ternt-Michael Jackson tribute wondering exactly how far pop music has fallen in the past 20 years, I present Soulja Boy!

[Blogger's Note: The caption "Soulja Boy Performan's..." is a new low even for WSHH.]

Beyonce done roamed into Bjork territory. If anyone understands what they saw from her performance, please let a nigga know. My interpretation is that she morphed from a young, sheltered princess into a jellyfish carnival tilt-a-whirl… for Michael, of course.

It was nice to see Monica back on TV for non-C-Murder-related reasons. That’s what’s up, baby! Keyshia Cole’s hair and makeup looked better than ever. Despite keeping Frankie F. Baby off the stage for once, her aura survived in Keyshia’s wardrobe. Somebody high put that shit together. Monica, on the other hand, came out there lookin like she was about to bust Mega Man’s ASS.

Watching Don Cornelius struggle out there really hurt my heart. It’s the only thing about the awards I cared to tweet about. Somebody could’ve raised that fuckin mic stand for Don Cornelius! Damn. The nigga is like 7 feet tall and they had that mic stand set to “Jermaine Dupri”. They had a performance between his retirement home rambles and, still no one raised his shit. That’s about some shiftless nigga shit if I ever seen.

The biggest winners have to be the BET makeup crew. They did a miraculous job on Tevin Campbell. Last time I saw that nigga he looked like medical waste. You couldn’t see nary a lesion or coke crater last night. They must have had Tyra’s staff on that.

Vaseline is a hell of a drug.

Speaking of shiny, greasy niggas incessantly followed by gay rumors, either Johnny Gill was high as hell or his liver’s about to give out. His eyes were glassier than Don’s shits.

Eddie Levert talking about niggas “dancing and shit” on live television = greatness. “My name is Eddie. This is what I do.” = Eddie Levert FTW!

Here’s some crazy shit. Don Cornelius outlived Michael Jackson. Eddie Levert outlived Gerald and Sean.

I liked this Maxwell nigga better when he was a hippie. Why did he have had to get all clean and shit? His music was more powerful when he looked like he showered in patchouli and considered brushing between blunts optional. Obama gets elected and now we got this one in his best Mens Wearhouse suit lookin like he runnin for president of Palmer’s Cocoa Butter.

Let’s not play the game, people.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Let’s get [even more] ratchet. ron@ronmexicocity.com

P.S: Coon.

  • Master CHeef

    Pierzy.

    • Pierzy

      Good lookin’ out, Cheef.

      Mexx, that show was a damn mess. I watched about 8 minutes and felt bad…for myself. When an athlete can no longer perform, they get cut (for hte most part). Why can’t we have the same thing for musicians? Do we really have to go back to the long-ass cane/hook to drag them off stage? C’mon Ralph. You’re like Patrick Ewing in a Sonics uniform now.

      • geico lizard

        Jason Weaver would have done a better job than Ralph. They dug up tevin campbell so they could have hooked up Weaver too.

    • Unbelievable

      Why is it that when African-Americans try to do something stella, it is always frowned upon, criticized and unappreciated. If the BET Awards did not pay tribute to MJ in some kind of way, it would have been something NEGATIVE said about that! I am sick and tired of Black folks complaining of something that is irrelevant. Please if you commence to have attitude over the good, then please read your Bible over how you can improve as a Black individual.

  • Master Cheef

    Not sure how you missed this, but snoop sips gin n juice while smoking indoe sometimes.

    Nigga ain’t got shit on Master Cheef, though. Your boy stays higher than giraffe pussy.

    • $ykotic

      LOL

      I see the jokes pouring in on this one. I’ll watch the re-cast like next week or something.

    • yoprince

      GUCCI!

  • The Fedz

    What I noticed most was nobody gave a black president shot out, I guess we officially over him. I figure BET must have cut out his tribute in favor of Mike (anyone Tyson, Jordan, Jackson).

    • geico lizard

      Eddie Levert shouted out President Obama I think but “dancing and shit” is what everyone will remember.

      FUN FACT: Eddie Levert is still a player and one time he was dating the mom of the girl Gerald Levert was dating. Even Eddie felt shame that day and he had to break up with her.

  • http://www.layemdowne.com diamond district

    did anyone see Eddie giving the dirty look to the young nigga in the ojays? or the sham ass relationship of Jay z and Beyonce, when she pushed him off?? best yet is Tyrese duckin from the microphone zippin past his head… DVR is all that!!!

  • BIGNAT

    i thought ron ron was going drop a normal post no jokes. i am glad i was wrong man some of this shit was funny as hell.
    “What else can I say about Ginuwine that hasn’t been said about Shemar Moore? Oh, I know. Michael Jackson inspired Ginuwine to buy a suit from Joe Jackson’s yardsale. I know y’all seent that shit. Either Ginuwine is a closet Jamaican, or that suit is out of forthcoming John Witherspoon’s “Detroit Johnny” collection”
    “I liked this Maxwell nigga better when he was a hippie. Why did he have had to get all clean and shit? His music was more powerful when he looked like he showered in patchouli and considered brushing between blunts optional. Obama gets elected and now we got this one in his best Mens Wearhouse suit lookin like he runnin for president of Palmer’s Cocoa Butter”
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Jack Tripper

    What else can I say about Ginuwine that hasn’t been said about Shemar Moore? Oh I Know!

    Yo Mex that sounds like: “What can I say about that suit that hasn’t been said about Afghanistan? It looks bombed out and depleted.” LOL!

    “The first time I met Mike we were on a video set…. And people were dancin and shit!” Like Don Cornelius, for a quick second Eddie Levert must’ve forgotten where he was.

    It was kinda fucked up how it was supposed to be a tribute show to MJ but they had Lil Wayne and his crew closing out the show with a song about having sex with females and the bringing out lil girls on stage.

  • DetroitDraper

    @ Cheef good Gucci quote…I guess we the only ones on xxl after 5. Just to let evryone know I work from 2 till 10 so Im almost always too late to make an opinion that has’nt been said a million times and I’m left with only cosigns and way way the fuck ups lol Pershun.

    • Pierzy

      Yeah man, I’m out of the office at 5 and usually in class by 6, so any XXL posting that occurs after “normal business hours” is going to be Pierzy-less. I like the fact that y’all are still here though!

    • nellz

      that’s a gucci quote? i thought it was from Naledge

    • Master Cheef

      Better late than never, my nigga.

  • El Tico Loco

    I’m too busy laughin to be typin, I posted this link to my facebook to put my uppity friends up on Ron Mexico.

  • anutha_level

    too many quotables…but this one was my fav.

    “What else can I say about Ginuwine that hasn’t been said about Shemar Moore? Oh, I know. Michael Jackson inspired Ginuwine to buy a suit from Joe Jackson’s yardsale. I know y’all seent that shit. Either Ginuwine is a closet Jamaican, or that suit is out of forthcoming John Witherspoon’s “Detroit Johnny” collection.

    Bang. Bang. Bang. Cooooooordinate.”

    …classic sheiit

  • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

    “Obama gets elected and now we got this one in his best Mens Wearhouse suit lookin like he runnin for president of Palmer’s Cocoa Butter.”

    Classic.

    Yo Ron I hope you got a part 2 to your BET Awards blog I know you ahd to leave out some more stuff LOL

  • PARIS PERSHUN

    AHHHHHH THIS SHIT IS HILARIOUS…… SURPRISED YOU AINT SAY SHIT BOUT THE CENSORSHIP NIGGA FALLIN ASLEEP ON EVERY FUCKIN CUSS WORD AND BLEEPIN OUT HE WORD LOVE….HA HA HA HA HA AHA……. OR THAT HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE ASS YOUNG MONEY PERFORMANCE…… EVERYBODY PERFORMANCE SEEMED LIKE THEY NEVA PRACTICED

    (LEANS BACK AND TURNS “WHAT A JOB THIS IS” WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY THE FUCK UP)

  • oskamadison

    Ron Mex, this joint was a straight highlight reel. “And speaking of shiny, greasy niggas incessantly followed by gay rumors…”, classic. Word to Eddie Murphy. (Y’all connect the dots on that one.

  • DJ Postman

    Could we also talk about how not enough jokes were written for Jamie Foxx so that he had to continually pick on Diddy and just randomly yell out people’s names (“I see you Kanye’s bald-headed girlfriend…”)

    The whole show did seem a little sloppy, but I guess you have to expect that when you pull it all together in 3 days. Ron, good call on the Jermaine Dupri microphone level. Someone needed to get that geezer off the stage and back to his prune bowl. He is basically the reason the show went over by 40 minutes.

  • BAM54321

    Why did my man say about Big Don….he always been that slow! Three people in my house said ‘I thought that nigga was dead’ when Tevin hit the stage. My boy J Gill has a thyroid condition….I thought that niggas eyes was about to fall out. I’m from the hood….and still frown up whenever T.I.’s broad speaks. Ya boy Kanye was thinkin ‘that nigga done stole my get down’ when Drake was gettin it. Where was white Mike- J Timberlake? Where was little Webster….then again, that shit wouldn’t have been a good look.

  • Cam Jones

    I am shocked Mex. No mention of Young Money singing about screwing all the girls around the world with several children on stage. Mike Jax would have loved that.

  • ?

    Lmfao.
    This post is hilarious.
    I didnt even watch the awards because I will not put myself through such coonery , but I think I will now just for a few laughs.

  • vhing “guns and butter”rhamesonyomomma

    Bet award show = Top 10 random nigger moments.

    1. Someone please explain to me why it look like Tiny (T.I.’s semen sponge) always looks like her face is melting?

    2. tell me it wasn’t funny as shit watchin “ye’to da” try to be all cozy wit’; da next superhead in training while she was turned like that nigga ears stank or sumin! *Jada voice* ha-ha!

    3. Taraji P lookin like she could get it in that dress!

    4. Did y’all see that tall ass big nose jewish dude spoofin Keri hilso…errr, oooh… damn! maybe next year ma. (polow do ya self a favor and throw some D on the bitch and broom her!)

    5. “NIGGAS WAS DANCIN AND SHIT!” nuff said.

    6. list of people blatanly coked out before the show “: Johnny Gil, Ralp tresvant, Aaron Hall or input any scatchy voiced early 90′;s singer___________________,Jamie Foxx (Goose my ass! birds nigga!), Beyonce before and after the Lady Gaga moment, 1/3 of the O’jays (guess whoooo?), Bobby “to the Mutha’;fuckin” brown!and any part of the young money entourage prolly including one of the lil’ girls.

    7. Old ass star trek bitch havin a depends moment in the middle of the show!! I almost threw a brick at the tv it was so hilarious

    8. Kill the editor, the teleprompt guy and mc light. (I know it’;s a ckeck ma but jesus you should be off schoolin’ chuck the retarted hampster on rapper etiquette)

    9.Don Cornelius soul train left the station fell of the track and caused the death of music as we know it.

    10. I know you niggas seen Mr. “Your Gonna get a Beatin” Jo Jackson scopin the audience for his next golden goose right? no tears, no lip quiver, no nada. Straight gangsta like “fuck this how I’m gonna sell Tito”

    • iLL

      Number 10. HILARIOUS!!!

      • HNIC

        Agreed! This cat’s comments are hilarious! I was actually shocked & appalled to see Ralph Tresvant & Johnny Gill vying for Bobby Brown’s position as the “King of R&B” (If R&B = Rocks & Blunts).

        I thought that Bobby B. had the “Eddie Kane Jr.” Award on lock, but, I guess not… cocaine is a helleva drug, indeed.

        • vhingrhamesonyo’momma

          “Eddie Kane Jr.” Award
          ^^^^^
          I even let my supervisor at work see that and she fell out.

  • Enlightened

    Good post. Good read. I know you see niggas like me and think I’m one of those dudes that come on to hate just to do it, but I’m not. I recognize and give props when due.

  • DJ ROD

    Funny ass post Ron.
    You’ve gots to come back with a part two to this classic.
    Keep bakin pies and exposin lies on these clowns.

  • c b w

    One of the slick highlights of the night was during the O’Jays acceptance speech. When the younger cat was blah blah blahin it up and the crowd was starting to get restless. This nigga said “I know how to get y’all quiet….I would like to thank God…..” I damn near had cardiac arrest (too soon?)

    And what can be said about Joe Jackson that has not been said about Pimpin Ken, Pimpin Ted, Money Mike….

  • SBA

    “James mentioned appreciating everything Michael Jackson did for basketball. I too remember whem MJ ran the point for Indiana State between European tours. The nigga was money.”

    You a fool for that one!!!

  • Lowedwn

    Cot Damn Ron, all u needed to end that post was to throw your mic down and yell “Sexual Chocolate!!!”

    Seriously though, what the fuck happened to Ralph Tresvant’s and Aaron Hall’s voices???

  • Zulu1925

    I think Beyonce’s performance was in response to criticism from people saying she can’t sing, only shake her ass. Don’t know what Bron Bron was talking about – unless you count ‘Jam’ with the other M.J. in the video.

  • geico lizard

    You killed this one ron I had to give you props as usual.

    “[Blogger's Note: The caption "Soulja Boy Performan's..." is a new low even for WSHH.]”
    ^
    Anytime its a new low for wshh means its signs of the apocalypse.

    “Beyonce done roamed into Bjork territory.”
    ^
    hell yeah man and BET acts like she is really doing it like MiJack or some legend. I wouldnt care if her dad or her husband threatened to boycott the show they had to release her albums to get the sales really going. Black music can live on without beyonce but she is fine…when she doesnt talk please turn down all interviews. Beyonce is the female magic johnson when it comes to microphone*throws up*.

    “Somebody could’ve raised that fuckin mic stand for Don Cornelius! Damn.”
    ^
    BET employees didnt want to catch an eye jammie from Don. Don makes Chris Brown look like Perez Hilton. Don just beat a case after punching his current white lady. Any nigga that can beat a case after hitting a white woman is somebody you dont want to fuck with.

    “They did a miraculous job on Tevin Campbell. You couldn’t see nary a lesion or coke crater last night. They must have had Tyra’s staff on that.”
    ^
    Ron you cant talk about my wife like that. Im going to pull a nick cannon on you soon. Ill diss you on a website, apologize and then have my wife put out a diss song and video so I dont lose my job hosting Americas Got Talent.

    “Here’s some crazy shit. Don Cornelius outlived Michael Jackson. Eddie Levert outlived Gerald and Sean.”
    ^
    Mike was older than President Obama so Barack grew up with his music probably played some MJ to get with Michelle back in the day. Also when you talk age John McCain and his mom are outliving every nigga in here.

    • geico lizard

      ^
      edit:
      “re-release her albums”

  • Lowedwn

    Ron Mexico’s post + geico’s comment = gatoarade on my keboard aka LMMFAO

    Man I must’ve missed Tevin Campbell(which isn’t saying much) do I really have to watch that thing over again just to see how far he’s fallen? Someone send a link or hit me wit a pic.