Why Rawse is the man

I would never listen to his albums for any reason other than to skewer them on my blog, as if they were so many jumbo gulf shrimp, but damn it if I’m not starting to like Rick Ross. No fishsticks.

Yeah, the guy’s a fucking liar. But it takes real chutzpah to be as full of shit as he is. It seems like every other day now we’re finding out about some shit he lied about, or invented out of whole cloth. And you’d have to think this is only the tip of the iceberg. If he’s got two babies by women who happen to be hoo-ers, who knows how many hoo-ers he’s been with over the years.

He’s only been rich and famous for a few years now, but I’ve listened to enough of the Stern Show to know that you don’t have to be rich to pay for it. Dudes like John the Stutterer and High Pitch Eric stay getting with hoo-ers, and they don’t do shit but collect disability. Rawse was making more money than I do when he was prison guard, back in the mid ’90s. And I bet he didn’t have to damn threaten to sue his employer and email around other prisons looking for work to get paid.

But I digress.

You get the idea that Rawse could be straight up with people, if he wanted to, but why even bother? It’s not like he couldn’t afford a pair of real Louis Vuitton shades to wear on the cover of XXL. He probably just figured his audience would like the fake ones more than the real ones anyway. Keep in mind, this is a guy who brags about being able to afford to eat crab meats – which are included in the price of a $9.99 Chinese buffet, on Sunday nights, though you’re gonna wanna make sure you get a table near the buffet and/or have one of your kids jockey for position, for when a new tray comes out.

Similarly, the idea that he would even bother shooting a video in Columbia, as if he really does know Manuel Norega, when everyone knows he’s just an ex-cop with a penchant for street walkers, is hilarious to me. I read on MTV or somewhere that the people he took down there were nervous that they were gonna be killed, or kidnapped, but Rawse told them they were free to walk the streets without worry, because he’s got connections down there. And their dumbasses believed it! Roffle. But you know what would have been even funnier? If Rawse said that, then The-Dream ended up being kidnapped and given a Columbian necktie. I wonder if Rawse would have been liable in that case, legally. You guys know I was pre-med. Morally, I think it goes without saying that that’s what you get for believing anything Rawse says.

For a while there, it looked like Rawse’s nemesis Fiddy may have been bullshitting Rawse’s hoo-er of a baby’s mother, Tia, about releasing her Superhead book. Maybe he paid her some sort of nominal fee or maybe he didn’t, but the release date (the same as Rawse’s album) came and went with no book. But then I actually saw an excerpt from it, the other day. It looks like it might be mad short, more of a pamphlet than a book – it could very well have been written just in the past few weeks. And of course it’s all about how Rawse ain’t shit.

I read somewhere else the other day where she was talking about how Rawse won’t see his son, who’s like 10. I’m assuming there’s some sort of arrangement for him to take care of the kid, provided it’s really his, but it sounds like he doesn’t want anything to do with it. Now, I don’t want to suggest that a man shouldn’t take care of his kids. I’m just saying. I understand. If a guy has a baby by a hoo-er, and he doesn’t want to have very much to do with it, I don’t think you can blame the guy. The hoo-er should have known no man’s gonna want a lifelong reminder of some stank he had to pay for. Tia probably wouldn’t have kept it anyway, except she was trying to get a piece of that $19,000 a year, or whatever you make as a prison guard. Which is big money in the ghetto. You could get some expensive tennis shoes and some crab meats.

Now that Rawse has had three #1 albums in a row, albeit in a low expectiations age of album sales, I wouldn’t be surprised if she tries to take him for some ridonkulous amount of money in child support. If she does, I hope he explains to the judge just like I’ve explained here. You know he probably would.

  • PARIS PERSHUN

    (thinks: OK OK HOW DO I DO THIS)) OH YEAHHHH

    PIERZYYYYYYY!!!!!!

    THAT NIGGA ROSS COULD GIVE TWO FUCKS BOUGHT OUR OPINIONS ABOUT HIM./.. WHICH IS EXACTLY HOW I WOULD BE IF I DIDNT GO TO THE SAME DESK JOB EVERY DAY AND DO ROUTINE SHIT EVERYDAY AFTER WORK…. FUCK A 9-5…

    (LEANS BACK AND TURNS “I’M SO HOOD (REMIX)” WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY THE FUCK UP))

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    BIG BOI MURDERED EVERYBODY ON THERE

    • og bobby j

      false. Even tho i dont condone such bullshit rap, LUDA murked all on that remix fam…

      • PARIS PERSHUN

        ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
        NO FUCKIN WAY OG….. YOU SCHITZIN’….
        LUDACRIS VERSE WAS A GOOD ONE…. NO DOUBT… IMA FAN OF EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT WAS ON THE REMIX MINUS FAT JOE AND BABY BIRDMAN….BUT BIG BOI DID EXACTLY WHAT OUTKAST DOES ON FEATURES: SMASH THE SHIT OUTTA EVERY VOICE ON IT!!!….

        “YA BOY/THE B-I-G/ I’M NICER THAN ANY MC IN YOUR TOP 3/YOU COCK-EEEEE/I COCK SQUEEEEEZE/BUST THEM THANGS NOW YOU SLOP-PEEEE= SMASH ACTION

        • og bobby j

          agree to disagree…

        • mav

          that nigga big boi killed everybody that nigga said
          they tryna to dance wit da devil in the pale moonlight
          advance on a level that they cant do right
          lay hands on a fella like a man in blue lights woop woop do it twice
          that was the hottest part of the song by far

    • Gloveson

      ”WHOOP WHOOP, Do it twice”

  • General

    Good post. As I have said before, too many people buy into these “characters” as if what they rap about is really who they are. Ross definetely has a huge credibility problem, but in the end, who really gives a shit…
    I don’t know any of these people personally and its not like I give a shit whether he really lived the life he did or not, because the only thing I care about is whether or not he can make good music that is entertaining…

    By the way, classic line -”The hoo-er should have known no man’s gonna want a lifelong reminder of some stank he had to pay for.”

  • droopey

    Crab meats nicca!

  • MadeOutWithLike8Broads

    Bol FTW! It’s funny cuz i was just sitting here listening to “Deeper Than..” When this post popped up in my reader. 50, Rawse, LV, the Game, etc are all in this together. Officer Ricky probably wrote that book Tia’s pimping. If 50 had real beef with Rawse why would he be allowed on shade 45 radio? My great-great-great uncle Jack Pfefer invented this shit, but back then they called it pro wrestling. Sad thing is some sticky fingered hebrew is probably pulling the strings on this circus just like back in the day.

  • P-Matik

    “You found Man-well Nore-aga? IN THE PHILLIPINES??”

    no crab meats

  • TheR

    Fiddy Entertains us.

    Ross may be an excellent liar, but its boring.

  • http://myspace.com/talkofdatownpromotions Dashana

    Stupidest shit I’ve read all day

  • danny

    The article was good untill u started talking about the 10year old boy. its a 50% chance ross is the father. and its not the childs fault if ross does not want to take part in the childs life. i thinik we know who fault that is. dont try to be funny all the time.

  • latino heat

    if he didn’t want a lifelong reminder of her then he shouldn’t have went raw on that ugly hoo-er. she should get his dumbass for child support.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    I find it exremely difficult to actually care about what the next man is/isn’t involved with, even more so when that man’s life has absolutely nothing to do with mine.

    If the shit wasn’t so funny, I wouldn’t even care that he lied. But, who doesn’t enjoy a good laugh.

    I don’t take movies seriously, I don’t take rap music seriously.

    Good read, Bol.

  • Brass Tacks

    Sheit! He should just slap her ass with his crab meats and make her lick the excess butter up off the floor…

  • mario

    I don’t like ross at all i love rap music but i have never felt any of his shit except Hustlin and push it period. he’s pitiful to keep lying but whatever keep doing what you do ross, Fucking hoes and Stacking crab meats.

    Wheres Pierzy?

    • Pierzy

      What up fam?!

      I took the afternoon off – away from the computer so I’m just hopping on now [nullus].

  • macdatruest

    an I don’t know about yall niggas but I’mma stay all about my crabmeats! Seafoods or die niggas!!!!!!!

  • macdatruest

    Delicast of fabrics all on my person too nigga

  • latino heat

    if he didn’t want to remember that hoo-er he shouldn’t have went raw on her ugly ass. dumb fuck. i hope she gets his ass for child support.

  • JCITYHUSTLA617

    “But you know what would have been even funnier? If Rawse said that, then The-Dream ended up being kidnapped and given a Columbian necktie”.

    LMFAO RADIO KILLA GOT OWNED

  • Domjel

    How in the fuck did he get Nas to record with him?

    • ri067953

      “How in the fuck did he get Nas to record with him?”

      They are on the same label…Def Jam politics.

      • $ykotic

        If you really listen to that song you can tell it was a Jay Z throwaway.

  • Miami Nigga

    I havt to agrees with Paris Pershun. Big Boi killed that remix…i dont think alot if people understood b/c of the southern accent. Luda was nice though as alway….Ludas delivery commands attention

  • $ykotic

    Bol I don’t think you really like him. I think when you listen to him he makes you hungry.

    • latino heat

      lmao at the thought of Bol listening to Ross while watching prOn, getting turned on and hungry at the same time. nasty muhfucka!

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

        Ewwww…..

        Bol having @ himself & crabmeats on rye, heavy mayo, simultaneously.

        Fuck around & dislocate that other shoulder.

        • latino heat

          ha ha ha! don’t hurt yourself Bol, you need one good arm to type with.

        • $ykotic

          Bol singing to “Rich Off Cocaine”:

          “Nullus! I’ma order me a large skrimps lo mein…”

        • BIGNAT

          LMAOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • macdatruest

    NewYawka…You shameful you a lame wit no street game/an angel and you dont wanna tangle

    Mac mangle, I micro-manage every angle/Of fake niggas complaints mad because my nuts hang low

    You awful that last verse was appallin’/ I waited four days for you nigga you kept stallin’- but

    My aim aint to battle you nigga cause you so damn weak/you just so happen to catch me on a exam week

    So when Im online I check yo petty rap sheet…./No.. MC’s murdered …all damn week

    You flopped on myspace, I know you suck in person/and personally I dont think yo shit could even worsen

    That mean get worse/Go back to school but recognize that you my bitch first, and then we cool

    Why would you even wanna get murked? You fake thug you never did dirt/you spongebob you wish I was squidworth

    THAT’S JUST A QUICK VERSE!!

    • Jamal7Mile

      MAC!!

      Never knew you had battle raps in you! I’m impressed just like I’m impressed by NewYawka! And TonyGrand$!

      I know we don’t always agree (ha! we online so, so what?) but your e-darts do catch my attention. That’s what I grew up on, on my block. Straight-up skills, to say the least!

  • EReal

    L M M F A O.

    Classic Bol, best Ive read in a long ass time.

    Hilarous.

    Crab Meats.