Tru Life: Breakfast of Champions

So, as I was saying Friday, I’m thinking this shit right here was filmed just before the DDN Tournament and woefully mishandled–not unlike Tru Life’s career. Aaron McGruder couldn’t have written this buffoonery any better.

We bask in your swagnificence, Lizzy.

[Blogger’s Note: I find it funny there’s so much controversy with Cam’ron and Jim Jones, seeing as how Tru Life looks like Jimmy’s angry, misguided little brother… with a splish-splash of Chino XL.]

Maybe Tru Lizzy and Puffy can partner with a cereal manufacturer, like Post or General Mills and work out a mimosa deal. If not, let’s at least get some Tru Life cereal.

I can hear the slogan now. “That shit taste like success.”

Is this self-etherization video the legacy of The Carter Administration? Are we gonna have to wait through Reaganomics and a Gulf War before there’s hope for the future?

Perhaps I shouldn’t blame Lizzy’s career on mishandling. I mean, I’m from Harlem. I’ve always hung out in L.E.S. a lot. I don’t know any fans of Tru Life’s music. Everyone can tell me who he’s supposedly manhandled or humiliated, but no one knows any Tru Life songs.

I know we’ve all shown our asses around birthday time before, but this clip is up there with Choppa Suit, Cheddar Gets Cheddar and Tyga Eats Money on the all-time Worldstar iCoonery hit list. Thank DJ Fusion for the term I wish I came up with on my own.

My favorite segment might be when Lizzy McGuire hits his associate off with the post drive-by, “hold this down for me,”—as if the box of Fruity Pebbles were responsible for the murder of a young, talented, cornrowed Puerto Rican boy who disappeared from the game far too soon.

Imagine the tragedy that could have been Lizzy getting caught out there on his birthday. Harlem niggas know the time. First Avenue ain’t the spot where Prince ethered Morris Day for all time. Niggas is hungry over east side. Anyone flashing money ‘round thurr before all the traphouse bailout checks have been issued may as well be wearing steak underwear in a piranha tank. For Lizzy to clamor on about gambling his life away is wonderfully ironic. Homeboy is a warrior poet.

Hoe-Man the Swag-garian never minces words—only thoughts.

“My head was cluttered. I couldn’t really think too much, man. I was just going through some things. A lot of fuck niggas in this industry, man. I just didn’t know what I wanted to do. My album is basically done, man. I had Jay on the album, Nas on the album, Snoop on the album. All the biggest niggas… In the long of me grindin and coming up in that whole grind I lost that creativity. I wasn’t having fun doing what I do… I guess I had to walk away from the game to miss it for a while. For that year and a half, I been in the crib playin Wii. I broke two TVs damn near…”

Lizzy didn’t do that shit. He got high, watched a Southwest Airlines commercial and misfiled it into his memory bank. If you ride around in the rented Phantom long enough, you’ll hear about the time he and Dudley started hanging out with the child molester by accident. Apparently, Mr. Drummond sat my man down for some real talk. It was some real shit.

[Blogger's Note: Most inappropriate laugh track EVARR!]

Oooh! I have an idea on how to make some good of this. I’m like, a genius. Check me out right quick. Boom.

Attention all Myspace rappers: Here’s how you endear yourself to the public. Liquidate your entire advance and dance around the walls of Jericho with it on your birthday. If this only manages a Chopper Stack, borrow a knot from a local drug dealer for the evening. Be sure to do this in plain view. If the stuntage unfolds without a hitch, you’ve got standard issue hood DVD promotional fodder. At most this costs you a trip to the Hip-Hop Police persons of interest list. If a kerfuffle ensues, you get to shoot a nigga–which is also street cred gold. If you die, you’re a legend.

In any case, you win.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Ready to hit the slots?

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  • Pierzy

    Remember when Bleek (ha!) used to talk about how Jay would always tell him that he needs to constantly be in the studio working? I guess Tru Life never got the message.

    “That shit taste like success.”


  • $ykotic

    A late DDN entry…

    A money bib? Fruity pebbles? No good Tru.

    • Jamal7Mile

      HA!! An early one, $yk!

      We are all working on 2010! And I already gotta few nominations for DDN-10.

      Did Eminem kill Officer Rickey in that 3a.m. vid??? Who was that fat C.O. slumped over the moniters in that vid? HaHaaaa!!!!

      It wasn’t “Ether” …but “Dre Day”-ish?

      • $ykotic

        It’s gonna take some of them a while to peep that P. They’re still stuck on his vocal delivery after all these years.

      • KY KN Reppin’

        The “fat C.O.” was Denaun Porter of D12 (dope ass producer too)

        I didnt think of it like that now that you said it…

  • sealsaa

    Fugg’in Debarge reject eating store-brand Fruity Pebbles with some Kendall Jackson. Terrible.

    • Tony Grand$

      Tru Life seems like that kind of dude that would pay his man’s ‘n’ them to fuck broads for him.

      Like, “I’m busy right now, B. Here, g’head take care a dat fa me, kid…”


  • OG Matt Herbz

    Dude’s more like a fagarian. $70k in cash? Really?! I mean, what’s the point of a video like this? Are we supposed to fuck with dude’s music now that we see he eats champagne and cereal? Fuck is that? When the milk nigga drops off the freshness, I immediately enjoy some Reese’s puffs or after a night of heavy drinking, I might fuck with the Grape Nuts. But Fruity Pebbles is some bitch cereal, mang. And niggaz with $70k cash with no Black Card are bitch niggaz. He should’ve took a couple stacks and went and got a real haircut and some nice business attire. Pawn them multiple gay ass chains in for a single 10mm Cuban link joint with the matching bracelet. That’s success, my nigga–looking like you were born with money and not having to flaunt some dirty paper around for attention. Holla at Herbz when you get a table at Ciprianis with your fucking name on it like I got, nigga–when you got their fucking menu memorized, homey–that’s success.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    p.s. I’m flying to Mexico tonight to indulge in some pretty little brown skins for Cinco De Mayo, so I’ll be back whenever I gets here, but remember this: Cinco De Mayo is NOT Mexico’s Independence Day, lame nigga. Do yourself a favor and know what the fuck it is before y’all go gay and put limes in your Coronas and shit.

    • Tony Grand$


      Be careful, homie. That H1N1 ain’t worth it. Take some robitussen with you just in case.

    • $ykotic

      LOL! Classic real talk.

      Have fun. Leave the flu over there.

  • Lowedwn

    Maybe Tru Lizzy and Puffy can partner with a cereal manufacturer, like Post or General Mills and work out a mimosa deal. If not, let’s at least get some Tru Life cereal.

    LMAO, Diddy, Diddy, Diddy, Diddy Eat them Diddy, Eat them Diddy Pops…

  • geico lizard

    Thats how michael phelps eats his wheaties


    this clown you can’t handle milk eat oatmeal. also grown folks don’t eat fruity pebbles that is a kids cereal. this guy pops up every now and again talking about people say he don’t go money and whatever. it’s more like nobody is talking about you.

  • macdatruest

    I never understood Ron Mexico’s posts. Is this another one of them tournaments or some shit, or hypothetically speaking conversations?

  • latino heat

    as i said on your last post, Parlae + Jim Jones + Chopper + Tyga = Tru Life. what a fuckin idiot.

  • Ya Boy

    Tru Life is definately the unofficial DDN Champion. This bum ass nigga makes Jim Jones look like a brain surgeon.

  • RotterdamSoldier

    Jim jones looking like a brain surgeon.haha
    That’s a scary thought though

  • KF UK

    Wats good mex?

    I said it before and ima say it again



  • RamJam

    Mr. Carlson put the bad touch on Dudley…damn.