Rick Ross as Bawse Man in “The Devil Wears Louis II”

Previously on XXLMag.com:

The XXL Editors received this letter from Louis Vuitton concerning the May 2009 cover of Rick Ross.

Dear Editor:

We were dismayed to see the cover of the May 2009 issue of XXL Magazine, which features a photo of Rick Ross wearing a pair of sunglasses prominently featuring counterfeit Louis Vuitton trademarks. Because the photo has generated considerable confusion among your readers and Louis Vuitton customers among others, we feel it is important to clarify several points.

The first is that the sunglasses Mr. Ross is wearing were not made by Louis Vuitton, and in fact, are counterfeit. Louis Vuitton did not grant permission to Mr. Ross or to whoever did make the sunglasses to use our trademarks. The second is that no affiliation, sponsorship or association exists between Rick Ross or XXL and Louis Vuitton. The third is that counterfeiting is illegal.

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to correct the confusion.

Sincerely,

Michael D. Pantalony, Esq.
Louis Vuitton Malletier

and… the first installment of The Devil Wears Louis:

From the onset of Kanye’s suggestion that he’d like to intern at Louis Vuitton, I had a feeling his ego wouldn’t allow him to stay in his proverbial lane with the rest of the kids who aren’t yet done with college.

LV Internship Day One:

During orientation Kanye makes known that he is not to be addressed, touched or made eye contact with by any of the other interns. He asserts that by week’s end, the design he’s been contemplating for all of 12 days will not only be on shelves, but the highest selling piece of merchandise in Louis Vuitton’s history. At lunch hour, Kanye disappears into Ray Ray DeWitt’s car and does not return for the day.

Day Two:

Kanye does not report to assignment.

Day Three:

(See: Day Two)

Day Four:

Kanye arrives at offices around 3:30pm and backhands a fellow intern for saying “Hello.” Without breaking stride, Kanye asks his project director why the shoe design he left in red and black Crayola hasn’t been manufactured and sold yet. After explaining that he’d been at the Louis Vuitton store the past three days waiting for the red shoe to shelf, Kanye has finally had enough. He violently clears the desks around him and threatens more damage if he’s not immediately allowed to speak with “Louis.” Once West is informed that Vuitton had been dead more than a century, he makes creepy claims that he is now “Martin Louis the King” and will oversee all production and personnel decisions going forward.

…and here you have the ugly-ass retro kick with the LV logo Kanye West boasts about today.

And now… The Devil Wears Louis II:

Day Twelve:

Martin Louis the King: *kicks in door* *storms into office* Remember the other day when I brought the sunglasses here and told you them shits would look good?

Michael D. Pantalony: I-um…

MLK: Well, I’m tired of all this bullshittin. Get these shits out there on the racks! They look good than a mawfucka.

MDP: I don’t–

MLK: *unsheathing golf club in corner of office* I don’t have time for your bullshit excuses. These shits look good right? I mean, they go with the shoes perfect!

MDP: *terrified* They l-look great, Mr. King. I just–

MLK: *smashes mug serving as pen holder* You just WHAT, nigga?

MDP: I’m just a l-lawyer. I have nothing to do with the day-to-day decision making. I told you that last Friday… and every day since.

MLK: Let me ask you something, lawyer. Do you like fish sticks?

MDP: *confused, still frightened* Yes. Sometimes I do.

MLK: *scowling* Does that make you a homosexual?

MDP: I-I suppose it doesn’t.

MLK: So then does being a lawyer make you unable to get my fucking glasses on the shelves?

MDP: *pauses to think* Ummm. Yes. Yes, it does?

MLK: *smashes desk lamp* FUCK! Everyone here is so fucking stupid! They don’t recognize greatness when they see it, Mike. If you don’t want to help me, just say so. I’ll just make them myself. *pauses to think* Hmmmmm. Yeah. That’s what I’ll do. I’m amazing! I’ll put these Louis glasses out there and promote them myself!

MDP: *sheepishly* Mr. West, you can’t–

MLK: KING! *pummels Pantalony’s left arm* And don’t you EVER tell me what I can’t do! They been telling me all my life I couldn’t do shit. They told me I couldn’t wear pastel. They told me I couldn’t drop out of college. They told me I couldn’t like fish sticks. They told me I couldn’t have a beard! I done did ALL that shit! ALL of it!!! AND Barack is President.

MDP: *sheepishly* Yes. Yes he is.

MLK: These is some nice clubs. Can I borrow ‘em?

MDP: Yes. Yes you can.

MLK: *winks* *re-inserts 3W* *hoists bag over shoulder* Thanks. *smiles*

[Later that evening]

MLK: *dials Rick Ross* *waits for answer* *mumbling* N-now now, that that don’t kill me…

Rick Ross: Bawse!

MLK: Whattup, Ricky?

Rick Ross: Whattup, Kanyeezy?!

MLK: I told you, it’s “Martin Louis the King” now! You know I’m runnin shit over at Louis Vuitton now, right?

RR: Fuckin monkeeeeeeeeeees!

MLK: Exactly. I got these new glasses from there. You trynna be the first nigga wit em?

RR: *coughing* Hell yea!

MLK: You smokin over there?

RR: Naw. *more coughing* I just ate like 2 grams of this killa. Hairy shit stuck in my throat and shit. But, yeah. I fucks witcha. Lemme get those. I’m bout to do this promotion for my al-blum. I’mma shit on these monkeeeeeeeees.

MLK: That’s what the fuck I’m talkin about. I’mma send those shits right over.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Better than the Fo’Sace shits tho, right? ron@ronmexicocity.com

  • PARIS PERSHUN

    BEFORE I EVEN READ I JUST WANNA SAY THIS SHIT IS HILARIOUS AS FUCK JUST BY THE TITLE AND SUB-TITLE!!!

    • Pierzy

      We all know that Kanye is a retarded genius, but Ross is definitely not a genius, so that does just make him retarded?

  • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

    true dat. LMFAO!!!! @ the title alone. rawse & kanye cut out the middle man. classic.

  • PARIS PERSHUN

    OHHHHHHH MYYYYYY GOD!!!! THIS WAS SOME OF THE FUNNIEST SHIT I EVER READ IN MY LIFE!!!!! RON IS A FUCKIN MONSTER WIT THAT DIALOGUE SHIT…..

    [Later that evening]

    MLK: *dials Rick Ross* *waits for answer* *mumbling* N-now now, that that don’t kill me…

    Rick Ross: Bawse!

    MLK: Whattup, Ricky?

    Rick Ross: Whattup, Kanyeezy?!

    MLK: I told you, it’s Martin Louis the King now! You know I’m runnin shit over at Louis Vuitton now, right?

    RR: Fuckin monkeeeeeeeeeees!

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    FUCKIN HILARIOUS MAYNE!!!!!!!

    (LEANS BACK AND TURNS “DRUNK AND HOT GIRLS” WAY WAY WAY WAY THE FUCK UP))

  • geico lizard

    Rick Ross is like Roger Clemens they lie so much that they believe the lie. The only difference is Roger is actually a millionaire so he will be straight no matter what happens.

  • Worley

    “*unsheathing golf club in corner of office*”

    You a fool man. This n*gga Rick Ross went and got the Dapper Dan Louis shades. I guess Rawse made a stop on Canal St. on his way outta Queens.

  • yoprince

    mex you did it again! shit is hilarious.

  • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

    i shouldnt even have 2 say it…

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    Hilarious, Mex!

    Them two cats should have a cartoon on Comedy Central or some shit. Yeah, I think you should start working on that script.

    Ye’s character could always be munching on fishsticks, & while Ross tries to convince everybody he meets that he sells drugs.

    Like “Bosom Buddies” except with a liar & a metro spaz.

  • SickMind

    hahahah…. its funny as fuck…… hahahaha

  • giantstepp

    *stands and applauds*

    Good shit Mex!!! You did it again bruh. And Rawse was ETHERED by LV….man!

  • anutha_level

    this shit is up there wit that storch/DMX joint…true classic

  • latino heat

    Ron Mexico, how much weed do you smoke? a sober person couldn’t come up with ill shit like this.

  • OG Matt Herbz

    50 Cent is behind this. No doubt.

    But for real, unless you buy them shits from a LV retail store, you probably getting some fake shits.

    Like I was in Rich’s one time looking at watches for one of my women. Dude behind the counter was a little sketch and kept trying to get me to buy this watch he had. Shit said “MOJADO” on it and he was trying to pass that shit off as a MOVADO. So, I said, “What, nigga, you callin’ me a spic?” and smacked the shit out that nigga. Fuck the fake shit.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

  • Shawty J

    I knew I shouldn’t have read this at school where I have to respect that my classmates are busy working. I mean seriously do you know how hard it is to read something this funny and try to keep from laughing?

    This was some genius shit right here! LMAO

  • http://www.theblackgenius.com Fresh Jacobs

    Lmao… I can’t! These ni**as must love giving you ammo.. Hilarious homie!

  • LB

    I think it’s straight-up self-depricating for brothas to continue to sport shit made by people who hate their kind (i.e. Tommy Hilfilger, LV), all in the name of bein a “prestige shopper.” It shows how simple minded those dudes really are; not to take away from their complex artistry.

    • latino heat

      @ LB
      i do hope you were joking when you mentioned the “complex artistry” of Rick Ross.

      • LB

        lol.

  • LB

    Yeah man, I was layn it on a lil thick with the “complex artistry” part. On the real though, I always hated seein dudes flaucin(in all their ignorance) some shit for a racist. I could throw-the-fuck-up everytime I hear these dudes talkin bout Louie this, Tommy that, MEANWHILE, those bastards are puttin out shit like that letter that was sent (or so you guys claim) to XXL from LV to show how much they feel they (we) are beneath them. I don’t think it’s no kind of “smart protest” to sport some shit made by a cat who’d enslave you if times where still like that.

    • latino heat

      co-sign that. remember when Jay-Z shut down Crystal. (or however you spell it) more artists need to do shit like that to these company’s instead of giving them free promotion every chance they get.

  • bongolock

    fish sticks!!!!!!! hahahaha

    did i miss an interview where he actually said that or is that r.mex creativity?

  • PARIS PERSHUN

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    NAWWWWW NIGGA, YOU MISEED THE SOUTH PARK EPISODE

    (LEANS BACK AND TURNS “CAN I LIVE” WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY THE FUCK UP- THE LIVE ONE OFF KINGDOM COME!!!!)))

  • http://callmephlip.blogspot.com/ Phlip

    Maybe I’m aging myself here, but does ANYONE here remember the Sir Mix-A-Lot song “Swap Meet Louis”?
    Extra points if it pops into your head EVERY time you see Rawse after reading the letter from LV the other day.

    • LB

      Swap Meet Louis!

  • http://xxl gside

    I’m glad you don’t charge to read your shit cause I’m broke than a motherfucker around here , but you should I’ll just have to get the bootleg you know you made it when they bootleg your shit Mex ,Classic .

  • Gloveson

    Holy Shit!!!!!!!!!!

    that was funny as fuck man

  • Jamal7Mile

    HAAA!! Another Classic, man!

  • Are1

    LOL!!! I can picture these two clowns (Kanye & Officer Ricky) having that conversation. That shit hot fiyah word to Dylan…

  • BIGNAT

    ron ron has done it again LMAO. using funny things like the kanye fish sticks/dicks was crazy. if you could have worked some of the coon into this post i might have died laughing. you need to contact the south park people help them make some episodes.

  • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

    Ron man you a fool! LMAO! I’ma show this to everybody at work!

  • chillin mayne

    (denzel style)…my nigga….MYYY nigga!

  • that nigga

    Classic! Especially Yeezy concieted ass singing his own shit while waitin for Bawse to answer.

  • EReal

    No no no, Ross has never had a credibility issue, except for the issue of the fake ass LVs on his cover issue of xxl, rofl.

    Come on man, come on Kanye ur a gay fish mannnn,… come on man, I just steal jokes man, come on Kanye man, i just steal jokes man…. steal jokes..

    LOL

  • kingequality

    yall kill me with all this lie shit what rapper tells the truth its all entertainment assholes stop letting rappers raise yall and get at your parents

  • http://www.myspace.com/destinirayne DeSTii

    *laughed so hard she couldn’t breathe, eventually passed out from lack of oxygen…

    …was later found and revived by paramedics only to re-read article and once again laugh herself unconscious*