Rick Ross as Bawse Man in “The Devil Wears Louis II”
Previously on XXLMag.com:
The XXL Editors received this letter from Louis Vuitton concerning the May 2009 cover of Rick Ross.
We were dismayed to see the cover of the May 2009 issue of XXL Magazine, which features a photo of Rick Ross wearing a pair of sunglasses prominently featuring counterfeit Louis Vuitton trademarks. Because the photo has generated considerable confusion among your readers and Louis Vuitton customers among others, we feel it is important to clarify several points.
The first is that the sunglasses Mr. Ross is wearing were not made by Louis Vuitton, and in fact, are counterfeit. Louis Vuitton did not grant permission to Mr. Ross or to whoever did make the sunglasses to use our trademarks. The second is that no affiliation, sponsorship or association exists between Rick Ross or XXL and Louis Vuitton. The third is that counterfeiting is illegal.
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to correct the confusion.
Michael D. Pantalony, Esq.
Louis Vuitton Malletier
From the onset of Kanye’s suggestion that he’d like to intern at Louis Vuitton, I had a feeling his ego wouldn’t allow him to stay in his proverbial lane with the rest of the kids who aren’t yet done with college.
LV Internship Day One:
During orientation Kanye makes known that he is not to be addressed, touched or made eye contact with by any of the other interns. He asserts that by week’s end, the design he’s been contemplating for all of 12 days will not only be on shelves, but the highest selling piece of merchandise in Louis Vuitton’s history. At lunch hour, Kanye disappears into Ray Ray DeWitt’s car and does not return for the day.
Kanye does not report to assignment.
(See: Day Two)
Kanye arrives at offices around 3:30pm and backhands a fellow intern for saying “Hello.” Without breaking stride, Kanye asks his project director why the shoe design he left in red and black Crayola hasn’t been manufactured and sold yet. After explaining that he’d been at the Louis Vuitton store the past three days waiting for the red shoe to shelf, Kanye has finally had enough. He violently clears the desks around him and threatens more damage if he’s not immediately allowed to speak with “Louis.” Once West is informed that Vuitton had been dead more than a century, he makes creepy claims that he is now “Martin Louis the King” and will oversee all production and personnel decisions going forward.
…and here you have the ugly-ass retro kick with the LV logo Kanye West boasts about today.
And now… The Devil Wears Louis II:
Martin Louis the King: *kicks in door* *storms into office* Remember the other day when I brought the sunglasses here and told you them shits would look good?
Michael D. Pantalony: I-um…
MLK: Well, I’m tired of all this bullshittin. Get these shits out there on the racks! They look good than a mawfucka.
MDP: I don’t–
MLK: *unsheathing golf club in corner of office* I don’t have time for your bullshit excuses. These shits look good right? I mean, they go with the shoes perfect!
MDP: *terrified* They l-look great, Mr. King. I just–
MLK: *smashes mug serving as pen holder* You just WHAT, nigga?
MDP: I’m just a l-lawyer. I have nothing to do with the day-to-day decision making. I told you that last Friday… and every day since.
MLK: Let me ask you something, lawyer. Do you like fish sticks?
MDP: *confused, still frightened* Yes. Sometimes I do.
MLK: *scowling* Does that make you a homosexual?
MDP: I-I suppose it doesn’t.
MLK: So then does being a lawyer make you unable to get my fucking glasses on the shelves?
MDP: *pauses to think* Ummm. Yes. Yes, it does?
MLK: *smashes desk lamp* FUCK! Everyone here is so fucking stupid! They don’t recognize greatness when they see it, Mike. If you don’t want to help me, just say so. I’ll just make them myself. *pauses to think* Hmmmmm. Yeah. That’s what I’ll do. I’m amazing! I’ll put these Louis glasses out there and promote them myself!
MDP: *sheepishly* Mr. West, you can’t–
MLK: KING! *pummels Pantalony’s left arm* And don’t you EVER tell me what I can’t do! They been telling me all my life I couldn’t do shit. They told me I couldn’t wear pastel. They told me I couldn’t drop out of college. They told me I couldn’t like fish sticks. They told me I couldn’t have a beard! I done did ALL that shit! ALL of it!!! AND Barack is President.
MDP: *sheepishly* Yes. Yes he is.
MLK: These is some nice clubs. Can I borrow ’em?
MDP: Yes. Yes you can.
MLK: *winks* *re-inserts 3W* *hoists bag over shoulder* Thanks. *smiles*
[Later that evening]
MLK: *dials Rick Ross* *waits for answer* *mumbling* N-now now, that that don’t kill me…
Rick Ross: Bawse!
MLK: Whattup, Ricky?
Rick Ross: Whattup, Kanyeezy?!
MLK: I told you, it’s “Martin Louis the King” now! You know I’m runnin shit over at Louis Vuitton now, right?
RR: Fuckin monkeeeeeeeeeees!
MLK: Exactly. I got these new glasses from there. You trynna be the first nigga wit em?
RR: *coughing* Hell yea!
MLK: You smokin over there?
RR: Naw. *more coughing* I just ate like 2 grams of this killa. Hairy shit stuck in my throat and shit. But, yeah. I fucks witcha. Lemme get those. I’m bout to do this promotion for my al-blum. I’mma shit on these monkeeeeeeeees.
MLK: That’s what the fuck I’m talkin about. I’mma send those shits right over.
Questions? Comments? Requests? Better than the Fo’Sace shits tho, right? firstname.lastname@example.org