Fanboy Cover Art Fail…

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The only thing better than when I get my check in the mail from XXL is when I get the new issue. XXL was my favorite magazine a long time ago and it is still holding down the same quality that I remembered made me fux with it from the gate. The art direction is great. In this digital age of downloading everything there is still something special about print mags and all that goes into rolling them out. Kudos to the masthead of XXL magazine. The current issue is on some collector quality shit.

Fuck around in this economy of diminishing profits and my words might be prophetic. Copp this issue for that reason alone.

I have to tell you that I take my comic book shit hell’a seriously. That is where my first writing influences came from. I wanted to create the stories where my favorite heroes never died and never got old and never failed to be heroic. The best written single issue in my mind is X-Men #137. In this issue Phoenix commits suicide because she realizes that she can’t control the Dark Phoenix anomaly that exists in her body. Shit was a real heartbreaker for me. I wanted her and Cyclops to get married, but that wasn’t what the writers decided her fate would be. That book made me grow up a little bit more than I expected. The world is a real place where even comic books have to reflect the ultimate truth.

Excuse my digression…

This month’s XXL issue features Eminem cast as the Punisher. This is a character that Marvel Comics has taken several attempts at creating a feature film vehicle for. They ended up with a big PU~ at each turn. I like the Punisher character but he is pretty didactic and without the compelling depth of the top tier heroes. The Punisher emerged from his supporting character status under the scripting of Frank Miller. If you aren’t familiar with Miller, but you enjoyed the Sin City and 300 films I advise you to copp the graphic novel The Dark Knight Returns. That shit is the greatest piece of American literature in my mind.

Frank Miller was writing the DareDevil comics and he gave the lead character a series of satellite semi-heroes and villains that were so complicated and crazy it made DareDevil the hottest comic series for that period. There was DareDevil’s love interest Elektra, the Punisher, the Kingpin and the most insane, malevolent bad guy of all time, aside from the Joker, of course. His name was Bullseye and dude was the essence of 7:30. Bullseye was a str8 killer. Not even for money, but for the love of looking people in the eye when he slew them.

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I’m sorry that Eminem didn’t select Bullseye as the character to embody the persona he raps as under his new album. When you listen to some of these lead-in singles like 3AM, Bagpipes From Baghdad, My Mom and even Beautiful we are listening to the diary of a madman. A joyous, unrepentant maniac. This album is the type of shit that only Eminem could release. The complex lyrical ability of a Redman on speed, with the cultural cache of a Johnny Cash. The album is rebel rockhead retard revelry. Eminem will certainly have the bullseye on his back as the album seeps into the mainstream. Any school massacre, DUI, terrorist incident or accidental death will be blamed on the Relapse CD. It’s that subversive, and that well written. Eminem isn’t the Punisher. Eminem is clearly the psycho-sociopathic Bullseye.

Bullseye got a contract from the Kingpin to kill Elektra, but when he discovered that she was the lover of his arch-enemy DareDevil he decided to do the job for free. I hated Bullseye for merc’king Elektra. She was hot. Bullseye did not give a fuck. On some secret comic book nerd shit when a character kills someone in cold blood the Comics Code Authority requires that the character who committed the murder has to die. Because Elektra had killed people she was required to die and Bullseye was given an exemption for killing her. Yeah, I know, believe me that there was nearly a nerd riot after Elektra’s assassination coming a year or so on the heels of Phoenix’ suicide.

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DareDevil would end up kicking Bullseye’s ass totally and repeatedly, but that is still no reason not to assume the character of Bullseye. There isn’t anyone in the Marvel Universe who has the body count of Bullseye on Earth prime. If you wanted to imagine yourself as a wanton serial killer with no boundaries and no morals then you would have to be Bullseye. I think even the Joker has to give Bullseye his props. Those two together would be a problem. This new Eminem album is a fucking problem too. I almost wish he used the artist name Slim Shady or eM Manson. The character that spits throughout this album is definitely a drug addled lunatic. If the beats were better this album could have been a classic.

The beats by Dr.Dre are so formulaic at this point. The pianos, the drums, the synth shrieks, it’s all that shit he has been using for the last fifteen years. The sound isn’t bad, but it lacks the creativity that Eminem’s lyrics are bringing. There are still some stand out tracks on the album and it plays pretty well on a rainy day. I’ve been loving the DOOM album ‘Born Like This’ for all the lyrical complexity and production that it has displayed. I would love to hear this Eminem album remixed with some of DOOM’s darker production. Then we could really see the effects of excessive pill popping.

With several songs over five minutes and a couple tipping the scales at over six minutes I don’t know how much of this album we will hear on the radio. And frankly, I don’t think radio wants to go this dark into the wormhole of Marshall Mather’s mind. I’m keeping this joint on my iPod though. When it comes to lyrics Eminem is on target like Bullseye, too bad XXL’s cover art wasn’t.

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  • Ya Boy

    XXL have become a bunch of dickriders 2 their favorate Artists. I expect half of this years covers 2 feature either Asher Roth or Eminem on the cover. Lame.

    • Ya Boy

      Oh p.s. Shoutout 2 all dem Sea Goons out there. AY AY OKAY!!!

  • FlapJack

    Haha! That cover is ugly and lame as hell

  • Pierzy

    “I advise you to copp the graphic novel The Dark Knight Returns. That shit is the greatest piece of American literature in my mind.”

    Co-Sign. I’m not into comics like THAT really, but that piece is what changed the perception of Batman from the Adam West show to the one we all think of today. Miller outdid himself on that one…

  • Dallas Penn

    Ya Boy,
    Fuck you for not saying Pierzy before you left your comment.

    Respect the fucking commission up in this bitch.

    • $ykotic

      LOL

      The Commission lives!

      Bullseye was straight bananas. Haven’t heard the Relapse leaks though.

      This post just reminds me of all the comics I lost in that fire I had.

      Damn.

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

        COMMISSION!!!!

        DP

        I feel you on the comic book nerd shit [||]…..

        Let me ask you, where’s your collection of first edition Marvel Comics cards? & maybe you know the answer to this; the fuck ever happened to Captain Britain?

        Anyway, I’ve said for awhile that Eminem is a good lyricist, but Slim Shady is that dude that people want to hear. Psychopathology knows no color lines & is entertaining than a motherfucker.

        Waiting on that “Avengers” movie. “Justice League” sounds like it’s going to be ass biscuits.

    • Ya Boy

      Ma bad. Shouldve put Pierzy before The Sea Goons. Lol

      • Pierzy

        Good looks…

  • http://xxlmag.com qhef80

    frank miller is overrated people need to be reading the vertigo shit like 100 bullets and y the last man

  • macdatruest

    The Illest Comics first of all is all DC. Secondly, this is the MUST HAVE list:
    100 Bullets series
    The Sandman series
    The Invisibles series
    Young Liars #1-10

    check that shit out

  • Kirk

    He should of been Deadpool that dude is a psychopath and he never shuts up Merc with a Mouth perfect for Eminem

  • Dallas Penn

    Kirk,
    Deadpool and Eminem can be compared verbally, but even Deadpool doesn’t kill people like Bullseye does. Deadpool be using wild automatic machine guns but Bullseye be killing fools with pencils and playing cards.

    100 Bullets is my crack right now as we speak. Word to the homey BigNat.

    • BIGNAT

      The Dark Knight Returns and batman year 1 both are joints i picked up last year. also that story done last year a 4 comic joint done by that japanese or chinese guy was crazy. it was called batman death mask that story was crazy. told you dp that 100 bullets has some crazy fucking stories in it. plus the art is very good and the story you have to read it over once your done. once you learn something you go back and everything starts making sense.

      to Tony Grand$ i was a comic nerd constant push back of release dates well make you hate comics after a while. i got a big ass book full of comic cards. i got that spider man green goblin hologram card. also the wolverine hologram joint plus many more. the book is in my moms house with my baseball cards basketball cards and football cards.

      to macdatruest what about wanted you picked that up. that book imo was very good it was kinda short but i fucked with it. what about planet hulk and world war hulk. i am starting to get into dark tower that shit is crazy. they need to hurry and finish that darkest night green lantern story line so i can get that trade.

      • BIGNAT

        BLACK ADAM THE DARK AGES

        • BIGNAT

          how could i forget BATMAN THE KILLING JOKE

  • geico lizard

    XXL needs to put Eva Mendes in a Catwoman outfit on the cover. It aint got shit to do with rap music but the issue would sellout. Megan Goode as Wonder Woman would be a good cover too and she dated a few rappers so that would make it relevant in a small way.

  • CLARK

    Relapse is pretty fucking nuts no?

    “Hello” is my jam right now, I love the beggining…

  • CLARK

    I see eminem doing a photo shoot or something donning the heat ledger joker makeup…or is that too obviouse?

  • Arcey

    DP, are you still considering writing comics or creating a character… go for yours, man! Make him Hip-Hop! Rockness monsta-like when he had the dreads & shit!!!

  • http://www.incilin.blogspot.com Incilin

    Sorry Billy, you missed the Bulleye on this post yourself. IDK wtf your talking about. I aint much of a comic book fan, but this Em/Bulleye comparasion really doesn’t work. And of course XXL would use Punisher, people who don’t even collect comics know who the Punisher is. I aint neva heard of Bullseye till right now.

    The person they should have really really should have went with was Joker since Heath Ledger died from a drug overdose and gets a couple of mentions on the album. But maybe they didn’t want to push the envelope too far. Or Em was afraid of looking like Insane Clown Posse. Ha!

    “I advise you to copp the graphic novel The Dark Knight Returns. That shit is the greatest piece of American literature in my mind.”

    ^^{Rolls eyes}

    • Rob the Music Ed

      fall back lil homie. That “Dark Knight Returns” is CRAZY.

      Dope post DP.

      Fun Fact: Rob the Music Ed’s first job was in Brain Damage comics up in BK. That shit was the ILLEST comic store in Brooklyn, Comics Plus aint have shit on us.

      I also wrote a 10 Page Flash story for DC that was published in 2005 (I think, maybe it was 2006).

      I enjoyed this post homie.

  • Márcio

    Nick Cannon gettin shitted by commenters on his own blog talking bout he’s gonna go at Em

  • jojo
  • Dallas Penn

    Incilin,
    If I ever get a road show I am bringing you along just to ether you every time you open your fat mouf.

    If you ain’t much of a comic book fan shut the fuck up when fanboys are talking and maybe you might could learn some shit.

    You like the fool that think he can do brain surgery because he spent a night in the Holiday Inn Express. Sit the fuck down until we talk about some shit you know something about, loke NaS or maybe nothing.

  • http://xxlmag.com Kane Corleone

    real talk comics were like color tv back in the day.The 1st Pun movie w/Dolph L. & Lou Gosset is a sleeper,the second w/Jon Travolta was aiight.They should have made him do the 3rd Punisher.The cover is dope,and if they put him in Bullseye costume no one would know who the fuck he is cuz most cats dont read comics like that anymore

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    @ incilin

    Unless you’re one of those uppity cats who thinks he’s too good for the comic universe, I suggest you hit whatever spot you pick up your DVD & Blu-rays & check these out:

    Ultimate Avengers

    Hulk vs. (Wolverine/Thor)

    Next Avengers

    Iron Man

    Ultimate Avengers 2

    Justice League: New Frontier

    Superman: Doomsday

    Dr. Strange

    There all cartoons, but the shit is sick. It’s a good intro to a lot of the comic characters cats talk about (Deadpool, Bullseye, etc).

    Then you got the movies, FF, X-men, Spidey, Iron Man, DD, Hulk (ass biscuits!), etc, but you don’t necessarily have to read the comics to be about the culture.

    But, if you are one of those dudes, nevermind homie.

    • BIGNAT

      you forgot that wonder women joint grand it was a million times better than i thought it would be. the two hellboy animated joints were good and ironman was another one. that was way better than i thought it would be. also i can’t wait for the green lantern joint.

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

        @ BIGNAT

        I tried to like WW. It was good in the sense that I like the cartoons, but I guess I’m too much of a chauvinist, lol. Haven’t checked out GL yet, but I knew I left something off. Good looks. Have to locate that GL.

        Oh yeah, that WW/Superman/Batman shit “Trilogy”, that was nice too.

        Tops of all time to me though was “The Death of Superman”. It translated pretty good in Doomsday, but that was some emotional shit. I remember reading it, high as hell, thinking to myself, “damn, if Superman can’t kill this thing, ewhat the hell is Earth gonna do?” Hahahahaha! Gotta love it…..

        • BIGNAT

          the green lantern joint is not out yet grand and i was pissed when they brought superman back. i was young and wasting all my hard earned allowance buying comics because i thought it was over.

  • FlapJack

    I just finished listening through Relapse and I gotta say, this is the shittiest album I’ve listened all the way through in at least a couple of years.

    Dre lost his touch and Em lost his (mind) creativity.

    I was at least expecting some nice production.

  • Dallas Penn

    Flapjack,
    Do me a favor and tell me the best album you listened to in the last five years. I’ll put Relapse up against that album for lyrical quality.

    Seriously.

    The Relapse album is a complicated exercise in rhyme saying. Other people execute this feat but certainly not the majority. Give me an album from 2003 up until now that you think was the shit and I will compare the two on this column.

    • tafkatn

      The Preface
      Below the Heavens
      Grandmasters
      Revolutionary vol. 2
      The Listening
      The Minstrel Show
      Madvillainy
      Vaudeville Villain
      Mo’ Mega
      Desire
      The Renaissance
      Ear Drum
      Fishscale

      I would put any of these albums into a lyrical competition with Prolapse.

    • Pierzy

      I’ve listened to Relapse 4 times and it took me at least 2 listens to really get into it but his flow is ridiculous and different on almost every track and content-wise, he’s spitting the complete opposite of anyone else out there. That’s what I’ve been screaming about for a few years now…

  • Dallas Penn

    Tony Grand$,
    Co-sign on that DVD list. I’ll talk about some of my required classic animation on a later drop.

    Incilin is my dude, but he likes to be like the piece of gum that you step on walking down the sidewalk in your new Nike SBs.

  • FlapJack

    the best album lyricly? I don’t really think that matters, but whatever. pick one:

    The Cool
    Hell Hath No Fury

    I could go on and on with better albums, but it would take like forever. The Black Album came out in 03. that is a long time ago.

    Man, Speakerboxxx/The Love Below came out in 03 too, there is no way in hell Relapse is even close

  • Dallas Penn

    Flapjack,
    Don’t be a keyboard coward. Pick an ALBUM. It’s real simple. Choose one and leave it in the comments thread, not five, not two, CHOOSE ONE!

  • FlapJack

    Haha!

    Ok, I’ll roll with Tha Carter 2 to make it interesting

  • foolio_iglesias

    Dallas,you makin this easy;Desire-Pharoahe Monch.

  • Dallas Penn

    BigNat spazzing out LOL.

    Flapjack, good shit homey you are on.

  • http://xxl All Dae

    Wow Dallas wrote a creative blog about something not just bitchin. He even incorporated the comic scene seamlessly into the hip hop scene. Nice pice of writing my women challenged friend.

    I’ve been trying to beat Ultimate Alliance all weekend with 10 hour marathon sessions fuled by blunts, fruit, take out food and my ladies company(she plays also fellas and it’s sexy-not just button mashing).

    I used to collect but now just take out the book editions of the comics at the library.

    Punisher is a good fit for EM which reminds me of the original Punisher: Big Punisher. The Mighty Wu-Tang been on comic character aliases.

  • OG Matt Herbz

    Yo, I ain’t gonna lie. I fucked with Punisher hard back in the day. I wasn’t into all the fantasy shit, so a dude with a huge arsenal of weapons and killer know-how appealed more to me. In fact, I’ve been criticized for swagger-jacking the Punisher’s style. You know: cool under fire, white…but still with a muthafuckin chip on my shoulder thanks to them niggaz that murked my family, you know? Except no one murked my family…I’m just a rebel without a cause. Boom. I off these innanet niggaz because that’s just what I choose to do. Who want what?

    –OG Matt Herbz–

  • HERM

    Nice drop.

    Hey Dallas, tell me you aren’t feeling Deadpool’s look in the new Wolverine flick. Shit is wack.

  • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

    “I would love to hear this Eminem album remixed with some of DOOM’s darker production. Then we could really see the effects of excessive pill popping.”

    Actually you are right about that…I would how that would sound like…

    Anyway, I don’t have any of Em’s albums but I’m considering getting his new one. That cover was lame though I’m sorry LOL

  • Dallas Penn

    The Wolverine movie faked a lot of us out that fux with James Logan, the Weapon X project and the Marvel canon in general.

    The movie was not for fanboys like the Iron Man joint or the Ed Norton Hulk were. Shit was for the kids. I still enjoyed myself because the shit was almost comical, but it wasn’t a flick I would put into my archive.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

      Cosign……..

      That shit was a chick flick/kids movie.

      All the out-of-work black actors out here trying to eat & feed their fams, & some douche hires Will.I.Am as a superhero? TF?

      They could’ve gave that part to Wyclef Jean. Hell, even Pras.

      Bullshit.

      • BIGNAT

        well the movie is doing well and we might get a deadpool spin off from it. i hope they at least make that rated r like the last punisher movie. that one got the killing part right just everything else was not done as well. i knew the wolvie movie was going be less than what i wanted when i saw it was not going be rated r.

  • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

    Also I didn’t think Gambit had anything to do with the Wolverine series or am I mistaken?

  • KGK20

    Everything Eminem has done for the album has been a fail!

  • RiZob

    “The Age of Apocalypse” is the best storyline of any comic ever! I still fux wit that shit today….i mean Xavier died and that shit just changed the whole f’ing universe….and any comic book that they make into a movie will suck, they just cant put all into a 2hour movie…it just doesn’t fit…..

  • jojo

    Batman: Year 1>>>>>>Dark Knight Returns

    But the Dark Knight Returns definitely is the shit

  • Max Powers

    its not 7:30

  • ASID

    man i bought the june edition because of the cover