Every Charles Hamilton Ex-Girlfriend’s Worst Nightmare

By now you’ve [repeatedly] watched Sonic the Hedgehog get the rings knocked out of him by Amber–I mean, Amy Rose. You’ve also already [repeatedly] heard/read that joke.

According to Briana LatriseCharles Hamilton’s personal assitant, superwoman lover and chauffer–the entire incident begins with a playful impromptu Hood News interview gone horribly wrong. WSHH fodder becomes WSHH mother fodder when the Hamiltonian inquisition turns its spotlight to the happy couple.

Still basking in his own snarky blipster rapnificence, Hamilton asks Latrise how awesome it is to pick him up from the airport and be seen in public with a rapper/anthropomorphic street urchin whose nuts–sorry, rings–are just centimeters away from the Interscope buzz saw. Despite the fact that he’ll likely be dropped from his label before an album is dropped onto store shelves, the youngster is quite sure of himself. Every personal assistant has her breaking point though. Fed up with the hedgehog’s attitude, Latrise matches his inappropriate behavior by dipping into the Blackberry for a Drake freestyle.

[Blogger's Note: Blipster = nouveau black quasi hipster. see: "rapster"]

Having simultaneously poured her heart out and performed the next neo-soul McDonald’s coffee commercial, Latrise waits for the instigated but inevitable Sonic freestyle response. This is how snowballs become avalanches.

Not unlike Jackpot, I’ve kicked a freestyle or two in my day. In the heat of the moment niggas say things they shouldn’t at the lunchtable. Such things tend to involve accidentally rhyming your man’s ex-girlfriend’s name with a perverse sexual act or making a generic mama joke when your opponent’s mom died of cancer years ago. Sometimes you stop the beatbox dead in his tracks by accidentally knocking a femur out of the closet. That’s how rap battles work.

It’s one thing to let some shit slip by accident. Your homie gets tight for a moment. He walks away from the table, but you’re cool again by 9th period. Maybe he’ll need until tomorrow morning to give you dap again. Whatever. But, you neeeeeeever disrepect a friend in public, and on camera no less, by telling the world that you had unprotected sex with her. If, for some strange reason you do, you pull the cord on the freestyle and apologize immediately. Needless to say, you neeeeeever use such a line as a springboard for the knockout blow that is exposing her “smishsmortion”.

I know freestyle is a mercurial beast that can’t be controlled, but Hamilton had that shit mapped out at least a few bars in advance.

From the onset of his career in the public eye, Hamilton has irked his audience and contemporaries alike with rampant douchery. As Malcolm X would say, his getting the full Gs to Gents Kesan treatment is just chickenheads coming home to roost at this point.

I mean, Briana stay with her ‘Berry writin’ bars. That’s real talk. Niggas should know better. As if being owned by Soulja Boy weren’t enough, he’s now got to live with getting his shit rocked good by his former shorty. After initially wondering if this all were some kind of staged publicity stunt to generate some sorely needed buzz, I now get the feeling there’s more pwn3rship forthcoming.

“Why?”, you ask?

Startlingly enough, I found the snuff flick also posted on Hamilton’s own blog without so much as an explanation or apology for what transpired. Simultaneously, his music player pumps “The Album Is Perfect”, a song from one of many life support mixtapes intended to entertain whatever CH fans may still exist. Ironically, the song is a blabbermouthed ramble about a conversation between himself and Jimmy Iovine regarding the status of his album no one’s holding breath for.

I guess putting private business out in the street is a character trait of Sonic’s.

For this, Jimmy might have to be the next to Kesan a nigga. Considering that being a loose-lipped middle schooler is his primary mode of operation, there must be a laundry list of mawfuckas lying in wait to catch Hamilton unawares.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Apparently, 2 Goons approves this clip. ron@ronmexicocity.com

  • $ykotic

    Pierzy!

  • $ykotic

    “Having simultaneously poured her heart out and performed the next neo-soul McDonald’s coffee commercial…”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Mexx go get some air! It’s nice out!

    Charlie Ham! Tails ass n*99a! Take that pink teddy bear off your arm and make some music man!

    Notice he has a Chopper Suit on! Aww man what they do for a buzz nowadays…

    Be good my dude.

  • PARIS PERSHUN

    THIS SHIT IS FUNNY…..

    (LEANS BACK AND TURNS “FUCK ALL NIGHT” WAYW AY WAY WAY WAY THE FUCK UP

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com TonyGrand$

      Charles may want do invest in the Chuck Norris film library, with a side of Ike Turner’s autobiography.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    Dude should invest in the Chuck (no Hammy) Norris film library & a copy of Ike Turner’s life story.

  • Pierzy

    Good afternoon gentlemen -

    Mexx, props for working over a holiday weekend. Charles Hamilton had the same look on his face when he got that Soda Popinski had when you were about to KO him on Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out on NES. Too bad there wasn’t a Mario referee standing between them to ring the bell and help Chuckie put his headphones back on right. Ha!

  • geico lizard

    This was funnier than any sitcom on tv right now(except Everybody Hates Chris).
    *mental note dont clown a woman about her abortion to her face like Charles Hamilton did*

    • Bobo D

      ‘Sup Geico, I’ve seen you comment on Bol’s groupie. You might wanna get a blog rolling, say whatever shit, and you might bag her.

      • latino heat

        uhm, Bol has a groupie? what did i miss?

  • Bobo D

    Man that video was funny from the moment I hit play:
    *CH asking about being picked up at the airport, like that’s the most exciting thing the girl has done in her life.
    *Amy Rose pulling out her blackberry, then mentioning Drake like she’s the female counterpart.
    *The dude in the background getting all excited when he hears there’s gonna be battle, like he’s one of those dudes from “Yo Momma”.

    “After initially wondering if this all were some kind of staged publicity”
    ^^^^
    I also thought this, maybe it’s to show Rihanna that he don’t hit girls even if they knock his rings out.

    Wow the Amy Rose refrence just hit me.LMAO, a bit slow today.

    • geico lizard

      Thanks for the advice on the groupie im alot closer to atlanta than Bol is so she may give me a shot.

  • latino heat

    i still don’t know shit about Charles Hamilton except that he has like 80 mixtapes out. the fact that his buzz is nonexistent except for on this site makes me think i don’t have to waste time catching up on his work. i never bothered getting up on Asher Roth and now i don’t feel bad cause he came and went with nothing but a XXL.com buzz also and it dosen’t seem like i missed out on anything. is it just me or XXL’s freshmen 10 went nowhere? damn remember when XXL and Interscope were the place to be? now they both keep co-signing losers.

    • EReal

      Easy answer to that bro,

      Eminem decided to make another record.

      lol.

  • Jamal7Mile

    KaPow!! I knew Mexico was gonna catch that WSHH video and reflect on it. I’m waiting on Bol and Penn…

    Ohh… wait a minute… I think they got it, too!!

    For real though! Maybe this is a sign that all future “rappers” should take heed to. Let me point it out to you, for you, dot dot dot…

    1.) Street DVD’S and YouTube are NOT your friend! You will (AHH) epic-FAIL! Illseed can’t wait for yawl asses to show up on the RUMORS!

    2.) Do not rap/burn/rain/eat money (again, on camera) anymore! DDN-2010 is right around the corner! The draft analysis have already started and I gotta vote that will COUNT!!

    3.) STEP YA RAP GAME UP!! or else, end up in XXL’s column that’s entitled “STEP YA RAP GAME UP!!” It’s 2009 you “signed” emcees, and we ain’t taking no more bullshit from ya!

    4.) RANDOM THOUGHTS – Don’t fuck Kelis, Pinky, my ex-girl “F”, Supahead, TIA, Tahiri or RiRi.

    Oh yeah, I got plenty more!! But I want to read the commenters and Mexico’s #5 to 4080…

    • Detroit Draper

      @7-mile dog #4 faf I cant lie Id hit every one you named including ex girl “F” lmao and I never even seen her. Good one though Jamal. Shit we all might as well start bloggin. keep em comin

      • Jamal7Mile

        What’s up Draper?

        I’d smash wit ‘em, too (two condoms with Superhead – no camera) since I’m not an upcoming rookie rapper. At age 34? Pleeez!

        Watch out for my ex “F” though. She’s fuckin’ POISON!! You ever heard of the following hook below? \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/

        “It’s (Ill Na Na) drivin’ me out of my mind!
        That’s why it’s HARD for me to find
        Can’t get it out (off) of my head!
        Miss her, kiss her, love her (still fk her)
        (Wrong move you’re dead!)

        That girl (Whoo-er) is…______.

        I’ll DeVoeT a million bucks in Monopoly money, the new edition of that board game btw, if you can tell me where I got that hook from. Heh, heh, heh.

        Come on Draper, it’s easy as ABC… Research it if you don’t know, no pain no gain no fame, ain’t nothin’ changed… lol.

        • Detroit Draper

          Oh naw bro I told you Im 23 Im a lil younger but I love music. But thats Bell Biv Devoe I even got the tape at the crib wit the crazy colors on it red and green. That was almost an insult too easy but I guess its alot of people who wouldnt have guessed it especially in this weak ass auto-tune day and age.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    What if, Charles paid the girl to sock him up, to play up his “sensitive” side. On some Rihanna shit.

    He’s rapping to the broads anyway.

    I predict MC Lyte will be releasing a video on WSHH, kicking that girls ass. Maybe Milk Dee aint doing nothing nowadays. He can record it, beat-boxing “Top Billin’”.

  • Detroit Draper

    But seriously though who the fuck listens to Charles Hamilton? Honestly Ive never heard any of his song and I sho wouldnt go through the trouble of searchin then pressing play to hear one either lol. Dude garbage just off what Ive seen.
    4 Questions for Charles Hamilton:
    1: Your rap name is Charles Hamilton?
    2: Your alter ego is Sonic the fuckin Hedgehog?
    3: Did’nt he make a stalker song to Rhihanna?
    4: You get knocked out by a female as a publicity stunt?
    After that I dont even wanna give your music a chance

  • greyvon

    Sorry to say but you writing skills are crappy….stop trying to be so colorful with your language and focus on the content.

  • http://www.ckhid.com C.Khid

    might as well view my youtube! haha… got a video about this C.Khid youtube: http://www.youtube.com/CKhiD

  • http://defthought.com Mookie

    I just thought it was funny how right after he got socked he said, “You punched me though…”, as if we didn’t just watch him take one in the jaw.

  • Dallas Penn

    Niggas think EVERYTHING is a publicity stunt.

    In his momma’s basement someone is thanking his stars and garters that now the standard nickname for a public ethering is being “Charles Hamilton’d” and no longer being “Yung Berg’d”

    • $ykotic

      Nice dart brougham!

      B E Z

    • Jamal7Mile

      LMBAOffff!!! Ouch, Penn! Even I felt that dart! And I was one of the first ones who started throwing them! Haaaa Haa!!

      Enjoy the Weekends My Brothers!! I see you $ykotic!!

  • Colron

    Yo Dallas..classic.

  • ncprecise

    lost interest in charles… sorry

  • ncprecise

    prolly cause of drake lol

  • jondoe

    HIP HOP PRODUCER JIM JONSIN IS A FRAUD!!!! HE STOLE SLIM THUG’S “I RUN” BEAT FROM ME.. WATCH “JIM JONSIN LAWSUIT” ON (THI-IS-50) OR (YOUTUBE) TO SEE LAWSUIT COMPLAINT AND TO HEAR THE BEAT…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oIU55TaYS4

  • macdatruest

    Damn this nigga lost it, oops he never had it. He’s king of fake cockiness and imaginary star status. Another Interscope failure. That bitch knocked all his rings out. But a pink hedgehog needs to be slapped anyway. And what is that on his elbow, his pink panties? Dude is a bitch “dead ass”

  • http://notyet EBZAR

    HE CAME DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO SAYING HE GOT HER PREGNANT AND SHE HAD TO GET AN ABORTION – TO WIN A BATTLE? – NOT NOT JUST A SLIP, HE WAS FU*KED UP…

  • BORN IN THE NORTH, RAISED IN THE SOUTH

    In thinking of the pink Sonic, the words of Kurupt come to mind: “Bitch nigga — you more of a bitch than a bitch!”

    • 619

      ‘You ain’t into gettin’ pussy or gettin’ a grip
      you into hittin’ bitches off with a grip you punk bitch’
      hahahaha, Kurupt classic
      West West

  • http://myspace.com/federalranga Federal Ranga

    I’d smash ol girl that stuck him though… Nice hit. Couldn’t have been me. I’d have to Pacman Jones the bitch.

  • latino heat

    i read on icedotcom that the girl that hit him is Mary J. Blige’s step daughter.

  • vhingrhamesonyomomma

    “oh you mad Cuz’ I’m stylin on you” 09 shit!…yeah, yeah, take that,take that.

  • DazzOne

    He deserved it though. I wonder what the Hamiltonites at Okayplayer have to say about this…

  • Brahsef

    His

  • Illegal1

    Fuck all that, the nigga got punched in the face, on camera, by a girl, for talking slick. I don’t give a fuck what he said, it is what it is, She won this one.

    What’s this shit about the girl being Mary J Blige’s god daughter?. Now shit makes a lot more sense, a regular chubby bitch from the hood like that don’t usually have a right hook to go along with her. However, Mary J Blige has had one or two abortions that we know of and is sure to have taught her god daughter how to react if that shit is Ever, Ever brought out in public. Good looks Mary, how about training Pacquiao for his Mayweather fight?

    -Illegal1

  • BIGNAT

    how come everyone is blaming ch for what he said she was talking some personal stuff to. just because he took it up a level he got knocked and still tried to keep rapping.

  • EBZAR

    …that subliminal abortion comment was out the park… neeeever that homie…