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Coolio: It Takes A Fiend…

TMZ caught Coolio live and ready to crack ramble, as per usual.

“Everybody got a family member or a friend that’s into something…” -Coolio

Yes, Coolio. You are all of hip-hop’s crackhead uncle. What kind of nigga doesn’t know there’s crack in his bag at the airport? I know! A nigga who smokes crack! I could imagine smoking crack leaves you in a fucked up enough mental state whereas you’d forget ya left a few loose croissainwiches in your jeans pocket. That just sounds like a crill monsterish thing to do.

The nigga then admits to carrying his weed onto airplanes for years, back when it used to get him high. Wowwww. Admitting to having a longstanding track record of the Whitney-ish behavior in question isn’t going to help your case, Coolio! Plus, most people already believe they’re looking at a pothead-turned-baking soda aficionado. This means when you tell us you used to smoke weed, it means you smoked weed until the rock candy blunts became rock co.kane flow alone. We get it. No need to spell it out.

Kids, that ain’t the way. It’s really just like I say in my 2003 single, “That Ain’t The Way.”

Please take note that despite how Mr. Walk The Plank Chaka Zulu believes the police department is supposed to work, it’s not the arresting officer’s job to explore every “CSI” possibility to prove that the crack they find in your bag at the airport is NOT yours. I’m the first nigga to stand up against unjust ho-lice procedure. However, finding cocaine in your bag is all the proof they need to arrest you for finding cocaine in your bag.

For any and all Myspace entertainers who aspire to sign a fucked up 360 deal, end up broker than when you started and turn to crack to ease the pain, remember to lotion Dwight Rownyalipps before going on camera to defend your actions.

Questions? Comments? Requests? I recommend Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula for the toughest cases of Dwight.

P.S.: Who’s just giving away good crack and putting it in other smokers’ bags? I haven’t found a fiend yet who’d let a rock slip away like that. Last time I checked, children get sold into sex slavery for this shit. You’re more likely to see a fight over the last rock than you are to see a fiend stash off in someone else’s purse. Fuck outta here!

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