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Chris Brown: Not a monster?

Chris Brown recently took to, a site for emo attention hoo-ers, to explain to the world that he isn’t a monster. If you haven’t seen this clip yet, you might want to have a look. It’s the topic of today’s post.

In the video, it looks like he’s in the basement of the house from There Will Be Blood, which would have been awesome and would have added a whole ‘nother layer of subtext, but apparently it’s Shaq’s house in Phoenix.

If you notice, Chris Brown has a tendency to show up in the houses of famous black men. No fishsticks. After he put his shoe on Rihanna, Diddy lent him the keys to his place down in Miami, so they could have hot make-up sex. I bet it was especially intense, what with the oppulence of their surroundings and all that they’d been through. Not too intense, though. Chris Brown was already staring down jail time for busting up Rihanna’s face. God forbid something bad should happen to her hoo ha. You know most vaginae just aren’t tight enough for Jay-Z anyway.

I wonder if Shaq let Chris Brown and Lil’ Bow Wow in his house specifically for the pupose of making this video, as a show of black male solidarity, or if they just happened to be there anyway, bowling, and whatever else Shaq does in his free time. Probably the former, right? I can’t imagine a guy like Shaq would want to kick it with Chris Brown and Lil’ Bow Wow. I’d have to check, but I’m pretty sure he’s been in the NBA since I was in grade school. He’s gotta be like 40 now. He’s probably got daughters old enough to be statutory raped by Lil’ Bow Wow, and/or beaten up by Chris Brown.

But I can see why it would be important for him to let people know that Chris Brown shouldn’t just be cast out of the black community, like some sort of pariah, just because he had to take certain measures to settle a dispute with Rihanna. We weren’t in that Lamborghini, so we don’t know what really happened. And you saw what happened in that video with Charles Hamilton and one of Mary J. Blige’s husband’s outside kids. For all we know, Rihanna might have attacked him, and he had to be especially forceful with her, lest he lost control of the Lamborghini, and they both ended up dead.

For all we know, Chris Brown might be a hero!

Of course, Chris Brown didn’t say nearly as much. All he did was kinda lean down into the camera, say he was working on a new album, tell his fans not to pay attention to the haters, and that he isn’t a monster. Then Lil’ Bow Wow, who was standing there the whole time and could have been holding the camera (I wonder if he can read) leaned down into the shot and said, “Believe that!” As if there’s someone out there who wouldn’t have believed him otherwise.

Or maybe there was. Could it be that I’m giving Chris Brown’s fans too much credit? I doubt any of them are capable of reading as much into this clip as I have. (Shit, I hope they aren’t.) And I wouldn’t be surprised if Chris Brown’s handlers put him up to this. Come to think of it, as much shit as he’s been through this year, you have to wonder what’s the likelihood of him being able to just put some shit up on like that. Nah, they probably told him to. And they probably got Lil’ Bow Wow involved. You know how young girls love Lil’ Bow Wow. It’s been the bane of his existance since he turned 18, 10 years ago. Er, I hope it’s been.

Chris Brown could fuck around and emerge from this relatively unscathed. Think about it, if you’re a young girl, why should you give a rat’s ass if Rihanna got a black eye. That doesn’t mean you’re gonna get a black eye. If the girl I most wanted to fuck got into a fight with a guy, then she did a video with another girl I want to fuck, explaining that she isn’t a monster, something tells me I’d be tempted to believe her.

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