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Who really wears the pants at Jay-Z’s house?

Who else, when they heard that the movie Obsessed won the weekend box office, thought to themselves, “Damn, Jay-Z might be on to something.”

I actually heard about that shit on the nightly news. Not even one of these bullshit entertainment news programs, like Access Hollywood or whatever, but the actual evening news on network TV. Maybe they’re doing more bullshit entertainment programming on the evening news. I wouldn’t know. The only time I ever watch the shit is when I’m at my parents’ house, which is how I saw it this weekend.

The news was actually framed as a matter of Beyonce managing to win the weekend box office, rather than the movie itself. Which I took to mean that this might signal the beginning of a new era of high profile roles in films for Beyonce. Regardless of whether or not it was her star power that rocketed Obsessed to the top of the weekend box office, and regardless of whether or not she has any real talent for acting (of course I wouldn’t know), I’m sure she’ll be fielding several lucrative offers.

And it was only a few weeks ago that I read that Beyonce may have made more money last year than Jay-Z. I didn’t bother reading it, but I remember there was a story on MTV News about how much the two of them made last year, and as I recall, she made $89.5 million to Jay’s $89 million, or something along those lines. Or who knows. It could be that Jay made a bit more than Beyonce. Either way, I was more struck by the fact that I’m not even sure what Beyonce does. Jay-Z spends his waking hour coming up with new ways to whore himself out to tall Israeli interests, and all Beyonce does is sing. And we don’t even know for a fact that she can sing very well.

I know Beyonce has been in a few movies, like that Austin Powers movie, and Cadillac Records, and Dreamgirls and what have you, but she hasn’t really been a big name in Hollywood until just. Those were all either big franchises, or low budget movies. Either way, she probably wasn’t able to command much of a fee. The real money in Hollywood comes when they think your name attached to a film can guarantee it makes $100 million. That’s that Will Smith money. If Beyonce, could get even halfway to that level, forget about it.

Meanwhile, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jay-Z starts to gradually fade into irrelevance. I mean, even more so than he already has. If you notice, Blueprint 3 never did come out, and something tells me it didn’t have anything to do with him not having enough time to work on it. And you have to wonder how many more of these bullshit deals he can sign for big paydays. Those years when he was making $100 million a year or whatever, it’s not like he was making that from recording or performing. He was selling off his clothing line, his record company, the rights to whatever money he makes from recording and touring for god knows how long, so on and so forth. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t make nearly as much going forward. He might be running out of shit to sell.

Beyonce might be his strongest performing asset from here on out. Which just goes to show how brilliant Jay-Z is. I mean, if you don’t mind being married to Beyonce primarily for the purposes of making more money than you could ever really spend anyway. I would have taken my half a billion dollars or whatever and used it to bang a number of broads who more or less resemble the women who act in the pr0n I enjoy, if not the actual pr0n stars, but you guys know I have a lot of personal problems.

Back when they got married, it was widely reported that Jay-Z basically bought Beyonce from Beyonce’s father. In exchange for his daughter, the old man got a fleet of classic cars and airplane and what have you. Jay even had to agree to continue to put gas in the airplane. It seemed ridiculous to me that a man should have to pay so much money to a family of people who already have so much money, but Jay-Z probably knew she had a lot more earning potential than he did. The old man may have even presented Jay with a series of spreadsheets that said as much.

Now that it’s actually begun to pay dividends, I can see the genius of this arrangement. Only thing is, you wonder what kind of access Jay-Z has to Beyonce’s money. If Beyonce makes $100 million next year, and Jay-Z doesn’t make shit, how much of that $100 million can Jay spend before Beyonce’s independent streak starts kicking in? You’d hope it’s a lot, given how much Jay had to spend to get her in the first place, but you know how these women are when they make more money than you. If it isn’t anything at all, Jay might have been better off finding himself a broke chick with the ability to grow a full, healthy head of hair.

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