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Rick Ross vs. 50 Cent & Eminem: More Monkey Business

Good afternoon, you fuckin monkeeeees.

This is why Rick Ross is still alive in the DDN Tournament. I can’t explain how the fuck dude got past Pacman Jones, but now that he’s in a good one with Yung Berg–the other delusional “bawse”–he might find a swing of support today that catapults him into the final.

I firmly believe that every bit of this situation is exactly what’s wrong with rap music. There’s too much pro wrasslin and not enough focus on quality control. With superior content being the platform for his recent success, Rawse is a moron for even acknowledging the drama. Let alone immersing himself deeper [than rap] into the sinkhole of public opinion by now goading Eminem into an attack.

By the looks of the “We Made You” video, Em is clearly back on his drama shit. While the song sucks as badly as any other Slim Shady lead single, the spot-on Bret Michaels impersonation is a sobering reminder that Marshall is a parody machine who truly loves shitting in niggas’ cereal bowls.

Rawse thinks 50 dug into his ass? Sheeeeeeeit. These niggas at Aftermath have nothing left! They’ll continue to pursue new avenues of capializing on buffoonery at Officer Ricky’s expense. They’ll go full-Lecter and make a couple Chopper Suits out of his Crisco-enriched walrus skin.

[Blogger’s Note: 4/20 appears to be Chopper Suit Reaction Day at WSHH. Both Lil’ Wayne and Prince Bow Wizzle II have their delayed input available for asinine commentary.]

Meanwhile, Ross thinks handing book deals to “real niggas” and adding to the already oversaturated urban crime novel genre assures victory. I’m thinking he should begin a publishing fantasy with his own Triple Crown Publications-inspired release. What nursing assistant wouldn’t read a tale about a dirty corrections officer-turned-rap Tony Montana en route to their shift at the old folks home? It’d probably be the #1 read on the D train, supplanting “True 2 Da Game”, “True 2 Da Game 2″ and “Homo Thug” for all time.

Perhaps Rawse truly believes in the eternal mantra of media relations–there’s no such thing as bad publicity. Maybe a full-on etherization at the hands of Eminem will expose Rawse to a whole new audience that has yet to bask in his thugnificence. Maybe this is all part of the master plan from the biggest boss we’ve seen thus far. Maybe we’ve got it all fucked up and Ross is really pimpin the–

Okay. Let me stop. This nigga’s a moron. He’s also down 60%/40% to Yung Berg, so if you think he deserves to advance to the final, speak now!

Questions? Comments? Requests? Bored with your orangutans?

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