Prince Bow Wow’s Farewell Address & Financial Advice

Fellow citizens of the Hip-Hop Nation, this nigga Bow Wow got an economic stimulus plan foe dat azz.

Did you think Bow Wow would retire without so much as a speech for his 17 loyal fans?

On the economy:

“It’s just a crazy time right now financially. A lot of people can’t go out and spend twenty dollars or $14.99 on a CD. That might have to be groceries now, or that might have to be money to put into a gas tank or a car or anything else, bus pass, whatever it is. So now it’s at a critical time to where people are just being smart and managing they money, which I can definitely respect. So for me, that’s why I’m glad that I sold all my millions of records.” -Bow Wow, Karmaloop TV

Bow Wow can respect people spending wisely. These days niggas can’t just drop fifteen bones on the worst records ever created when they might need groceries, gas or bus passes. A project like New Jack City II may have gone over better back at the turn of the millennium when Lamborghini Moss had his full-Venus Williams swagger going. People tend to buy frivolous, useless shit–like Bow Wow albums and Roombas–when they believe money grows on Chia Pets.

Little homie understands our plight! He knows we’re in the dog days of– Okay, sorry. I couldn’t help myself.

Music is a relatively cheap form of entertainment that should actually thrive during times of fiscal distress. The catch is that records have to be good! Who predicted Jadakiss selling 135K in his first week? None of the XXL staff, that’s for damn sure. While it’s true that sales are down across the board, not all music has been rendered unsellable. You just can’t peddle turd sandwiches anymore when niggas have to buy spinach, if anything at all.

Scrambling for excuses, Prince Nino also believes that his first Parental Advisory sticker may have something to do with decreased sales. You’ve got to understand, though. He’s always been cursing on wax! Bow Wow’s been a “motherfuckin hustler” since Doggystyle. The albums have just been edited. Silly listeners! Y’all must just be gettin into Bow Wow. He’s been–

Oh, who the fuck are we kidding? Ain’t a soul on earth JUST getting into some got damn Bow Wow. The problem is, the 12 year-old Bow Wow fan is now 20 and wouldn’t be caught overdosed with that New Jack Shitty Too anywhere near her dorm room. She’s moved on to T.I., not the “Fresh Azimiz” knockoff.

New Jack City II is the intended music-to-film transition that has come face to face with epic fail. Bow Wow painfully stammers on about how he only accepts acting roles that fit him “organically” [no D-Roc], like Nino Brown and Twinkie, the Japanese drift racer.

Negro, please. I got a movie foe dat azz. It’s a bio already slated to debut on VH1 in 5 years. I’m just looking for a more creative title than “Fresh Az-I-Wuz: The [Lil'] Bow Wow Story

Readers, please take note. This is what it looks like when you smoke up and get the rambles. Avoid doing so on camera. Myspace rappers, please take note. If you thought you couldn’t sell an album before, you might as well take your weak ass to school or some shit. It ain’t gonna happen for you until Obama finally makes it rain Tropical Skittles and unicorn jizz in this bitch.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Where my dogs at? ron@ronmexicocity.com

  • El Tico Loco

    Stop it “Tropical skittles and unicorn jizz” LMLAO

  • El Tico Loco

    Pierzy must block the comments till he drops first.

    • Pierzy

      Damn, I wish. I’ve been trying to drop for a while and I’m being blocked…

  • Lowedwn

    “Fresh Az-I-Wuz: The [Lil'] Bow Wow Story”

    AHAHAHAHAHHAH, I believe that title is painfully uncreative, much like the bulk of Bow Wow’s said “career”. Hey, if he’s lucky he can have an uninspiring and mediocre movie carrer much like that of LL Cool J’s.

  • $ykotic

    I can’t even comment. Laughing too much….

  • General

    Hey I got a crazy idea, maybe he should go to college and try to actually learn something…

    Bow Wow is just like Gary Coleman, he looks like he is still 13, but he’s in his 20′s now and wants to try to transition in adult roles…ain’t happenin

    Nobody wants to hear his music, nobody wants to see him in movies, GO GET AN EDUCATION so you don’t end up on some True Hollywood Story shit talkin about how tragic your adult life was on some Cory Feldman shit

  • Young History in the Making

    “Myspace rappers, please take note. If you thought you couldn’t sell an album before, you might as well take your weak ass to school or some shit. ”

    …official…

  • PARIS PERSHUN

    “Music is a relatively cheap form of entertainment that should actually thrive during times of fiscal distress.”

    THAT SHIT IS WILDLY TRUE BUT DOESNT LIVE UP TO IT.

    TITLE IDEAS: 1. STILL BARKING: BOW WOW AFTER ENTOURAGE

    2. NEW JACK PITY: BEHIND THE MUSIC WITH SHAD

    ….. DAMN BRAIN FREEEZEEEE

  • Pierzy

    Add Bow Wow to the list of child “stars” that had trouble transitioning to adulthood like McCauley Culkin and the Diff’rent Strokes kids. He’s 5 years away from a VH1 “Behind The Music” episode or something akin to that

  • SOUTHSIDE A-TOWN

    LMFAO!!! (awww shit, my sides)
    put dis one in da hall of fame my nigga.

    New Jack Shitty Too
    “Fresh Az-I-Wuz: The [Lil'] Bow Wow Story”

    p.s. dats real talk for all ya’ll myspace rappers though. hang dat shit up & go get a fuckn education. unless…Obama finally makes it rain Tropical Skittles and unicorn jizz in this bitch.

    LMFAO!!!!!!!

  • chillin mayne

    i love how bow wow say ” i BEEN cursin up a storm since i was twelve” like dat somehow ups his status or lyrical prowess…as if cats gone hear it and say “oh shit, u herd bow wow been cussin since he was twelve??…yo dat nigga is da SHIT now”

  • Worley

    “New Jack Shitty Too”

    I can hear he and JD on the roof now: we all we got! I believe Ja Rule and Irv Gotti had a similar convo.

  • geico lizard

    I spent my bow wow stimulus on lottery tickets.

  • OG Matt Herbz

    Face it, in any game, you reach your pinnacle, then you just bow out and do something else. Everyone should do this, it’s common sense. I know it’s an obvious cliche, but had Jordan retired after the last Championship, he’d be viewed as an even greater god in the eyes of man. But, as it were, he kept coming back and now remains the butt of Jay’Z comparisons. It’s sickening. Bow Wow, get out the game, sell cars, build houses, do charity work, even give African kids some bottled water…just stop rapping.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      did you just compare prince bow wizzle to MJ?

      “like mike”

  • BIGNAT

    oh man ron ron that ending was priceless “It ain’t gonna happen for you until Obama finally makes it rain Tropical Skittles and unicorn jizz in this bitch.” LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • El Tico Loco

    How do you spend all those years in a studio and all you do recite someone else’s writtens? If he can’t rap on his own by now is his damn fault.

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Tell that nigga to grow a beard and start hangin’ out with Shyheim da Rugged Child. Maybe they can grow up together. No Chi Ali.

  • yoprince

    LMAO

    “New Jack Shitty Too”

    “Fresh Az-I-Wuz: The [Lil'] Bow Wow Story”

    funny thing is.. I can’t even imagine what a Bow Wow album sounds like. That shit had a parental advisory?? What was he saying? I’m actually kinda curious. maybe i’ll youtube a track or two

  • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

    Unicorn jizz? WTF? LMAO!!!

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    Poor Bow WoWsers.

    Y’all cats went heavy on him, but just one more………

    “Ain’t a soul on earth JUST getting into some got damn Bow Wow”

    What about Omarion?

    *rimshot*

  • Shawty J

    “Fresh Az-I-Wuz: The [Lil'] Bow Wow Story”
    LOL

    I’d actually watch that not because I give a damn but because Bow Wow always takes himself so seriously and it’s just funny lauging at him. Just based on the the title alone it’ll probably be twice as hilarious as that special BET aired about him and Omarion last year, I was rolling on the floor laughing at shit.

  • giantstepp

    Good shit Mex!

    Lil Bow Wow’s career, RIP.

  • Enlightened

    Damn dude, I can’t believe you actually have fans. But you do, I gotta give it you (although I think that nigga $ykotic is you making comments on your own blog).

    Your shit just come off completely unfunny to me and it wouldn’t even bother me if you didn’t have that arrogance with it, like you know you the shit…

    but maybe you are because like I said, you do have your few fans that like to come on here and cheer for you, and I know what they’ll say…so before they even say it…

    don’t worry, this is the last time I’ll read this shitty blog and comment on it