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Hot Boy$ = $econd Coming of The Beatle$… But Better!

“I already signed the deal, so, for me, I’m gonna definitely say it’s a go. I already received the cheque. For me and [Lil’] Wayne, it’s a go… I know B.G.’s on board and he’s willing to do it. We finishing all the paperwork now… It’s going to be bigger than The Beatles!”Juvenile, Vibe Magazine

I, like so many of my gole-teefed brethren and cistern, am very much looking forward to a Hot Boy$ reunion. However, I’m not drinking the fancy Tussin-spiked Kool-Aid that leads Juvenile to believe that they’ll be the most applauded band in the history of popular music. They ain’t The Beatles, The Hornets, The Cockroaches, The Ladybugs, The Scarabs, The Silverfish, or nothing like that.

[Blogger’s Note: Not “sistren”, which isn’t a real word despite its pervasive use, but “cistern”, which is a real word, just not the one we’re looking for. Sweet creative license, indeed. I also thought about going with [Greta Van] “Susteren”.]

Besides, only Wayne is at risk of being killed by a love-struck fan. At best, Juvie, Turkayyy and Chopper Suit in the Crackhouse may find themselves brutally beaten by a strip mall pimp.

At the endangerment of my music journalism pass, I admit that I’m not a huge fan of The Beatles. But, just because I don’t go psycho at the very mention of this band doesn’t mean I’d go as far as to call them “overrated” as I have in the case of one Elvis Aaron Presley, god of all that is rock music. I respect the artistry of The Beatles’ catalog and understand the reason behind their lofty regard. When everyone born before 1965–including my own mother, who turned me out to this hip-hop thang like said strip mall pimp–goes ape shit for the Beatles Anthology, I think it safe to say Juvie The Great’s comparison comes after having one Swisher Sweet too many.

How could one believe that the second incarnation of the Hot Boy$ could supplant The Beatles in popularity and esteem when it likely won’t supplant the original Hot Boy$? Niggas gone be like, “Mayne. This shit ‘chea don’t e’en much feel right, ‘chyurrrd me?”

I can see the final product now. The shit’s gonna look like the 2006 Cleveland Cavaliers. I love Juvenile and B.G., but Weeziana’s the LeBron to their Larry Hughes and Eric Furl—I mean, Eric Snow. Forgive me.

Desperate, last-ditch reunion sideshows aren’t comparable to bona fide legends. In this regard, these niggas couldn’t even be OutKast when they came back. They won’t be as far down on the totem pole as Boyz N The Hood or Playaz Circle, but they can leave their dreams of dancing in the sky with an iced-out Lucy at the bottom the got damn Styrofoam cup where it belongs.

If Tyga’s career to date has taught us anything, it’s that the people won’t allow themselves to be duped by the Weezy blanket. In contrast, Drake has brightened his future by his own merit. If Juvenile, B.G. and Turk believe for a moment that they can stumble into the studio and cough up some bullshit, rest assured that the reunion album will be a never-released shit sandwich at best.

The best case scenario for Hot Boy$ sees Lil’ Wayne making his teammates better in true LeBron James fashion. This would be easier if we could trade Turk in for, say, Devin the Dude a la Mo Williams, but unless Wayne’s sharing his Gatorade, this project is on the fast track to being New Orleans’ Cuban Linx 2.

Questions? Comments? Requests? You know how to love meeeeeee… ron@ronmexicocity.com

Damn. On second thought, Lil’ Wayne sharing his Gatorade with these niggas is a pretty fucking terrible idea.

What’s G? It’s the shit I pour half a bottle of prescription-strength cough medicine into before I does my musics!

P.S.: Don’t forget to vote in the DDN Tournament Finals! Yung Berg & Soulja Boy are TRULY AT WAR!!!

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