Hair Me Out

Call Cassie impulsive. Call her stupid. Call her starved for media attention. But whatever mud you choose to sling on Diddy’s/love/like/lust thang, don’t forget to call that chick a bad beeyotch for hijacking a set
of clippers and shaving one side of her head—’cause she got Internet tongues wagging—and probably pissed her man off in the process. What’s that famous saying? Oh, yeah, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Face it, the reason dudes (Diddy included) check for Cassie has nothing to do with her vocal chords and everything to do her beauty—and her Rapunzel-esque tresses. It’s jet black, long, silky and blows all
slow-motion sexy in videos when the fan is turned on. Hate to break it to you fellas, but curls just don’t molest the breeze like that without the help of an oscillating function. (Side note: Before going all Britney
Spears with it, Cassie could’ve earned a few checks from Hawaiian Silky as their perm princess.)

So, old Cassie expects us to believe that she dropped down to a half Caesar simply because she felt like it. Sorry boo, just like Ciroc, I’m not buying it. Usually, when a chick alters her hairstyle and it’s completely to the left, as this one is, said chick is:

1) desperate for a serious life change
2) feeling oppressed in a relationship
3) envious that a short ’do elevated Rihanna to rock-star status
4) the victim of foul play during a 36-hour tantric sex marathon.

While it’s possible that a chunk of hair can be removed during rough sex (the tantric element is completely optional), I cast my ballot for choice number two. The official girl’s tweet attempted to explain the motivation behind her new look, saying, “Something deeper than what you thought you
were capable of. Something that displays the ‘I don’t give a f-ck’ attitude that was always present, but never showcased.”

Uh-huh. Grabbing the clippers and going psycho was an act of revenge and a direct message to Diddy (we’ll have to wait a few days for the details to roll out). Let’s just be thankful Cassie didn’t go hoodrat on us and dye her hair neon green to match her brand new Air Yeezy kicks.--Miss One