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Chingy: What did I tell you?

Flash back to New Year’s Eve 2004. I went to this house party thrown by some guys I went to high school with. It wasn’t anyone I hung out with on a regular basis, but I was extra broke back in those days. I couldn’t even afford to cop my own alcohol and stay home, let alone go to a bar or some shit. But I figured I could probably go to this party and get tanked off other people’s shit, like I used to do when I was in college. I had only been out of college for about six months at that point, so I still had all of the tools of the trade down pat.

And wouldn’t you know, this guy I know brought a bottle of Southern Comfort but ended up giving it to me, once he realized that SoCo is fucking disgusting. I drank pretty much the entire fifth, plus god knows how many beers. I got so tanked, I forgot to drive home drunk, which probably worked out well for me and just goes to show sometimes it’s best to just keep drinking. I went outside that next morning and saw my little brother’s car was wrecked. I didn’t even know he was there. I found him passed out in another room. He said a drunk must have hit it, but who knows?

That night, this guy from Arkansas came up to me and was like, “Dude, it’s me!” I had never seen this guy before in my life. I think he might have gone to college with someone I went to high school with. I was like, “Dude, I’m pretty sure we’ve never met. You’re from Arkansas – maybe you’re confusing me with some other huge black guy.” To which he responded, “Oh, it’s cool, man. I just felt this sudden desire to slap you in the nuts.” Then he just kinda went about his business. It didn’t make sense to me at the time, and I’m not even sure it made sense when I wrote about it, a few weeks later.

In retrospect, I’ve come to realize that he might have been playing that game where you go around and slap people in the nuts. (In case you didn’t go to white schools, just know that white people play a lot of weird homoerotic games in high school.) He was probably gonna slap me in the nuts, but, him being from Arkansas, and me being a huge black guy, he didn’t want me to flip out, or turn it into some sort of race issue. He knew I’d gone to high school with a buncha cracka-ass crackas, but you never can be too safe, especially when SoCo is involved.

A few weeks later, a guy emailed me to inform me that he’d heard Chingy danced with a tranny on stage at the AVN awards. I consulted the Google, and, wouldn’t you know, I found a story about Chingy having danced on stage at the AVN awards with a tranny, along with an actual picture of the tranny holding Chingy’s junk. It wasn’t the clearest picture in the world, but you could tell it was a tranny from how muscular its arms and legs were, and I’m sure it was even more obvious up close. Of course, Chingy later claimed he had no idea that was really a guy playing with his unit. Sure, he didn’t.

Think about it. What kind of tranny do you know who would have the sheer balls (no pun intended) to be grinding up against a rapper and giving him a reach around on stage at a national award show, albeit the AVN awards? Big Pun never would have allowed some shit like that to happen, what with his self control issues. No but really, as I mentioned in my post on the matter, over four years ago, Chingy was pretty much obligated to have his weed carriers beat the crap out of that tranny backstage. I mean, if he didn’t want to ruin his chances of getting back on TRL by doing it himself. You know them fruits over at MTV don’t play that.

And you’d have to think that a tranny would know better than to molest a rapper right there in front of the camera. You know how these trannies live to trick ostensibly straight guys into doing teh ghey shit. If that tranny had actually managed to pull a fast one on Chingy and get away with it, it would have been open season on rappers for the past four years now. Dudes would have to have been walking around with cups on lest, lest a tranny come running from a dark corner somewhere trying to give you a reach around. Nah, Chingy almost certainly knew and had been intimate with that tranny. The producers of the AVN wouldn’t even have allowed (s)him on stage otherwise.

Hence, I wasn’t at all surpised to see a video, just now, of another tranny talking about how (s)he’d had relations with Chingy. I called that shit over four years ago. At the time, a lot of people objected to my reasoning, but it seemed obvious to me. There was hardly any way a shemale would be allowed to just bumrush Chingy like that. And even if it did, he should have come with a better response than, “Oh, that was a tranny? Damn!” Even if he didn’t resort to violence, which I’m not necessarily advocating here, he should have made it clear that trannies weren’t allowed to run up on him and give him a reach around.

It just goes to show: I’m usually right about these things. Or correct, if you want to be a dick about it. No fishsticks.

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