Chingy: What did I tell you?

Flash back to New Year’s Eve 2004. I went to this house party thrown by some guys I went to high school with. It wasn’t anyone I hung out with on a regular basis, but I was extra broke back in those days. I couldn’t even afford to cop my own alcohol and stay home, let alone go to a bar or some shit. But I figured I could probably go to this party and get tanked off other people’s shit, like I used to do when I was in college. I had only been out of college for about six months at that point, so I still had all of the tools of the trade down pat.

And wouldn’t you know, this guy I know brought a bottle of Southern Comfort but ended up giving it to me, once he realized that SoCo is fucking disgusting. I drank pretty much the entire fifth, plus god knows how many beers. I got so tanked, I forgot to drive home drunk, which probably worked out well for me and just goes to show sometimes it’s best to just keep drinking. I went outside that next morning and saw my little brother’s car was wrecked. I didn’t even know he was there. I found him passed out in another room. He said a drunk must have hit it, but who knows?

That night, this guy from Arkansas came up to me and was like, “Dude, it’s me!” I had never seen this guy before in my life. I think he might have gone to college with someone I went to high school with. I was like, “Dude, I’m pretty sure we’ve never met. You’re from Arkansas – maybe you’re confusing me with some other huge black guy.” To which he responded, “Oh, it’s cool, man. I just felt this sudden desire to slap you in the nuts.” Then he just kinda went about his business. It didn’t make sense to me at the time, and I’m not even sure it made sense when I wrote about it, a few weeks later.

In retrospect, I’ve come to realize that he might have been playing that game where you go around and slap people in the nuts. (In case you didn’t go to white schools, just know that white people play a lot of weird homoerotic games in high school.) He was probably gonna slap me in the nuts, but, him being from Arkansas, and me being a huge black guy, he didn’t want me to flip out, or turn it into some sort of race issue. He knew I’d gone to high school with a buncha cracka-ass crackas, but you never can be too safe, especially when SoCo is involved.

A few weeks later, a guy emailed me to inform me that he’d heard Chingy danced with a tranny on stage at the AVN awards. I consulted the Google, and, wouldn’t you know, I found a story about Chingy having danced on stage at the AVN awards with a tranny, along with an actual picture of the tranny holding Chingy’s junk. It wasn’t the clearest picture in the world, but you could tell it was a tranny from how muscular its arms and legs were, and I’m sure it was even more obvious up close. Of course, Chingy later claimed he had no idea that was really a guy playing with his unit. Sure, he didn’t.

Think about it. What kind of tranny do you know who would have the sheer balls (no pun intended) to be grinding up against a rapper and giving him a reach around on stage at a national award show, albeit the AVN awards? Big Pun never would have allowed some shit like that to happen, what with his self control issues. No but really, as I mentioned in my post on the matter, over four years ago, Chingy was pretty much obligated to have his weed carriers beat the crap out of that tranny backstage. I mean, if he didn’t want to ruin his chances of getting back on TRL by doing it himself. You know them fruits over at MTV don’t play that.

And you’d have to think that a tranny would know better than to molest a rapper right there in front of the camera. You know how these trannies live to trick ostensibly straight guys into doing teh ghey shit. If that tranny had actually managed to pull a fast one on Chingy and get away with it, it would have been open season on rappers for the past four years now. Dudes would have to have been walking around with cups on lest, lest a tranny come running from a dark corner somewhere trying to give you a reach around. Nah, Chingy almost certainly knew and had been intimate with that tranny. The producers of the AVN wouldn’t even have allowed (s)him on stage otherwise.

Hence, I wasn’t at all surpised to see a video, just now, of another tranny talking about how (s)he’d had relations with Chingy. I called that shit over four years ago. At the time, a lot of people objected to my reasoning, but it seemed obvious to me. There was hardly any way a shemale would be allowed to just bumrush Chingy like that. And even if it did, he should have come with a better response than, “Oh, that was a tranny? Damn!” Even if he didn’t resort to violence, which I’m not necessarily advocating here, he should have made it clear that trannies weren’t allowed to run up on him and give him a reach around.

It just goes to show: I’m usually right about these things. Or correct, if you want to be a dick about it. No fishsticks.

  • Pierzy

    I never understood dudes that walked around patting dudes in the sack area. Having gone to a “white” school, I would unfortunately see this – They would yell “Cup check!” and then tap some random dude’s balls before giggling about it for an hour. A toddler would’ve called those dudes gay.

    But, Bol, weren’t you worried that if you passed out, Mr. Arkansas would try to play Cup Check with you in your sleep? That’d be my greatest fear…

    • Tony Grand$

      Haha!

      He’s saving that for the “Director’s Cut”……

  • that nigga

    Wow, thats not new news. Everyone knows Chingy been a fruit.

  • romil

    Naah, thats messed up, I don’t think Chingy knew that was a tranny. C’mon he knows his career would be over if he hid something like that in the closet so why would he let it happen on stage?? I feel bad for tha guy, cuz I would stomp the gravy out that transformer. knowing chingy he probably thought it was a lady. I know its some funny bunny rappers out there but they know how to stay in the closet even though that Wayne and Birdman kiss was too suspect I think they just went 2 far with the love.

    • Pierzy

      “C’mon he knows his career would be over if he hid something like that in the closet so why would he let it happen on stage??”

      ———
      Um…his career is already over

      • romil

        That’s true, but in his mind he’s gonna keep tryna get back in the game. Plus he’s still on DTP in the waiting process. We all know transformers are the most aggressive they try hard 2 be women, and get accepted by str8 men as well. Why yall think most of them usually get killed by dudes playing the I didnt know role.

  • giantstepp

    @Pierzy how in the fuck are you first all the time on all the different blogs?? You gotta be connected some kinda way. Shit, Im loosing my train of thought wo comment now when I see you 1st every single time. Waht gives?

    • Worley

      A couple of these bloggers have alter egos man. It’s quite obvious at this point.

      “Oh, it’s cool, man. I just felt this sudden desire to slap you in the nuts.”

      Whoa. That’s why I don’t f*ck with white. They always doing some sh*t that will get they ass whipped. And then all of a sudden you’re the bad guy.

  • sealsaa

    “He looks like he’s got some nice, soft lips”

    *Fucking dies*

  • $ykotic

    LOL Pierzy getting the checkered flag! He’s ahead in NASCAR points…

    Honestly do we really care about Chingy? He’s been suffering from Berg syndrome.

  • that nigga

    cuz I would stomp the gravy out that transformer
    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

    Transformer….Funniest shit I heard In a while.
    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
    “He looks like he’s got some nice, soft lips”

    *Fucking dies*
    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
    HAHahahaha!!

  • OG Matt Herbz

    Yeah, OK, I admit it: I played that game in highschool…but only with the girls. I mean, how else are you gonna find out which ones are on the rag? I also played a variation: Charmin-check. That’s where you squeeze them little hoes’ titties to see if they’re stuffing, padding, or just genuinely rocking 36Ds.

    It was usually the jock-types that were cup checking all the other niggaz. The football players were said to have some ritual where freshmen automatically get teabagged at football camp. Fuck that shit…

    That’s why I played basketball.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

  • Dallas Penn

    Damn, the pix clearly show that tranny

  • geico lizard

    Teabagging is even more gay than cup check.

  • geico lizard

    Some white boys cant get enough of those gay pranks. Those guys on jackass do gay shit in every episode and movie.

    “Happy National Look-Alike Day”

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    Lmao @ Pierzy being an “alter-ego”!!!!!!!

    Chingy knew that shit. He was so awe-struck on his *ahem* success that he just assumed it was another over zealous female fan there to deliver the tang on a platter. No Dice. Dude almost had Adam’s apple juice on his medallion.

    Might have backstage. Kind of makes you wonder the ratio of women groupies to shim fans for rap cats. Watch those mic checks, fellas.

    • Pierzy

      No one respected me under my given name as Elliot Wilson! But as Pierzy, I always get to post first!!

  • sealsaa

    “You know how these trannies live to trick obstensibly straight guys into doing teh ghey shit.”

    Yeah, you and Eddie Murphy. Far as I know, it isn’t possible (yet) to surgically remove an adam’s apple. Most times, the facial structure is a dead give away, so is it a matter of guys getting bamboozled, or of them not wanting to see the obvious?

  • Mutada al sader the king

    ^ Co-Motherfucking sign.

  • $ykotic

    Ha ha!

    Chingy got a response up already! He looking like “dayium ya’ll caught me…”

    He made a point though. If they ain’t talking about you, it’s a problem.

    The other point is no one was talking about him until this.

  • http://AHH ruste_Juxx

    vanity actually really looks like a female. i walked past this nigga at the expo last year. shit is wrong!

  • macdatruest

    Johnny Gill stay wit Eddie Murphy

  • anutha_level

    man…this cat STAY writin about girly-ass, hair/nail shop gossip shit! WHO THE FUCK CARES about “Chingy” being a faggit???? nigga ain’t been relevant in years…

  • Master Cheef

    ching a’ ling likes ding a’ lings.

  • tommy gunz

    ..and chingly dingly did nothin to help his cause with that vid of him w/ the faux-hawk and xxtra soft lookin face…his whole demeanor screams suspect..

  • tommy gunz

    –no fishstix–

  • Master Cheef

    one of the funniest things i ever saw: chingy was on mtv diary (or some shit) and it showed him backstage at an award show with luda and dtp. Chingy had gotten tipped off that he was a shoe in for the upcoming award. When they announced the winner (someone else), he started crying and asked luda if he was being punked in all seriousness, not joking. i swear to god.

    in hindsight, i guess he did get punked, just not by the tv show.

    • Master CHeef

      no homo to “in hindsight”

  • http://xxlmag.com THE NOTORIOUS C.O.R.E.Y

    WHY DOES IT COME AS A SURPRISE THAT CHINGY IS BI AND INTO TRANNYS? THERE WILL BE A FEW MORE OUTTED RAPPERS AND MC’S IN THIS NEW “DOWN LOW” ERA LMFAO! GET OVER IT! THE TRUTH SHALL SET U FREE CHINGY!! LMFAO

  • http://molongfastback.blogspot.com Lola Land

    Super great post. Really.