Bow Wow’s Retirement Party

“This is my last album because for me, there’s no more that needs to be done on the music side. I’ve done everything.” -Bow Wow, RealTalkNY

Ummm…

“I think I have a better chance at getting an Oscar before a Grammy. The music industry is so fickle, there’s so many politics. I think a lot of people don’t pay attention to the credits or the artistry no more.” -Bow Wow, The Associated Press

Yes. That’s why Bow Wow can’t sell 12 got damn copies of New Jack City II. The music industry is sooooo fickle. One minute they like little kids rapping Da Brat lyrics and cripwalking around. The next, they DON’T like pubescent cocaine kingpins.

Go fucking figure!

Did he just say we don’t pay attention to the credits? Nigga, if people had been paying attention to the credits they’d already be aware that “Prince Bow Wizzle” may not have produced a single synthesized note or written so much as an adlib at any phase of his career. He’s the most transparently ghostwritten-for rapper this side of Puffy. Bow doesn’t even try to put his own flair on them shits.

In this regard especially, there’s no more appropriate destination for what’s left of Bow Wow’s entertainment career than the acting world.

Did he just say we don’t pay attention to the artistry? When I ponder the pinnacle of hip-hop artistry, I think “Shad Moss”. Maybe he should have shelved New Jack City II with an intentional misprint. Had he labeled them just “Prince” albums, they might have confused some housewives into helping NJC2 break the 20K mark in that telling first week on the charts.

Okay, maybe not so much. I stay seeing these new Prince CDs in Target. From the cover, he gazes at me with a desperation never before seen from the music industry’s most confident [pron.: uppity] slave.

[Blogger's Note: Imagine Prince starring in New Jack City II without chuckling and I'll give you all the Bow Wow CDs I can steal from Best Buy without being so much as confronted by the bag checker.]

Bow Wow also says that success is no longer measured in record sales, but internet popularity–as exhibited by countless recorded XBOX sessions, miserable “freestyles”, and a World Star Hip-Hop ad campaign for NJC2 that likely cost more than the record’s production. Clearly, his philosophy doesn’t hold true without quality content to match the misguided PR efforts. I mean, Chopper Suit is pretty fucking popular, but it’s still a $60 Easter getup designed with those below the poverty line in mind.

The rap game doesn’t have a 401k–which, given the current state of the world economy, isn’t the best example anymore. Every so-called artist needs a plan for when the stage lights finally dim, the overpriced recording studio closes its doors and the ghostwriters no longer solicit their hoery.

The film world, you say? Hmmm. I’m thinking…

Perhaps New Jack City II should have been an actual film pitch about how a privileged, sheltered youth discovers society’s underbelly as an entertainment industry insider. Foreshadowed by the 1993 declaration, “I wanna be a motherfuckin’ hustler. You betta ask somebody!”, Moss studies the likes of NWA, UGK, 2Pac and The Notorious B.I.G. while performing Disney-friendly music until he deems himself ready to head his own narcotics consortium, the murderously bloody CMB.

Blah blah blah… War with rival kingpins, Lil’ Romeo and former ally Soulja Boy… Blah blah blah… “You gone act like this over a fuckin’ SKEEZER! That’s SUPERHEAD! EVERBODY done had a turn!” Blah blah blah… Christopher Williams cover as lead single instead of “You Can Get It All.” Blah.

You get the picture. It could have been so much better. Instead, today we gather around stale vanilla cake and melted ice cream in honor of the Little Human Drug Generator That Couldn’t.

…and JD forgot to bring the damn G-Shock. Awesome! Epic fail all around.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Put that fucking noisemaker down. Can’t you see he’s crying? ron@ronmexicocity.com

DDN Tournament Elite H8 voting closes tonight! Final Four runs through the weekend. Championship match kicks off Tuesday morning!

  • Pierzy

    He’s right…just like Pacino for Godfather II, he got robbed of an Oscar for his brilliant portrayal in “Like Mike.”

    Dude is obviously insane…

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      like mike is some heartwarming shit. he should have at least pulled down an image award or somethin

      • $ykotic

        Or a better hair braider.

        • http://topnygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

          Zing!

    • MO

      IN OTHER WORDS “PEOPLE STOPPED BUYING MY SHIT SO I QUIT”

  • DV8

    is it safe to say that Soulja Boy won they little Saturday Night Sissy Fight? I mean the main reason BowWow cant sell is because SB snatched his fanbase.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      soulja boy’s making *vomits* better music that isn’t nearly as contrived.

      • DV8

        yeah and nobody wants to hear Lil Chow Chow talk about grown folk issues.

        Unfortunately for him he is being pigeon holed into a child rapper, kind of like a child actor

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    “Okay, maybe not so much. I stay seeing these new Prince CDs in Target. From the cover, he gazes at me with a desperation never before seen from the music industry’s most confident [pron.: uppity] slave”

    My sides just busted (no homo).

  • General

    Damn…Bow Wow can’t retire, the game needs you…First Lil Romeo gone, now you, WTF. Somebody get Puffy’s kid a mic ASAP.

    • Pierzy

      Don’t worry, once Asher Roth has a kid, he’ll be on the cover of XXL before he’s baptized.

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

        I predict that which ever Olsen twin he ends up impregnating won’t let their child rap.

        Or eat.

      • Pierzy

        I can see it now…

        *Little Apple Roth in the crib holding a baby microphone and a sippy cup with “Hennessy” on it*

        and under it, the title:
        GREATEST (ANOREXIC) RAPPER ALIVE

    • geico lizard

      I saw lil romeo on the sidelines of the USC tournament game. He was cheering his teammates on but I dont think he got to play.

      • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

        i don’t think romeo got off the bench this season.

        next year is his!

        until the next star freshman guard snatches the spotlight and playing time.

  • capcobra

    shout out to ron “the rebel” mexico..you ain’t mention ***** **** once in your post…’preciate that.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      bwahahahaha.

      man, i can’t remember discussing ***** **** at all ever.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    I know y’all dudes seen him that time on MTV cribs. I bet he’s soliciting (re: whoring himself out) some companies for a reality show right now.

    Hell, if Ray J can do it, so can he. Let’s just hope if it does happen, he doesn’t get his mother pregnant.

  • geico lizard

    “Blogger’s Note: Imagine Prince starring in New Jack City II without chuckling and I’ll give you all the Bow Wow CDs I can steal from Best Buy without being so much as confronted by the bag checker.”

    ^
    If Prince can crossover Charlie Murphy on the basketball court like a young iverson,star in Purple Rain and Under the Cherry Moon then he could have been a better nino brown that Wesley “I dont pay my taxes and I only love asian women off camera” Snipes.

    -Allen Payne begging for his life”Am I my brothers keeper?”
    -Prince as Nino Brown”Just because we kissed doesnt make us related”*pulls trigger*

    New Jack City actors today:

    -Allen Payne= is starring in a Tyler Perry show. Wonder how he got that job???
    -Wesley Snipes =trying to avoid tax jail so big bubba wont turn him from nino brown into doodoo brown.
    -Christopher Williams=dropped off face of the earth and hurt Stacey Dash so bad that she is done with black men for life.
    -Ice T=last seen beefing with a minor named soulja boy and fighting off lesbians who want to steal his prostitute/fake wife coco.

    • Brahsef

      Bro, you gotta give Ice T more credit. Dudes the best character in Law and Order SVU. Cop Killer became a cop son.

      • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

        scotty, help me! i’m gonna DIE!!!

  • sealsaa

    Apparently Angie Simmons (Rev Run’s daughter) has him sprung. Better get her knocked up quick, and get in good with Uncle Rush (or sthould I sthay, Uncle Rusth!). Her puss is as close as he’s going to get to a 401k

  • http://xxl gside

    So the little guy hasn’t been making good use of his time goes to show Bow wow should be a dope mc as long as he has been in the game to much old pussy not no time in the studio .

    • anutha_level

      man, i LOVE old stank…

  • BIGNAT

    “He’s the most transparently ghostwritten-for rapper this side of Puffy. Bow doesn’t even try to put his own flair on them shits.” at least puff said he don’t write rhymes he write checks. the last song bow wow did that i know for sure someone wrote it. was that fresh as i is or i am. that joint sounded like t.i. dropped that in his lap and said make it work shawty hahahhahaha

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      and the church said “amen”.

  • Ya Boy

    WTF?? THIS AINT CHOPPERS SUIT ON XXLMAG… OH WAIT IT IS!!!

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    On TylerPerry.com there’s an ad calling for actors to portray Madea’s gay grandson in an upcoming straight to DVD release. Bow Wow’s prayers might be answered just yet……..

  • mazemayhim

    So that ain’t Ken Griffey Jr. who played Turbo in Breakin 2: Electric Bugaloo smh

  • giantstepp

    Damn!! Mex, you straight ETHERED the Lil Homie! LMAO..

    Lil Bow Wow career, RIP!

  • Master CHeef

    funny post. I, for one, am extremely relieved knowing that one day, I can turn on the radio and not have to hear him singing to little girls.

  • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

    OLE HIGHTOWER FROM POLICE ACADEMY 5 SUIT WEARIN ASS NIGGA!

    • $ykotic

      Let me find out your a WSHH commenter! LOL

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

        He’s already admitted to scouring those ghettos in the wee hours of the night.

        You know he leaves comments.

        • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

          i mean… i enjoy them like everyone else, but i don’t partake.

          i am a CAPTCHA-phobe

        • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

          Jerk ass, smart-mouthed computers asking my to prove my “humanness”. Digital douchebags……..

      • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

        pretty good, right?

        thank you. thank you.

  • Joey Montana

    gonna have to break up the hate here, but didnt he drop that 1 hot verse “under 21 with a black card” and i think he claimed he wrote that one….

    Anyway

    He’s stopped rapping the world is a better place now just get solider boy to bird walk his way into a youtube mini series and im good.

  • Travis

    BOWWOW SUCKS HE DEPENDS ON OTHER RAPPERS AND PRODUCERS TOO WRITE FOR HIM…SO REALLY HE AINT CONSIDERD A ARTIST FORREAL HE IS GARBAGE LOTA PPL STOP LISTENIN TO HIM AFTER THE 2ND ALBUM WICH JD PRODUCE BOWWOW YOU A LAIME YOU WOULD NEVER COME TO THA HOODZ

  • Flyriq

    Wow…everyone just went in on bow…in the most witty of ways….smh

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