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Bow Wow’s Retirement Party

“This is my last album because for me, there’s no more that needs to be done on the music side. I’ve done everything.”Bow Wow, RealTalkNY


“I think I have a better chance at getting an Oscar before a Grammy. The music industry is so fickle, there’s so many politics. I think a lot of people don’t pay attention to the credits or the artistry no more.” Bow Wow, The Associated Press

Yes. That’s why Bow Wow can’t sell 12 got damn copies of New Jack City II. The music industry is sooooo fickle. One minute they like little kids rapping Da Brat lyrics and cripwalking around. The next, they DON’T like pubescent cocaine kingpins.

Go fucking figure!

Did he just say we don’t pay attention to the credits? Nigga, if people had been paying attention to the credits they’d already be aware that “Prince Bow Wizzle” may not have produced a single synthesized note or written so much as an adlib at any phase of his career. He’s the most transparently ghostwritten-for rapper this side of Puffy. Bow doesn’t even try to put his own flair on them shits.

In this regard especially, there’s no more appropriate destination for what’s left of Bow Wow’s entertainment career than the acting world.

Did he just say we don’t pay attention to the artistry? When I ponder the pinnacle of hip-hop artistry, I think “Shad Moss”. Maybe he should have shelved New Jack City II with an intentional misprint. Had he labeled them just “Prince” albums, they might have confused some housewives into helping NJC2 break the 20K mark in that telling first week on the charts.

Okay, maybe not so much. I stay seeing these new Prince CDs in Target. From the cover, he gazes at me with a desperation never before seen from the music industry’s most confident [pron.: uppity] slave.

[Blogger’s Note: Imagine Prince starring in New Jack City II without chuckling and I’ll give you all the Bow Wow CDs I can steal from Best Buy without being so much as confronted by the bag checker.]

Bow Wow also says that success is no longer measured in record sales, but internet popularity–as exhibited by countless recorded XBOX sessions, miserable “freestyles”, and a World Star Hip-Hop ad campaign for NJC2 that likely cost more than the record’s production. Clearly, his philosophy doesn’t hold true without quality content to match the misguided PR efforts. I mean, Chopper Suit is pretty fucking popular, but it’s still a $60 Easter getup designed with those below the poverty line in mind.

The rap game doesn’t have a 401k–which, given the current state of the world economy, isn’t the best example anymore. Every so-called artist needs a plan for when the stage lights finally dim, the overpriced recording studio closes its doors and the ghostwriters no longer solicit their hoery.

The film world, you say? Hmmm. I’m thinking…

Perhaps New Jack City II should have been an actual film pitch about how a privileged, sheltered youth discovers society’s underbelly as an entertainment industry insider. Foreshadowed by the 1993 declaration, “I wanna be a motherfuckin’ hustler. You betta ask somebody!”, Moss studies the likes of NWA, UGK, 2Pac and The Notorious B.I.G. while performing Disney-friendly music until he deems himself ready to head his own narcotics consortium, the murderously bloody CMB.

Blah blah blah… War with rival kingpins, Lil’ Romeo and former ally Soulja Boy… Blah blah blah… “You gone act like this over a fuckin’ SKEEZER! That’s SUPERHEAD! EVERBODY done had a turn!” Blah blah blah… Christopher Williams cover as lead single instead of “You Can Get It All.” Blah.

You get the picture. It could have been so much better. Instead, today we gather around stale vanilla cake and melted ice cream in honor of the Little Human Drug Generator That Couldn’t.

…and JD forgot to bring the damn G-Shock. Awesome! Epic fail all around.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Put that fucking noisemaker down. Can’t you see he’s crying?

DDN Tournament Elite H8 voting closes tonight! Final Four runs through the weekend. Championship match kicks off Tuesday morning!

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