Weekend at Diddy’s

Sometimes, it’s important to give credit where credit is due.

I probably couldn’t get Rihanna to go out with me in the first place, even if I had a lot of money. Chris Brown, on the other hand, kicked the crap out of her and somehow got her to go back with him.

I’m not saying it’s right what he did to her, or that she deserves to have it happen again. If he does have to put his shoe on her again, I’m not gonna feel sorry for her, but I’m hoping for the best. I’m just saying. It would be nice to have that kind of sway with women. If it was possible, I’d definitely be willing to trade my slightly above average intellectual ability.

I wonder if this means Chris Brown is off the hook with Jay-Z. There was speculation as to whether or not Jay-Z was gonna have him killed, though it wasn’t clear to me just how possible that really was. If I was Chris Brown, I’d still watch my ass. Even if there isn’t much of a case for going after Chris Brown on priniciple anymore, there’s still jealousy to account for. Jay-Z was probably salty about Chris Brown even before he laid hands on Rihanna. The ass whoopin just set him off.

Also, if I was Chris Brown, I’d be wary of visiting the tiny island nation of Barbados. I’ve spent enough time on those islands, back when you were growing up in poverty, to know: them island ninjas don’t play. They probably didn’t like Chris Brown in the first place, because he’s light skinted. Then he had the sheer balls to rough up the best-looking woman that country ever produced. On those islands, there’s certain parts where they drop a lot of dead meat in the water, to keep the sharks away from the parts where people swim. That’s probably where they got rid of Natalee Holloway, once they got done with whatever they did with her. If Chris Brown gets caught down there, that might be where he ends up.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, or working like a hebrew slave in low-end retail for the past couple of days, it was announced the other day that Chris Brown and Rihanna have gotten back together. Word on the street is that they spent the weekend at one of Diddy’s houses down in Florida, having steamy, passionate make-up sex. Then afterwards, Rihanna got up and brought Chris Brown some orange juice in bed, like Nas used to do with his baby’s mother.

(Note: The bit about the orange juice is just speculation.)

Diddy didn’t mind letting them use his place, since he was off at one of his other cribs, trying to have sex with a woman for 36 hours straight. He had to stop after eight hours or so, because he was tired, and his leg was cramping, but not because he was ready to drop his load, Nick Manning-style. I guess all those years he spent dancing and that marathon he ran haven’t done as much for his endurance as you’d think. If you’re wondering how I know all of this, it’s because it was documented on Diddy’s Twitter. Um, nullus.

Meanwhile, we don’t know a whole lot about what Chris Brown and Rihanna were up to this weekend. I already said I made up the part about the orange juice, but I’m not sure if they actually had sex either. I just assumed they did, since that’s what I’d do with a woman, if I somehow managed to win her back after I very publicly kicked the shit out her. Plus, what else is there to do at Diddy’s house over the course of a weekend? Isn’t that why Usher went to live with Diddy, when he was a teenager, for the group sex. Lovemaking was almost certainly the reason Diddy offered them his house for the weekend. He’s probably got a lot of weird toys and candles and shit. I mean, you could fuck at a Days Inn. The sheets might even be cleaner.

  • OG Matt Herbz

    Wow. Rental Cars… A violence-filled relationship… Borrowed houses… Gay-ass Casio G-Shock watches…

    That’s how I want to live if I ever hit it off big–word to Chris Breezy.

    Wait a minute…What did I just say?! Yeah, scratch that…

    –OG Matt Herbz–

  • capcobra

    did you hear that asher roth freestyle in the bangers section?….wtf?

  • Avenger XL

    Is this the last I will hear about Chris Clown on hiphop site except for when he does teh gay crossovers with artists trying to get that kids choice award money?

  • Macdatruest

    Chris Brown is realer than these rap niggaz. He took his Beef to the Streets…. Even if it was wit Rihanna lol Shouldn’t they be the types, Rihanna and Chris, to make songs back and forth a la Justin Timerlake and Brittany Spears?? Instead we got rappers singing on diss soongs over Jackson 5 samples, and going on shopping beef sprees. Meanwhile, Chris Brown whooped a bitch on Grammy Night, then she ran back like that nigga slangin’ hella good wood, and then he topped it all off by knockin’ her ass off at The Diddy Mansion?!?! That nigga Chris Brown is dat boy mane haha

  • Pierzy

    “…but not because he was ready to drop his load, Nick Manning-style.”

    ^^^^^^
    Do you think Puff yells like him? “Dropping fuckin’ loads!” Maybe he finds a way to self-promote like always: “Bad Boy! I told you I wouldn’t stop…dropping loads!”

  • amar

    bol ur right, barbados chicks aren’t hot at all. But island ninja chicks in general? there are a few islands out there that produce some damn fine womenz.

    and i’d still feel sorry for rihanna – she’s obviously fucked the fuck up in the brain to be getting back together with this fool repeatadly. From now on, i’m treating her like a mental case.

  • sealsaa

    “…what else is there to do at Diddy’s house over the course of a weekend?”

    /\/\/\/\/\/\

    According to Exibit, you can watch him get fingered in the ass, if you’re into that sort of thing…

    As for Chris Brown, i’d like to point out that I called it. I knew this wasn’t going anywhere, despite what all of these women’s rights groups would have you believe (boy, are they gonna be pissed). I’ll say it again, if R. Kelly can get away with pissing in a teenage girl’s mouth on camera, than Chris Brown has nothing to worry about.

  • sealsaa

    You know of course Bol, that if the charges are dropped against Brown, that you’ll have to do an investigation into how these R&B singers keep getting away with these outrageous acts of fuckery, while rappers are STILL getting locked up.

    First R. Kelly, now this.

  • geico lizard

    If Chris Breezy goes upside her head again then rihanna pulled a jindal and you cant help someone who doesnt want help.

    -I dont think Jay Z can have anybody killed now maybe back in 89 he knew some street cats who would kill for a bucket of chicken. Now the cats he rolled with pepper sprayed r kelly when they had beef and got beat down by jim jones in a louis v store.

    -That natalee holloway case was crazy because they kept acting like 3 guys abducted her from bible study or something. NH had a boyfriend back in alabama and she got wild on vacation and left a bar with 3 guys in aruba. Leaving a bar with 3 guys in america is a coin toss if you will live and not get raped so doing on some island is even more crazy.

  • mo

    og matt herbz? what the fuck type of name is that? i know you aint an og so you must just be a herb…uncle herb ass nigga

  • that nigga

    On those islands, there’s certain parts where they drop a lot of dead meat in the water, to keep the sharks away from the parts where people swim. That’s probably where they got rid of Natalee Holloway, once they got done with whatever they did with her.
    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
    WOW! Cant believe yo stooped that low Shit Bol!

  • sealsaa

    Just read that Rihanna’s father approves of her getting back with Brown. The fuck? I swear, these R&B guys can get away with anything short of murder. Hell, if Remy Ma had been an R&B singer, she’d probably be at home on probation right now, eating some poor girl’s box out (albeit at gun-point). Who knows? Maybe her father goes upside her mother’s head on the regular, and she’s become accustomed to a “certain claiber” of man.

    • chitchat

      Yeah Rih said that in one of her interviews that pops was an abusive alcoholic. So of course he’s not gonna see anything wrong with it. Lest he admit his own demons

  • BIGNAT

    “He’s probably got a lot of weird toys and candles and shit. I mean, you could fuck at a Days Inn. The sheets might even be cleaner.” ROFL diddy going do a blog about you he going tell you. my sheets get changed by cuban hoes and washed by virgin white girls tears

  • Shawty J

    LMAO at this whole blog.