Saturday Night Olympics MMIX
At some point in the past year, I became the only one left of the five or six people who were blogging for this site when it began. On the one hand, that isn’t much of an achievement, in the sense that this job is fucking retarded. But on the other hand, I’d like to see anyone else try that shit. I counted just now, and I’ve written somewhere in the neighborhood of 700 lengthy, fairly substantive posts in the past three years – 689, if you don’t count the ones that have disappeared, due to that glitch this site has where a post will occasionally just disappear. Today marks my third anniversary blogging for this site. To celebrate, I’ve put together a list of 20 of my better posts from the past year.
In no particular order, and without further ado…
1) Did Puff really have ‘Pac set up? – I revealed the LA Times’ Chuck Phillips as a lying ‘Pac stan before The Smoking Gun. The only difference was: I didn’t have any actual documents to prove it. It just seemd obvious.
2) Keep it on the down low – I hesitated on including this one, since Gyant and I are Facebook friends again. No homo. But I thought the whole thing was so funny.
3) Jay-Z could use more people – Why wouldn’t gossip magazines devote more coverage to Jay-Z and Beyonce’s wedding? Is it because no one really believes they’re an item. I came up with an idea for how they could alleviate this problem.
4) Why Prolyfic’s children are starving – This clown Prolyfic went off on his boss, Lupe Fiasco, in an online forum, about how he couldn’t afford to feed his children. Then he the sheer balls to get upset with me just for blogging about it.
5) Trapped by a cougar – I was just mentioning the other day, on my own site, this trend of R&B ninjas taking up with older women. Here’s the post where I first identified the trend.
6) Having weed in your pocket while black – If you’re black, you’re probably better off not carrying any weed on you, if you don’t have to. But if you do, put that shit in your sock. That way, if 5-0 asks you to empty your pockets, you can be like, “See, no weed!”
7) In semi-defense of hipster rap – The line in this one about the Rachel Ray terrorist scarves got picked up by Gawker, but hardly any of the fruits in the comments section there seemed to appreciate my work. Fags.
8) Sometimes a nigga get confused – In the wake of the Young Buck crying on the phone incident, I told the story about how my career at White Castle came to an end.
9) No, really, Soulja Boy, eat a dick – In which it’s revealed the reason why Soulja Boy always has to have things explained to him, despite the fact that he spends so much time behind a computer.
10) Is Killer Mike with the terrorists? – On the startling number of similarities between the video for Killer Mike’s “Pressure” and the infamous “Dirty Kuffar” video.
11) The real reason Bill O’Reilly hates hip-hop – It turns out Bill-O the Clown and Flavor Flav are practically related. Or are they? Maybe my most widely read post last year.
12) It’s so cold in the D – About that time Yung Berg made the mistake of going to Trick Trick’s club in the D wearing that dumbass Transformers chain.
13) Are the Native Tongues secretly gay? – Proof at last that the early ’90s-era boho rap collective is what the guys in the movie Detroit Rock City would call a “fag band.”
14) Change we can’t afford to part with – A call for a moratorium on songs advocating tricking.
15) Yes there is anti-Obama hip-hop – I celebrated last year’s historic election day with a post about anti-Obama rap songs, why you’d hardly know there were any.
16) But I thought this had been solved? – A mere matter of days after my post about how Peter Rosenberg mocked the Israeli-Palestinian conflict (good luck finding it), Israel shelled the fuck out of Gaza.
17) Should hip-hop boycott Israel? – A sort of follow-up to that last post, on the efficacy of a hip-hop boycott of Israel. The consensus in the comments section was that the TIs wouldn’t like it, and hence it wasn’t a good idea. Roffle.
18) Jermaine Dupri: A company man until the bitter end – When Jermaine Dupri decided to sacrifice any pride he had in himself to shill for his his Tall Israeli benefactors, he probably had no idea they’d drop him like a bad habit a year later. I could have told him.
19) U gon get Internet raped – Who knew there was even such a thing as Internet rape? Does that make me the Internets Mike Tyson?
20) Free Chris Brown – It’s been rendered somewhat obsolete by further developments re: the Rumble in the Lambo, but I still stand by this call to not fly off half cocked in throwing Chris Brown under the bus.