Saturday Night Olympics MMIX

At some point in the past year, I became the only one left of the five or six people who were blogging for this site when it began. On the one hand, that isn’t much of an achievement, in the sense that this job is fucking retarded. But on the other hand, I’d like to see anyone else try that shit. I counted just now, and I’ve written somewhere in the neighborhood of 700 lengthy, fairly substantive posts in the past three years – 689, if you don’t count the ones that have disappeared, due to that glitch this site has where a post will occasionally just disappear. Today marks my third anniversary blogging for this site. To celebrate, I’ve put together a list of 20 of my better posts from the past year.

In no particular order, and without further ado…

1) Did Puff really have ‘Pac set up? – I revealed the LA Times’ Chuck Phillips as a lying ‘Pac stan before The Smoking Gun. The only difference was: I didn’t have any actual documents to prove it. It just seemd obvious.

2) Keep it on the down low – I hesitated on including this one, since Gyant and I are Facebook friends again. No homo. But I thought the whole thing was so funny.

3) Jay-Z could use more people – Why wouldn’t gossip magazines devote more coverage to Jay-Z and Beyonce’s wedding? Is it because no one really believes they’re an item. I came up with an idea for how they could alleviate this problem.

4) Why Prolyfic’s children are starving – This clown Prolyfic went off on his boss, Lupe Fiasco, in an online forum, about how he couldn’t afford to feed his children. Then he the sheer balls to get upset with me just for blogging about it.

5) Trapped by a cougar – I was just mentioning the other day, on my own site, this trend of R&B ninjas taking up with older women. Here’s the post where I first identified the trend.

6) Having weed in your pocket while black – If you’re black, you’re probably better off not carrying any weed on you, if you don’t have to. But if you do, put that shit in your sock. That way, if 5-0 asks you to empty your pockets, you can be like, “See, no weed!”

7) In semi-defense of hipster rap – The line in this one about the Rachel Ray terrorist scarves got picked up by Gawker, but hardly any of the fruits in the comments section there seemed to appreciate my work. Fags.

8) Sometimes a nigga get confused – In the wake of the Young Buck crying on the phone incident, I told the story about how my career at White Castle came to an end.

9) No, really, Soulja Boy, eat a dick – In which it’s revealed the reason why Soulja Boy always has to have things explained to him, despite the fact that he spends so much time behind a computer.

10) Is Killer Mike with the terrorists? – On the startling number of similarities between the video for Killer Mike’s “Pressure” and the infamous “Dirty Kuffar” video.

11) The real reason Bill O’Reilly hates hip-hop – It turns out Bill-O the Clown and Flavor Flav are practically related. Or are they? Maybe my most widely read post last year.

12) It’s so cold in the D – About that time Yung Berg made the mistake of going to Trick Trick’s club in the D wearing that dumbass Transformers chain.

13) Are the Native Tongues secretly gay? – Proof at last that the early ’90s-era boho rap collective is what the guys in the movie Detroit Rock City would call a “fag band.”

14) Change we can’t afford to part with – A call for a moratorium on songs advocating tricking.

15) Yes there is anti-Obama hip-hop – I celebrated last year’s historic election day with a post about anti-Obama rap songs, why you’d hardly know there were any.

16) But I thought this had been solved? – A mere matter of days after my post about how Peter Rosenberg mocked the Israeli-Palestinian conflict (good luck finding it), Israel shelled the fuck out of Gaza.

17) Should hip-hop boycott Israel? – A sort of follow-up to that last post, on the efficacy of a hip-hop boycott of Israel. The consensus in the comments section was that the TIs wouldn’t like it, and hence it wasn’t a good idea. Roffle.

18) Jermaine Dupri: A company man until the bitter end – When Jermaine Dupri decided to sacrifice any pride he had in himself to shill for his his Tall Israeli benefactors, he probably had no idea they’d drop him like a bad habit a year later. I could have told him.

19) U gon get Internet raped – Who knew there was even such a thing as Internet rape? Does that make me the Internets Mike Tyson?

20) Free Chris Brown – It’s been rendered somewhat obsolete by further developments re: the Rumble in the Lambo, but I still stand by this call to not fly off half cocked in throwing Chris Brown under the bus.

  • Yaw

    Congrats on your anniversary. Still, I gotta ask… what’s happened to Billy X. Sunday?

  • OG Matt Herbz

    Way to stick it to the man, Byron.

    It HAS been a long time. Remember that chick Tara Henley that never showed her tits or ass on her blog? Yeah, I know, she wrote well, but still…

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      3 cheers for Byron.

      Now, go get you that white girl you’ve had your eye on, get some “glitter on your face” & treat yourself to a six-pack of whatever beer it is that you upper-middle class ninjas partake in.

      Blue ribbon, perhaps?

      You deserve as much, Bol.

    • squadwildin

      Bol you got your own website? i seen all them ads on your page and shit.

      dont advertisers have to pay you for that shit??? nigga yo ass aint broke. You might as well stop frontin.

      I’m willing to bet you dont still work at Wal-Mart like you claim you do.

      why do you pretend to act like you live in your moms basement? wats the logic in that? you think commentors on here respect you more for that shit?

      just some questions that need to be answered. ***also post that video of the interview you did a while back. the commentors said your voice sounds really gay.

      I wanna hear for myself…no homo

  • Yaw

    She and Bol had beef with each other too lol

  • http://SolutionsGlobalMedia.com Tyler

    I am glad 2 have basked in the light of your pure greatest BoL. U are a credit 2 our race. U will always be my President if U don’t get no bigger. 2night my friend, all your Lap dances will be on me (no homo) meaning I will have my ladies give U free ones instead of having them over charge U like they usually do.

  • Illegal1

    Holy shit, my nigga Yaw up in this piece! what it dew?! That time you got on SOHH Gyant was classic…Herbz, what up my white nig. I see ya.

  • amar

    “due to that glitch this site has where a post will occasionally just disappear.”
    HHAHAHHAHA

    but congrats and good stuff bol, i’mma make sure to read all your self-proclaimed best blogs, keep writing for this fucking retarded site

  • sealsaa

    “Brooklyn, we did it!”

    *Leaves out and goes to the BGM*

    -Bol

    Congrats.

  • http://www.cocaineblunts.com noz

    Congrats.

  • $ykotic

    That weed one was funny 2 me.

    Congrats homie. Keep dropping that fuel.

    Now go get glittered up and bag you a hoo-er!

  • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

    congratulations on your years of dedicated service.

    i helped pick out your swatch. nullus.

  • http://www.fakeshoredrive.com Andrew Barber

    Congrats Bol! Been reading for years…you already know that, though

  • all fair

    alright you call us chink we call you the n word. if you get mad its your fault. the hell is wrong with you you think asians don’t read your blog? you losing fans son.

    kanye west> bol

  • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

    as a long-time reader, congratulations bol on writing nearly 700 posts for harris pub, which owns every post, unfortunately. because these should be compiled into a book and sold so you can quit the BGM.

  • geico lizard

    Congrats on 3 years Bol and happy belated birthday(think I said that already). Did you ever tell us who the girl is in your banner with her leg cocked up?

    So michelle malkin and the other nuts stole your terrorist scarf observation? I still call fist pounds terrorist fist jabs.

    Speaking of rachel ray I didnt realize how much weight she gained until I found out those FHM pictures werent airbrushed. Chris Rock did a good bit about her being fat and black guys wanting her and rosie odonell because of their size. She isnt rosie fat but she is much bigger than these pics.
    http://www.rachaelraypictures.com/rachael_ray_pictures/FHM/index.htm

  • geico lizard

    Congrats on 3 years Bol and happy belated birthday(think I said that already). Did you ever tell us who the girl is in your banner with her leg cocked up?

    So michelle malkin and the other nuts stole your terrorist scarf observation? I still call fist pounds terrorist fist jabs.

    Speaking of rachel ray I didnt realize how much weight she gained until I found out those FHM pictures werent airbrushed. Chris Rock did a good bit about her being fat and black guys wanting her and rosie odonell because of their size. She isnt rosie fat but she is much bigger than these pics.

    http://www.rachaelraypictures.com/rachael_ray_pictures/FHM/index.htm

  • Bobo D

    Congrats Bol, Ive been reading your blog here about 2 months it got started and I’ve gotta ask about the ‘glitches’ where your blogs would just disappear.
    If I remember carefully most of them where about Interscope or Interscope artist & this happened around the time YN was around. Am I being overly suspicious?

  • AQUILOGY

    Congrats bol! Did you secretly have billy x sunday fired so you can write a post about how you’re the last man standing?

  • Dub Sac

    for an intelligent guy, you’re an idiot, but “No, really, Soulja Boy, eat a dick” is hands down the best blog title ever.

  • http://www.adamfangman.com Adam

    Ever notice how every hip hop blogger since you came out writes just like you? Kids takin’ after their dad. Congratulations on three years at XXL.

    • Dub Sac

      Meka Soul over at DX being one of the worst of the worst offenders.

  • BIGNAT

    3 years and you been using the same pic bol update that shit grow a fro hahahaha

  • Youngz

    Congrats Bol, you are my favourite blogger of all time (no stan, no homo) Keep up the good work dude!!

  • sealsaa

    Best Bol cactch phrase:

    “In the line of duty” (When referring to weed carrier who get taken out while performing their function and namesake)