Rick Ross: Baker to the Stars

Ah, yes. I’m familiar with the premise. It ain’t my birthday, but I got my face on that cake.

Rick Ross, the Big Boss Man to hip-hop’s WWE-style programming, continues in his quest to ingratiate himself to the public. Heeding Mr. McMahon’s advice, Officer Ricky has taken to developing video interludes of his own to be shown before the Slim Jim and Stacker 2 commercials.

Big Ross Man’s attempt to taunt arch rival and Intercontinental Champion, Pimpin’ Curly, leads him to a local novelty bakery where he purchases an Isaac Hayes cake that’s been sitting on the shelf since the season 3 premiere of South Park.

Self-etherization ensues from the moment Ross pushes “REC.” However, the awkward punchline delivery, ancient Shaft cake and inability to bite therein only add piss to the proverbial gravesite.

All Curly has to do now is invoke the catchphrase of his favorite MC.

“Nigga, I looove you too! What make you think pimpin ain’t got no loooove for a nigga? *sprays activator* I love you like a fat kid love cake.”

Before this display of niggardry, it had appeared as if Rawse could win his battle on the strength of music alone, as 50 doesn’t appear to have the resources for combat on that front. Instead of releasing a little more “Magnificence,” Ross joins in on the video fuckery, engaging 50 in his natural element.

While Ross may look like a sedated silverback in the cakey clip, he’s not properly trained for “gorilla” warfare. This is exhibited by his wittiest play being the destruction of a self-effigy cake, something 50 is now likely glad he doesn’t have to do himself.

Negro, please put the fuckin cake down. Get in the studio. Stay there. Take solace in that last moment of self-assurance. Hoes do still wanna fuck. Make some new coke cartel anthems. Stay fly. Get money. Kill and fuck bitches.

Bitches.

Questions? Comments? Requests? I’m killin e’ythang in plain view for my riches. ron@ronmexicocity.com

  • Part 2wo

    myspace.com/horatiopleas
    myspace.com/horatiopleas

  • DETROIT

    lol…RICK ROSS IS THE WACKEST NIGGA EVER! he’s to corny and fake to be tryin to battle 50! 50 is a street nigga, ross is a mama’s boy, that’s why he can’t win this fight.

    • mo

      the wackest nigga ever would be you nigga….50 is a dry snitch and he put a restraining order on murder inc. You call that being a real street nigga? 50 is wack, washed up, and played out. nobody cares about that clowns music.

      • DETROIT

        YUP, I DO CALL THAT BEING A STREET NIGGA! a scared ass, snitch ass, street nigga. but a street nigga none the less. Ya’ll niggas are crazy, street niggas aren’t super heros, they’re just niggas from the street! most hood niggas are snitches, that’s a fact. how do you think so many niggas end up in jail?

        • mo

          In that case ross is still a street nigga…..No wonder niggas like you in the D stay broke. You must think it’s okay to snitch too I guess thats why you like 50′s shit more. snitches are fuck niggas so that makes you A FUCK NIGGA.

        • MO

          50 IS A STRAIGHT CLOWN, DUDE IS WASHED UP AND PLAYED OUT JUST LIKE G-UNIT CLOTHING. LIKE IT OR NOT THE GAME SHUT ALL THEM G-UNIT NIGGAS DOWN.

  • amar

    OMG…how do these fools keep managing to out-do each other on the stupid shit on wshh?! this is embarassing for all rappers, bakers, black ppl, fat ppl, bearded people and bawses everywhere! wtf! raws vs. franchise boyz vs. tyga vs. wayne vs. young berg…it’s on

  • Jerzee Native

    “Stay fly. Get money. Kill and fuck bitches.” –Allen Iverson aka Jewelz. That was hilarious.

  • anutha_level

    “While Ross may look like a sedated silverback in the cakey clip, he’s not properly trained for “gorilla” warfare”

    DAMN man…that was rude. lol-great closing though.

  • Pierzy

    Damn, Mexx! As soon as I saw that, I said “That looks like a Chef cake” and then 2nd paragraph you called it. Nicely done. And you’re right, the best way to battle 50 is with the music (like Game did). If you try to out-video blog him, you’ll lose.

  • texasleen

    we already know that 50 was a snitch and we know that Ross was a C.O. so why dont they just make an album together…the music has been ok but still no ETHER

  • OG Matt Herbz

    Good thing that nigga didn’t touch a tres-leches cake or I would’ve had to pay him a lil visit. In fact, once upon a time, I was eating a slice of tres-leches with the strawberry filling and some nigga popped his head in the bakery and was like, “Yo Herbz, you heard that ‘Everyday I’m Hustlin’ joint by Rick Ross?” Well, I ignored the nigga, thinking that maybe he’d go away, but he didn’t. He came up in that piece and just sat down across from me and repeated that same stupid question which beared no need to be repeated. I slung the cake on that nigga, grabbed the Sidral Mundet I was sipping on and broke it over his head. He fell back out the chair and that’s when I just jumped on him and started stabbing that nigga. After I was done, I had one of my niggaz take that fool to the carniceria that was next door and it was implied that they made Tacos Al Pastor out of that nigga’s innards. Gross, mang…just gross. Fuck Rick Ross.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    • DETROIT

      what ever happened to g-unot killer? dude was nuts!

      • giantstepp

        Damn homie! I was just thinking the same thing. I miss the homeboy tho…guess that supathug crip livin caught with him.

        G-Unot comments on XXL, RIP ?-2008.

        Good dhit Mex,

        Negro, please put the fuckin cake down. Get in the studio. Stay there. Take solace in that last moment of self-assurance. Hoes do still wanna fuck. Make some new coke cartel anthems. Stay fly. Get money. Kill and fuck bitches.

        Bitches.

        Church!

  • http://junglefeet.blogspot.com Detroit P

    Lol@ Isaac Hayes…I was wondering why the beard on that cake was so extra long..and didn’t look more like the Ross Head chain….Mungkey!!!….but yea, that video was unnessecary..shoulda just kept makin music…only a petty type nigga could deny good music

  • geico lizard

    Did Rick Ross get this cake from that show “ace of cakes”? That show makes all these elaborate cakes that you cant eat i dont get it. The cake has wood and metal poles in it with a battery operated motor. They should all just become sculptors if they cant make me a cake I can eat that also looks like eva mendes*gets off soapbox*.

  • $ykotic

    That video was a kamikaze act.

    Especially biting into a wax head.

    Somebody take that blunt from dude. He’s losing his remaining brain cells.

    And the new video doesn’t do any good as well.

  • that nigga

    Just when I thought he was winning, too Ron? This jackass….I swear. This has to be the worst battle ever.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      What up Mex!?

      I knew this was bound to happen. Ross is a like a Grizzly (pun intended) caught in a trap, desperately chewing off his leg, not realizing that there’s no Bear Hospitals in real life.

      Now he’s bleeding all over the forest.

      Dude should’ve took my advice; shave that beard, lose 184 lbs, & start fresh in Europe.

      • anutha_level

        lmao @ exactly 184lbs…u stoopid

  • tommy gunz

    rawse lost from the jump…its a fixed fight…

    and for the dickridin comment posters up there…even bang ‘em smurf acknowledges that 50 never snitched on nobody…

    it was the sound engineer in the studio when the fight went down that did the snitchin you non-havin-knowledge bout shit type lames…

  • BIGNAT

    man that shit was crazy rawse talking while breaking up a cake of himself. you know he buys them joints everyweek ” a boss only eats a cake made for a boss. made to look like me rawse” gagagagag

  • http://360.yahoo.com/deshawn772004 Federal Ranga

    Allen Iverson aka Jewelz

    ^^^^^^^^^^
    Hold up… I saw that movie… I thought Jewelz was played by Hot Sauce.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      YES!!! SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS!!!

  • TCUK

    Im waiting on another Rick Ross diss song with half of a verse and 5 minutes of talking….it would go something like this

    Im ross, and im the boss.
    Im a killa, yea im trilla
    Im not a cop, i let sh*t pop
    erm…. yeah its trilla
    and erm….yeah im a killa
    maybe i forgot to mention im the boss?
    Yeah monkey the names rick ross.

    Followed by 5 minutes of talking “youre a monkey, im son-ing you, lloyd banks is gay, tony yayo is old, 50′s a monkey” etc.. etc…

  • O.G. Kush

    That snitch as 50 is faker then all of you. And I dont give a fuck what yall say Mafia Music came harder lyrically then anything that that bitch 50 put out.

  • latino heat

    u know that fat fuck ain’t gonna waste that cake. i hope he choke’s on that shit and dies. and to TCUK, thank u. that’s what i always tell people a Ross verse sound’s like EVERY time. just say Ross and Boss 5 times, say some wack shit about how much weight u didn’t really sell, add a dope beat that should’ve gone to a better rapper, and there’s a Ross song.