Posse on Trendwatch: Plastic surgery disasters

Never mind Chris Brown putting his shoe on Rihanna, which we now know was an act of retaliation. (I’m not coming to his defense or anything. I’m just saying.) Black women ought to be more concerned with what they’re doing to themselves, with all this damn plastic surgery.

In the wake of the Rumble in the Lambo, I read somewhere that domestic violence is the number one killer of young black women – or probably the number two killer of young black women, behind AIDS natch. But how many women in the hip-hop community have actually died from domestic violence? None. That’s how many.

The number of women in the hip-hop community who’ve died from plastic surgery, meanwhile? One and a half – Kanye West’s mother, and Ursher’s mother wife.

Granted, I’m not aware of any women in the hip-hop community (and I mean rappers and other industry types, not just women who like rap music) dying of AIDS, either, despite what we know about how AIDS spreads in the black community, i.e. from one teh ghey guy to every third black woman.

Part of the problem could be that hip-hop is becoming one huge sausage fest, as Joe Budden would call it. Nullus? There’s hardly any female rappers these days, and the few that are left are relics of a bygone era, and not particularly productive.

Take for example Lil’ Kim. I see she’s trying to get her career back together, going on Dancing with the Stars. She’d probably try to put out another rap album, but it’s obvious she’s not gonna have much of a career in rap anymore.

There was that initial burst of interest, around the time she got out of the joint, but that’s long since passed. And I’m not sure how much she ever benefited from it anyway. I couldn’t even tell you when the last Lil’ Kim album came out, or what it was called.

She might not even be able to get a record deal now, if she wanted to. If I was one of these TIs, and I was looking to put out a slutty female, I’d just find some young broad with a decent body and have a guy write her some lyrics. Never mind Lil’ Kim.

In that sense, you can see why Lil’ Kim might be tempted to have herself worked on.

I caught a video of Lil’ Kim the other day, promoting her stint on Dancing with the Stars, and I’m not gonna lie – they did a pretty good job of making her look like a normal human being. I’m sure it took an incredible feat of makeup and lighting and maybe even digital editing, but she didn’t look nearly as bad as she has in some pictures I’ve seen of her.

Still, it doesn’t make any sense to me the amount of work she’s had done on herself.

I mean, I could see if she wanted to get her cans worked on. Lil’ Kim always was kinda built like a 12 year-old boy. No Michael Jackson. And if she’s standing there rapping about doing all kinds of things with a man’s junk, and yet I’m incapable of popping a rod, obviously there’s an issue. And it’s not just my horrific lifestyle as of late.

But as far as all of that other shit she’s had done, that’s on her. It’s obvious, as Biggie Small’s mother recently pointed out, that she’s trying to turn herself into a white woman, when it should have been obvious to Lil’ Kim that a brother such as myself is just gonna get himself an actual white woman, if that’s what I’m in the market for.

In fact, if there’s a trend with these hip-hop plastic surgery disasters, it’s women trying to turn themselves into some they’re not. In the cases of Kanye West’s mother and Ursher’s wife, it was older women trying to get themselves together so that they could holler at younger men, and possibly to fulfill some sort of sick oedipal fantasy.

It just goes to show the difference between a man and a woman. If I had that kind of money, which I don’t and I never will, why would I give a rat’s ass whether or not someone likes how I look? I’m sure I could get a broad to service me regardless, especially with the economy in the state that it’s in. Then I’d eat some “crab meats” and shoot skeet in my back yard. No Boutros.

  • Flakker

    “And if she’s standing there rapping about doing all kinds of things with a man’s junk, and yet I’m incapable of popping a rod, obviously there’s an issue. And it’s not just my horrific lifestyle as of late.”

    Nobody ever gives you enough credit, Bol. I think a lot of people, like myself, find statements like this one hitting too close to home to do anything but attack you.

  • OG Matt Herbz

    If you watch the “Party and Bullshit” video, Lil’ Kim pops up in that piece a few times and I’m here to tell you, she was cute as fuck with her little jean shorts and bird legs. She was a straight up dime piece…or at least a 8 piece–no KFC. Even when those first Junior Mafia videos came out and she had the multi-colored hair, I was still fiending for some Lil’ Kim, yo. She had the innocent-girl looks but then rapped about her cumming down your throat and shit. She was the only female MC at that time that didn’t look like a man, she fucked with B.I.G. and…well, I was looking for a third attribute, but that’s really all there was. Anyway, it wasn’t fun to watch her get fucked up with all the plastic surgery. Even when she just had her tits done, it was a little too much–she was already looking too fake and then she had to work on her face…DAMN. Why the good ones gotta go bad?

    Them sex-type lyrics only work when you still got sex appeal…now, if someone could get Tahiry (Budden’s g/f) to start rapping before she goes and gets them implants, I might just fux with some female MCs again…

    –OG Matt Herbz–

  • El Tico Loco

    I called it a little over 10 years ago when she dropped “No Time for Fake Ones” I knew she wasn’t talking about the headlights but then she got ridiculous with the facework, and her face was straight. I’m sure she was getting facials then and even if she didn’t have DSL the connection was just fine, now she looks like a Chinese restaurant hoestess.

  • P-Matik

    SMH @ Lil’ Kim. Where did Officer Ross say “crab meats” again?

    • ko

      “mafia music”

  • sealsaa

    Never cared for Kim. I used to be into Foxy, until I started hearing about her hygene issues. (Never HAVE gotten a defenitive answer on JUST what those “issues” are. Feel free to enlighten me)

  • macdatruest

    Lil Kim look like Chop Suey. She look like a raggedy brown bear somebody shaved and dressed up. Then stepped on, then dressed up again. And how you off the block wit implants? you gotta feel akward wit accessories sealed into your chest. Plus Lil Kim got her nose clipped and her eyes pulled back she look like a clone of a fat stupid bear’s girlfriend. Why she get fake ass titties? she know half the game seen her boy chest, she knew we wasnt buyin that fake titty shit, but I think she did it to suck off white dudes at Diddy parties. She look like a Playboy Bunny’s Fat Stalker

  • Phil

    I’ve got one theory about Lil’ Kim and her motive for all this surgery.

    BIGGIE.

    This is a very delayed and disturbing reaction on Kim’s part to the cold, hard truth that B.I.G. was never, ever going to make her his official woman. I knew dudes in situations like this. They already know what kind of woman they want, even when they have mad women on them. Kim was one of those “mad women” on him, she just happened to love rap, wanted to rap AND fuck with B.I.G. officially. B.I.G. had no problem smashing, but also saw potential in the shorty, so…we get Lil’ Kim.

    Time goes on, Kim watches this cat get married to a thick redbone from Jersey who can sing, continue to break her off, split from the wife, and get with ANOTHER REDBONE chick…who can rap. Kim flips. Totally. Looks in the mirror and what does she see?

    A woman that B.I.G. doesn’t want. Ergo, surgery.

    • latino heat

      damn homie, that was deep! you should change your name to Dr. Phil.

  • amar

    lil kim may have the aids. You heard it here first america.

  • http://gooddoctorzeus.blogspot.com DocZeus

    “I couldn’t even tell you when the last Lil’ Kim album came out, or what it was called.”

    Her last album received 5 mics in the Source. That should tell you something about the Source and Lil’ Kim at this point.

  • Apollo Moses

    “I’m sure I could get a broad to service me regardless, especially with the economy in the state that it’s in. Then I’d eat some “crab meats” and shoot skeet in my back yard. No Boutros.”-Bol

    Fool!!! Where did you get “crab meats” from? That funny as hell taken out of context. Sounds like Officer Ross at his most pompous moment. Is that Mafia Music?

  • capcobra

    i’d still hit kim from the back…..in the dark…..wit a bat….right upside her fuckin’head.

  • sealsaa

    /\

    Yeah, she DOES have a nice ass. Now, ABOUT those Foxy Brown hygene issues, what exactly? She’s got some cheese on the taco? She baking a loaf of sour dough down there(extra tart)?

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      Black women have lost all sense of identity.

      Even before we get down to the nip/tuck, we gotta get past the fake contacts & wigs. You can’t even meet a broad nowadays without thinking she’s about to rob a bank or some shit.

      Wigs are supposed to be for cancer patients & old people. This “barbie doll” complex is getting ridiculous. I guess it was okay when just white chicks were doing it (no Byron Crawford), but now the sisters who don’t really need it are getting all silicone’d up. Then the ones who DO need it got doe, so they could give a furry rat’s ass if you like the way they look or not.

      Kim’s losing it. I predict her offing herself to be with Biggie again.

  • anutha_level

    all that may be so, BUT…..i’d still creampie that ho.

  • BIGNAT

    “Then I’d eat some “crab meats” and shoot skeet in my back yard. No Boutros.” LMAO

    • Smel

      Yeah that shit was funny as hell

  • sealsaa

    tony $tarks, whaddup?!!!

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      What’s good Seal?!

  • Prince Caesar

    Yeah, she does look like the black Joan Rivers. I’d still fuck, though. I’d get her pregnant, too, so she can pay me child support. Black women have been doing it for years to wealthy and poor men. Payback is a bitch.

  • chillin mayne

    “shoot skeet in my backyard” ba ja ja ja ja ja jaaaaaaaa….THAT was a knee slapper!!

  • macdatruest

    Lil’ Kim look like the big chinese dude Bolo Yeung that fought Van Damme in Blood Sport. Bitch look like a Panda Bear, look like the Tanookie Suit on Mario Bros. 3 Bitch look like a Goomba, them fat brown things that just go side to side till you jump on they head. Man she tore off. Master Cheef, get yo moms bro