Never mind Chris Brown putting his shoe on Rihanna, which we now know was an act of retaliation. (I'm not coming to his defense or anything. I'm just saying.) Black women ought to be more concerned with what they're doing to themselves, with all this damn plastic surgery.

In the wake of the Rumble in the Lambo, I read somewhere that domestic violence is the number one killer of young black women - or probably the number two killer of young black women, behind AIDS natch. But how many women in the hip-hop community have actually died from domestic violence? None. That's how many.

The number of women in the hip-hop community who've died from plastic surgery, meanwhile? One and a half - Kanye West's mother, and Ursher's mother wife.

Granted, I'm not aware of any women in the hip-hop community (and I mean rappers and other industry types, not just women who like rap music) dying of AIDS, either, despite what we know about how AIDS spreads in the black community, i.e. from one teh ghey guy to every third black woman.

Part of the problem could be that hip-hop is becoming one huge sausage fest, as Joe Budden would call it. Nullus? There's hardly any female rappers these days, and the few that are left are relics of a bygone era, and not particularly productive.

Take for example Lil' Kim. I see she's trying to get her career back together, going on Dancing with the Stars. She'd probably try to put out another rap album, but it's obvious she's not gonna have much of a career in rap anymore.

There was that initial burst of interest, around the time she got out of the joint, but that's long since passed. And I'm not sure how much she ever benefited from it anyway. I couldn't even tell you when the last Lil' Kim album came out, or what it was called.

She might not even be able to get a record deal now, if she wanted to. If I was one of these TIs, and I was looking to put out a slutty female, I'd just find some young broad with a decent body and have a guy write her some lyrics. Never mind Lil' Kim.

In that sense, you can see why Lil' Kim might be tempted to have herself worked on.

I caught a video of Lil' Kim the other day, promoting her stint on Dancing with the Stars, and I'm not gonna lie - they did a pretty good job of making her look like a normal human being. I'm sure it took an incredible feat of makeup and lighting and maybe even digital editing, but she didn't look nearly as bad as she has in some pictures I've seen of her.

Still, it doesn't make any sense to me the amount of work she's had done on herself.

I mean, I could see if she wanted to get her cans worked on. Lil' Kim always was kinda built like a 12 year-old boy. No Michael Jackson. And if she's standing there rapping about doing all kinds of things with a man's junk, and yet I'm incapable of popping a rod, obviously there's an issue. And it's not just my horrific lifestyle as of late.

But as far as all of that other shit she's had done, that's on her. It's obvious, as Biggie Small's mother recently pointed out, that she's trying to turn herself into a white woman, when it should have been obvious to Lil' Kim that a brother such as myself is just gonna get himself an actual white woman, if that's what I'm in the market for.

In fact, if there's a trend with these hip-hop plastic surgery disasters, it's women trying to turn themselves into some they're not. In the cases of Kanye West's mother and Ursher's wife, it was older women trying to get themselves together so that they could holler at younger men, and possibly to fulfill some sort of sick oedipal fantasy.

It just goes to show the difference between a man and a woman. If I had that kind of money, which I don't and I never will, why would I give a rat's ass whether or not someone likes how I look? I'm sure I could get a broad to service me regardless, especially with the economy in the state that it's in. Then I'd eat some "crab meats" and shoot skeet in my back yard. No Boutros.