Posse on Trendwatch: Chris Brown rap

Who else was kinda hoping someone would make an hilarious rap song about Chris Brown beating the crap out of Rihanna?

I’m not saying it’s right to put your shoe on a woman (a man, sure), even if we know for a fact that she started it. I’m just saying. The shit already happened. We might as well have a little fun with it.

To date, I’ve counted four rap songs that make reference to the Rumble in the Lambo. None of them are quite what I was hoping to hear, and it’s obvious most of them are just bum rappers trying to gain some fame behind a media scandal. But even the worst of them, I’ve found, are good for a healthy chuckle.

Below, I take a look at the four Chris Brown and Rihanna rap songs I’ve heard so far. My bad about not having any audio samples. This guy named Brendan who used to work here was gonna teach me how to upload mp3s, but that’s been such a long time ago I can’t even remember what year it was. You might try consulting Google.

Without further ado…

1) Big Kuntry – Chris Brown

I’ve been informed this guy is one of TI’s machine gun wranglers. As such, I was hoping this would be an angry southern rap song about how his girlfriend ate all of his cornbread or whatever, and so now he’s gonna have to give her a black eye. Alas, this is a song about he wants to fuck a woman especially hard. The chorus goes, “I’m trying to Chris Brown that pussy. Beat out ya frame!” It’s not unlike that Yin Yang Twins song from a few years back. I remember, people would go on about how misogynist that was, when I didn’t find the actual message of the song that misogynist. But that was probably mostly just feminazi types, who recoil at any use of the term beat in reference to a woman. True story: My cousin actually played that song at her wedding reception.

2) Ghostface Killah – Message from Ghostface

Listening to this song, it was hard for me to tell if it was recorded specifically in response to the Rumble in the Lambo. He mentions Rihanna at the beginning, and then again at the end, but the song tells a story that doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Chris Brown and Rihanna, other than that it deals with domestic violence. And I notice it samples a song that was big back during the height of the neo soul era, i.e. towards the very beginning of this decade. So I wouldn’t be surprised if this was left over from Bulletproof Wallets, and never got used due to sample clearance. Anyhoo, this is easily the best rap song of the bunch, being Ghostface and all, but it’s hardly ignorant. If I wanted to hear someone sympathize with Rihanna, I’d watch Oprah.

3) Maino – Murdergram 2009 ft. Red Cafe and Uncle Murda

As you might have guessed from the title, this one isn’t actually about Chris Brown and Rihanna, or even domestic violence in general. It’s just that usual, boring NY gangster rap – the kind of shit Kay Slay plays on his show on Sirius, when he’s not copping a feel from a pr0n star. Which of course is entirely useless over the radio, but I can hardly blame the guy for using his position in the media to his advantage. I’d feel a pr0n star up while writing this post, if I could. Anyhoo, here’s the operative lyric, courtesy of Maino himself: “Chris Brown, damn right, I beat a bitch.” Um, yikes. Given the fact that he’s admitted to paying for more abortions than he can even remember, you have to wonder if he’s even joking.

4) DJ Rick Geez – Chris Brown That Trick

There isn’t a whole lot I can say about this one, since it’s Baltimore club music. It’s basically just teh ghey house music, like the Jungle Brothers back before we knew for a fact that the Native Tongues are a fag band, with some guy saying, “Chris Brown that trick,” ad nauseum. There aren’t any actual lyrics to dissect or anything. I guess there’s the fact that it’s probably played in a lot of teh ghey clubs, and you know how they say a lot of fruits hate women. Like, that football player Jay-Z shares an apartment with supposedly has a number of domestic violence charges out in Kansas City. I wonder if him and Jay discussed the Rumble in the Lambo. If they did, he probably had to pretend to feel sorry for Rihanna.

  • http://www.dronkmunk.com/search?q=wu dronkmunk

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  • sealsaa

    As hilarious songs go, my first guess would’ve been 50 Cent, but he’s not as bold as he used to be. Granted, he could never really rap worth a shit to begin with, but he did have a penchant for talking shit at the end of his songs.

  • http://www.uptownempire.com Trouble

    LOL @ “this guy is one of TI’s machine gun wranglers”.

    I think people shouldnt say ANYTHING else about this incident, she admitted that she hit dude first, so she instigated the shit. Reminds me of the video of Gucci Mane punchin that bitch in the face, but no one said anything because she threw that glass at him, its the samething.

  • OG Matt Herbz

    You would think there’d be more songs about the subject… The word “Brown” rhymes with a lot of shit even though “Rihanna” don’t rhyme with as much. But you could still just substitute Rihanna’s name in whatever sex-type lyrics you got and just make mention of the forehead, those spaced-out skirts, and the delicious skin tone and shit. Then, Chris Breezy could get ridiculed because of the forehead and the fact he threw a fit on the Kanye-tip and hit that bitch like 20 times and still couldn’t knock her out. Tell Chris to come see me, I’ll show him how to knock a bitch out. And when he wakes up, the first thing he’ll do is log on the computer and check bossip.com out and see the pics of Rihanna and me out on a yacht on the Carribbean.

    Ghost’s song did just sound recycled to include the Rihanna reference–the rest of them bitches seem to be giving Brown some props or some shit which is really fucking lame.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

  • Smel

    Baltimore Club >>>>>>> house music (with the exception of Daft)

  • sealsaa

    “one of TI’s machine gun wranglers”.

    LOL, between Philant Johnson and Israel Ramirez being killed (as Bol would put it) “in the line of duty”, and TI sending them out to buy him weapons, weed carriers might want to look into starting a union. But then again, those nigga’s probably couldn’t organize a gang bang…

    • Michelle S.

      LMAO @ the thought. Spliff Star should be chairman.

  • amar

    how come black entertainers with the last name brown are always into coke or into beating their women? I’m pretty sure bobby managed to accomplish both. Not sure about james.

  • geico lizard

    Oprah and Tyra havent done raps but they have done shows exploiting this rihanna situation. Police brutality and the recession arent good topics for them since Oprahs a billionaire and tyras a millionaire.

    They would rather focus on telling women men arent shit if they defend themselves when you hit them first. You talk about putting the shoe on a woman but rihanna put her boot on him first.

    Two chicks who have never been married giving rihanna relationship advice is a good show topic,gtfoh.

  • sealsaa

    @ geico lizard,

    Yeah, on WSHH yesterday, there was a video of Puff on Ellen’s show. She asked him why he would let Chris Brown stay in his house with Rihanna alone, knowing that he hit her(she seemed genuinely outraged). Puff’s first response was “that’s my house, and I can lend it to whoever I want”. LOL, he got respect for that one.

    Women’s responses have been typical. They cling to the old adage “a man should never hit a women” without stopping to consider that he might have been defending himself. And shame on these so called “men” who jumped to Rihanna’s defense (Terrence Howard) only to get in the public’s good graces.

    • shone jones

      I guess Terrence Howard must be the one wearing the dress in the relationship.

      LOL

  • Michelle S.

    It’s sad to say, but I personally believe that 90% of people who spoke on the issue did it for personal gain. Now, dudes I know would’ve did the same thing if a female hit them. I don’t know about anybody else, but if I hit you, I’m expecting you to swing (I do know how to duck and hit again). Everybody’s so quick to jump on sides not knowing what the hell happened. Domestic violence is so one-sided it’s not even funny. I wasn’t there. I don’t know what happened. Therefore, I’m not pointing fingers and accusing anybody of anything. Let the judge do the judging.

    • shone jones

      Truth!

  • big ry

    you dudes are straight pussies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I been hit and slapped by a women and just laughed in her face.You chumps on here talking about “What if she started it?” who gives a fuck.If you can’t take a hit from a women,you’re a punk.Point blank.It seems like you bitches wait for a girl to hit you so you can hit them back.I guess your just women beaters at heart.