Is Suge back on his BS?

Who else, when they heard the news the other day about Akon’s weed carriers getting robbed by Suge Knight, couldn’t help but think, Well, at least it’s nice to know Suge’s still got it?

It’s been tough to watch Suge keep getting his ass handed to him by guys who wouldn’t have posed any kind of threat to him back in the mid ’90s. If I needed a reminder of the fact that I’m not 15 anymore, I’d try to rub one out more than twice in a day, thank you very much.

First there was that guy the barber, who didn’t strike me as being the kind of guy who could beat up Suge Knight (don’t get me wrong – the guy’s a fucking badass!), then he got the shit kicked out of him by one of Akon’s bag handlers, who was probably some scrawny African fellow.

What’s next, is Yung Berg gonna put a shoe on him?

Even my old man, who’s a big fan of ‘Pac’s All Eyez on Me (for whatever reason, it used to be in the jukebox at a place where he’d tie one on), mentioned to me the other day how Suge is now but a mere shadow of his former self.

This is usually the part where I suggest that Suge was put up to his latest shenanigans by a secret cabal of Jews living in a cave a few miles beneath the earth’s surface, but I don’t know. This could have more to do with him being broke than it does with him trying to repair his image.

Back when he got beat up by one of Akon’s boys, they said he was under the impression that one of Akon’s producers owed him money. Which I took to mean that he was probably trying to extort some money from one of Akon’s producers like he did Vanilla Ice way back when. He probably saw that video on World Star of Akon showing off his ridonkulous crib and his umpteen cars, and his old instincts kicked in.

It’s not like he could have loaned the guy some money, and he was coming back to collect. I’ve been doing stories about how Suge doesn’t have any money for about as long as I’ve been blogging for the site. The Washington Post even did a story about how Suge doesn’t have any money, and Suge doesn’t live anywhere near Washington.

Let me guess: Suge showed up to All Star Weekend thinking he could dangle one of Akon’s producers out the window and have him sign papers turning over the rights to a few of the joints he produced on Akon’s new album. But the guy saw him coming, and thought to himself, You know, this isn’t 1991. I could probably just punch Suge’s lights out like that barber guy did. And so he did.

So Suge sent some goons to the guy’s house to steal a shedload of jewelry, and a car, and a safe, which probably has a lot of money in it. As we speak, he’s probably in his backyard wondering how he’s gonna crack open that safe. Maybe if he took it to the top of a building and dropped it off. Now all he’s gotta do is find a building where no one will notice Suge Knight dropping a safe off of the roof. He might want to try Detroit.

If that really is what happened (I don’t want to accuse Suge of doing some shit and come to find out he didn’t do it), he might have tripped though. Forcing a guy to sign some papers is one thing – that’s what the entire music business is based on – but you can’t just go in someone’s house and steal some shit. That’s how OJ got caught up.

Suge better hope he doesn’t end up going to jail behind this. Everyone in the joint is gonna know he’s got a glass jaw. And you know what happens in jail, when a guy knows he’s got the best of you.

  • http://myspace.com/federalranga Federal Ranga

    I’on know what to make of this one… Suge keeps taking them L’s. Back in the 90′s dude had shitload of niggaz shook. Sad to see him go out like that… if he ends up in jail.. It’s a wrap. Everybody gonna be trying the man til he gets the fuck out. What’re the odds he goes PC if he ends up in the joint anyways?

  • Pierzy

    Ha! I could see Suge in jail being like Chi McBride’s character in Let’s Go To Prison. “Of all the bathroom stalls, in all the correction facilities in all the world, he walks into mine.”

  • chitchat

    This makes me think maybe Suge was never all that tough to begin with? Like maybe, he was just a big ass blood that ppl didn’t try, cause he was a big ass blood. At least that’s what Harry-O said. I’m starting to believe it.

  • giantstepp

    Funny shit Bol. But for some reason I dont think Suge is broke the way its being portrayed. Yeah, he “lost” pretty much all of his public shit but I have a feeling that dude got a few stacks put away before before shit really went down.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    Damn Bol, you must’ve changed liquors! You’re on a helluva streak this week. Good shit.

    As far as Suge goes, I just think dude is losing his mind. In the 90′s, whether or not his fabled misadventures were true or not, they were still based on HIS actions.

    Now, he’s resorted to ghost-thugging. Not a good look for dude @ all.

    He may not be broke, but I highly doubt he’s rich. He doesn’t strike me as the “swiss bank account” type of ninja. If anything, he prolly had 200,000 bux stashed away in a mattress @ the auction, & the same weirdo that bought his dirty draws bought that matress as well.

    I’ve said for awhile that he most likely had developed some drug addiction & is suffering from depression. & now, he’s taking it out on the world.

    • Pierzy

      Ninja!

    • $ykotic

      “ghost-thugging”? lol

      You just gave dudes a new job description!

      Jamal down there got the neighborhood night watch out!

      Suge is done. Be better off selling used cars to the Amish.

  • Jamal7Mile

    test

    • Jamal7Mile

      *jeez!!

      Anyway…

      Suge can come to Detroit with a safe tucked under his arms if he wants to… he wouldn’t make it to the roof w/o being relieved of that gwap. Detroit is in a recession like no other. Hittin’ a lick is a double-digit percentage of street income… else, we wouldn’t give a fuck about a Transformer chain, Bol.

      When Suge came to the Mitten to stash some Deathrow master tapes, even the State Police jumped in on that gold mine!

  • http://xxlmag.com Cal

    Hilarious! Good post I can literally see Suge dangling a safe off the side of a building in Detroit!

  • sealsaa

    “You know, this isn’t 1991.” “I could probably just punch Suge’s lights out like that barber did.”

    LMAO. Wouldn’t be suprised if that’s exactly how it went down. Now Bol, as to that part about it not being 1991…

    I don’t know. What with that ex con clowning in Cali (a~la Rodney King) and killing those cops (Rest assured, Cali niggas WILL be feeling those department issue boots in their necks this summer), and OJ in touble AGAIN (that was ’93, but STILL), its starting to look like ’91 all over again.

  • DV8

    With all these people knocking Suge out (or wanting to do so) I wonder where is Snoop?

    • Jamal7Mile

      Snoop been sayin’ “Bitches ain’t shit” for over 15 years now.

      …I don’t think Snoop cares.

      • BIGNAT

        snoop not fucking with suge on the end of paid the cost to be the boss he did a song about suge. DON’T GET PIMP SLAPPED that shit was crazy i like it thought. it all comes down to the fact that your jealous of the paper stackkkkkkkkk/ it all comes down to the fact that your jealous of the paper stack/ DON’T GET PIMP SLAPPED hahahahah

  • BIGNAT

    “But the guy saw him coming, and thought to himself, You know, this isn’t 1991. I could probably just punch Suge’s lights out like that barber guy did. And so he did.” suge need to go to fiji or some place where they don’t know who he is. then impose his gangsta and come back with some new goons.

  • http://www.youcapper.com/user/titansfan78.htm geico lizard

    “Now all he’s gotta do is find a building where no one will notice Suge Knight dropping a safe off of the roof. He might want to try Detroit.”

    ^
    Bol you know if suge knight drops a safe off a rusted out building in detroit he would fall through the roof or by the time he got downstairs the money would be gone out of the safe and his hubcaps would be gone.

    • Michelle S.

      LOL

  • http://xxl All Dae

    funny post and on point….

    In the Death Row doc. Harry-O stated that Suge is a football player and student not a G in the tru sense. He implied that Suge got turned out to the streets by real G’s like himself. I don’t doubt Suges thug additude cause enough footage and word of mouth proves this to be tru.

    Suge was a good worker bee who turned traitor cause Harry-0 was locked up and who’d belive a big time blow pusher…

    I know Suge is smart and smart enough to have an off shore acct. Makes sense seeing how he’s keeping his lavish lifestyle. I don’t belive Suge is a stone cold killer but he does stay in beef and that may be his downfall.

  • Tim @jail

    Well. Suge in fact knows exactly how to play the game. And he has found a guy paying his expenses. Mr. Bernhard Fritsch bought his Malibu Mansion and gave it back to him one year later…. for some grants in royalties for past music – owned by Suge and Dr. Dre. Dr. Dre – yes – he as well coped up with Bernhard Fritsch – (who made a fortune with hedge fonds of his bancrupt company called MCY.com) By the way, Fritsch is also involved with Death Row´s Lara Lavi…. So all in all: Good for Suge, nice for Dre. and welcome for Bernhard Fritsch – the “Bit(s)ch” behind it all. Cause Fritsch is supported by Droug Dealers neighboured to his House in Malibu… What a starry “Knight”….