Hipster rappers, consider yourselves warned

You get the idea that this hipster rap backlash isn’t gonna go away, if only because so many of us just aren’t gonna look right in tight jeans.

If I could get away with that shit, and if I thought it might be instrumental in procuring some stank for my hanglow, then yeah, I might have to cop a pair of tight jeans, if only order to trick a woman into having sex with me.

But you know how it is when you’ve got what doctors call a little bit of weight problem. Anything that isn’t fairly expensive and loose-fitting just makes me look like a homeless person, at best.

Truth be told, I enjoy a lot of these hipster rappers more than I do their detractors. I’m not gonna get on board completely until one of them actually makes an album that’s worth a shit, but I’ll take Mic Terror, for example, over that guy Mazzi, who was pissed at him for wearing a Rachel Ray terrorist scarf; and I’ll take Charles Hamilton over that bum freestyle rapper that ate him in a battle the other day.

That being said, I welcome this seemingly endless stream of hipster rap dis records, both as a man with a closet full of relaxed fit jeans, and as a fan of homophobic humor. As long as no one ends up getting shot, I’d say this is a healthy trend.

These hipster rappers might actually have cause for concern, though. The other day, a song called “How to Rob and Industry Hipster” by a guy calling himself Big City hit the Internets. You might have heard it in this site’s Bangers section. I posted the hilarious video to my own site.

In the beginning of the song, a version of Fiddy Cent’s classic “How to Rob an Industry Nigga,” Big City mentions that he’s an ex-con, and that, if he can’t make it in rap, he might have to go back to jail. Then he runs down this list of hipster rappers he’s gonna rob, and how he’s gonna do it.

There’s a picture of his ID card, from when he was in the joint, and this picture of him with a bunch of gully-looking Muslim dudes. He’s striking that pose people strike in prison, where they get down on one knee. Why, I’m not sure. I didn’t think anything of it when I first saw the video, the other day. I didn’t doubt that the guy had been in jail, but haven’t all rappers been in jail at some point or another?

Come to find out, this guy might have the most impressive rap sheet in all of hip-hop – way more impressive than, say, Fiddy Cent, whose only significant amout of time behind bars was from getting caught smoking crack, not selling it.

Check Big City’s bio, courtesy of Make Major Moves, which I’m gonna excerpt at length, so as to not spend much more time writing on a Friday afternoon when I’m, let’s just say, not functioning at 100% capacity.

A few years back he was on the cusp of signing with Will Smith’s Overbrook Entertainment, but the deal went sour when he was arrested for attempted murder. Released after six months due to a lack of evidence, Big City hit the streets again only to be arrested once more for, gasp, TRANSPORTING 2000 POUNDS OF KETAMINE OVER THE U.S. BORDER FROM MEXICO in what remains the largest Special K seizure in U.S. history. He was released on bail, and skirted the law for 18 months only to be found by authorities while in the throes of a month-long drug-induced coma. He woke up handcuffed to a hospital bed.

Game. Got. Real.

City spent time in five prisons in three different states for the drug bust, one of them Fairton where he was locked up with one-time associate Beanie Sigel. (He was in talks with Beanie just before his epic drug bust.) While there Beanie’s appreciation for City’s skills grew, and now he’s gone from Pennsylvania state property to Beanie’s label State Property.

Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ!

I don’t know if he sounds as genuinely gully as he does retarded. What he sounds like is a hip-hop version of that guy Ziggy from the Wire. But, lest we forget, Ziggy still shot those two guys for not giving him the right price on that Mercedes. My bad, if you have no idea what I’m talking about.

What do you fruits think? Could the hipster rap backlash actually lead to violence? Should the TIs give this guy a deal, just in case he’s serious about robbing Kid Cudi? Who do you think would win in a fight, this guy, or Double-O from Kidz in the Hall? Keep in mind, Double-O once ran in the Olympics, albeit for some bullshit country in South America.

  • droopey

    First!

  • Pierzy

    I don’t know if it’s serious, but you were on point with this:

    “You get the idea that this hipster rap backlash isn’t gonna go away, if only because so many of us just aren’t gonna look right in tight jeans.”

    Co-Sign that!

  • Phil

    I, and any other truly pre-occupied MAN, have NO fuckin’ business LOOKING AT NIGGAS’ FUCKIN’ JEANS. What the fuck y’all think y’all getting away by knocking a nigga’s clothes? WOMEN criticize other WOMEN on what they WEAR. A WOMAN may comment on what some dude wears, but WHY ARE A NIGGAS’ JEANS ON YOUR MIND? I just wanna know if the nigga can fuckin’ set a mic on fire with the verses. Jesus, cats swear they’re on some righteous shit commenting on another man’s CLOTHES. All y’all LOST. Yuck.

    • El Tico Loco

      I agree. But aside from looking at the next man’s jeans you still gotta go to the store and cop your own gear and the skinny jeans rule the racks nowadays it seems. What worries me is that everything that is done with jeans is eventually done to shorts. See where I’m going with this? There’s gonna one rapper with mad influence that’s gonna show up with Daisy’s for men and kids are gonna be all over that shit like is really hot and we need to stop it before it gets to that point.

    • Yayza

      Woah, someone is in the closet.

  • Josh

    A lot of young fat kids wear tight jeans in NY. I’m just saying…

  • sealsaa

    I could’ve died laughing when I heard what he said about Mos Def (he’ll wise up about those skrippers one day).

    If the backlash DOES lead to violence, here’s hoping someone has the sense to call the Department of Homeland Securtiy, and tip them off to Mazzi before some shit gets blown up.

  • sealsaa

    @ Josh

    They’re fat. EVERYTHING’s tight on them.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

    No bullshit, I saw this young dude this morning, I couldn’t help but chuckle & spit a little coffee on my shirt. Like, how did his mom (obvious he has no Dad dressing like that) let him leave the house with his jeans so absurdly tight.

    Jadakiss said in an interview awhile back, “I buy my jeans a lil smaller now,” that’s what’s up. I don’t wanna be looking like I just woke up from being in a coma since Cross Colors & Kani was the shit. But I also don’t want a yeast infection.

    I realize these kids are trendy & fad crazed, but seriously, if you CAN’T CARRY A WALLET, something is really wrong.

    • $ykotic

      Like where do you put the dough? MOST OF US are not enticed to look but forced to.

      Men wearing turquoise tight jeans is not cool. I could’ve swore up and down that was a female thing. My homie manages a clothes store and he tells me everyday about some dude buying women’s jeans cause they’re tighter. In colors at that.

      The hipster scene is a fad some are willing to help usher out with a quickness.

  • amar

    ahhahahahha this song is awesome….this guy is awesome…i hope he blows up and beefs with 50 cent AND rick ross

    speaking of which, though i’m not a fan of the tight jeans, it oculd be worse. For example, at least rick ross isnt rocking tight jeans yet. I think that sight alone would turn me off of hip hop completely.

  • http://dronkmunk.com dronkmunk

    “I’ll take Charles Hamilton over that bum freestyle rapper that ate him in a battle the other day.”

    Uhhhh… which one? There’s been a few..

  • OG Matt Herbz

    I’m seeing a line drawn in the sand and niggaz just gonna have to side one way or the other on this matter, gotdammit. If you’re a tight-jeans wearing bitch nigga, then step on that side. If you’re with your nigga Herbz and think that only fly honies should be sporting tight jeans, then step over here. I’m a start throwing rocks at you niggaz, word up. We standing face to face and I’m sizing you niggaz up. No homo. You might not know about the Glock 26 I got tucked under the waist band of my 36x30s, but looking at YOU niggaz–ha! Unless you got a snub-nosed tucked in your pussyhole, you can’t fight this war. One of you bitch niggaz is gonna fuck around in the Lenox food court and split the back of your jeans wide the fuck open and shit. And you might not even give a fuck, cause your mans and em can get up in you a little easier. Buncha mariposa ass maricon niggaz. These the same niggaz wearing sunglasses almost big enough to hide the muthafuckin acne they’re rocking all over their greasy foreheads. Act like you want it nigga, I’ll pop one in your leg and let them nut-huggin unrelaxed-fit bitch jeans serve as the tourniquet. I dare one of you bitches to step to me. I walk alone in this bitch and my nuts hang as they please cause they gots room, dammit.

    So, what side you on?

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    And an extra NO HOMO just in case I tripped back there.

  • Phil

    Hah, don’t be surprised if one of these “hipster” cats knock the fuck outta one of these “street” dudes one day. In fact, I PREDICT it.

  • giantstepp

    BIG CITY is my new favorite rapper and I havent even heard the song yet! Not really tho. I just detest the hipster tight jeans fake conscience rapper type of dude. Any nigga riding on that movement is alrigh with me.

  • geico lizard

    I think young jeezy has been rapping about this guys life and not his own.

  • Master Cheef

    Bol, I just read your article in the new issue of XXL. In it, you seem to insinuate that you have never had that much trouble getting some stank on your hang-high.

    Is all the complaining about still being a virgin on the internet just for humor’s sake?
    Or, do you want to be more respectable for the actual publication?

    I think the truth is that you prolly fuck a lot of not too attractive chicks and they’re just not worth bragging about on the internet as much as some of the skinny white chicks you fantasize about.

    Please elaborate.

  • Master Cheef

    Enquiring minds want to know. You owe us that much for coming here and supporting your blogs everyday.

  • Drama

    ima fan of da hipster rap type music shit. ima emo rapper liteweight, but dat dont mean i gotta rock tight ass jeans. fuck dat. if i get famous, u gonna see me saggin and rappin bout a broken heart at da same time, lol. 4real tho

  • http://SolutionsGlobalMedia.com Tyler

    Heres a toast 2 BoL, the funniest fat fuck on the net:
    These rappers should be more concern with the Rock dudes cause these rappers have been eatin’ for years & the Rock dudes have been starving so 2 speak. I just heard this new joint by this White Rock Dude name Marc Mays off SolutionsGlobalMedia.com where he is talking bout robbin’ all those industry cats. He says: “So U got a Lamborghini, a phat knot, chicks in bikinis. . . why the hell should I get mine when I can come & Get Yours!” He said something about T.I. & Chris Brown sharing a cell 2gether & braiding each others hair, no homo. nO, I really mean he ended it with “no homo”. It was sick & he sounds serious so ALL these fakeass rappers better beware.

  • Avenger XL

    This is all still bullshit! if you don’t like tight pants don’t wear them and don’t buy them. End of discussion, you can not son the next man if they want to wear some wack looking trend jumping fashion. See I think that look is wack as hell and I also think the grandma night gown t-shirts and oversized pants with the bobble head hat is pretty lame. So I just stir clear of both of these trend jumping fashion movements and I buy relaxed fit joints one size bigger to give me room to breath. See how men handle this situations little crybaby boys all scream about what the next man got on. That’s wack duke. Ya’ll sound like Rush Limbaugh on the republicans trying to force all of them to be one way or get kicked out. None of you idiots are the hip-hop police so let cat’s look lame when they want too.

    • amar

      cosign

      i still don’t think u’ll be saying all that once rick ross throws on a pair of nut-huggers though

      • Avenger XL

        LOL Naaah if Rick Ross Rocks hipster pants I will die laughing but since he is a trend jumping jerk, I wouldn’t be suprised.

  • http://www.MySpace.com/GrimeyHipHop Stan

    Yoo Ziggys straight thorough for real! Went out like a G… And that dude got Double O already got knocked out at some club not too long ago… I aint fuckin wit this hipster shit.. Who am I to say tho… And wats really up wit homie wantin to kno bout ur sex life, no homo…

  • teddy

    just the fact that we have all come to an understanding of what hipster rap is and that there is now a name for hipster rap like there wa sfor gangster rap or concious rap is enough to show us that this is the future of rap for now this is where rap is heading. and i love it bring on the lupe fiascos, drake drizzys and the cool kids exestencial rappers about more than a mean mug this has been 30 years in the making

  • BIGNAT

    i know whats going kill the tight jeans craze when it gets 80 or higher it’s going be hard to be in tight jeans

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Matt Herbz……that shit was funny…….

  • Anonymous

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