Editor’s Note to Russell Simmons: Ain’t No Nigga Like… The One I Co-Signed

As some of you may know, I have experience as both a writer and an editor. Due to the backlash garnered by Russell Simmons’ endorsement of a fallen Damon Dash at AllHipHop, my clean-up services have been requested. Below are the suggested corrections that the AHH staff will likely run Monday morning:

Ain’t No Nigga Like… Dame Dash

By Russell Simmons

Sitting in the audience last night inside the crowded 37 Street Arts Theater [and Subway station] in Manhattan[, way] Off[-]Broadway, I witnessed another great Damon Dash contribution[ -- ]one that takes hip-hop culture to another significant level of accomplishment [embarrassment].

Sony Entertainment and Damon Dash produced, “Hip-Hop Monologues: the Life and the Mind of Jim Jones.” ["The Misadventures of Hobo Dan."] It was [is] a fantastic show that portrays the evolution [regression] of hip-hop through the life Jim Jones.

I have to say, Damon Dash is a hip-hop genius who should never be underestimated. I have watched Dame’s growth, development and entrepreneurship over the years–not from a distance but from first hand observation. He was one of the creative forces behind Roc-a-fella Records, the architect of Rocawear Fashions, he’s made significant culturally relevant films [such as "State Property," "State Property 2" and "Paper Soldiers"] with Dash Films and made other creative cultural installments through Dash Enterprises.

On another great note… He’s the only husband beside [aside from] one other that I know [my corny ass], who spent a small fortune [got worked over good] developing a major talent and women’s brand by supporting his women [woman? main freak?] to the hilt!

In our early days, Lyor Cohen and I used to shout at Damon [call Damon an arrogant jig] and he would shout back [obscenities from his album skits]. Then[,] we would hug and go handle our business [pay him handsomely]. That was our way of communicating. Eventually, Lyor got old and I did more yoga and we both stopped shouting so much. Dame eventually made a few bad choices [fucked up royally] and a few things went sour [we gave his salary to Rick Ross]. We know haters love a man who’s been hot to catch a lil['?] cold. Hate spreads. But like Tony Montana [says] in “Scarface” said, “two qualudes ….. And they gonna love him again.” [Misquote: "Another Quaalude... She love me in the morning."]

So haters, it really doesn’t matter about your blogs from the sidelines [your observations and discussion thereof are really hurting my feelings. Please stop.] Dame’s gonna help heat the economy again [with a raging accidental file cabinet fire and Jim Jones' "stimulus breath"]! If he got hit by a truck today remember this, Dame’s a giver by nature [an organ donor]. That’s why he has already received so much [blood]. He was the biz leader, architect and one of the creative forces that built Rocafella Records into an empire. I remember that it was Damon who came on my office after we signed Jay-Z to be on the “Nutty Professor” soundtrack with a bag of cash ready to put his money where his mouth was :-).  But the record[,] “Ain’t No Nigga”[,] didn’t need his cash. It was [is] a masterpiece and so was [is] his artist [life's saving grace], Jay-Z[,] [arguably] the greatest rapper of all time.

I saw countless displays of vision and faith all the way up to and beyond his struggle to convince everyone (no one believed) of the artistry in Kanye West. In this business, in order to be successful you have to [must] have both business sense and great creative instincts[.] (The latter is intuitive and cannot be learned[.]) Damon has once again [continually] proven that he is a great innovator with amazing vision [I am merely a figurehead who has long since lost touch].

Now, he is helping Jim Jones in a powerful[ly repugnant] manner that combines their collective experiences–from[, both] being born and raised in Harlem. They’ve taken that culture to [wayyy Off-]Broadway theaters with a live hip-hop band, dance routines, multimedia use and the dynamics of theatrical stage presentation [Smell-o-vision and ofactory therapy] to show the struggles of life through the lens of hip-hop [and poor hygiene].

I have 2 responses:


1) Respect Dame’s gangster.


2) Go see [smell] the play immediately.

-Russell Simmons

As always, my writing and editing services are for hire. Hit the email and we’ll talk figures. In the words of [arguably] the greatest rapper of all time, “for the right price, I can even make your shit tighter.”

Questions? Comments? Requests? Grammatical errors getting in the way of quality journalism? ron@ronmexicocity.com

P.S.: DDN Tournament voting is still open. We’ll bring you results and more coverage starting this weekend.

  • Pierzy

    This is fantastic!! Any time I read someone criticizing me while using horrible grammar (not to mention the content), I always want to grab the red pen and go to work. Excellent work as always, my dude!

  • anthony

    oh my g.o.d man ur killin me right now, this shits mad funny, your editing skills are off the meter, keep it up, the streets iz watching!

  • DV8

    Funny as hell!!!!

    Now if only you added the Ruthel Thimmons lisps it would have been even more funny, but due to the fact that it was alot to write, I understand.

    I was just thinking a few minutes ago about how big The ROC dynasty was and where it was going before greed set in. SMH. They could have people saying Death Row who?

    One more thing….Dame’s endorsing of Dirt Angel a.k.a. Hobo Dan may be prophetic. Dame is going broke and Jim Jones looks broke. (I dont know I was just randomly thinking)

  • http://dronkmunk.com dronkmunk

    More of these!

    • http://xxlmag.com Kane Corleone

      On the real I think Dame got fucked on the Rocafella thing,people make him out to be an asshole but that was his role wit Jay(good cop bad cop)…we always on the outside lookin in shit for all we know Jay could’ve been the dickhead

      • DV8

        They sold Rocafella to DefJam years ago. they where only able to continue running it. Once the split happened DefJam offered it to Jay as part of him taking the President role. Jay tryed to work with Dame and Biggs by offering to let them keep Rocafella if only they would give Jay the rights to Reasonable Doubt. Dame and Biggs declined. So Jay accepted the offer from DefJam. I’d say Dame screwed himself if you ask me. But that split up was years in the making, there are numerous events that led up to it. Remember Jay tryed to start the Carter Faculty (seperate from ROC) and had Geda K and a few others over there? Dame put a halt to that.

        • http://www.myspace.com/Lyrik07 L-Y, NawfWestSide

          And Jay put a stop to Dame makin’ Killa Cam, president of the Roc. Bottom line iz tho’, Ye’ wouldn’t have gotten his shot w/o Dame, so he’z obviously Dis-Loyal and a Jay-Z d-rider, and the Rocafella name iz now associated with Dis-Loyalty. Also, most, if not all, artist associated with Roca-a-fella minus a couple artists on Jay’s will, have showed dis-interest in the way Jay handled their careers and/or lost touch with them. This is from the outside lookin’ in tho’, but if i had to side with one, it would be the obvious, minus who he decidez to focus his business movez on, but who am i to judge. http://www.Siege777.blogspot.com

  • Bobo D

    Haha…you had me rolling. We got’s to put Dame Dash in the SDN tournament this year, as you would say ‘put a pin on it’.
    But truely how could he misquote Scareface, isn’t that what imdb.com is for? But I understand that part of him talking about ex-wifey clothing lines and then going to marry ” more manly” dudes(no homo).

    Wimp Lo: I see the way you look at him. I’m a man, too, you know? I go pee pee standing up.

    ^^^^^
    Notice how I didn’t misquote, it’s called copying & pating.

  • http://callmephlip.blogspot.com/ Phlip

    *dead*

  • Josh

    This blog was wayyyy on point. big ups.

  • yoprince

    classic

    .. too much to quote

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com Tony Grand$

    When I think Russell Simmons, I think “jigtastic nigganess”. Oddly enough, I don’t know one black dude that can’t correctly quote “Scarface”. That’s like our generations “Ben Hur”.

    As for his journalistic integrity, he should try & hire Kanye’s ghostbloggers. I now see why his “Rush Card” advertisements are lame. He surely writes them all. Ugh……. Somebody stop this guy. Where’s arthritis when you need it?

    Good shit Mex. Friday’s a little funnier.

  • http://xxl gside

    The best line got work over good classic .I was thinking about some other shit I saw Santana on some other site talking shit about us blogger about people being critical about them , and I say to my self here lies the problem with rapper they don’t appreciate shit . They talk shit about the people who pay there bills us the fans. Never bit the hand that feeds you . That’s why I don’t buy these crackbaby’s music, not only that it sucks they no it sucks and get mad when you tell em .They need to understand no time in mankind people have had the opportunity to communicate like this it’s a blessing . So I hope I don’t see know more ugly ass rappers on the net talk shit about the fans .

    • http://www.myspace.com/Lyrik07 L-Y, NawfWestSide

      Interesting point. Just take into consideration that niggaz iz still human. And regardless of who u are, when someone iz making a negative comment about u, u gon feel some kinda way about it. We have to humble ourselves too.

  • $ykotic

    *Bookmark for later reference*

  • BIGNAT

    ["The Misadventures of Hobo Dan."] thats what you need to re title the post as

  • geico lizard

    Ok Ron somebody is lying now because I heard that bag of cash story but it was kevin lyles desk they put it on. Russell is starting to get that uncle arthur kicking in and he cant remember things.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      “I remember that it was Damon who came on my office after we signed Jay-Z to be on the “Nutty Professor” soundtrack with a bag of cash ready to put his money where his mouth was :-).”

      isn’t this the best sentence ever…

      like, dame dash nutted on the desk and put a bag of money there… then did something with his mouth…?

      uncle arthur and old timers indeed. though, technically it’s all russell’s. the office. the jizzed-on desk… all of it.

  • chillin mayne

    go smell the play immediately…ba ja jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…props on this, u always bring sum originality thats mad hilarious!

  • Silly Willy

    Damn Mexx!!!!
    I spilled my Irish whiskey all over the floor with that “natural giver-organ donor” line!!!!

    How am I supposed to wipe this?? Oh!! Nevermind, my last Rocawear shirt should do the trick…..

  • http://www.myspace.com/fastlifearchitects miles archer

    Damn, son. Even YOU misqouted the Scarface line.
    It’s “Another Quaalude, she’ll love me again”.

    Adventures of Hobo Dan — Classic.

    myspace.com/fastlifearchitects
    miles archer

  • KingPoetic

    Well done.

  • Shawty J

    ROFL!