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2009 DDN Tournament – Round 1, West Region Voting

We interrupt this tournament for a special DDN Tournament bulletin:

Some new developments in the East Region. As if Jim Jones needed any more help, Hobo Dan may be reluctantly immersed in hot water for the first time since 1987. According to his own twitter, the former Capo of Dipset carried marijuana into a court hearing. We’re not fully aware of the statute of limitations on ganja in a federal building or twitter snitching, but we wouldn’t want to test them.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled bracketology.

#1 Rick Ross vs. #16 Xzibit

I’d be hard-pressed to believe a bubble entry like Xzibit and his failure to understand quotation trumps Officer Ricky’s lies. Ross has been ridiculed beyond belief and recognition. There’s no way his run to the cup ends here. You can misquote me on that. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#8 Suge Knight vs. #9 Joaquin Phoenix

I had Commodus in the upset here until about 24 hours ago as Suge’s repo goons may or may not have used his name directly in the Akon jacking. Formerly the most feared man in hip-hop now can’t even pull off a 211 properly. If any of the murky information leaked yesterday is true, Sugar Bear is headed for a loooooooong stretch in the pokey and a longer run in the DDN than expected.  He might wanna sign Phoenix before this all goes sour. Need I even mention the fact that he sold Death Row for a price tag even a blogger could afford? [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#4 Tyga vs. #13 The Stallionaires

This might be the tightest 4-13 matchup you’ll ever witness. All four DNs involved make a mockery of music, have obnoxionsly horrible fashion sense and wear eyeliner. Fortunately for the world, Drake is about to make everyone forget Tygaman ever signed with Young Money. The tipping point for me here is that I’ve witnessed one contestant orally ingest legal [filthy] tender. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#5 Whitney Houston vs. #12 Scott Storch

Despite the readers still calling for her head, I’m thinking this one has “upset city” written all over it. Not only is Scott Storch broke and cracked out, but he’s best known to the Negro Please audience for his award-winning role in what is widely considered NP’s finest moment. Oh, and he brought a white bitch? Fuck this. Mr. Lean Back has got my vote. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#3 Coolio vs. #14 Danity Kane

While they’re all ignorant as hell for thinking MTB participation would lead them anywhere but the stripper pole, we can’t fully blame Danity Kane for their current situation. Coolio, however, hand-selects his nightly rock ration and doesn’t even bother to wipe the “sugar” from his face before stepping outside the house. Most drug addicts bomb out in private. The cocaine, baking soda, egg and cinnamon are a proud part of Coolio’s complete, pre-appearance breakfast. Score one for the heatrock hydra. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#6 Frankie F. Baby vs. #11 Rihanna

Rihanna’s only in this tournament as a reader request. Her apparent pre-tournament split from her alleged abuser resulted in a seeding drop. Had she been as clearly separate as she is today, she might not have made the tourney at all. Frankie, on the other hand, is destined for a Californicrackrock collision with Coolio in the round of 32… At least I hope she is. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#7 Bobby Brown vs. #10 Terrence Howard

Bobby’s actually been on his best behavior of late, so his by-request placement comes as a lifetime achievement seeding of sorts. Terrence Howard belongs here. Not only did he instinctively condone domestic violence in the wake of the Chrihanna media frenzy, but he found a way to fuck over being in the next Iron Man. Nigga better hope Andre 3000 wasn’t just acid tripping when he promised an Idlewild 2. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#2 Pacman Jones vs. #15 Day 26

Another Puffy victim caught up in the Hollywood Paradox [name that band and Weeds star], Day 26 finds themselves in the same boat as fellow MTBers, Danity Kane. They just haven’t gotten naked for the camera… yet. Pacman Jones needs neither explanation nor introduction, except at the strip club so dancers and patrons can be aware not to reach for any of the 180,000 falling dollar bills. Tyga might fuck around and get shot in the face. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

Questions? Comments? Requests? How’d you do in the Midwest region?

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