2009 DDN Tournament – Round 1, West Region Voting

We interrupt this tournament for a special DDN Tournament bulletin:

Some new developments in the East Region. As if Jim Jones needed any more help, Hobo Dan may be reluctantly immersed in hot water for the first time since 1987. According to his own twitter, the former Capo of Dipset carried marijuana into a court hearing. We’re not fully aware of the statute of limitations on ganja in a federal building or twitter snitching, but we wouldn’t want to test them.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled bracketology.

#1 Rick Ross vs. #16 Xzibit

I’d be hard-pressed to believe a bubble entry like Xzibit and his failure to understand quotation trumps Officer Ricky’s lies. Ross has been ridiculed beyond belief and recognition. There’s no way his run to the cup ends here. You can misquote me on that. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#8 Suge Knight vs. #9 Joaquin Phoenix

I had Commodus in the upset here until about 24 hours ago as Suge’s repo goons may or may not have used his name directly in the Akon jacking. Formerly the most feared man in hip-hop now can’t even pull off a 211 properly. If any of the murky information leaked yesterday is true, Sugar Bear is headed for a loooooooong stretch in the pokey and a longer run in the DDN than expected.  He might wanna sign Phoenix before this all goes sour. Need I even mention the fact that he sold Death Row for a price tag even a blogger could afford? [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#4 Tyga vs. #13 The Stallionaires

This might be the tightest 4-13 matchup you’ll ever witness. All four DNs involved make a mockery of music, have obnoxionsly horrible fashion sense and wear eyeliner. Fortunately for the world, Drake is about to make everyone forget Tygaman ever signed with Young Money. The tipping point for me here is that I’ve witnessed one contestant orally ingest legal [filthy] tender. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#5 Whitney Houston vs. #12 Scott Storch

Despite the readers still calling for her head, I’m thinking this one has “upset city” written all over it. Not only is Scott Storch broke and cracked out, but he’s best known to the Negro Please audience for his award-winning role in what is widely considered NP’s finest moment. Oh, and he brought a white bitch? Fuck this. Mr. Lean Back has got my vote. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#3 Coolio vs. #14 Danity Kane

While they’re all ignorant as hell for thinking MTB participation would lead them anywhere but the stripper pole, we can’t fully blame Danity Kane for their current situation. Coolio, however, hand-selects his nightly rock ration and doesn’t even bother to wipe the “sugar” from his face before stepping outside the house. Most drug addicts bomb out in private. The cocaine, baking soda, egg and cinnamon are a proud part of Coolio’s complete, pre-appearance breakfast. Score one for the heatrock hydra. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#6 Frankie F. Baby vs. #11 Rihanna

Rihanna’s only in this tournament as a reader request. Her apparent pre-tournament split from her alleged abuser resulted in a seeding drop. Had she been as clearly separate as she is today, she might not have made the tourney at all. Frankie, on the other hand, is destined for a Californicrackrock collision with Coolio in the round of 32… At least I hope she is. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#7 Bobby Brown vs. #10 Terrence Howard

Bobby’s actually been on his best behavior of late, so his by-request placement comes as a lifetime achievement seeding of sorts. Terrence Howard belongs here. Not only did he instinctively condone domestic violence in the wake of the Chrihanna media frenzy, but he found a way to fuck over being in the next Iron Man. Nigga better hope Andre 3000 wasn’t just acid tripping when he promised an Idlewild 2. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

#2 Pacman Jones vs. #15 Day 26

Another Puffy victim caught up in the Hollywood Paradox [name that band and Weeds star], Day 26 finds themselves in the same boat as fellow MTBers, Danity Kane. They just haven’t gotten naked for the camera… yet. Pacman Jones needs neither explanation nor introduction, except at the strip club so dancers and patrons can be aware not to reach for any of the 180,000 falling dollar bills. Tyga might fuck around and get shot in the face. [VOTE @ WWW.RONMEXICOCITY.COM]

Questions? Comments? Requests? How’d you do in the Midwest region? ron@ronmexicocity.com

  • Pierzy

    Ross vs. Suge will be the best match-up in the history of any tournament ever.

    What is it with big, bald, beard-wearing dudes helping to accelerate their fall from grace? Is it hereditary or something?

  • DV8

    What is a Stallionare? No Really, What is a Stallionare? I’ve never heard of it and or them.

    Oh nevermind I just voted. Them dudes is pause-worthy.

    Pacman is running away with this shit. Fuck off a career and millions of dollars in the name of guns and strippers? Yeah hes a DDN for real. I expect him to make it to the Final Four.

    • Cam Jones

      It’s bad when even Maino (a DDN in training give him time) is roasting you Stallionaires (check the Cam issue of XXL)

  • http://xxl gside

    Dam mex this a weak ass bracket ain’t none of these motherfuck worth a good coment fuck suge is a dum motherfucker doe jimmy might be function retard so it might not be fair put him in there I mean he do dum shit all the time. If they had a rap sheet for dum shit his would be as long as my arm so maybe he needs his brain examine .

  • DV8

    Oh Yeah Jimmy strives for stupidity.

  • yeah man

    One word for who’s coming out of the West: BOSS!

  • Jamal7Mile

    Pretty straight-forward voting. Bobby Brown gets an upset, though. Come to think of it, I can’t think of one movie role when Howard wasn’t shittin’ on women in some way (haven’t seen them all).

    He puts the shoe on ‘em off-camera, too!!

    Suge Knight >>> #8 (or should be).

    • DV8

      Sunset Park and Pride may be the only 2, lol.

      • Cam Jones

        He didn’t smack a bitch in Idlewild. He made Big Boi look like a bitch but he did not smack any hoes per se

      • Lowedwn

        Yeah, but in Sunset Park he did come to school with that machete fittin to make ox tail stew out of his science teacher for snapping on his braids. That shit is close enough.

        Stallionaires gotta make it to the sweet 16, it’s been 2 maybe 3 years of their minstel antics on VH1, that should be a lock, stick Tyga in the NIT or something.

  • giantstepp

    I applaud you Mex for including the Stallionaires in the tourney!! I totally forgot about them fools and they are well deserving.

  • Worley

    Those captions are wild man. Gotta get that Xzibit exhibit in a full sized pic.

  • El Tico Loco

    Is it me or the people on the bottom of the ballots seem to have an advantage.

    I noticed that the Housewives of Atlanta (Duluth) aren’t on there.

  • Brahsef

    Phoenix should be an upset pick like none other. Dude is an acting talent that comes around once every ten years and he just throws it away to rap. Word? Just peep that Letterman clip of him wigged out on drugs. He puts Lil’ Wayne to shame.

    • amar

      they say he’s faking and it’s all part of a mockumentary he’s doing. He’s an SSN…or a SSC…w/e

  • amar

    scott storch vs. whitney houston was one of the hardest choices i had to make ever. They’ve both exhibited such a string of doucehbaggery from their petty upbringings right down to their rise to fame and to their demise. This decision is a defining moment of my life. A challenge i will always remember.

    thanks mr mexico, i’mma put this on my resume

  • Cam Jones

    Stallionaires are like the Bobby Jindal of this tourney. Some don’t know who they are exactly but those who do know those closet cases were built for this shit exclusively. They are like Arizona, everyone forgets about them and underrates them until they beat you.

    • giantstepp

      Cosign! That fuckery they displayed deserves a entire Negro Please!! Mex, you slippin son. I don’t you recall getting at them dudes this past year!

      • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

        because that’s TV and they don’t deserve the exposure on the daily. they made this tournament by request.

        as for the ATL housewives, i’ve never watched a single minute of that program, but i hear it’s niggardry at its finest too. but no nominations = no bid.

  • BIGNAT

    coolio coming out the west like the lakers

  • $ykotic

    That Xzibit caption had my stomach hurting….

  • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

    how about an emergency bid for al harrington?

    :( @ my beloved knicks.

    • $ykotic

      Yeah throw busted condom head in there…

      • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

        i always thought it looked like exposed brain… but yes. wow. busted condom head.

        2 points