You never know what you’ll catch

Chris Brown had to put his shoe on Rihanna? Say it ain’t so!

I know, this is only related to hip-hop in the vaguest sense. But for a lot of reasons, mostly having to do with the economy, you’re gonna have deal with it. You might consider approaching it the same way you deal with the cognitive dissonance that stems from being forced to see your favorite LCD rappers on tour with the likes of Chris Brown and Rihanna, where they belong.

I didn’t catch the Grammys, because I lead a lifestyle that will occasionally cause me to have to sleep through shit, and I knew as soon as I woke up, I’d have to wade through a see a videos and what have you of major label bums singing their songs no one really likes. As the late, great Chris Farley would say, whoopty frickin’ doo.

But wouldn’t you know, there was a story from the Grammys that actually struck me as interesting. I was checking Sandra Rose, and I saw was a story about how Chris Brown cold cocked Rihanna and had to go to jail. I consulted Google, to make sure it really happened, even though Sandra Rose speaks nothing but the truth (except when she’s complementing Tiny), and apparently it did.

Word on the streets is that Rihanna has been banging a rapper, who’s said to have been one of the performers at the Grammys last night (my guess is T.I.- they had a song together, right?), and he gave her herpes on her lip, and she’s been walking around the past few weeks now trying to avoid having it photographed. You know how often Rihanna gets photographed. And rightfully so, I might add.

I remember I once got a cold sore from a stripper. It was when I was still in college, and I was home on break. I took about $40 over to the East Side and tried to make it last as long as I could. Which is fucking tough, with some of them hoes over on the East Side. They’ll talk shit about you right from the stage, as they’re flashing their pussy in your face.

I passed my mom as I was walking out of the door, and she asked me where I was going. I told her the East Side, and I could tell she was upset, not because she’s a Mormon (where do you think I learned half the shit I write here?), but because she’s a woman.

The next day, I woke up at the ass crack of noon and went downstairs. My mom took one look at me and was like, “Is that a cold sore?” I felt my lip, and, damn, it was. I was lucky it went away that week. It must not have been actual herpes, but instead just from the friction of… erm, what happened that night.

But I digress. (Shout out to OG Matt Herbz.)

Chris Brown probably should have just dropped her like a bad habit, but from what I understand, he was being made to be seen with her for Grammy weekend, to keep up appearances, and so they could both get their names in the paper. If so, I’d see about getting the $50,000 in bail he had to post back from Clive Davis on GP. And I’d make sure he was actually giving it to me, and not just adding another $50,000 to the amount I have to make in record sales before I recoup. You know how these TIs do.

Imagine how tough it must have been for him to have to ride around with her all weekend, knowing good and well she’s been letting T.I. stand on a chair and give her the business (I’m just saying), with the cold sore as a visual reminder of just how much of a rube she thought he was. I’m not saying he was right to hit her the way he did. (He could fuck around and get herpes on his hand.) I’m just saying.

I wouldn’t even have agreed to be seen with her, but you guys know the level of pride with which I carry myself. Alas, that’s why I blog for a living and could never fuck Rihanna in the first place.

  • og bobby j

    id dump off on rihanna…all day.

    But anyway Chris brown had to give her the five fingers to the face….

    • these posts are racist

      For somebody who hates black people, you sure spend a lot of time following their lives and culture. Interesting. I’m still waiting for your honest definition of “Nigger”.

      • og bobby j

        for someone who hates me, you sure spend a lot of time with your head hanging off the bed gagging on a plunger.

        give you a definition….webster ass nigga….

        its black culture…..black lives….it cant be entertainment? whose the racist now bean pie?

        awful pissy lately tbag….hungry? you allowed to be on the computer during sun up?

        • these posts are racist

          Bobby,

          You’re the one who called me a “Nigger” when I was going back and forth with Billy. Remember?

          And you still have not provided a definition of that word and why you called me it. So please, if you’re going to use a word, at least explain how it is applicable, to me? What’s the/your definition of it?

      • BIGNAT

        you a fool for that computer line it had me cracking up

  • Ike Turner

    bitter

  • originoo

    Damn bol, It sucks to be you. You’re 28, a virgin and you have herpes. If not for your talent as a writer, your life would be worthless.

    • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

      Damn Bol you a virgin???? Dawg you gotta get them XXL Eye Candy chicks outta your wet dreams and go out there and get it pimpin!!!

  • amar

    that whole story is bullshit

    • amar

      instead of breaking news (the news right now is that chris brown may have commited a crime and rihanna was victimized by someone), u spread false bullshit…way to go xxlmag

  • DA TRUTH

    If she did give him herpes doesnt that mean it was self defence for him to hit her. She might has tried to kiss him or something like thing like that.

    PS. bol i went to the Pink Slip and got a lap dance an swore i had a cold sore on my leg.

  • http://www.incilin.blogspot.com Incilin

    “Word on the streets is that Rihanna has been banging a rapper, who’s said to have been one of the performers at the Grammys last night (my guess is T.I.- they had a song together, right?), ”

    Aint you the one who always said she was banging Jay? Who also performed at the Grammys.

    • http://xxlmag.com Bol

      I’m not gonna lie. I didn’t think too hard about that.

      • Smel

        If Jay was sporting a cold sore on them soup coolers, it could be seen from space…so I’m guessing it wasn’t him

  • OG Matt Herbz

    That little bitch made nigga Chris Brown looks like the kinda nigga that’d fall head over heels for a dime like Rihanna. In any of the photos I’ve ever seen of those two together, Chris looks like a dog following the scent of Rihanna. He’s pussy-whipped, and bad, too. Nigga might be in love…and Rihanna was just using ol’ boy to complete the 3 pre-requisites of becoming a true R&B chick: 1. Sleep with a rapper, 2. Sleep with a R&B dude, 3. Sleep with Matt Herbz. Chris was the last step, and it was the hardest since most R&B dudes are gay. I felt bad for dude every time I saw him kissing her on the lips and holding her hand–only Jay and I know what things they have touched–but fuck it, you lay it on a bitch, and you’re ruined in this game. No bitch is gonna recite your shit or buy your album if they know you’ll lay your hands on em. What a gay way to go.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    • DA TRUTH

      are you saying you gave her herpes?????

      -OG MATT HERPES-

    • Pierzy

      So how was she in bed?

  • DA TRUTH

    Bobby Brown = Chirs brown
    .
    Tyler Perry needs to do a movie called the “Browns goes to Jail”

  • Pierzy

    Cold sores are like the fingerprints of a sex crime. You gotta make sure you don’t leave a trace of evidence…

  • geico lizard

    “cognitive dissonance” That is the first thing i learned in college. I would drop that into random conversation with chicks trying to impress them and they would look at me like i was speaking german.

  • dat koon nigga

    dat bithchz beddz havez herz unbrellaz readyz

  • Simple like ABC, 123

    “My mom took one look at me and was like, “Is that a cold sore?” I felt my lip, and, damn, it was.”

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    HAHAHA!!!

  • http://XXLMag.com clay

    Bol has talent as a writer?

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      If C. Brown was in anyway trying to shake the “momma’s boy” image, he should be celebrating right now.

      A bisexual, herpes infected, woman beater, with the court documents & ailment cream to prove it.

      Kinda gives that song “Kiss Kiss” song a whole new outlook.

  • http://www.rizzleworld.blogspot.com allnice

    This doesn’t surprise me at all. I mean it’s Rhianna, she’ll bang anybody for a buck or attention. The funny part is that he was taking her seriously. Wow….

  • Moi

    a cheap trick reference? wow. that’s the only good part about this post. you are so lucky to have this high profile gig at XXL. don’t take it or your health for granted!

  • SQUADWILDIN

    HERPES???

    IT DEFINITELY IS TI. THAT NIGGA DEFINITELY HAS HERPES AND YALL NIGGAS KNOW IT

  • squadwildin

    Rihanna is overrated….not all that bad in my opinion. And are ya’ll sayin she’s a slut??

    but if she was wit TI, then she definitely has herpes. Every body knows for a fact TI has herpes.

  • BIGNAT

    man i am not going throw stones at chris brown because the whole story gotta come out. there must have been a very good reason. he had to put the shoe on her because he not going tarnish his image for nothing. thats going fuck with the paper and in todays economy thats a no no

  • http://XXL GSIDE

    ha give them a break there kids .